Index
A
aspirations
well beyond current job, 13
starting where your mentee is, 17
related to development goal, 49
Axelrod, Wendy, 5, 6, 84
B
Barrington, Lisa, 150
before-and-after scenarios, 188–189
behavioral changes
preparing the mentee to apply new behaviors, 75
testing a target skill, 74
benefits for the mentor
career enhancement, 3
developmental skills, 3–4
gaining new perspectives, 4–5
learning more about yourself, 5
staying relevant, 4
biases, 31–32, 162
boundaries, mending broken, 167–168
Bradford, David, 147
C
case studies
AJ (easygoing approach to the initial meeting), 32–33, 40
Andrea and Will (creating safety), 96–97
Bernice and Tomás (mentee goal development), 50, 52, 53–54, 62–63, 185–186, 194
Bill and Randall (coaching vs. teaching), 103
Cedric and Teresa (supporting a mentee’s growth), 69–71, 72–73, 75, 80
Christina and Paul (development of mentoring skills), 16–17, 19–20, 22–23
Denise and Celia (different learning styles), 125–126, 135
Elaine and Brad (difficulty connecting), 160, 162, 163
Fredy and Jorge (layering questions), 111–113
Hilman and Jaqui (raising self-awareness), 91–92, 99–101, 188–190, 194
Jacob and Raisha (feeling respected right away), 36, 43
Jared and Isaac (anticipating setbacks), 156–157
Kal and Jessica (first time mentoring), 29–30
Leah and Jonas (apprehension on the part of the mentee), 31
Marc and Char (feeling safe in a mentoring relationship), 86
Mari and Patrick (increasing mentee influence skills), 141–142, 143–144, 149, 151, 153, 156, 157
Mary and Bruce (understanding the complete picture), 117
Peter and Curt (neuroscience), 88–89
Ronald and Ava (dishonesty), 169
Sophie and Kim (asking the right questions), 104–106
challenges
approaches to address mentees who are challenging, 174–175
broken boundaries, 167–168
defensiveness, 173–174
different backgrounds, 162–163
dishonesty, 169–170
low ethics, 171–173
managing outside influencers 176–179
mentoring over distance, 164–165
momentum issues, 165–166
rudeness or arrogance, 170–171
closure of the mentoring relationship
advantages of knowing the end point, 181–182
anticipating closure, 183
consolidating the mentor’s experience, 194–195
four part process for closure, 183
identifying the timing for, 184–186
individually preparing for wrap-up conversations, 188–191
planning wrap-up conversations, 186–188
reflecting on your accomplishment, 195–196
the wrap-up conversation, 191–193
coaching
external coach, 14
instead of teaching, 103–104
manager-coach, 14
others, 127
Cohen, Alan, 147
communicating with clarity and enthusiasm, 151–153
compassion
and safety, 96
when listening, 115–117
connections, making, 149–151
Conversational Intelligence, 115–116
Conversational Intelligence (Glaser), 87–88
conversational safety space, 18, 94–97
Coyle, Jeannie, 5
cultural awareness, 139, 162–163
D
Dear, Brenda, 3
defensiveness of mentee, 173–174
DeSteno, David, 35
development for mentees
creating memorable development experiences, 125, 133–134
four standards for selecting mentee development options, 122–125
importance of variety for mentee growth, 121–122
meaningful and purposeful activities, 124
options
for between mentoring meetings, 62
changing perspective, 133
coaching others, 127
creating a mentor’s toolkit, 136
creating visuals, 129
interviewing experts, 128
journaling, 126–127
pairing up with a colleague, 132
possibilities in current work environment, 70
reverse mentoring, 127–128
role playing or rehearsing, 130–131
site visits, 128–129
volunteer work, 132–133
watching experts on video, 130
development for mentors
consolidate mentor’s learning, 195
importance of variety for mentor growth, 135–136
options
participating in a mentors’ peer group, 57, 136–137, 159
taking assessments, 138
training on cultural awareness and valuing differences, 139
using professional coaching methods, 138–139
DiSC Profile, 138
dishonesty, 169–170
E
emotional intelligence, 97, 171
Emotional Intelligence (Goleman), 97
emotions
engage others on an emotional level, 152
recognizing mentees’ feelings, 117–118
the psyche, 85
self-reflection, 99
engagement, 2, 166
Erikson, Erik, 23
establishing a mentoring relationship
clarifying expectations, 36–38
creating a mutual agreement, 43–45
identifying roles, 38–43
learning about each other, 30
looking for common ground, 34–36
mutual respect and trust, 35–36, 95
preparing for the first conversation, 31–33
ethical issues, 171–173
everyday psychology
about, 84
components of expanding growth through
knowing your interior processes, 85–89
knowing yourself, 90–92
knowing your mentee, 92–94
knowing how to create safety, 94–97
knowing how to raise self-awareness, 97–101
emotional intelligence, 97, 171
interior processes and implications for the mentor, 89
neuroscience, 87–89
the psyche, 85–86, 89
Thailand cave rescue example of keeping calm, 83–84
trust, 87–88, 95, 170
expectations
clarify, 36–37
first conversation and, 31–33
of momentum between meetings, 60–61
seven topics to discuss working together, 37
experience. See leveraging experience for development
experts
interviewing, 128
on video, 130
F
feedback
mentee reflection on, 78–79
G
generativity, 23
Glaser, Judith, 87–88
goals for the mentee
being flexibly goal oriented, 19, 124
formulating
start, 49–50
shape, 51–52
sharpen, 52–53
mentee development goals vs. work goals, 48–49
staying focused on the main goal, 123, 168
time frame for accomplishing, 52–53, 165–166
goals for the mentor’s development
formulating, 56–57
using other mentors as resources, 57, 136–137, 159
Goldsmith, Marshall, 118
Goleman, Daniel, 97
Goulston, Mark, 148
growth through everyday psychology, expanding
knowing your interior processes, 85–89
knowing yourself, 90–92
knowing your mentee, 92–94
knowing how to create safety, 94–97
knowing how to raise self-awareness, 97–101
I
independent mentoring outside of an organized program, 25
influence skills
communicating with clarity and enthusiasm, 151–153
four skills that increase a mentee’s influence, 146–152
importance of having a network of advocates, 149–151
proof of increased, 157
questions to start the conversation about, 145
rule of reciprocity, 147
signs that a mentee needs to improve their, 144
strengthening progressively, 153–157
understanding mentee’s influence skills, 153
usefulness of, 142–143
informal mentoring, 12–13
interior processes
implications for the mentor, 89
the psyche, 85–86
neuroscience, 86–87
interviewing experts, 128
J
journaling, 126–127
L
learning preferences, 123–124
leveraging learning experience for development
debriefing questions, 79
four Es of leveraging experience for development
1. examining the possibilities, 67–71
2. experimenting with new approaches, 71–75
3. enlisting others for insight and feedback, 75–77
4. extracting the learning, 76–80
mentor’s personal record of leveraging experience for own development, 80
reflection on feedback from others, 78–79
listening
being present in the moment, 96
Conversational Intelligence, 115–116
conversational safety space, 18, 94–97
with interest and compassion, 115–118
M
Make Talent Your Business: How Exceptional Managers Develop People While Getting Results (Axelrod and Coyle), 5, 61
meaningful development options, 124
mentee
create cadre of developmental partners, 77
gaining an understanding of, 33
getting to know your mentee more deeply, 92–94
learning from, 4–5
responsibilities and behaviors, 41–43
what it takes to develop mentee, 3
mentor
motivation to become, 23–24
distinguish role from others, 11–15
readiness checklist, 27–28
responsibilities and behaviors, 38–41
role as mentor, 13
seven guiding principles of successful mentors, 17–22
substantial rewards for, 2–5
timing within one’s career, 23
mentoring meeting(s)
development options between, 62
encouraging momentum between, 60–62, 165–166
framework, 25–27
frequency, 25
sample agenda, 59
structure, 58–59, 166
three components of the agenda, 60
mentoring process
framework, 25–27
overview, 7–9
readiness checklist, 27–28
momentum
between meetings, 60–62
using questions to create, 104
tackling momentum issues, 165–166
motivation for becoming a mentor
identifying your, 23
questions to consider, 24
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), 138
N
network of advocates, importance of a, 149–151
neuroscience, 87–89
O
outside influencers
deliberate supporters, 176–177
inadvertent diverters, 177–179
P
pace of accomplishments, 165–166
personality assessments
DiSC Profile, 138
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), 138
perspective
changing, 133
illuminating, 107, 109
psychology. See everyday psychology
Q
questions to use in mentoring
asking thoughtful questions to open up a conversation, 103–104
considering the goal of your question, 105
five Bes of respectfully asking questions, 113–114
four types of, 106–109
layering for bigger outcomes, 110–113
questions for mentors to ask themselves, 118–119
R
reframing a problem, 133
reflection
about extending the mentoring process, 186
on actions and interactions, 62, 75
as key to self-awareness, 90–91
as part of journaling, 126
promote the habit, 22, 99
to raise awareness of bias, 162
relationship skills
cultivating a positive environment, 19
getting to know your mentee, 92–94
for improving influencing abilities, 146–147
starting a mentoring relationship, 30
resilience, 19–20, 94, 125, 150
resources, using others as, 14–15, 75–77
respect
five Bes of respectfully asking questions, 114
mutual respect and trust, 35–36, 95
reverse mentoring, 127–128
rewards for mentors, 2–5
risk-taking, 19–20, 86
roles that develop mentee other than mentor
consultant, 15
external coach, 14
manager-coach, 14
trusted colleague, 15
role of the mentee
mentee behaviors, 43
responsibilities, 41–43
role of the mentor
describing, 13
influence on the mentee, 20–21
others who help develop the mentee, 14–15, 75–77
responsibilities, 38–39
six mentor behaviors, 39–41
role playing or rehearsing, 130–131
rule of reciprocity, 147
S
safety
conversational safety space, 18, 94–97
feeling comfortable taking risks, 19–20, 86
trust, 87–88, 95, 170
self-awareness
mentee responsibility, 42
raising, 97–99
know yourself, 90, 91
questions that deepen, 107–108
site visits, 128–129
starting where the mentee is currently, 17–18
SWOT analysis tool, 72
T
technology
to overcome distance issues, 164–165
Thailand cave rescue example of practical psychology, 83–84
thinking things through
eight thinking and planning methods, 72
SWOT analysis tool, 72
trust, 87–88, 95, 170
U
Ullmen, John, 148
V
values, importance of, 171–173
valuing differences, 139
variety
importance of different types of development to the mentee’s growth, 121–122
importance of different types of development to the mentor’s growth, 135–136
videos of experts, 130
visuals, creating, 129
voluntary nature of the mentoring relationship, 13
volunteer work, 132–133
W
working with a colleague, 132
wrap up mentoring. See closure of the mentoring relationship
Z
Zachery, Lois, 57, 162