E
xternal change is beyond our control, so it is no surprise
that we find it stressful. Our ancient ancestors had to deal
with quickly changing and often life-threatening situa-
tions, like the appearance of a large, hungry predator. However,
once they had evaded capture, their sympathetic nervous
system could calm down and the stress hormones dissipate.
Now we find ourselves living with constant change and the
uncertainty it produces. We need to find ways that, if we cannot
control the change, we can still feel ‘in control’ of ourselves and
our futures.
This chapter explains how change happens and how we
respond to it, before looking at techniques you can use to cope
in times of change. It ends with a way by which you can focus
yourself on what you really want and so nd opportunities to
do more than just survive: in other words, to thrive in times
of change.
How change happens in the world
Change often seems to creep up on you and catch you unawares.
It has been happening quietly for a while, but it takes a seem-
ingly random incident to bring it to your attention. For example,
the paint and decorative nish of your home can be deteriorating
slowly and imperceptibly for years, but it sometimes takes a
visitor to notice it: ‘Mike, the paint on this wall is starting to peel.’
154 brilliant stress management
This creates a moment of insight when a light bulb goes on in
your head and you think: ‘Aha . . . Change.’
So you start to investigate your options, looking at paint colours
and checking your budget to see if you can afford a new carpet.
You nally settle on a colour, buy some paint and get decorating.
When you are nished, life seems just a little better; you are
proud of your new living room, and you enjoy it. Of course, you
start by keeping it immaculate, but gradually the novelty wears
off and you are back to your old routine. Months pass and then
years, and gradually the paintwork picks up some scuffs, and the
carpet gets a few small stains, but you don’t notice these, day
to day.
Your living room looks the same in the morning as it did when
you went to bed, and it looks the same in the evening as it did
when you went out in the morning. So it comes as a surprise
when, six years later, a cheeky visitor says: ‘Mike, this carpet is a
bit of a mess.’
This familiar story already starts to show us why we so often
nd change stressful. For most of us, the rst point at which we
become aware that change is happening is when it is too late to
stop it, and our only option is to react to it.
The example is a very low-impact one, but think about the
changes in your workplace or in society as a whole. They all
follow the same cycle, illustrated in Figure 8.1, below.
In any situation, your awareness of the change starts with the
seemingly random incident. It is not truly random, because it
is inevitable that you will become aware of the external change
at some point, but often it strikes you as coming out of the blue
– randomly. This triggers a cascade of emotional and reasoned
responses that we shall explore in the next section, and it is only
when you take action, and therefore seize control of the situa-
tion, that you will feel comfortable with your emotions.
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