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CHAPTER 29 MY31PRACTICES
“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”
Mahatma Gandhi1
In Chapter 1, Introduction, the current frontier for 31Practices is described as the development of a personal application of 31Practices: my31Practices. In the “perfect storm” that is globalization, economic uncertainty, family fragmentation, enhanced pace of business, instant communications, unlimited connectedness – we find that we are endlessly busy, both at work and in our social lives. Against this context, it is very easy to “do” without mindful awareness of what we are doing all of this for. The result? We end up “doing” without much thought about how we are behaving – caught in habits of thinking and action that are at best unsustainable, and, at worst, destructive. Under this pressure, we can very easily feel out of control and lose touch with our personal core values, our core purpose and what creates meaning for us.
But there is another way… People can often see the benefit in joining a gym or creating a fitness regime to be the best they can be from a physical perspective. Might it then be possible that people would benefit from developing mental and behavioural fitness in a more holistic way? To do this starts with discovering and reconnecting with our personal core values… what’s really important to us. The next step is to align the way we think, feel and behave, and this is where my31Practices can help by releasing the power of your personal values through a set of very practical behaviours every day. In this way, people can be the best they can be or the best version of themselves.
“Knowledge is of no value unless you put it into practice.”
Anton Chekhov2
But why should we bother? As the humanist Carl Rogers3 noted, we are our own best experts, resourceful and whole. Looking within ourselves to find our “inner compass” of guiding values is useful and significantly helpful.
“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe4
Our own values are not immediately obvious to us. They show up in our behaviour, what we move towards, what we move away from. They show up in our language, stories and traditions. Some people work with a coach to help them identify their core values.
You don’t necessarily need to employ a professional thinking partner to help you work out what your core values are. But, for some people, it can help. And a quick conversation with an insightful friend can help to get you started, or a moment to reflect with some provoking questions can be just as fruitful.
Looking back over your own life events can provide a realization of what is actually important for you. A significant life event can be a rich source of insight. If you have had the pleasure of listening to Tony Robbins5, you’ll hear in his story that a significant event that occurred when he was 11 was key in defining his values model. As his family was given food, a fact that his father could not accept, Tony talks about the human need to contribute, to give to others. This experience informs a core part of Tony Robbins’ life purpose.
Our core values provide us with a clearer path when faced with choice and ambiguity – if you are someone who values “creativity and freedom”, you might be more likely to value others’ opinions and so spend a little more time listening to others as a matter of course. Why is this important? In simple terms, when our behaviour is aligned with our values, we are happy and, when they are not, we feel stressed. In our modern society, people are increasingly uncomfortable with how they behave compared to the way they would want to.
To demonstrate this point, few people reading this will be unaware of the Tiger Woods story over the last few years (mentioned in Chapter 6, Identify). He went from the most successful golfer in history, and the highest paid athlete in the world for over a decade, to somebody shunned by businesses, friends and the general public, struggling to regain form. When he was interviewed on ESPN about the issues that have been well documented, Tiger said, “I had gotten away from my core values”. Up until his “transgression”, Tiger Woods was known all over the world as consistent, powerful, dedicated and a loyal family man. But the moment his behaviour and actions betrayed this picture, the whole thing crumbled. As he said himself, he became removed from his “core values” as a person, husband, and father. Because Tiger had abandoned his core values, his world came crashing down.
In this case, the destructive impact of what happened was easier to see and quantify because Tiger Woods is a “personal brand” which focuses on the individual, in this case a “performance brand” in the public spotlight. The importance of his behaviour being aligned with his core values is therefore more magnified, but nevertheless serves as a good reminder to the rest of us of how important it is to align our behaviour with our core values and why 31Practices can be so helpful. Just think of somebody you know that you thought stood for certain values and then did something that seemed to betray this. How did you feel about them after this? How strong were your feelings? How long would it take for them to regain your trust?
So how does my31Practices work? Well, the principles are exactly the same as for the organization version of 31Practices, following the framework outlined in Chapter 4, Framework. First it is necessary to understand and articulate your personal core values. Once we understand our core values, it really helps to bring these values to life in our day-today behaviour. In this way we can powerfully combine the resources of our mind, heart and body. This is what my31Practices does. It helps translate the higher-level values into practical actions and behaviours – creating a virtuous circle around what we believe, how we behave and how we feel. Just as for the organization version of 31Practices, the idea is for you to focus on just one Practice each day so it is easy to do. Over time we learn through practising and repetition, and our behaviour becomes consistent and habitual. Of course, this is easier said than done! We all know how we can start new things full of enthusiasm with good intentions, whether this is a New Year’s resolution or a fitness programme or a diet. But then, for some reason, our intentions seem less important and other things take over. This is because we are too “busy”, both at work and in our social lives. Our lives become full of “doing” with little time or thought for “being”. We are swept along on a current of “busyness” rather than making choices based on what is meaningful to us.
“You can’t hire someone to practice for you.”
h. Jackson Brown, Jr.6
Mindful of the above and the central role that technology plays in our lives, we thought that a technology platform that could be used on mobiles, tablets, laptops and PCs would be invaluable and this is how it works:
The first thing to do is identify your five core values. You might want to refer to Chapter 2, Values and apply this technique to your personal values. There are a number of ways to do this depending on your preference; you can simply select five from a list of values, complete an online questionnaire or even have a conversation with a personal coach. You then simply enter the values into the values field.
Second, for each value, you work out six practical behaviours that would show you were living the value. The fun, creative bit is using your own experience and ideas to do this. For example if you value “honesty”, what to you represents the very best example of “honesty”? A judge? Mother Theresa? Your best friend? Your mother? When you have chosen the example(s), think of all the behaviours they display that makes you think of them as “honest” in your mind’s eye: these might be that they look you in the eye when talking, give you bad news as well as good, always listen to all points of view before making a decision. When you have a good long list, think which six of those you want to adopt to “live” the value of honesty and enter them into your 31Practices list. There is a particular style to follow when writing the Practices: Use “I” to start, then write the behaviour you are going to adopt in the present tense. Finally, highlight one or two key words in bold; for example, “I look out for strangers who may be in need and offer to help”. You can update your list at any time so you can refine the wording as you go.
You don’t have to have all 31 Practices before you start. You can have just one practical behaviour for each of your five values and then you’re off – adding more as you go along. To keep it easy, every day, you will be reminded of your Practice for that day. You can even set the time to receive your reminder – so it really works for you. And if you are less into technology, you can design and print your own my31Practices carry card or crib sheet to refer to.
You can also reinforce each Practice by adding other things to inspire you – a photograph, a video clip or a quote/piece of prose. For example, if your value is “Caring” and your Practice is “I look out for strangers who may be in need and offer to help” you could attach a photograph of a stranger you met on holiday, a video of the song “Strangers in the night”, or the quote “Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet”.
Have you heard the phrase: what gets measured gets done? This is another built-in feature of my31Practices. At the end of each day (again, you can set the time if you want to), you will be asked to rate how you did on a scale of 1 to 6. Nobody is going to check so it is completely down to you. If you want to, you can set some performance levels with rewards and at the end of each month you can see what reward you’ve earned.
You can also capture your experiences by recording “what” you did and how this made you feel, and the impact your behaviour had. For example, “I was walking through the station when I noticed an old lady struggling to open her purse and then spill coins all over the floor. I helped her pick them up, she thanked me for my help and we had a chat about her being on a pension. Her name was Enid. As I walked away, I noticed that I felt uplifted.” Over time, you will collect all the things you have done under each of your Practices, so you can just scroll through what you have done to bring your values to life – you may be pleasantly surprised at just how much you have done. You can sort by Practice number or value. You can also share your Practice and what you have done to “live” your Practice with friends through Twitter, Facebook and email.
It’s fun, you develop much greater awareness of what’s important to you and how to “live it”, it’s quick and easy to do each day and everything is there at your fingertips through your mobile phone.
And that is it, my31Practices: release the secret of your personal values every day.
The web application is being beta tested and launched in 2013 at www.My31Practices.com
One exercise to help you identify your values
This exercise has been adapted from one shared by Laura Whitworth and her colleagues.7
Get a large blank sheet of paper, write in pencil – keep an eraser to hand.
Group similar ideas/words together and don’t worry if no one else would put those words together – this is entirely yours.
Peak Moment: think about peak moments: times when you have been really energized and motivated, you felt you had endless resources to apply to whatever it was you were engaged in – who was present, what was going on, what values were being “honoured” at that time.
Low Moments: think about those moments when you were angry, upset, frustrated. Perhaps frustrated about how someone else was treated. We might not recognize our values until something or someone gets in the way.
Must Haves: what is that you “must have” in your life in order to be fulfilled? e.g. creative self-expression? Excitement?
Critical Decision Moments: at times when you’ve had to make a decision that you found particularly difficult to make, what was it finally that persuaded you in one direction?
As you become aware of each instance, what was it that led to the “peak moment”, to the “frustration”, to the “must have” to the final decision? What does this say to you about what you value?
Aim for a list of between five and ten values. Don’t worry that they are not perhaps perfect, or that you are not 100% sure that they are the values that are important to you (yet); this is not a “one time only opportunity to state who you are”. We believe that while our core values are pretty stable, it can take some time to become really aware of what’s critical to us.
Can you prioritize this list of values? What are the top five?
“I made my own assessment of my life and began to live it. That was freedom.”
Fernando Flores8