Control your environment 57
Most people would complete it with the words ‘try, try again’.
But that is foolish. What makes you think that, when you do
what you did before, you will not get what you got before? A far
more resourceful approach, and the one to remember, is:
‘If at rst you don’t succeed, try something else.’
And if that doesn’t succeed, try something else again. . . In
response to someone who says ‘I tried everything,’ my response
would be: ‘Really, everything?’ As soon as you believe you cannot
make a change, you are back to helplessness.
If what you are doing is working, acknowledge your success,
pat yourself on the back, and do more. If it is not working, do
something different. Have the courage to change the things you
can – and you always can. There are always changes you can
make.
Social connections
One of the biggest stress factors can be not having people
around us who care about us and support us. Making, protecting
and using relationships with other people is a fundamental part
of coping and thriving in stressful situations.
Establish healthy relationships
In the workplace, having a social network so that you can
access informal support from colleagues will give you a
quick outlet to minor frustrations before they become major
stressors. Research in the UK Civil Service showed that staff
who had social connections with colleagues felt less stressed,
less anxious and suffered less absence due to psychiatric
illness.
So, chats at the coffee machine, sharing a trip to the shops at
lunchtime, and joining workmates for a drink after work are all
good investments in your wellbeing – as well as pleasures.
58 brilliant stress management
Protect valuable relationships
Don’t overdo the chat
If you nd colleagues are wasting too much of your time in
gossiping at the water fountain, it’s time to politely return to
work. The danger is that the gossip itself will become stressful,
as your desire to be sociable conicts with your need to meet
your responsibilities at work. And if you nd your work falling
behind, there will be a second stressor. So a little honesty: ‘I
really do need to get back to my work now’ can prevent the rela-
tionship going sour, as you start to resent its intrusion on your
responsibilities.
Don’t take advantage
When we are under stress, we often take advantage of the gen-
erosity of the people who love us. This can mean treating them
inconsiderately. But because they care for us, they will accept it
as a product of our stress and be prepared to help where they
can, and wait it out.
But there is only so much misuse a person can take, before their
love for you starts to go sour. So it is vital, even in times of stress,
to be mindful of the way you treat the people you value most in
your life. It is because you sometimes can treat them badly that
you must nd a way to put them rst.
Use relationships to help you de-stress
Releasing stress doesn’t get much simpler than talking. Sadly,
many of us do not nd it easy, so it is essential that you nd
someone whom you feel you can trust, totally. Whilst some
people’s unwillingness to help you may be shocking, you will be
surprised how many people will want to help, and will be keen
to do so in a wholly supportive and non-judgemental way. So,
consider each of the people around you; the ‘right’ person for
you to choose may not be who you expect.
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