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Don’t Obfuscate: Writing With Clarity and Precision

Polonius: “What do you read, my lord?”

Hamlet: “Words, words, words.”

IMAGINE RECEIVING THIS MESSAGE FROM your friendly insurance company:

The purpose of this letter is to provide information you requested regarding there is in existence a grace period regarding payment of said medical insurance policy. Please be advised that the aforementioned is of a duration of 10 days following premium due date previously established at the outset of said policy.

How would you react? What curses might you mutter? Would you need to lie down because you suddenly feel dizzy? Probably both. It’s hard to believe such sentences could have been created by a living breathing person for another person to read. Who could ever imagine such wording was intended to express this simple message:

After the due date, your medical insurance policy allows a 10-day grace period to submit payment.

It is difficult to imagine any writer deliberately setting out to confuse the reader. So why would anyone want to write such a baffling message? Probably for the same reason the newly rich person believes it essential to drive a fancy expensive car or live in an oversized mansion: how else to display his or her newly acquired wealth for all to see? Just as old moneyed folks usually own ordinary cars that do not call attention to themselves, so too must writers understand that there is no need to call attention to the writing as writing. There is even less need to “hit the reader over the head” with obscure vocabulary or long-winded sentences.

Talk Is Cheap: Show Me the Cash

The Bible offers this wise advice for writers: “Let thy words be few.” The modern variant of less is more in writing is one of the surest guidelines to successful written communication. Less for its own sake is not the goal here; rather, it serves as a touchstone. No writer should ever be brief at the expense of leaving out important details or other data. At the same time, I can’t imagine anyone arriving at work on a Monday morning, finding a 500-page report on his or her desk, and commenting, “I can’t wait to read this.” Most likely the comment would be: “Who put this on my desk?” or “Do I really have to read all this?”

Words: The Tools of the Trade

If words are the tools or building blocks of our language, then the success of your writing will always depend on the words you choose to convey your thoughts. Words function primarily to express, not impress. Words are created to convey meaning, not to advertise an extensive vocabulary. Perhaps the idea of obtaining an impressive vocabulary all begins as we make our way from grade school through high school to college. We are encouraged to expand our vocabularies to become better readers, writers, speakers, listeners, and scrabble players. This is all fine. At the same time, we need to remember that writing is not a game show where whoever uses the fanciest or most obscure words wins the prize. The goal is to enable the reader to fully understand our message, not to find our vocabulary impressive. Our words need to convey the substance of our messages, not the shadows.

Mark Twain confessed, “I never write metropolis if paid the same amount to write city.” So why would you? Yet despite Twain’s sensible approach to word choice, I’m not suggesting that simple or familiar words alone will carry the day for you. Even as simple a sentence as this obviously conveys more than the writer intended:

Eat Here and Get Gas

Rather, you have to achieve a balanced meaning among your choice of words:

All components are included.

But when it comes to sentences containing what I perceive as “overbaked” expressions, think twice:

We need to effectuate improvement
of our training procedures.

Wouldn’t this sentence do just fine?

We need to improve our training procedures.

An unfamiliar word or expression achieves only two results: Your reader must consult a dictionary before continuing and, worse, the communication process has been interrupted.

When choosing your words, try to prefer those that are:

• Familiar to most readers (limits vs. parameters).

• Specific (call, meet, send vs. get back).

• Economical (assist, help vs. provide every assistance).

NOTE: Always consider your reader’s ability or limitations for understanding technical words, jargon, and acronyms before using them. It may be best to limit their use or to provide a glossary.

Reader-Friendly Words

If you’ve ever attended a party and were told to dress casually but showed up wearing business attire whereas everyone else was in shorts and sneakers, you probably began to feel not only uncomfortable but wondered if you received the same invitation. Most likely you spent the evening or afternoon commenting to everyone, “Nobody told me to wear shorts and sneakers.” The list on the facing page is offered as a guide to avoid “overdressed” writing. The list is intended to serve as a source of comparison; word choice is ultimately a question of style and individual preference. As in other aspects of life, there is no accounting for poor taste, pretense, and pomposity in business writing, however unintentional. As Shakespeare’s Hamlet once advised a group of actors, “Suit the action to the word, the word to the action.”

Underdressed Words

The list on the facing page provides you with alternative word choices for expressions that are either verbose or border on the pretentious. Their common use clearly indicates writers’ mistaken notions of how written English phrases should “sound” to impress their readers. The result is that some words and expressions arrive overdressed for the occasion. Yet words can often be underdressed. Writing the way we speak is fine as long as it fits the purpose of the message and doesn’t cross the invisible line in the reader’s mind that distinguishes the acceptable word from the inappropriate one. You’ll find a list of familiar casual expressions and their alternative counterparts on page 58.

The Devil Made Me Do It

Think of how many times you use the word make in conversational speech. You could “make a big deal of” something or “make a long trip” next summer or “make a cake.” Who would argue with our employing such an often used word in our business writing? In most instances the reader would argue, especially if you used “make” to create an expression that could have been conveyed through a single word. On the facing page is a list of expressions beginning with “make” that we all use in everyday speech but that will hardly be welcome by our readers. Although there’s nothing wrong with writing these longer expressions in our first drafts, reducing them to their single-word forms during the editing stage will improve the rhythmic flow of your sentences.

Wordy	Concise
accomplish the project	complete, finish
afford an opportunity	allow, permit, enable
attached/enclosed herewith please find	attached/enclosed is/are
at an early date of time	soon
based on the fact that	because
deem	believe, think, consider
due to the fact that	due to, because
during the time that	during, when
effect modifications	modify, change, endeavor, attempt, try
finalize	conclude
for the purpose of	for, to
furnish	provide, send
in addition to the above	also
in the amount of	for
in close proximity to	near
in the event that	if
in a position to	can, able
interpose no objections	agree with
involve the necessity of	involve
is found to be	is
make an adjustment to	adjust
make mention of	mention, make reference to, refer
perform an analysis of	analyze
predicated upon	based upon
present a conclusion	conclude
pursuant to	according to, by
pursuant to your request	as you requested
raise the question	ask
take under consideration	consider
through the use of	by, with
we are in receipt of	we received
with the exception of	except for

Instead of:	Use:
about-face	reverse
about to	ready
back to square one	begin again
bottom line	main thought
bring up	introduce
brush up on	review
by and large	in general
call on	visit
carry the ball	be responsible
check over	examine, review, come across, discover
come up with	create, design
cut out	remove, delete
deal with	address, confront
drop off	deliver
figure on	plan, expect
get in touch with	phone, visit, write
go over	review, examine
hand in	submit, provide
hinge on	depend on
hold up	delay
how come	why
keep in mind	remember
put off	postpone, suspend
run across	meet
turn out	produce, happen
wipe out	eliminate

”Make” expressions	Single-word expressions
make an estimation of	estimate
make a report to	report
make a study of	study
make a decision to	decide
make a drawing of	draw
make a list of	list
make an examination of	examine
make a preference of	prefer
make an approximation of	approximate
make the acquaintance of	meet
make an evaluation of	evaluate
make a trip to	travel
make an observation	observe
make a disturbance	disturb
make a nuisance of	annoy
make a reference to	refer
make a point of	point to, emphasize
make a phone call	telephone, phone
make an improvement	improve
make an objection	object
make a calculation	calculate
make a notation	note
make a repair	repair
make a request	request
make a correction	correct
make a suggestion	suggest
make a payment	pay
make a return	return
make a collection	collect

Redundant Words and Expressions

If you were charged twice for the same item the next time you shopped at your local supermarket, you would not be happy. In writing, the same holds true when you use redundant words and expressions. You’re writing it twice and the reader is reading it twice. What’s the point? Emphasis? Perhaps, especially in speech when we want to underscore an idea. More likely we hear and see those words so often we come to think they’re fine. A list on the facing page shows the more common ones you would do well to avoid writing.

You Can’t Buy Class: Euphemisms

All the money in the world can buy fancy clothes, fine furniture, and exotic cars, but it can’t buy class. That’s never for sale, but something you’re born with or acquire instinctively as a result of your own innate good taste and sense of style. The same rule applies to the words we choose. Unless you’re Woody Allen, you’d probably never get away with wearing sneakers with a tuxedo. Yet that’s just what writers try to do when using words that don’t fit the occasion, are overly formal, or worse, are intended to hide the true meaning of their message.

Euphemisms are expressions that serve to transform an offensive or tactless words or references into inoffensive and agreeable ones (“physically challenged” for “crippled”). Politically correct terms are euphemisms designed as acceptable substitutions for rude, insulting, and archaic ones (“Native American” for “Indian”). Euphemisms can also hide seemingly simple and straightforward words behind deceptive or overly complex ones (“downsize” for “layoff”). Euphemisms often assume a strained quality, as if trying too hard. For example, you are attending a party and the host asks, “May I bring you a libation?”there’s a good chance you will respond with a quizzical look or perhaps laugh outright, resulting in your not getting anything to drink because your host has responded by demanding you leave immediately!

Euphemisms can dress up an embarrassing or awkward situation or disguise a negative one. For example:

The company experienced a net profits revenue deficiency this quarter.

Avoid:	Instead, Use:
absolutely nothing	nothing
advance forward	advance
and also	(either word)
assemble together	assemble
at the present time	at present, now
attach together	attach
basic and fundamental	(either word)
brief in duration	brief
but nevertheless	(either word)
circle around	circle
close proximity	near
continue on	continue
cooperate together	cooperate
descend down	descend
disappear from sight	disappear
during the time	during, when
each and every one	each, every one
empty out	empty
end result	result
exactly the same	the same
first and foremost	(either word)
fewer in number	fewer
following after	(either word)
give an estimate of	estimate
green in color	green
in the amount of	for
in the state of New York	New York
large in size	large
neat in appearance	neat
plan ahead	plan
reduce down	reduce
resume again	resume
return back	return
round in shape	round
seven in number	seven
thanks and appreciation	(either word)
true fact	fact
universal the world over	universal
very unique	unique

In other words, the company lost a lot of money.

Or euphemisms can dress up a plain old used car by advertising it as pre-owned or a cemetery for your dearly departed pet as a memory garden. So why do people use words and expressions that inhibit their messages? Perhaps because using them makes us feel important or we imagine the fancy words and expressions will convey our intelligence, educational background, or professional ability without doubt to our readers. Yet language should not call attention to itself for the sake of attraction alone. Instead of the broad gestures and flourishes of the stage actor in a revival of a 17th-century French farce, perhaps word preference should be similar to the subtlety used by the most skillful of film actors. Eighteenth-century poet Alexander Pope expressed this view:

“Words are like leaves, and where they most abound, much fruit of sense beneath is rarely found.”

Here is a brief list of some common euphemisms and their meanings. For an up-to-date list, simply consult any newspaper or magazine or pay attention to the next political, military, corporate, legal, or academic announcement you hear on television or radio.

Euphemism	Meaning
access controller	doorman
altercation	fight
directive	memo
facility	building
patron	customer
perpetrator	criminal
peruse	read
sanitary engineer	garbage collector
visual surveillance	spying

Familiarity Breeds Contempt: Cliches

We use cliches every day in our speech. These expressions are colorful and often appealing in their economy and ability to convey an image or description of an emotion or situation. Someone may be “green with envy” or “cold as ice” or “busy as a bee.” A story may be “too funny for words.” Similar to redundant expressions, cliches in speech do little harm. In writing, cliches suffer the fate occasioned when the familiar becomes contemptible. Your reader has heard and read these expressions so often they tend to “bounce off” the reader so swiftly they lose their appeal. Cliches in business writing ultimately diminish the strength and effectiveness of your message.

Here are some commonly used cliches:

• Between a rock and a hard place.

• Bark up the wrong tree.

• Carry the ball.

• This day and age.

• After all is said and done.

• Burn the midnight oil.

• On the ball.

• By leaps and bounds.

• Slowly but surely.

• Better late than never.

• Last but not least.

When in Rome: Regional Words and Expressions

The first time I visited a Chicago restaurant, I asked the waitress what kind of soda was offered. She answered, “We have seltzer or club.” She must have noticed the dumb expression because she quickly added, “Do you want a Coke or some other pop instead?” In the Midwest, the regional term for a soft drink such as a Coke or root beer is pop, but I didn’t know that. In my travels I soon learned that if you order coffee “regular” anywhere other than New York, the waiter will ask you to clarify your order. You might have to explain you want your coffee with cream and sugar.

Word	Definition
beignet	French-style donut (New Orleans)
binder	rubber band (Minnesota)
Cape Codder	cranberry juice and vodka (New England)
cork ball	baseball (St. Louis)
crank up the car	start the car (South Carolina/Georgia)
dinner	midday meal (North Carolina)
ground hackey	chipmunk (Pennsylvania)
hippen	diaper (Tennessee)
later	goodbye (Maine)
pop	soft drink (Chicago and elsewhere)
sleep in	oversleep (Pittsburgh)
hero	sandwich on Italian or French bread (New York)
sub	sandwich (Boston)
grinder	sandwich (Rhode Island)
hoagie	sandwich (Pennsylvania)
po’ boy	sandwich (Texas and Georgia)
soda	soft drink (New York)
tadpoles	people (Mississippi)
thundering herd	pot of beans (Texas)
tolerable	fairly well (North Carolina)
truck room	storage room (Pennsylvania Dutch country)
unsweetened	no sugar, usually in iced tea (the South)

In the Brooklyn neighborhood of my childhood, we always used the expression Italian heroes for sandwiches we ordered for lunch, but in other parts of the country the term is sub, hoagie, or grinder. The first time I taught a seminar in Minneapolis some participants approached me at lunchtime and asked, “Do you want to come with?” to which I confusingly responded, “Go with? Where?” In the deep South, people may be fixing to do some chore or refer to someone as bragging on something rather than bragging about.

All of these are examples of regionalisms, words and expressions particular to a specific geographic region in the United States. These regional expressions are often colorful, humorous, or imaginative constructions. Remembering to avoid using these terms in daily business writing is not an issue of correctness but of occasioning confusion among your readers. When writing casual messages within your company, you may choose to routinely use a regional expression. In fact, many writers are not aware the expressions they may use have geographic limitations in terms of meaning. When writing elsewhere in the country, it is best to use standard English expressions. A list of regional expressions appears on page 64.

Action Words

Use these words to convey strength, control, and confidence.

accomplish

act

approve

assign

assist

clarify

complete

conduct

contribute

control

create

demonstrate

develop

direct

eliminate

enable

establish

examine

expedite

facilitate

formulate

generate

guide

identify

implement

improve

initiate

influence

investigate

lead

maintain

manage

moderate

monitor

motivate

negotiate

organize

perform

permit

plan

produce

provide

recommend

reduce

restore

restructure

revise

revitalize

shape

solve

streamline

strengthen

supervise

train

trim

A Word to the Wise

With respect to word choice, perhaps the comic writer James Thurber said it best:

“A word to the wise is insufficient if it makes no sense.”