Introduction

Have you ever thought about the connection between knowing who you are and achieving success? Have you ever felt unsure of where you fit in the world? Or maybe you were never sure to begin with.

You might think you have a pretty good handle on who you are, your identity. But here’s the thing: Most people really don’t. And even if you do, your identity can change, evolve, and transform. It’s up to you to fully grasp your identity and use it to your advantage to succeed.

If you ask a lot of people who they are, you’ll get a host of answers: “I’m a student.” “I’m a future CEO in the making.” “I’m a single mom.” “I’m a Chicago Bulls fan.” Others might say, “I like the Yankees.” “I’m a Pisces.” “I’m a caring, giving person.” Some might even admit, “I’m a taker.” Whatever the snapshot, it’s not a fully developed picture for most people, so you and I are going to take a journey to find out more about identity, and why knowing yours better can be a huge asset.

Although the pages that follow include stories about other people’s journeys to success and offer different points of view on how to go about it, this book is really all about you.

As you read, I ask that you think about how what you read applies to you and the life you are creating. Consider how you can put what you read to work for you. Putting the principles you learn into practice will help you build a wonderful life for yourself. As you get further along in this book, you will deeply examine what being successful means, especially for you. For the moment, think of success as the end result of becoming clear about your identity, discovering what you love to do, and learning how to do it really well so you create value in the world.

The core idea of the book is this: Your happiness and success in life flow from becoming clear about who you are and establishing your authentic identity—first inside yourself and then externally in the world.

There is a distinction between the reality of knowing yourself and that of having created a fully functional identity. Knowing yourself is the foundation for building identity. Knowing yourself—being comfortable in your own skin—is an inner process that’s not readily observable by others. Interestingly, however, other people often experience the process because they feel more at ease in the company of a person who is comfortable in his or her own skin. As you become comfortable with who you are, other people will be drawn to you and bring you great opportunity.

You can also think of identity as your personal brand. When painters sign paintings, they are establishing their personal brand; it’s their way of saying that what they’ve done matters. The same goes for authors. My name is on this book. It’s there not as a boast—lots of people have written books—but as a sign that part of my identity includes the willingness to reach out and help others. That’s something about which I can feel a healthy pride.

In this sense, being clear about your identity is a significant next step beyond knowing who you are and being comfortable in your own skin. Building your identity is about knowing what your calling is, learning how to do it well, and creating value in the world. I’ve learned that, for the most part, extraordinary people are simply ordinary people doing extraordinary things that matter to them. They relentlessly align all the elements of their life to support their pursuit of what has deep meaning to them. The message here is that you have the ability within you to live an extraordinary life. You have the choice to embrace a personally meaningful journey, integrating your personal and professional life in ways that make a lasting difference to you and the people around you.

I started to make real progress in my own life when I realized that the American free enterprise system was relevant to every single person. I was five years into my own change process when I realized, “Wow, this is the greatest gift somebody can get as a human being—it doesn’t get any better.” I said, “Oh, my goodness, that’s the freedom.” I realized that, everywhere in the world, there are 24 hours in the day, and the process for becoming successful is the same for everybody. It doesn’t make any difference what your race is, what your family circumstances are, where you came from, what you look like, what your religion is, what your gender is—the process works the same way. And then I started to buy into the process. I said, “There is a process I can learn and use to build my identity and become successful!” And you can learn it, too. Use your 24 hours wisely. I’ll show you how.

In my years of supporting people in their quest for success and freedom, I’ve also learned that relying on information can be a trap. In a totally connected world, there’s no shortage of information. Anyone with an Internet-enabled device has universal access to information overload. But do you feel any clearer about your identity as a result? Most of the people I ask answer, “Not so much.” When you’ve established your identity, you’ll be able to sift through information to select the golden nuggets that support you in the pursuit of your dream.

If you don’t have an identity, you don’t have a choice. You’re like a jukebox in the corner. Somebody strolls over, drops in a few quarters, presses a button, and you play their tune. You have no choice. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I offer you a gift: the freedom of choice.

Personal growth requires inspirational experiences that move your heart. Way, way back before the Internet began—before there were books, even—the kind of experiences I am talking about began at the feet of the storyteller. With this in mind as I prepared to write this book, I talked to people and collected true stories about them and their journeys to know themselves, to sort out their values, define their identity, and express their voice in the world. Some of them struggled—sometimes a lot.

A number of folks I talked with asked that I not use their names or the names of the people they mentioned, out of respect for other people’s privacy. My publisher, Tim Moore, suggested that we engage a writer he knew to turn these particular conversations into short stories, and that is what we have done.

In the following chapters, you will meet a man named Rob and a collection of his friends who all live in a Midwestern town we called Blakenfield. The stories are true. Only the names and location have been changed to protect people’s privacy.