Part 8
Sticky Situations
A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.
—Unknown
Just when you think you’ve prepared for everything, something comes and hits you out of left field. Maybe it’s an employee who makes a pass at you. Maybe it’s your boss who chooses to criticize you to your face—in front of others. Maybe it’s two employees who decide they need to work things out with their fists. This is the stuff of which management nightmares are made.
Other than your company handbook, there really isn’t any official playbook on how to handle these kinds of situations. But hopefully, with the right talking points, you’ll be able to open every conversation—or confrontation—with more confidence.
When an Employee Criticizes You to Your Face
Tactful
• I see all criticism as an opportunity to make things better.
• I’d be more than happy to discuss whatever issues you have with me in private.
• Let’s talk about this and resolve whatever’s bothering you.
• You’re obviously upset about something; what can I do to make this right?
• I can see why you might feel that way. Let’s talk about this in private.
• I hear you and understand; what can we do to fix this?
• I’m glad we got that out in the open; now let me address your complaints.
• While I appreciate your honesty, I must say that what you just said stings a bit.
• I appreciate the feedback, although it’s not what I would hope to hear from one of my employees.
• Well, I’m not sure that I would agree with you there.
• You are entitled to think whatever you want, but at the end of the day I’m still your boss.
• I’m sorry that you feel that way.
• Do you really think that was a constructive thing to say?
• Your opinion is duly noted for the record.
• You should be a bit more careful in how you speak to your higher-ups.
• We all need to vent from time to time, but you need to rein in the personal rancor.
• While this is a democracy, we all need to express ourselves appropriately and constructively.
Blunt
• You know, I’ve really grown fond of our little chats. [sarcastic]
• Please, tell me how you really feel. [sarcastic]
• Are you finished?
• Well, I guess it takes one to know one.
• Thank you for giving me yet one more reason to let you go.
When Two Employees Get Into a Physical Altercation
Conciliatory
• Wait—let me go grab a chair so I can watch the fur fly.
• Go ahead and knock yourselves out—just not on these premises.
• If you must go to these lengths, please take it outside, okay?
• Look, I’m all for working things out physically— just not here!
• Have you guys thought about starting your own personal fight club? [joking]
• Whoa, let’s keep things professional, people!
• Either you two kiss and make up, or I’ll make you fight.
• I don’t think that getting physical does anyone any good.
• Please confine your conflicts to the boxing ring, not the boardroom.
• Ordinarily I enjoy a good fight, but not when it involves two of my best employees.
• Why can’t you guys just agree to disagree and call it a day?
• This is neither the time nor the place for a smackdown.
Antagonistic
• Why does everything have to end in fisticuffs around here?
• You guys need to figure out a way to make things right without resorting to violence.
• I’m sending you two home for a time-out. I suggest you make the best of it.
• I can’t believe you lack the basic self-control to work things out professionally.
• I’m afraid you’re both going to have to face the consequences of your behavior.
• If I find you guys smacking each other around again, I’m afraid I’ll have to report it.
• The company has a strong policy against violence during working hours. I suggest you reread it.
• You can cut it out or I’ll have to cut the both of you—from the payroll.
• If this nonsense continues you’ll leave me no choice but to let both of you go.
• There is no excuse for this kind of behavior. Cut it out or you’re gone.
• This company has a strict anti-violence policy. Pack up your desks and get out.
• Nobody resorts to violence here and gets away with it. You two are through.
When an Employee Comes On to You
Tactful
• I thought you were more professional than that.
• I’ll give you a chance to take back what you just said.
• While I appreciate the compliment, I don’t think it was appropriate for work.
• Look, I’m flattered, but we need to keep things professional here.
• You’re attractive, but I don’t get involved with coworkers.
• Tempting, but I just couldn’t respect myself in the morning. [joking]
• Sorry, I’m a one-man woman/one-woman man. [joking]
• I’m just going to go ahead and nip this in the bud before it goes any further, okay?
• If you think this over I think you’ll realize just how foolishly you’re acting.
• This is only going to get you in a lot of trouble.
• Are you sure you want to go around acting like that with your higher-ups?
• Your behavior is completely out of bounds, and I’m going to have to ask you to stop.
• There is no excuse for such unprofessional behavior. It needs to stop.
• If you don’t stop I’ll be forced to report your behavior to HR/the boss.
• Stop right now or I’ll have to take action that you won’t like.
• There is a company policy against fraternization. I suggest you familiarize yourself with it.
• Wow, you’re a lot stupider than I thought.
Rude/Blunt
• What you’re suggesting is the stupidest, most inappropriate thing I’ve ever heard.
• You’re so far over the line, you don’t even know where the line is anymore.
• No thanks, not interested.
When You Are Unable to Pay Your Employees
Tactful
• I don’t want to sugarcoat this situation, but we’re not where we want to be financially.
• I feel terrible about this, but please know that I am going without pay, too.
• We’re in a bit of a sticky situation here, and I am asking for all of you to be patient.
• We’ve all been in a situation where money is a tight, right? This is no different.
• The company is good for your salaries, but you’re just going to have to wait a bit.
• I would pay you out of my own pocket if I could, but I’m personally tapped out.
• Please wait to cash your checks until tomorrow/next week/next month.
• We are obviously having cash flow problems, and I’m asking for patience while we sort it out.
• Unfortunately the company’s problems just became everyone’s problems.
• Please give us a chance to make this right.
• No amount of complaining will make this situation magically better.
• Please buckle down and get back to work. We’ll figure this out, I promise.
• Well, there have been times you haven’t put in a full day’s work, either.
Blunt
• If you were in my position, you’d understand how difficult it is to cover all the bases.
• I just can’t pay you guys right now. Sorry.
• Maybe this is God’s way of telling you to work harder.
• Stop complaining. The money will be paid out when it’s ready.
• If you’re that unhappy with the situation, you’re free to leave.
When Someone Tries to Pick a Fight With You
Conciliatory
• I can see that you’re upset. Let’s take a break to calm down and gather our thoughts.
• I know you’re seething, but I want to make things right with you.
• I know you’re itching for a fight, but I just can’t go there; I’m sorry.
• You talkin’ to me? [joking, á la Robert DiNiro in Taxi Driver]
• Will fighting about this really help you in the long run?
• I think it would be better if we could reason this out like two adults.
• Are you really sure you want to go there with me?
• I’d fight you, but it’s unfair to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
• If I weren’t your boss I would be more than happy to show you my martial arts skills.
Confrontational
• I suggest that you check yourself before you land yourself in a world of hurt.
• Company policy doesn’t allow bosses to knock out their inferiors.
• I never get physical with my employees, no matter how much of an ass kicking they deserve.
• You have no idea how close I am to popping you right now.
• Okay, but you shouldn’t bring a knife to a gunfight.
• Go ahead, hit me—but I promise you’ll regret it.
• Take your best shot, because it’s the only one you’re going to get.
• Oh, grow up and knock it off!
When an Employee Threatens You or Others
Conciliatory
• I’m sure this is my fault. Can we sit down and talk about this?
• I can see you’re upset, but we need to discuss this rationally.
• I know you didn’t mean that; just take a breather and compose yourself.
• I understand you’re upset, but I think you need to decompress a bit and calm down.
• I want to talk to you about this when you are calmer.
• I think you need to rethink what you just said and restate it.
• There such a thing as free speech, but you need to state things in a less threatening manner.
Confrontational
• Your words are making people feel uncomfortable and unsafe.
• Why would you say something like that? That’s pretty harsh.
• Trust me, you don’t want to go there.
• I will not allow this kind of talk from you or anyone else here.
• This is no place to start going off and making idle threats.
• Threatening people is completely against company policy.
• If you can’t rein it in and act professionally, I’ll have to ask you to leave.
• You’ve stepped so far over the line that you don’t even know where the line is anymore.
• Now there’s an idea: You threaten me, and I report you to the powers that be.
• We have a no-tolerance policy for that kind of talk; I’m going to have to report it.
• You need to leave—now.
• I am calling the authorities/security/the police.
(Note: In the event of legitimate threats or real danger, you should always call 911.)
When an Employee Throws a Tantrum
Conciliatory
• Wow, I can see you’re at your wit’s end. Let’s go outside and walk for a bit.
• It’s understandable that you’re upset; just go somewhere private where you can let off steam.
• Let’s everyone just calm down and talk this through.
• Tantrums will never get you anywhere around here. Now what is it that you need?
• Whoa, I think someone needs to take a chill pill. [joking]
• We all go through times when we feel like we’re gonna lose it, but this is going a bit far.
• I know you’re upset, but this can’t happen again, you understand that.
• If you can’t keep your cool maybe you should step outside and calm yourself down.
• Your behavior is making others feel really uncomfortable.
• Don’t you have any self-control?
• I thought you had moved past these outbursts, but evidently I was wrong.
• When you blow up like this, you’re affecting the morale of the whole company.
• You’re not a wild beast in a cage; you’re a human being with a job to do.
• I think you may need anger management training.
• Clearly, you need professional help; don’t come back until you’ve gotten yourself under control.
• How can you expect to work with people if you go around acting like that?
Confrontational
• No one is allowed to behave that way on my watch. Either it stops or you’re out.
• If you do it again, I’ll be forced to reassign/fire you.
• By all means, keep going. I’m going to enjoy watching you get yourself fired.
When an Employee Is Drunk or High on The Job
Concerned
• I’m saddened to see you in such a state. What can I do to help?
• What is going on with you? I am really concerned about your behavior.
• Everyone needs to release stress sometimes, but this is only hurting you.
• You’re so much better than this, you know?
• You need to deal with your stress in a way that doesn’t hurt you or put your job in jeopardy.
• This may seem like a solution, but it’s only going to compound your problems.
• We have resources for employees who struggle with substances and addiction.
• We have a program here that might be able to help you.
• If you need drugs or booze that badly, you obviously need help.
• I have no idea what you’re on, but you’ve put me in a really awkward position here.
• We have a policy against this kind of thing on the job. I suggest you read it.
• I simply can’t allow you to be drunk/high on the job. It’s unacceptable, dangerous, and illegal.
Punitive
• No one is allowed to drink or do drugs on company time. Why should you be any different?
• You’re useless to me like this; go home, and don’t come back until you detox.
• I am going to have to report this to HR/the boss.
• We have a no-tolerance policy for this sort of thing. You’re fired.