IN THIS CHAPTER

Getting ready to go to school

Meeting people in your new city

Keeping up with the kids

Sometimes people are dismissive of Facebook, saying, “I keep up with my friends by calling them and visiting them. I don’t need a website to do that for me.” And you don’t need a website to do that for you. At the same time, though, Facebook can supplement your existing relationships in very real ways. Here are some ways that maintaining a friendship on Facebook can have big impacts in the real world.

Keeping in Touch with Far-Away Friends

I once spent a summer leading a troop of sixth graders into the wild. After two weeks of backpacking, kayaking, climbing, and bonding, the kids were given a big list of email addresses and phone numbers, said their goodbyes, and were packed off to their respective homes. I, about to head out west to work at Facebook, lamented the fact that the kids were too young to be on Facebook because they almost assuredly would lose that sheet of paper. I quickly friended my co-counselors (who were all old enough to be on Facebook) and kept up with them through photo albums, messages, and posts. As an added bonus, years later, when one of my co-counselors needed a reference, he knew exactly where to find me.

Facebook is not just useful for keeping in touch with summer friends; it can be a really nice way to deepen ties to the people you meet at conferences, retreats, vacations, and so on. I’ve never met any of my editors for this book in person, yet because of our Facebook friendships I’ve watched their kids grow up and know about the other projects they are working on.

Preparing to Head Off to School

Everyone has a story about leaving for college. Whether they’re dropping off a child or an older sister or heading off themselves, people remember some form of anxiety, nervousness, or blinding fear of the unknown. Who were these people in the hallway or sharing the bathroom? Who was this so-called roommate?

In fact, there are special groups on Facebook for colleges and universities that only students and faculty can join. As soon as incoming freshmen receive their .edu email addresses, they can join this group and start connecting with other students. As they get to know the people in the group, they may find that by the time they arrive on campus, they already know some people. Instead of wandering into the great unknown, college students go off to school having been introduced to their future roommates, classmates, and friends.

Going on Not-So-Blind Dates

Ever been a matchmaker? Ever had a particularly difficult “client” — a friend who has a million requirements for “the one”? Ever been embarrassed because you didn’t realize just how picky your friend was until after the date? Enter Facebook. Now, “He’s smart, funny, has a great job, lots of cool hobbies, a nice family, and nice friends” can be condensed into a Facebook message with a shared Timeline. From there, both parties can decide based on the Timelines — looks, interests, or the combination of all the information — whether they want to go on a date. In fact, many dating apps work by importing (with your permission) information from your Facebook profile to try to find you matches.

While showing a friend someone else’s Timeline can be the right way to prevent a complete disaster, don’t let your friend get too picky with the information there (“I could never date someone who didn’t listen to Bowie!”). Encourage her to take a glance at a few photos, point out some of the things the two have in common, and then point them to a coffee shop or bar where they can meet in person.

Meeting People in Your New City or Town

Heading off to college isn’t the only time in people’s lives that they find themselves someplace new without a lot of friends. But active Facebook users often find that there are many ways Facebook can help alleviate the confusion. Whether it’s searching for old friends who may have wound up in your new home, or getting some introductions from mutual friends, Facebook makes moving less of an ordeal — a neighborhood is waiting for you when you arrive. When I arrived in Seattle from California, I quickly learned that many friends from college and people I used to work with had settled here, as well. It was wonderful to feel like I wasn’t surrounded by strangers but by friends.

Reconnecting with Old Friends

Long-lost friends. The one who got away. I wonder whatever happened to her. Have you heard about him? These are just some of the ways people talk about the people they somehow lost track of along the way. Whatever the reason for the loss, this sort of regret can be undone on Facebook. Finding people is easy, and getting in touch is, too.

Many recent graduates exclaim that going to a reunion is unnecessary — you already know what everyone is doing five years later; you found out from Facebook. But even for the not-so-young alums, the Find Classmates and Find Coworkers features provide a direct line to search anyone who’s on Facebook that you remember from way back (or not so way back) when.

Facebook gets emails every so often about people who find birth parents or biological siblings on Facebook. However, the majority of the time, people are looking for and finding their old classmates and reminiscing about the good old days. Better yet, they are re-igniting a spark in a friendship that can last far into the future.

Keeping Up with the ’Rents … or the Kids

Face it: Keeping your parents in touch with everything that’s going on is difficult. However often you speak, it sometimes feels as though you’re forgetting something. And visits often feel rushed, as though you don’t have enough time to truly catch up.

I’ve found that Facebook Photos is one of the best ways to easily and quickly share my life with my parents. Because I can upload photos so quickly — both from my mobile phone and from my computer — they can feel as though they were present at the <insert activity here>. Whether that’s the walk I took around the lake, the concert I attended, or the really tasty pie I made, it’s as though I called to tell them about it right after it happened. And of course this can happen in the other direction as well: I can see when my parents post photos of their own adventures in the world.

For new parents, Facebook is invaluable for connecting kids with their grandparents. There are few things grandparents like more than photos of their grandkids being brilliant, and you can have those in spades on Facebook. The more generations you have on Facebook, the more fun it can be for all.

Facebook Networking

If you’ve ever found yourself job hunting, you probably are acquainted with the real-world version of networking. You ask friends for their friends’ numbers and job titles; you take people out to coffee; you go on interviews; you decide whether the company is right for you; you repeat the whole process.

Although finding the right job hasn’t gotten any easier with Facebook, a lot of the intermediate steps have. Asking your friends for their friends’ info is as easy as posting a status. You can also search for people who work at companies that interest you, and see if you have any mutual friends who can introduce you. After you receive some names, send them a Facebook message (or an email, whichever is more appropriate) to set up the requisite “informational coffee date.”

After interviewing, a great way to get information about a company is to talk to people who work there. Use Find Coworkers to search for friends who’ve listed that company in their Timelines.

The only caveat to this approach is that you’re now using Facebook to represent a professional portion of your life. If you contact people via Facebook and they feel a little uncomfortable with the content in your Timeline, whether that’s your profile picture, a recent status that can be easily misinterpreted, or a post from a friend that reveals just a little too much information, it could make a bad first impression — just as if you’d shown up to the interview in torn jeans and the shirt you slept in. As a well-educated user of Facebook (because you have read all previous 15 chapters without just skipping directly to this one, right?), you’re well aware of the myriad privacy settings that enable you to tailor what different parties see and don’t see. However, if anything on your Timeline might be particularly misunderstood, simply hide it until you sign your offer letter.

Facebook for Good

Facebook has always been impressive at gaining support for important causes. Whether it’s a monk-led protest in Myanmar, raising money for Puerto Rico after a hurricane, creating a massive rally in Colombia denouncing a terrorist organization, or raising Autism Awareness in the United States, Facebook lets ideas spread from friend to friend to friend. Sometimes groups are the tools used, sometimes it’s encouraging people to change their profile pictures to a specific image in support of their cause. There’s no perfect formula for creating a Facebook revolution, but don’t hesitate to share your beliefs on your Timeline or express support for causes around the world.

As I edit this chapter, it is Giving Tuesday — the Tuesday after Thanksgiving when people are encouraged to donate to charity. This year, Facebook announced that it has partnered with the Gates Foundation to match up to two million dollars in donations to nonprofits through Facebook fundraisers. People all over the country have created fundraisers to take Facebook up on this offer and make the holiday season a little bit brighter for all sorts of different organizations.

Going to the Chapel

A small bit of Facebook trivia: There has, in many circles, arisen the idea of Facebook Official (FBO) — the act of moving from single to in a relationship and listing the person that you’re in a relationship with on your Timeline. For any fledgling couple, this is a big deal for their personal lives; however, becoming Facebook Official also serves notice to friends and anyone who happens upon one’s Timeline: I’m taken.

Because of this relationship function, Facebook has become the fastest way to spread a wedding announcement to extended friend groups. Of course, people still call their parents and their closest friends, but everyone can find out and share in the happiness via News Feed. Congratulatory Timeline posts ensue, as do copious numbers of photos with the ring tagged front and center.

After the wedding has taken place, Facebook becomes a wonderland of virtual congratulations as well as photos of the big day. And in case anyone missed it, he can share in the after-party online.

Hey, Facebook Me!

Before Facebook, in both romantic and platonic contexts, it was hard to get from “Nice to meet you” to “Will you be my friend?” Now, the simple phrase, “Facebook me!” expresses this sentiment and so much more. “Facebook me!” can mean get in touch, look me up, or I want you to know more about me but in a pressure-free way. It doesn’t mean take me to dinner, or let’s be best friends forever and ever. It’s simply a way to acknowledge a budding friendship.

“Facebook me!” can also be how good friends say, “Keep up with my life; I want you to know about it,” which acknowledges that people are busy and that it’s difficult to find time to see each other or talk on the phone. However, even when you're incredibly busy, a quick check on Facebook can make you feel connected again.