INDEX

• ABIDE (advancing belonging, inclusion, diversity, equity), 109, 148
• Accessibility, 148
• #Actsofinclusion, 151
• Affirmative action, 72, 148
• African American athletes, 106
• African American women, hairstyles of, 117, 137–138, 140, 143, 144
• African American workers, discrimination against, 50, 107
• African Americans, 91–93, 134. See also Whitesplaining
  • code-shifting and, 49
  • collectivism and, 28
  • and conversations shutting down when race is brought up, 104–105
  • demonstrating empathy for, 103–104
  • fear and anxiety, 70–71
  • fragility and, 78–80
  • “living while Black,” 70
  • microaggression against, 138, 143–144
  • and the N-word, 93, 94
  • power differences and interactions with whites in workplace, 60–62
  • and the racial binary, 125
  • racial identity, race consciousness, and, 37–38, 70–71, 124, 125, 128, 133
  • religion and, 119, 126
  • slavery, indentured servitude, and, 126–127
  • “teaching,” 144
  • violence against, 13, 73, 74, 90, 103, 127
• Agency, 60, 129
• “Aggressiveness” and gender, 50–51
• Aguilar, Leslie, 95
• Albrecht, Karl, 71, 72
• Allies, 15, 53
• Allyship, 92, 146
  • defined, 53
• Anxiety. See Fear(s)
• Apartheid, 63, 89, 90
• Autonomy, fear of loss of, 71

• Baby boomers, 110
• Barr, Rosanne, 84, 127
• Bell, W. Kamau, 130, 134
• Belonging, 6, 109
  • definitions, meanings, and nature of, 109, 110, 111t, 148
  • diversity-inclusion scenario and, 111t
  • drivers of, 110, 112f
  • fostering, 111t, 112–122, 112f
  • gender pronouns and, 150
  • inclusion and, 23, 112, 115, 117, 148
  • race and, 125
  • small comments that create a sense of, 138
  • uniqueness (value of) and, 115, 115f, 116, 117
• Black fragility. See also Fragility acknowledging, 79–80
• Black inferiority, theories of, 127
• Blacks. See African Americans; Apartheid
• Bold, Inclusive Conversations, 13, 14, 48f, 156
  • sessions and consultations on, 1, 2
• Brave spaces/brave zones, 14, 21, 41, 42, 47, 93, 143
  • conditions for, 48f
  • creating, 14, 21, 42–46, 48, 51–53, 63
  • from safety to bravery, 42–43
• Bravery, 42–43
  • defined, 45
• Brown, Brené, 101–102
• Business Resource Groups (BRG), 14

• “Calling people in” vs. “calling people out,” 87
• Cancel culture, 11, 87–88, 151
• Charlotte-Mecklenburg School (CMS) district and, 118
• Check-ins, starting team meetings with, 113
• Children. See also Educational settings
  • creating psychologically safe spaces for, 53–55
  • need for inclusive conversations with, 8–9
• Cisgender, 53
• Coates, Ta-Nehisi, 94
• Code-shifting, 49, 116, 117
• Collective action, 20
• Collective responsibility, 19, 28
  • defined, 19–20
• Collectivist cultures, 28
• “Color-blindness,” 36–38, 129, 131, 133
• Commitment, 19–20
  • defined, 19
  • nature of, 20
• Compassion and understanding, expressing feelings with, 106
• Conservative political ideologies, far-right-wing, 10–11
• Coronavirus pandemic of 2019–2020, 65
• Covering, 116
  • axes along which individuals can cover, 116–117
• Crenshaw, Kimberle, 31–32
• Cultural competence, 20–21
• Cultural misappropriation, 140
• Culture Amp Paradigm, 112–115

• DEAI. See Diversity, equity, accessibility, inclusion
• DEI. See Diversity, equity, inclusion
• Death, fear of, 71
• Decentering the dominant narrative, 67–68, 133
• Definitions, 147–148
• DeVaul, Michael, 110
• DiAngelo, Robin, 75, 78–79, 132
• DIB. See Diversity, inclusion, belonging
• Distancing language, 142, 147
  • defined, 142
• Distancing strategies/distancing techniques, 129–130, 147–148
• Diversity, 9, 22
  • connotations of the term, 148
  • equity and, 58
  • meanings and nature of, 58
  • race and, 127
• Diversity, equity, accessibility, inclusion (DEAI), 148
• Diversity, equity, inclusion (DEI), 1, 81, 82, 87, 151
  • belonging and, 109
  • future of, 11
  • power and, 57
  • resilience and, 80
  • self-care and, 82
  • unconscious bias and, 30
  • whiteness as an identity and, 130–131
  • The Winters Group and, 80, 149
• Diversity, equity, inclusion (DEI) consultation, x, 19
• Diversity, equity, inclusion (DEI) infractions, punishment and, 86, 87
• Diversity, equity, inclusion (DEI) lexicon, adding words to the, 109, 147–149
• Diversity, equity, inclusion (DEI) thinking, problems with, 151
• Diversity, inclusion, belonging (DIB), 109, 111, 148
• Diversity training sessions, 133
• Diversity-valuing behavior, 49–50
  • defined, 50
• Dominant groups, 51, 66, 70, 142
  • brave spaces, trauma, and, 46
  • characteristics and nature of, 32–33, 43, 63, 64t
  • fear and, 70–72
  • identity/self-image and, 32, 47, 49, 65
  • othering, 99
  • power dynamics and, 63, 65
  • privilege and, 47–48
  • safety, inclusive conversations, and, 43, 48, 49, 51
• Dress codes and belonging, 120

• Educational settings, K–12 fostering belonging in, 118–122
• Egocentrism vs. focus on self, 27
• Ego-death, fear of, 71, 72
• Emergenetics, 35–37
• Emergenetics Profile, 35, 36
• Emotional expression, 106
• Empathetic statements, examples and characteristics of, 103
• Empathic openness. See Multipartiality
• Empathy (E), 66, 113
  • defined, 100–101
  • demonstrating empathy about impact of sociopolitical climate, 103–104
  • nature of, 102
  • vs. sympathy, 101–103
  • trust and, 22–23, 100–101
• Engaging in Bold, Inclusive Conversations, 13, 14
• Equity. See also Diversity, equity, inclusion; Inequity
  • accessibility and, 148
  • defined, 57
  • vs. equality, 59f
  • meanings and nature of, 59
• Ethnocentrism, 11
• Evaluation stage (metacognitive thinking), 30

• Fear(s), 70–71
  • the ability to address, 22
  • actions to mitigate, 75–76
  • addressing fears in team settings, 76–77
  • defining, 70–71
  • five basic, 71
  • societal, 71–72
• Forgiveness, 84, 92–93
  • acknowledgment, accountability, and, 88–90, 93, 94, 96
  • defined, 86
  • everyone as deserving of, 85–86
  • grace and, 22, 86. See also Grace
  • importance, 86–88
  • and inclusive conversations, 18, 84–88, 91, 94, 95
  • motivation for, 88–89
  • nature of, 22, 86–87, 90
  • vs. pardoning, 88–90
  • remorse, repentance, and, 89, 93
  • value and benefits of, 86, 88
• Forgiving conversations, nature of, 90–92
• Foster, Kimberly, 88
• Fourfold Path of forgiving, 90
• Fragility, 79–82
  • the ability to address, 22
  • acknowledging, 79–80
  • African Americans and, 78–80
  • fear and, 22, 70, 77, 78
  • understanding, 77–79

• Gaslighting, 141, 144–145
  • defined, 141
• Gender-neutral/inclusive pronouns, 2, 150
• Goffman, Erving, 116
• Good White People (Sullivan), 129
• Grace, 92–94
  • acknowledgment, accountability, and, 88–90, 96
  • importance, 86–88
  • and inclusive conversations, 18, 84–88, 91, 95, 96
  • nature of, 22, 86
• Gratitude for trust, showing, 103
• Group identities, 32. See also under Dominant groups
• Group norms, developing, 51–52
• Guyger, Amber. See Jean, Botham

• Hairstyles, 140, 143
  • of African American women, 117, 137–138, 140, 143, 144
• Hall, Stuart, 29
• Handler, Chelsea, 20
• Harris, Brittany J., 78–79
• Hate crimes, 72, 89–90
• Hekman, David, 49–50
• Hogeveen, Jeremy, 66
• Honesty in conversations with children, 54

• “I” statements, 42, 95
• ICS. See Intercultural Conflict Style Inventory
• Identity-based trauma, 73–74
• Identity-based violence, trauma and perpetrators of, 74–75
• Identity groups, 31, 52
• Imposter syndrome, 33
• Inclusion Solution (The Winters Group blog and newsletter), 78, 130, 131, 135
• Inclusive conversations, ix, 23. See also specific topics
  • nature of, 5
  • why we need to have, 6–12
• Individualism
  • defined, 27
  • from focus on self, 27–28
• Individualistic cultures, 27–28
• Inequitable environments, attending to and correcting biases perpetuating, 52–53
• Inequity, 12, 51–53. See also Equity systems of, 5
• Intercultural Conflict Style Inventory (ICS), 36, 38
• Intercultural Development Continuum, 37–38, 117
• Intercultural Development Inventory, 35–36, 38
• Internalized oppression, 33, 144
• Intersectionality, 31–32
• Inzlicht, Michael, 66

• Jarrett, Valerie, 84, 127
• Jean, Botham, 13, 90
• Jews, violence against, 9
• Jones, Travis, 130, 131, 135

• King, Bernice, 85
• King, Martin Luther, Jr., 20, 85
• King, Steve, 85

• Language/terminology. See Words
• Latinx, 28, 99
• Legette, Kamilah, 121–122
• LGBTQ community, 1–3, 10, 63–64
• LGBTQ employees, 1, 41, 50
• Liberation, 58
• Listening, 52, 62, 91
  • inclusive, 106
  • one’s willingness to listen, 106

• MacNair, Rachel, 74–75
• Mandela, Nelson, 89
• Mansbach, Adam, 134
• Mansplaining, 145–146
  • definition and nature of, 141–142
• Marginalized groups, 33, 43–45, 74, 75
  • internalized oppression and, 33
  • questions to ask themselves, 34
  • safety and, 43
• McIntosh, Peggy, 129
• Mentorship, the key to great, 114–115
• Mentorship programs, 114
• Mentorship relationships, 114
• Metacognition
  • defined, 29
  • learning to practice, 29–30
• Metacognitive thinking, stages in, 29–30
• Methodist Church, 10
• Meyer-Shipp, Michele, 15
• Microaffirmations, 138
• Microaggressions, 138–142
  • addressing, 142–143
  • defined, 138
  • origin of the term, 138
• Microassaults, 139, 142, 143
  • examples, 139–140
• Microinequities, 138. See also Microaggressions
• Microinsults, 139–141, 143–144
• Microinvalidations, 139, 141–142, 144–145
• Millennials, 36, 37
• Minimization, 35–38, 117
• Minority groups. See also specific topics
  • dehumanization and discrimination causing distrust among, 99–100
• Mistakes, owning one’s, 107
• Modeling behavior, 77
• Monitoring stage (metacognitive thinking), 29–30
• Multipartiality, 67
• Muslims, violence against, 9
• Mutilation, fear of, 71
• Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), 35

• Nationalism, 10, 11, 71, 72, 85
• Native Americans, 28, 99, 147
• Nicolosi, Jessica, 26
• Nonbinary (gender), defined, 150
• N-word, 93–95

• Obama, Barack, 151
• Obhi, Sukhvinder, 66
• Oops, ouch, and educate conversation model, 95–96, 134
• Oops conversation starter, 96
• Opinions, curiosity and acceptance of contrary, 152
• Oppression, 43
• Oppression Olympics, 91
• Othering, 99–100, 131
• Ouch! That Stereotype Hurts (Aguilar), 95
• Ouch conversation, 95

• Peer-created resources, leveraging, 55
• Perpetration-induced traumatic stress (PITS), 74–75
• Personality tests and typologies, 35–36
• Pierce, Chester M., 138
• Planning stage (metacognitive thinking), 29
• Polarization, ix, 6, 10, 11, 151
• Polarizing perspectives, acknowledging, 55
• Pole, Nnamdi, 73
• Police violence against Blacks, 13, 73, 90, 103
• Political correctness, 2, 43, 150
• Politics, need for inclusive conversations with, 10–11
• Populism, 71
• Populist parties and regimes, 10–11, 72
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 73, 74
• Power, 60–63
  • complexities of, 63–68
  • exercise for understanding, 64
  • nature of, 57
  • systemic, 32, 63
  • understanding equity and, 20–21
• Power dynamics of dominant and subordinated groups, 63, 65
• Preferences and styles, understanding your, 35–36
• Pre-traumatic stress syndrome, 73–74
• Privilege, 47, 124–125
  • defined, 57
• Problem solving, 102

• Race, 124–125. See also specific topics
  • history of race in U.S., 126–127
• Racial identity, 128. See also under African Americans
• Racism, 127, 132. See also Whitesplaining
  • history of racism in U.S., 126–127
  • liberals and, 129
  • “racist” vs. “racism,” 132
  • strategies whites use to establish their lack of, 129
  • theories of “scientific,” 127
• Racist remarks, 84–85, 127. See also N-word
• Reciprocal empathy, 101
• Religion, 9
  • African Americans and, 119, 126
  • need for inclusive conversations with, 9–10
• Resilience, 80–82
  • defined, 80
• Right-wing conservative political ideologies, 10–11
• Roof, Dylann, 127
• Roosevelt, Franklin Delano, 116
• Rowe, Mary, 138
• Ryan, Tim, 13

• Safe spaces, psychologically, 21
  • for children, 53–55
  • creating, 53–55
• Safety, psychological, 43–44, 49–52
  • meanings of the term, 43
• Sawyer, Broderick, 54
• Schools. See Children; Educational settings
• Self
  • threats to the integrity of the, 71
  • whole, 31
• Self-awareness, 135, 152, 156
• Self-awareness tools and exercises, 35, 124
• Self-esteem, 31, 144
• Self-talk, 26–27, 34, 38
  • helps us manage our unconscious biases, 30–31
• Self-understanding, 35
  • talking to yourself fosters, 26–27. See also Self-talk
• Separation, fear of, 71, 72
• Sexual harassment, 7, 8, 141
• Shared meaning, creating, 51–52
• Shore, L. M., 115
• Slack, 113
• Social group identity, 31
• Social identity groups, 31, 52
• Social media, 151
  • guidelines for inclusive conversations on, 152–153
  • need for inclusive conversations with, 11–12
  • words matter on, 150–151
• Society, need for inclusive conversations about various aspects of, 11–12
• Sodexo, 14
• South Africa, 63, 89, 90
• Speaking from the heart, 105–106
• Stigmatized identities, 116
• Styles and preferences, understanding your, 35–36
• Subordinated groups, 19, 63–64, 67, 70, 107, 116
  • becoming an ally for, 53
  • vs. dominant groups, 32–33, 43, 46–49, 51, 63, 64t 66
  • inclusive conversations and, 66
  • nature of, 63
  • othering and, 99
  • power dynamics and, 63
  • responding to feedback, 52
  • safety and, 43
  • trauma and, 73
• Sullivan, Shannon, 129–130
• Sympathetic comments, 102
• Sympathy, 102
  • vs. empathy, 101–103
• Systemic power, 32, 63
• Systems of inequity, 5

• Team dynamics, assessing, 77
• “They” (gender-neutral pronoun), use of, 150
• Tone policing, 142, 146–147
• Trauma
  • defined, 73
  • identity-based, 73–74
  • and perpetrators of identity-based violence, 74–75
• Triggers, 26
  • awareness of one’s, 152
• Trump, Donald, 72, 134
• Trust, 98, 99
  • historical dehumanization and discrimination diminishes, 99–100
  • showing gratitude for, 103
• Trust and empathy, 22–23
  • importance of empathy in building trust, 100–101
• Trust building, 14, 22–23, 98–100, 114
  • importance of empathy in, 100–103
  • on a team, 104–107
• Trusting relationships, Culture Amp Paradigm report and, 114
• Truth and Reconciliation Commission (South Africa), 89
• Tutu, Desmond, 89–91
• Tutu, Mpho, 89–91
• Twitter, 151

• United Methodist Church, 10

• Valbrun, Valda, 119–121
• Violence, 9
  • against African Americans, 13, 73, 74, 90, 103, 127
  • identity-based, 74–75
• Volf, Miroslav, 88–89, 91, 93

• We Can’t Talk about That at Work!: How to Talk about Race, Religion, Politics, and Other Polarizing Topics (Winters), x, 1, 13–14, 20, 46, 92, 101
• What Lies Ahead, 11
• White culture, 130
• White fragility, 75, 78, 79, 132
• White supremacists, 74, 85, 89–90, 127, 130, 132
• Whiteness, 124, 125
  • acknowledging, 133–135
  • and calling out white people, 134
  • celebrating, 130–132
  • inclusive conversations and, 133–135
• Whiteness theory, 128–129
  • understanding, 128–130
• Whites. See also specific topics
  • “I don’t See race,” 37–38. See also “Color-blindness”
  • strategies to establish their lack of racism, 129
  • use of the N-word, 93–95
• Whitesplaining, 145
  • asking vs. telling Black people, 135
  • definition and nature of, 132, 142
  • racism and, 132, 142
  • refraining from, 43, 135
• Winters Group, The, 3, 10, 14, 59f, 80, 88, 111f, 115f, 149, 151
  • #actsofinclusion, 151
  • Charlotte-Mecklenburg School (CMS) district and, 118
  • Conditions for a Brave Zone, 48, 48f
  • dialogue series codesigned by, 14
  • diversity, equity, inclusion (DEI) and, 80, 149
  • exercise for thinking about intersecting identities, 32, 32f
  • exercise for understanding power, 64
  • 4E model, 101, 113
  • The Inclusion Solution (blog and newsletter), 78, 130, 131, 135
  • leaders, 78
  • remote working environment, 114
  • strategists, 119, 130
  • Train the Trainer session, 13, 14
  • training sessions, 128
  • virtual learning lab, 11
• Woke, 133
• Women labeled “aggressive,” 50–51
• Women’s input, ignoring, 115–116, 146
• Words. See also Diversity, equity, inclusion (DEI) lexicon; Racist remarks
  • importance of, 77, 137, 150–151
  • thinking of the power of your, 152
• Workplace. See also specific topics
  • inclusive conversations yield positive results in, 12–15
  • need for inclusive conversations with, 6–8

• Yoshino, Kenji, 116–117