98 brilliant stress management
effective. He won’t plan, so is constantly surprised by events,
and then rarely does anything he is proud of because he is too
focused on whatever is next. At the back of his mind, Enrique is
thinking: ‘If I don’t get a move on, something bad will happen – and
it will be my fault.’
Slow down, Enrique: take your time. If you are like him, then
take a moment to think about the Urgent and Important
boxes you read about in Chapter 4. You probably spend all
of your time focused on the Urgent things, often letting the
Urgent and Not Important things compete with the Urgent
and Important.
When you take time to plan ahead, you will nd two things:
1 You will be better able to spot the Urgent and Not
Important things and make a conscious decision to drop
them or at least leave them until after the Important things
are done.
2 You will start to have fewer things in your life that are
Urgent and Important. You will find yourself dealing with
them before they get urgent.
Be careful
Funmi wants to feel safe, and so will take no risks. Her work is
okay, but not special, so, despite her being diligent and bright,
her less-able colleagues get promoted ahead of her. With total
safety comes boredom: Funmi is not growing in her role,
learning or taking on challenges. She is getting bored, and all
that leaves her almost paralysed by fear of making a mistake and
losing what she has.
What is really the worst that can happen for Funmi? If you are
a bit like her, evaluate the possible outcomes objectively, then
look for ways to control the risks that there are. You may not
yet be ready for your rst free-fall jump, but you might just
Control your attitudes 99
Be right
Gene wants to be right, because he cannot face looking foolish.
This makes him argumentative and pedantic or, at times, freezes
him with indecision.
Gene needs to believe that it is okay to make mistakes. Each one
is a lesson for him, and what is really important is that he learns
the lessons and avoids repeating the same mistake. Making mis-
takes is a far more effective learning mechanism than getting
things right; it is the principal way toddlers learn.
If you also feel the need to be right all of the time, then let your-
self make some mistakes. Expect some frustrations, failures and
sorrows; accept them, live with them, and move on.
Try things out
‘You want to feel safe – but what would you do if you
knew you could not fail?’
When you find the answer to that question, you know your life’s
goal.
brilliant
tip
If you want to be right all of the time, then always be prepared to
listen and observe objectively, learn from the situation and then
change your mind if your were wrong at the start.
Be serious
Hetal wants to be respectful and respected, and so comes across
as a very serious person; humourless, in fact. People nd it hard
feel safe enough to try the climbing wall at your local leisure
centre.
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