2. CLARIFYING INTENT
The alignment of our intention with the purpose of our engagement
WHAT IS INTENTION?
Our intention is the result that we desire for our actions, words, and/or presence to have in the world. Sometimes we are aware of these desires, and sometimes we are not. Clarifying Intent is essential for a gathering because our intentions have substance that will be acted upon.
In the last chapter, we examined At the Heart of the Matter, reflecting on who we are and how we will be in relationship with other people. Now we engage in Clarifying Intent for the gathering at hand. For the best outcome of our gathering to be possible, our intentions must also be in alignment with At the Heart of the Matter.
Often, our intentions for a gathering, if not examined, can be confused, conflicting, and sometimes even unknown. We engage in the practice of Clarifying Intent so that we can better identify any or all of our intentions and deliberately choose intentions that are in alignment with who we are and how we will be in relationship with others. Once we have done this, undesirable intentions or motives lose power, and our desired, embraced, and invoked intention begins its work of attracting internal and external allies and energy.
CHALLENGE
Doubt
The primary barrier we struggle with in this Aspect is doubt. Doubt is a subtle form of fear and can derail our attempt to clarify our intent. Doubt may show up as the cynical belief that as long as we put on a pleasant face and plow through our gathering, true intentions don’t matter. Or it may show up as the belief that underlying motives make no difference as long as we keep them invisible to ourselves and/or others.
Much of our communication is nonverbal. As when a musical note is not quite in tune, if purpose is not aligned with our intent and action, people may not be able to put their finger on the discord, yet that still small voice inside each of us perceives this imbalance when it occurs. This dissonance has been the killer of countless meeting agendas in the early stages of development.
Once we engage in a practice of examining our intentions and fearlessly identifying them, we have a conscious choice to move forward or not. The power of any undesirable intentions diminishes as they are seen, recognized, and deliberately set aside. The power of desirable intentions that are in alignment with who we are increases as we consciously embrace and communicate them. Our own fully embraced intention feeds our power to actualize it.
PRINCIPLE
Our intent has substance that is acted upon.
In order to appreciate the importance of this Aspect, we understand that our intentions—whether or not we communicate them—really do have substance, are perceived and grasped by others, and are acted upon.
When we call a meeting or extend an invitation to another individual for a gathering, various motives or intentions can be present outside our awareness. Yet often we operate on autopilot, taking for granted that our ostensible intentions, stated or unstated, are clear to ourselves and to others.
Some of the stories we hear from Art of Convening participants about Clarifying Intent involve confusion about conflicting intentions or with finding some underlying motives that the Convener does not consciously want to bring into the gathering. Some people have recognized failures in their gathering as the direct result of not Clarifying Intent.
One past Art of Convening participant told of a coworker’s seemingly mystifying angry reaction to her innocent attempt to offer helpful feedback in a conversation. Later, she admitted that she had unacknowledged “issues” with that person, and although she did not consciously intend harm, the offer of feedback had not been made with innocent goodwill. She reported that the exercise of Clarifying Intent would have allowed her to understand, identify, and set aside any of her ulterior motives in that conversation, and to move forward with a primary intention of authentic engagement and improved relationship.
The utility of Clarifying Intent lies in our ability to identify and clearly understand an intention for our gathering, an intention that is fully in alignment with At the Heart of the Matter and that we consciously embrace. When we clarify intent, we also invoke something in ourselves, in others, and in the universe that is ready to invest in our intention, making it more likely that our engagement will be successful.
ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS
What are my intentions?
Are they in line with who I am?
Who are we to be together?
These Essential Questions require us to remain in the “being” realm of convening. With these questions, we bring into play our relationship with others: who we are to be, and then how we are to be with one another. From these reflections flows the recognition of an intention that will have substance. With a clarified personal intent to be engaged, the design of the gathering and how it will be executed unfolds more easily. The Invitation, the third Aspect, is the logical next step in articulating our purpose and intent.
If our intention is muddy, confused, or ambiguous, it may eventually be revealed in a wishy-washy Invitation or as resistance to our stated vision.
WILDERNESS BONDING
For many years—as a boy and a young man—I was drawn to the wilderness. When my sons reached the age where they could hold their own on a camping trip into the Boundary Waters Canoe Area of northern Minnesota, we began what has become a father-and-son journey into ourselves through the beauty and solitude of the wilderness. The time away from our usual demanding lives in the city refreshed and renewed not only our bodies and minds, but even more important, our relationship. We became friends and confidants around the campfire, and that has brought a depth in trust and intimacy we may never have known.
In order to get to that place for myself, it was very helpful to have thought through the real purpose and intent of why I wanted this trip for my sons and myself. It might seem as if a father-son camping gathering needs no internal preparation. “They’re my children, I say we’re going, and we go.” Many outings are reasonably successful with just that. But I really wanted to have a bonding experience that was meaningful for all of us, and so I spent some time thinking about that.
This was before I formulated the Convening Wheel, but the inkling that there was something powerful in my intentions was still a factor in the way I did things.
When I thought deeply about what my intention was for taking my sons to the BWCA, surprisingly, many motives showed up. My main intention, which was in alignment with my heart, was to bond with my sons and strengthen our relationship. What surprised me were the other motives that I had not acknowledged: showing my sons my expertise in the wilderness, impressing them with my skill, showing them how to do the things that I could do, and seeing them appreciate the beauty of the land. These weren’t bad motives or intentions, but I really had to work at setting them aside so that the energy of our trip would focus on that one main, important motive: strengthening the relationship with my sons.
I had engaged in Clarifying Intent without knowing it.
Once I made it clear to myself what my main, aligned intention was, and acknowledged—but set aside—the other motives for this trip, it seemed as if things came together internally and externally to make this bonding possible.
I was able to let go of any preconceived notions of what the boys would be like on the journey. It didn’t matter that much whether or not they paddled the canoe a certain way or appreciated the land as much as I did. I could do this because I had clarified my intention and acknowledged these things as distractions from my main, aligned intent.
The result was better than I could have imagined, and my relationship with my sons was greatly improved.
—By Craig Neal
MAKING IT REAL
We’ve all experienced how distractions that seem important in the moment can cause our gatherings to flounder. If we clarify our intent, we have the opportunity to get crystal-clear about what really matters in our gathering. We can then navigate the waters of distraction by remembering our true intent. This does the work of resetting our compass and adjusting our course when the wind and current push us this way and that. If we don’t do this, we may find ourselves setting out for China and winding up in New Zealand.
We have found that to bring authentic engagement to our gatherings, it is helpful to intend to have authentic engagement. This one intention, or awareness, can sometimes hold a group together.
To clarify our intentions, we identify those motives or desires that might distract us or others from what is primary. In order to do this, we search inside ourselves. Clarification involves sifting out what isn’t wanted and needed. As Craig tells in his story about going to the wilderness with his sons, acknowledging and mentally setting aside motives that could distract from his main intention was an important exercise. It allowed that father-son gathering to unfold in a way that kept them headed toward bonding, which was his primary intent.
Staying in the self-reflective mode is challenging. It requires patience if we are to deepen our sense of conviction and commitment to our own inner authority, which will lead to clear intent. If we are to maximize the depth and effectiveness of our engagements, the patience to hold off the impulse to move into premature conclusions may enable us to bring the fully developed gift of our intention into a thoroughly considered invitation to engage.
Once examined, our deepest intent has power and force that, in its natural progression around the Wheel, will find its way into action.
The tendency for many is to move too quickly from the heart to the head and then to the outcome. The preparatory work of actualizing the intention we have for ourselves in relationship with others is necessary before we go further with commitment and confidence.
When we design our meeting or gathering, our intention takes on energy that operates outside of our direct control. This energy will sometimes bring in essential elements that we hadn’t realized were essential.
SHEDDING LIGHT BY INTENT
Recently I organized a breakout session on resource management within R&D at our company—a topic fraught with internal politics and competing needs. I believe that the intention of a meeting is the force that guides and shapes its unfolding. It originates from the Convener and needs to be communicated to and supported by attendees. If the intention is not clear or not sufficiently supported, then the meeting will likely drift and feel ineffective or unsatisfying.
In this meeting, my intent was to shed light on the dynamics involved in asking the group to explore the “voices of the system,” to identify the different categories of people involved in resource management decisions, and then to articulate what they thought was going on in their minds as they made these decisions. What were their interests and concerns? I had never led a session like this and was concerned that some might find it confusing.
I did not have to achieve a specific outcome. My intention was primarily to create an encouraging and supportive environment that would enable people to explore the voices of the system. I wanted it to be fun and energizing, and to offer an expanded view of the dynamics involved in these decisions. My intention as facilitator was to be confident, relaxed, attentive, and trusting.
I didn’t know, specifically, what would be needed to make this happen, but my intention was very clear to me, and I reminded myself of that primary intention throughout the meeting so that I would not be distracted from it. I remained confident and trusting, even when presented with a diverse range of interests, and even after making a dramatic change to the meeting format on the fly.
The session successfully achieved the primary intention of providing people with an expanded view of the system, and did so in a fun and energizing way. I know that taking the time to clarify my intention for this gathering made a difference in how it unfolded and what was achieved.
—By Eric Babinet4
WHERE WE ARE ON THE CONVENING WHEEL
1. At the Heart of the Matter—We have explored who we are and how we will be in relationship with others.
2. Clarifying Intent—We have identified an intention consistent with At the Heart of the Matter that has substance and is acted upon.
Now that we have clarified intent, we are ready, with confidence, to extend the Invitation.
Things to Remember
Challenge: Doubt. Do we have confidence in ourselves as we move forward?
Principle: Our intent has substance that is acted upon.
Essential Questions:
• What are my intentions?
• Are they in line with who I am?
• Who are we to be together?
Aspect-Strengthening Exercises
Checklist for the Gathering at Hand
• Are my intentions in alignment with my core values?
• Do I have confidence that this engagement is worthwhile and doable?
• Have I given enough attention to a design that actualizes my intention?
• Who is coming, and have I designed with them in mind?
EXERCISE: ON INTENT
The set-up: Find a quiet place to reflect and write with no distractions. Allow yourself at least 30 minutes for each writing session.
• Be fully awake to the present moment.
• Be a conduit and catalyst for your own truth and authenticity.
• Know that life is an unfolding journey in which you are ready and prepared to engage.
• Know that everyone is whole and perfect just as they are.
• Know that convening is the art of relationship.
Step 1. Ask yourself the (Alice and the Caterpillar) question: Who are you? And what are you doing right now?
Step 2. Write an intention for your next meeting or gathering that takes some or all of this knowing into consideration. Hint: remember Eric’s story and how he set an intention for the design and outcomes for the group and himself.
Journaling Questions
• When you think of the word intent from this chapter, what words, thoughts, feelings, come up for you? Are they in line with who you are?
• What are the practices you employ in your life to help clarify your intent?