Part 9
Dealing With Customers

Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

—Oscar Wilde

Customers: They are the lifeblood of your company, but they can also be the bane of your existence—and vice versa! There is no limit to the number of customer service horror stories: the company that literally refuses to hear customer complaints; the unsatisfied, unsatisfiable customer who inexplicably keeps on coming back, seemingly just to make everyone’s life a living hell. Wouldn’t it be great if there were some ready-made words and phrases you could offer to your reports to help them through these sorts of situations? Fortunately, there are!

Of course, if your company has a track record of abysmal customer service, a few pat phrases are not going to change that; that’s a top-down issue. But each and every person can still make a positive difference in every interaction, and it can all start with you. Set a good example with your employees, and they will be sure to follow. After all, you are all each others’ “customers,” in a sense. Start from the inside out, and you’ll be shocked at how quickly and easily you can turn things around.

When Dealing With an Irate Customer

Empathic/Conciliatory

• It will be my pleasure to fix this for you immediately.

• There is a lot of validity to what you say. Please allow me to make this right.

• You are the customer, and the customer is always right.

• Your dissatisfaction is unacceptable to me. What can I do to make this right?

• I totally understand; I promise I will do everything in my power to satisfy you.

• I can see you are upset; what can I do to turn things around?

• Please tell me what you want and I will make it happen, I promise.

• I totally understand why you would feel this way; is there anything I can do to help?

• You have every right to feel as you do. Lay it on me; I can take it.

• Your complaint is certainly valid, but you need to speak respectfully.

• Please speak respectfully to me and I will do my utmost to help you.

• I truly believe we can work something out, as long as you calm down and speak nicely.

• I understand you’re irate, but please do not shout at me/speak to me that way.

• I want to help you, but you are making it difficult for me to focus on the problem.

• Let’s figure out a way to turn this around, shall we?

• If you insist on being rude it makes it hard for me to focus on a solution.

Confrontational

• I think I’ll be able to help you better if you calm down and speak respectfully to me.

• I am trying hard to help you, but you need to meet me halfway, here.

• There is no need to lose your temper. We’re all trying to help you as best we can.

• People like you give all customers a bad name.

• I’ve dealt with customers like you before. Usually you just move on to torture someone else.

• I don’t think this relationship is working out; perhaps you’d be happier elsewhere.

• I need to leave before I say something I will regret.

• I don’t have to stick around and take this kind of treatment.

• No one talks to me that way—nobody.

• This is outrageous. You need to leave.

• I’ve never heard such a load of crap in all my life.

• I have nothing further to say to you; it’s best if you left.

• We don’t need customers like you around here.

When a Customer Is Demanding a Refund

Conciliatory

• I am so sorry you are unhappy. Please let me rectify the situation to your satisfaction.

• Of course, it would be my pleasure. Is there anything else I can help you with?

• It would be my pleasure to give you a refund. Please accept X as a token of our goodwill.

• Your satisfaction is our number-one priority. Allow me to help you.

Rude/Rejecting

• Your happiness is our first priority; we will do whatever we can to ensure that.

• I would be happy to give you a refund. Is there anything else I can do to make it up to you?

• I’m sorry we couldn’t satisfy your needs. I’ll have the full amount refunded immediately.

• I can see why you would want a refund, given your unhappiness with the product/service.

• We value you as a customer. Let me see what I can do for you.

• I’m sure that we can come to some agreement. Give me just a moment.

• I don’t think the refund will be a problem, but I wish we had known about this sooner.

• I need to get my manager’s approval before I do anything for you.

• Would you be willing to exchange the item for something different instead?

• It’s our policy not to give refunds after X days, but in your case I’ll make an exception.

• Without a receipt, I can only offer you store credit.

• Sorry—I can’t do anything without a receipt.

• I wish I could help you with this; is there anything else you need?

• Would you offer a refund if you heard a story like that?

• I’d help you now but it’s my lunch break. Can you come back in an hour?

How to Woo Back a Once-Loyal Customer

Casual

• You can’t imagine how many changes we’ve made; I hope you’ll give us another chance!

• We thought long and hard about why people like you left and made some real changes.

• We really miss your business and will do anything to get it back.

• I promise we will make it worth your while if you return.

• I feel terrible that we lost your business; what can we do to bring you back into the fold?

• I hate that we had a falling out; can we start fresh?

• Things here are very different now. Please let me prove it to you.

• Let’s let bygones be bygones; I think you will be happy with us if you just give us a chance.

• I’m willing to give it another go if you are.

• Work with me again and I promise I will make it worth your while.

• I know you were once unhappy with us; what can I do to change your mind?

• Would you at least hear me out on what we can do to satisfy you, going forward?

• I’d love to have you back as a customer; what do I need to do to make that happen?

• We are ready and able to start over, if you are willing to give us a chance.

• We failed and learned a hard lesson. Please let us earn back your trust.

• Here are the measures we’ve taken to ensure that this will never happen again.

Formal

• We would like to win you back as a customer if you are amenable.

• Your unhappiness was simply unacceptable; here is what we can do for you, going forward.

When a Customer Wants to Speak to a Manager

Amenable

• I know exactly how you feel. I’ll find my manager right away.

• My first goal is to find you a manager right away.

• Of course, let me get her for you right away.

• Absolutely—I will call my manager immediately.

• I agree that this situation calls for a manager. I’ll call him over right away.

• I understand how you feel. Let me see what I can do.

• Tell me what you’d like and I will convey that to her asap.

• Sure, but I’d like to stay involved in the conversation if that’s okay.

• Sure, I’ll call the manager, but there is nothing he can do for you that I can’t.

• There’s no reason why I can’t help you, though.

• There’s no reason you shouldn’t speak to a manager, but what is it you want, specifically?

• We have several managers on duty right now. I’ll see if any of them are free.

• I’d really like to try to help you before calling other people into the mix.

• Okay, but I’m really not sure what you think you’re going to get out of it.

• I’m unsure how she will be able to help you with this problem.

Rejecting

• You should probably take a number; everyone’s a bit busy.

• No one is available right now; would you like to come back later?

• You’ll just have to wait; your request is no more important than all the other requests.

• You’ll need to come back some other time.

• I’m not sure that anyone here, management included, can help you with this problem.

• You’re just going to have to deal with me—sorry.

When a Customer Is Getting Abusive

Empathetic

• I feel your pain and agree; how can I best help you today?

• I’m very sorry that you feel that way. What can I do to help?

• Let’s sit down and discuss this rationally; I truly want to help you, okay?

• I want to understand where you’re coming from. Can you explain it again?

• I think we’ll have a better chance of helping you if everyone can keep their cool.

• I think we’ve officially hit bottom here; let’s start over.

• I understand you are upset, but you need to calm down in order for me to help you.

• You have a point, but please speak respectfully to me.

• I will do my best to help you, even though it’s against my better judgment.

Rejecting

• You are entitled to your opinion, but you need to change your tone of voice.

• I will be more than happy to help you if you calm down and speak respectfully.

• I want to help you, but you are making it difficult when you insult me like that.

• You really need to calm down. I can’t talk to you when you’re shouting at me.

• You’ve got to control yourself or we won’t be able to help you.

• Your words are hurtful and uncalled for; please think before you say anything else.

• This approach will get you nowhere, fast.

• You’re never going to get anywhere in life unless you lose the ’tude.

• It’s amazing how you worked yourself up in such a short amount of time.

• After a tirade like that I’m predisposed to not listen to you at all.

• There is really no relationship here left to save, is there?

• You’re free to be abusive if you want, but I’m also free to refuse you service.

• We don’t need customers like you.

• If you can’t calm yourself down, I will have to call security.

How to Find Out a Customer’s Needs

Subtle to Pushy

• Would you be okay with telling me a bit more about what’s important to you?

• I have a feeling you have something specific in mind. Am I right?

• Can you give me an idea of the kinds of problems you are looking to address?

• If you told me a bit more about your needs, I’d be better able to assist you.

• I don’t need to know everything about you—just enough to help me help you get what you want.

• I promise that whatever you tell me will remain strictly confidential.

• I don’t have a Ouija board, but I think I have an idea of what you need.

• I think I’m a pretty good judge of people; let’s see if I’m right.

• Without a little more information it’ll be impossible for me to help you.

• Don’t be coy; just tell me what you’re looking for!

• So, tell me more about you: What are your likes? Dislikes? Interests? Pet peeves?

• Okay, there must be some specifics that are guiding your purchase. What are they?

• You’re making it difficult for me to help you when you play your cards so close to your chest.

• More information equals better help.

• There’s a limit to what I can do by myself. Help me out here!

• Just help me, help you!

• If you don’t give me something to go on you’re just wasting my time.

How to Persuade the Reluctant Buyer

Subtle

• I’m going to help another customer while you think.

• Please take as much time as you need to think it over.

• You’re thinking with your head right now; what does your heart say?

• It just feels like this was meant to be, don’t you agree?

• I realize it’s a major decision; why don’t you take a few moments to think about it?

• If you’re worried about buyer’s remorse, you can always return it.

• I completely understand your reluctance, but I am backing this product with my very reputation.

• I feel that this is a great opportunity, and I think you’ll feel that way, too.

• I think the pros far outweigh the cons in your case.

• All you need to do is sign on the line that is dotted. [joking]

• What are your objections? I think I can put every one of them to rest.

• There comes a time when you need to take the plunge and just make a decision.

• If you wait, there may not be another opportunity like it for a long time.

• I put a lot of effort into helping you/answering all your questions. What’s it gonna be?

• I can tell that you want it; why not just go for it?

Overt

• C’mon, what do you say? You won’t regret it, I promise!

• If you miss out, you’ll kick yourself later!

• No one deserves it more than you. Just say yes and make me a happy guy!