Preface:
A Note to Our Readers

This book falls on the heels of its cousin Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. Those who have read this previous offering or heard about it or bought the action figures are sure to wonder: “What’s the difference between a crucial conversation and a crucial confrontation?” We’re glad you asked. Both are high stakes. Both are likely to be emotional. That’s why they’re both crucial.

Here’s the difference. The hallmark of a crucial conversation is disagreement. Two or more people have different opinions, don’t know how to work through their differences, digress into silence or violence, and kill the free flow of ideas. Disagreements, poorly handled, lead to poor decisions, strained relationships, and eventually to disastrous results.

Crucial confrontations, on the other hand, are about disappointments. They’re made up of failed promises, missed expectations, and all other bad behavior. Confrontations comprise the very foundation of accountability. They all start with the question: “Why didn’t you do what you were supposed to do? And they only end when a solution is reached and both parties are motivated and able to comply. Confrontations are the prickly, complicated, and often frightening performance discussions that keep you up nights.

Now, here’s how the two books relate. This book draws on the principles found in Crucial Conversations—with an occasional and brief review of those pivotal concepts. With that said, almost all of the material you’ll find here is new and stand-alone. Pick up this book, read it, put the ideas into action, and you’ll never walk away from another conflict again.