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Conditions for Inclusive Conversations
Inclusive conversations require the right conditions. You have to know something about human diversity dimensions and the historical, sociological, and psychological factors that have dictated how we engage with each other. It is imperative to acknowledge and understand the systemic barriers to inclusion, equity, and belonging.
Too many of us minimize the challenges in engaging in inclusive conversations. We think that all that is required is positive intent and a genuine desire for equity. It takes much more than good intentions, however. A number of conditions are required for inclusive conversations. These eight important conditions are (1) commitment; (2) cultural competence; (3) brave and psychologically safe spaces; (4) understanding equity and power; (5) the ability to address fear and fragility; (6) grace and forgiveness; (7) trust and empathy; and (8) belonging and inclusion. This chapter briefly summarizes these conditions.
Condition 1: Commitment
I have been a diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) practitioner for more than 35 years, and I contend that we have not fundamentally changed the structures and systems that either maintain or worsen the conditions for historically subordinated groups. I often tell my audiences that I could have been standing before them in 1985 with the same message, discussing the same issues of inequitable systems that disadvantage certain groups.1 Not nearly enough has changed in thirty-five years. It will take commitment and collective responsibility to change the trajectory.
The dictionary defines “commitment” as a state of being dedicated to a cause or activity. Many of us dedicate ourselves to causes that relate to things we are interested in such as climate change or a hobby such as golf. Think about something that you are dedicated to and the time and effort that you put into it to achieve your goal in that activity. If you are really dedicated, I dare say that it is quite a bit of time and effort. What is your real level of commitment to DEI? Are you involved because it is a part of your job? Does your interest stem from being personally impacted by DEI-related issues? For example, were you denied an opportunity because of your race, gender, gender identity, disability, or other dimension of difference? Are you dedicated because someone close to you experienced an inequity? Are you committed because you understand that it will take many voices and collective responsibility for change to happen on a large scale?
“Collective responsibility,” which has also been referred to as “collective guilt,” is the social justice concept that individuals are responsible for other people’s actions by tolerating, ignoring, or harboring them, without actively collaborating in these actions.2 In other words, even if you did not or do not personally participate in perpetuating injustices, we are all responsible for stopping them. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said it this way: “I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the inter-related structure of reality.”3
Collective action means that we are not complicit by being silent. If we say nothing or do nothing when we are aware of and or witness obvious injustices, we are complicit and are guilty of condoning the injustice. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. also said: “The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people.”4 More recently, in the Netflix documentary Hello, Privilege. It’s Me, Chelsea, the comedian Chelsea Handler speaks about how white privilege shows up in American culture. She sums up commitment this way: “It’s about advocating in all spaces even times when it makes you uncomfortable—a lifelong, daily, 100% being committed to showing up for racial justice for the rest of your life.”5
Inclusive conversations are for naught if the parties are not committed to taking action for change. Inclusive conversations to foster cross-cultural understanding are a start but need to be followed with ongoing, consistent action to ameliorate inequities.
Condition 2: Cultural Competence
As I stressed in my book We Can’t Talk about That at Work, specific skills and abilities are required for inclusive conversations. “Cultural competence” can be defined as a continuous learning process to gain knowledge, skills, and understanding to discern cultural difference in one’s own and other cultures and to use in problem solving, decision-making, and conflict resolution. Key skills to engage in inclusive conversations include gaining more cultural understanding of oneself and others, learning to listen to one’s own assumptions and stereotypes, intentionally working to mitigate unconscious and conscious bias, choosing curiosity over judgment, and pausing and reflecting often. Chapter 3 explores self-understanding and specific skills to enhance the capability to effectively engage in inclusive conversations.
Condition 3: Brave and Psychologically Safe Spaces
Inclusive conversations push the boundaries of comfortable, safe spaces to brave spaces. Brave spaces create an environment that makes previously uncomfortable conversations safe to explore. The goal is first to create brave spaces to create psychological safety. Brave and psychological safe spaces are created in a culture where differences are acknowledged, understood, leveraged, and valued. Chapter 4 explores these conditions.
Condition 4: Understanding Equity and Power
Equity is the most important condition for inclusive conversations. Equity is different from equality. Equality means treating everyone the same. Equity is the treatment of people according to what they need and deserve, with an underlying assumption that some groups have historically been denied what they need due to entrenched inequitable systems. Equity means everyone has access to the resources, opportunities, and power they need to reach their full potential. Systems of power often thwart efforts to create equity. Inclusive conversations consider power dynamics. Chapter 5 examines equity and power.
Condition 5: The Ability to Address Fear and Fragility
Many people are afraid of talking about diversity and inclusion topics for fear they might get it wrong and will not be forgiven. Acknowledging and understanding these fears is an all-important step in engaging in inclusive conversations. Fear and fragility are related. Fear can induce fragility and by the same token fragility can lead to fear. Chapter 6 provides advice on how to have inclusive conversations in the midst of fear and fragility.
Condition 6: Grace and Forgiveness
Unless we are willing to forgive at the individual, interpersonal, and systems level for wrongs that we have endured, inclusive conversations will get little traction. Spiritual leaders and behavioral scientists remind us that forgiveness is more for the victim than the perpetrator. Forgiveness does not mean that we forget the transgression. Grace is related to forgiveness. It is unearned consideration. Grace and forgiveness recognize that none of us is perfect and that we are all learning. Chapter 7 delves into this condition.
Condition 7: Trust and Empathy
Trust and empathy are necessary conditions for inclusive conversations. Building trust across different dimensions of diversity is complex. A history of inhumane treatment contributes to the lack of trust. Even though some of this treatment is no longer legal, multigenerational memory and damage impedes the ability to create trusting cross-cultural relationships. Empathy fosters trust, and trust engenders empathy. Chapter 8 explores trust and empathy.
Condition 8: Belonging and Inclusion
Belonging and inclusion go hand in hand. Inclusion is the intersection of a sense of belonging and where a person feels appreciated for their uniqueness. Chapter 9 explores these conditions for inclusion conversations.
Inclusive Conversations Are Not Easy
We must create conditions that allow us to have deep, meaningful conversations across difference. Even when all of the conditions are in place for inclusive conversations, they are not easy. Discussing race, ethnicity, gender, gender identity, and other dimensions of diversity make many of us very uncomfortable. It takes intentionality, commitment, and persistence.
SUMMARY
Inclusive conversations are not easy and require a number of conditions to make them successful.
Historical injustices make inclusive conversations especially difficult. We have to consider the psychological and sociological implications for engaging in inclusive conversations.
Accepting personal and collective responsibility for correcting societal injustices is a critical condition for inclusive conversations.
Discussion/Reflection Questions
1. Which conditions exist in your organization for inclusive conversations? Which conditions are not present? Why?
2. What is your reason for being personally committed to engage in inclusive conversations? What is the organizational reason? How does the commitment show up on a day-to-day basis?
3. To what extent are you/your organization knowledgeable of the historical, psychological, and sociological implications for engaging in inclusive conversations?
4. What do you/your organization do to enhance your knowledge of the historical, psychological, and sociological implications for engaging in inclusive conversations?