6. HEARING ALL THE VOICES
When each person speaks, is heard, and is present and accounted for
EACH VOICE IS NEEDED AND WANTED
Our container has been created; now is the time to invite each person to say something. Hearing All the Voices is the time in our gathering when each person is asked to speak, is heard, and is perceived by everyone as “present and accounted for.” It is an imperative Aspect of the Convening Wheel that may make or break our ability to enter into authentic engagement and continue into Essential Conversation, the next Aspect on the Convening Wheel.
The art of listening as well as hearing is at play now. The often-delicate environment may be compromised by impatience or judgment. We address this by slowing down the conversation and by inviting all participants to truly suspend judgment of others.
Hearing All the Voices is when we begin to experience the emergence of a wholeness in the gathering. With the coalescence of intent within a safe container and hearing from each person, a more whole picture begins to emerge. As each person speaks and is heard, people become more present and accounted for to the group. This is the beginning of what we call “listening one another into being.”
Our mutual generosity, through speaking and listening, is needed to generate authentic engagement in the group. Generosity is most likely to occur when we are accepted and valued.
CHALLENGE
Impatience and judgment
The challenges we most often encounter in this Aspect of the Wheel are impatience and judgment. Frequently the desire to “get on with it” will threaten to derail this Aspect. We may want to skip this step altogether or skip some of the voices for a variety of reasons, including (but by no means exclusive to) the following:
• It would take too much time.
• People may not have anything important to say.
• We sense that some may not wish to speak or may feel nervous or threatened by the requirement to speak.
We face these challenges by slowing down. Paradoxically, we slow down the mind to overcome the inertia that feeds our impatience. When we slow down the inquiry to the group, the silence between the notes creates music. We allow there to be pauses between the speakers, creating the space for individual and collective genius to emerge and be heard.
If we find ourselves, in any way, judging the participants, or the participants are judging each other, there is no quicker way to shut down the energy of the group, rendering the container unsafe. Remembering the lessons learned from Clarifying Intent about noticing involuntary communications, it behooves us to be aware of, and suspend, our own judgments, modeling the behaviors that give permission for others to suspend their own. When we do so, we prevent the subtle transmission of those judgments, allowing full, fearless participation by all.
THE RETREAT
There had been a history of tension between the doctors and administrators at the annual four-day retreat for the leadership of a large health-care organization. The doctors often viewed administrators as uncaring “pencil pushers.” The administrators often viewed the doctors as “only in it for the money,” ignorant of what it took to operate as a viable business. This tension was not openly acknowledged but would often show up as resistance when it was time to make a decision or get something done.
Carol, a Convener, was a senior director in the organization. She persuaded the planning team to start the retreat that year with a large circle where everyone could “check in” (her culturally accepted term for Hearing All the Voices). Many of the participants were skeptical. Carol had earned enough respect for her competence and expertise in leading meetings that they were willing to go along with what she wanted, but most doubted that it would make a difference.
Carol had prepared for the retreat by doing her own internal work. She was confident in her purpose for being there at that time. She knew her intention to bring authenticity and cohesion to these leaders, and she had sincerely and warmly invited and welcomed each as the participants arrived that first day. She also thought deeply about a question that would tap the commonality of the group and require some thoughtful reflection.
When all were seated in a circle and it was time to check in, Carol asked that those present, one at a time, say their name, their title, and a couple of sentences about why they chose to be in the health-care field. She asked that they keep their remarks short, from the heart, and that they listen attentively to each other. The responses were all very passionate:
“I think of it as an honor to heal the sick.”
“I want to be part of preserving and improving human life.”
“Medicine is fascinating, but really I want to serve as a healer.”
“I wanted to choose a business that made a real difference in people’s lives.”
“I have a passion for caring for the ill.”
Those in the circle, both doctors and administrators, were all saying the same things. Judgment seemed to melt. An Arc of Recognition took place, from each to the others, that brought the group together as a whole (see chapter 7).
Later in the retreat, Carol reported that several “breakthroughs” had been made. Participants were able to say things to each other that they hadn’t before. Many of the participants later told her that the circle check-in had made the difference in enabling all of the factions to see each other as human beings, similar to themselves— and that was what enabled them to dig deeper, reveal themselves authentically, and accomplish more.1
PRINCIPLE
Each voice is needed to reveal the authentic wisdom in our engagement.
We often refer to this principle as letting go and letting come.2 We let go of our preconceptions of who the others are in the gathering, and we let come the truth, quality, and essence of each. We suspend judgment (certainty) so that we are open to the possibilities of others.
We must know, internally, that we, and all the others who are here, belong here. Each is needed and is here to contribute to the potential wisdom and creativity that we want in order to allow for the best possible outcome. There are no mistakes or outsiders in the universe, or in our gathering.
When we acknowledge that each voice is needed, we recognize that we are gathering the parts of something, just as a gardener gathers tools, seeds, and soil in the creation of a garden. As in a garden, where these necessary elements come together, it is so in our gatherings: every person contributes by coming together to create something new. We orchestrate the opportunity for each individual to participate, producing a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. When all of the voices are heard, everyone sees and is seen by one another. Authentic engagement has begun, and an organic whole begins to emerge.
This is where the phenomenon of listening one another into being takes place. When the groundwork is laid by speaking and hearing others speak, people energetically experience being an integral part of the group and have a stake in a successful outcome. The assumption of those gathered tends to shift to we’re all in this together.
ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS
Who are we, and what have we come to say and do together?
How will we hear all the voices at this gathering?
What methods and practices will allow for the full expression of all participants?
By considering these Essential Questions, we begin Hearing All the Voices. Our inner work, At the Heart of the Matter, and our clear intention for this gathering will help determine the way we bring each person to speak. The consideration of these questions in our preparation prior to the gathering gives us a logical thought process to work with. There are many dialogic and conversational methods at our disposal for stimulating and engaging the “hearing.” We have included one of the most powerful practices in this chapter and in “Arrows for Your Quiver,” at the back of the book.
The anxiety that participants may experience when asked to speak can be lessened considerably by properly attending to the Aspects of the Convening Wheel leading up to Hearing All the Voices.
If we have done the required work to get At the Heart of the Matter, have clarified intent, have extended a truly sincere Invitation, have followed up with a clear setting of context, and, finally, have created the container of aliveness and safety for our gathering, then we will have done our part to encourage authentic engagement and set the stage for Hearing All the Voices.
MAKING IT REAL
Courage is needed to hear all the voices. Don’t let embarrassment, impatience, or timidity get in the way. In the absence of Hearing All the Voices, the probability is much greater that people will not be present to one another or the meeting in a way that allows for authentic engagement. Our goal is to maximize the genuine presence of each person in the room: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. If we don’t do this, people may not be present in the following ways:
Physically. People may turn away, look somewhere else, or leave.
Emotionally. Fear, anger, sadness, or feelings of embarrassment may prevent true, courageous presence.
Mentally. Thoughts of distrust, criticism, or perceived wrongdoing may prevent people from being mentally present.
Spiritually. People may unconsciously resist contributing their presence to the whole.
Hearing All the Voices is the beginning of the sense of community that is necessary for our gathering to produce authentic engagement and the best possible outcome. It is the mix within which we will lay the seeds of creativity and innovation.
Our desire during this Aspect is to hear from a place of deep listening. We prepare for this by asking all participants to listen and speak from the heart, hold the space for differences, and seek sincerity and brevity in their own remarks.
We listen and speak from the heart when we evoke each other’s stories with curiosity, wonder, and attention. A natural respect for all voices emerges in the process. For example, we don’t fawn over one person’s comments while curtly thanking or ignoring another. This can be a trap when there is a hierarchical culture underlying the gathering.
We hold the space for differences by inviting and honoring all points of view while seeking common ground. We let go of our assumptions—or at least recognize them for what they are— seeking to understand rather than persuade others of our own point of view. We all possess knowledge and make judgments that we believe are sensible, logical, honest, and true. However, beware of letting what we know get in the way of what is so.
Finally, we seek sincerity and brevity in our remarks. When we know that all voices will be heard, we can speak what has personal meaning to us and encourage all to do the same. We speak only from our own awareness and truth, often about what we are feeling/wondering at the moment. We make our words count because we respect the time for others to speak; yet we honor the need for our own full offering from the heart.
Years ago, I learned a very important lesson about listening for the intent rather than the words. I’d just settled in Vermont with my family, moving down the road from a true Yankee farm family. One day, the father paid us a visit. After we shook hands, his eyes dropped to the gravel road, where he made patterns with his shoe. He then began talking about the weather. At first I thought, “Oh no, another shallow, self-conscious beginning to the conversation. Why doesn’t he just get to the point and say why he stopped by?” It took me a few more visits before I learned what the gentle art of kicking the ground and talking about the weather was all about.
Humans are place-based creatures. The ground is our place, and the weather is the condition of the world around that place. This is very important to know about. Ever notice how many of your long-distance phone calls start with an exchange about the weather? What are you really saying to one another?
That old Vermonter taught me the etiquette of establishing a sense of place and an awareness of the condition of the world around both of us, prior to entering into whatever transaction we had. He taught me to have patience and listen for the deeper intent.
—By Craig Neal
PREPARING TO HEAR ALL THE VOICES
We prepare for this Aspect by asking ourselves how we will hear all the voices (what methods and practices we will use) while remembering who we are and for the sake of what we are gathering.
The focus of the Convener, at this point, is to be fully aware of who is in the room. We take into account the makeup of the constituents and the demographic characteristics, along with any psychological or emotional observations. Our goal is to “take the temperature” of the attendees in the gathering and to find common ground for questions.
The more that we are tuned to the people we are with, the more we are able to serve the present and future needs of the assembled.
A JOYFUL HEARING
Laurence headed the new-products division at a manufacturing company. He reported that his greatest revelation of the utility of the Art of Convening came with Hearing All the Voices.
When extra help was needed for a particular project, his company often hired temporary consultants or contractors. It was Laurence’s experience, for some of these projects, that weeks of gnashing teeth, one-upping, resistance, and getting past prejudgments had to happen before useful collaboration could begin.
For a new-project launch meeting that would include everyone involved, Laurence decided to try the Art of Convening.
He prepared himself as best he could in the time he had. When it was time to think about Hearing All the Voices, he considered the different personalities that would be in the room that day. There would be the usual engineers, but also support people, designers, programmers, and project managers. A lot of information would be disseminated, with many people to hear from, just to “download” everyone’s area of expertise and hear a short bio designed to let everyone know who would be doing what. He considered skipping Hearing All the Voices because of the time it would take and the discomfort it might cause some of the introverts in the room.
When the time came, however, he decided to include a “hearing.” After welcoming everyone, Setting Context, and Creating the Container by laying out the protocols for the meeting, he said, “Well, we’re all going to be working together for a while, and I don’t know about you, but I’d like to know each of you a little better as we begin. So, right now, I’d like to go around the room and hear from each of you—one thing that brought joy to you today. It could be something that happens every day, or something unique. If nothing comes to you about today, just tell us something that has brought joy in the past. Take about 30 seconds or less. No more, since we have a lot to do today. I’ll start.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Laurence saw a couple of people look at each other with eyes rolling, but he didn’t let that rattle him. He told of his drive to work that morning. He told them that as he crested a hill, the scene he saw of the sun coming up, creating a pink, otherworldly glow in the valley below, brought him a sense of joy and awe. That was all he said.
Each person spoke in turn, going around the room clockwise. One man told of his autistic son, who greeted him with a huge, heartfelt smile each morning. One woman told of her husband bringing her coffee to the bathroom because he knew she was in a hurry. Another told of the smell of lilacs in her driveway and another of lighthearted banter with the counter person at McDonald’s that morning.
When everyone had spoken, Laurence looked around the room. There were lots of big smiles. People were looking at each other differently. They were “seeing” each other. There were no consultants, contractors, engineers, designers, or managers in the room at that moment—there were human beings.
As the meeting progressed, Laurence thought that some headway had already been made in the level of collaboration possible in this group. His courage in Hearing All the Voices had made a difference.4
GOOD QUESTIONS
When it is time for people to speak, the questions we invite them to address will form a basis for what we have come to do and create together. Framing good questions at the right time, in a container that has been safely formed, will greatly enhance the possibility for the group to reveal what is to be achieved together and the probability of its overall success.
The key is to find a question that is challenging enough to require thoughtful reflection, but that also evokes the commonality of the group. With a new group, simply asking each to speak his or her name and one or two words that describe his or her current condition may be sufficient to open the door to trust and what’s next. Accessible everyday questions that put people at ease are crucial in the early stages of inviting everyone to speak. Parker Palmer, author of A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life (Jossey-Bass, 2009), reminds us of the “shy soul” that lives in each of us. Let’s remember that for some people, public speaking can be intimidating.
We have observed that as people become more accustomed to speaking in a genuine and authentic way, the one-upmanship and competition to see who comes up with the wittiest or most interesting answer drops off, and a true appreciation and longing for simplicity and authenticity emerges.
STRINGING THE BEADS
One of the most elegant and efficient processes for Hearing All the Voices is an ancient yet thoroughly modern practice we’ve come to know as Stringing the Beads (see Exercise 1). The process is built on the metaphor that each person comes to any gathering as an individual, unique “bead.” Each is as unique as a snowflake or a grain of sand. There are no two alike, never have been, nor will be. As defined, a bead has a hole in it through which thread is run to join it with other beads into a whole system. At the end of the process, we have strung a whole necklace, or string of beads, that did not exist before.
As each person speaks in turn, we lead ourselves to imagine a string slipping through the bead. When all of the voices have been heard, the string has gone through every bead, and the result is a beautiful “necklace” (or “bracelet,” or other piece) that is a whole that did not exist at the beginning.
As Conveners, we create opportunities for wholeness to emerge from our individuality. This happens in our imagination, but it is a powerful instrument for creating a sense of wholeness in a group. Once we have strung the beads, we are energetically together and are prepared to engage in genuine, meaningful conversation. A more comprehensive step-by-step guide to Stringing the Beads can be found in the section “Arrows for Your Quiver,” Arrow 1.
In our consulting firm, one of the ways we reinforce high standards and develop our ability to meet these standards is through monthly small-group meetings. As most of us are rarely in the office, these meetings are telephone conference calls. Membership and leadership of these small groups changes every three to six months. My opportunity to lead one of these groups came soon after I completed the Art of Convening series.
The calls bring senior leaders, consultants, and support staff together to discuss topics we are passionate about. Conversation is lively, but active participation by all is a challenge. Introducing the practice of Stringing the Beads at the beginning of the call enabled everyone to speak into the virtual circle and everyone’s voice to be heard. I invited everyone in turn to say their name and where they were calling from, and then to share an experience about any opportunities they had to practice the previous month’s topic.
A “stringing closure” provided an additional opportunity to hear all of our voices. Inviting each person to share a learning and/or an action to be taken as a result of the call ensured that people were listening, consciously knowing that they had a specific contribution to make before the end of the call.
Feedback has been very positive, and participants have shown keen interest in being a part of our group. My personal credibility as a Convener and facilitator continued to grow with this distinctive approach, although extending the concept to the other groups was more of a challenge. I can’t say that this approach is used in all calls led by others, but calls where we String the Beads always results in a more lively and active conversation. Stringing the Beads provides a simple but effective way of giving everyone in our virtual circle a chance to speak, and creates the space for conversations that matter.
—By Paul G. Ward5
WHERE WE ARE ON THE CONVENING WHEEL
1. At the Heart of the Matter—We have explored who we are and how we will be in relationship with others.
2. Clarifying Intent—We have identified an intention consistent with At the Heart of the Matter that has substance and is acted upon.
3. The Invitation—We have extended a sincere invitation with genuine hospitality, generosity, and conviction.
4. Setting Context—We have clearly communicated the form, function, and purpose of our gathering.
5. Creating the Container—We have prepared a physical space with beauty and life, and we have agreed on terms of engagement or protocols that bring safety for our time together.
6. Hearing All the Voices—We have spoken and heard every other person speak in our gathering, creating an authentic whole.
We have now heard all the voices in our gathering. Next we begin one of the most exciting Aspects of our convening: Essential Conversation. We have set the table and said grace (so to speak). Now it is time to feast.
Things to Remember
Challenge: Impatience/judgment
Principle: Each voice is needed to reveal the best outcome of our engagement.
Essential Questions:
• Who are we, and what have we come to say and do together?
• How will we hear all the voices at this gathering?
• What methods and practices will allow for the full expression of all participants?
Aspect-Strengthening Exercises
Checklist for the Gathering at Hand
• Do I know what method I will use when Hearing All the Voices?
• What question will I ask that will have everyday meaning to all participants?
• Remind yourself and all who are gathered:
1. I seek to be interested rather than interesting.
2. I seek to understand and be of service.
3. I seek to speak from the heart, succinctly and with clarity.
EXERCISE 1: STRINGING THE BEADS—SHORT FORM6
At your next gathering or meeting, tell people you’d like to start the meeting by hearing from each of them, because each person counts and our voices are a way for us to bring ourselves into the meeting. You may refer to it as being “present and accounted for.” If it is appropriate for the group, use the terminology of Stringing the Beads. The first time may bring nervous laughter and a few remarks. Once you’ve moved beyond this point, it’s usually clear sailing.
Step 1. Ask each to say, in turn, as you go around the circle, his or her name and a few words in reply to either “What’s been going on for you today?” or “What’s been a positive moment you can remember today?” Something easy and fun is best to get started. Be sure to say how much time each has to speak. This can be as long or as short as you have time for. Thirty to 60 seconds is usually sufficient.
Step 2. When they are finished speaking, ask them to let the group know by saying “I have spoken” or “I am finished,” so that the group knows they are finished and not just pausing.
Once everyone has spoken, thank them and remark how much you learned. You might ask for brief thoughts or feedback. Notice the difference in the energy of the meeting. Now it’s time to begin the meeting.
Closing the meeting: Leave time at the end to close the session with a quick second round of “stringing.” We all like to know when a meeting formally begins and ends. People appreciate the practice and soon ask for the “stringing” closure if we forget. Most of us love to be heard. For the closing, ask for a simple few words in reply to “What will you take from this meeting that is significant or important” or “What is one insight or tool you’ll be able to use from this meeting?” Again, remind people how much time each has to speak. This can be as long or as short as you have time for.
There are many ways in which to achieve the desired result. If the language of Stringing the Beads seems awkward or “out there” to the group, then don’t use it right away or at all. The important aspect of the practice is to give voice to each member of the meeting or gathering at the beginning and the end. These simple words at the opening and closing may in fact be the most important words uttered at the meeting. Genuine expressions of interest and gratitude go a long way toward opening the door to our creativity and loyalty to each other.
EXERCISE 2: DEEP LISTENING AND RESPONSE
Remember to do the following:
• Seek to understand and be of service
• Be interested rather than interesting
• Honor the mundane in creating common ground
Next time you run into a neighbor, friend, or family member, start the conversation with a comment about the weather or your home or family. Be conscious of your opening, and listen to the response. Then ask a question about that person’s current condition. How is that person doing, really? Then listen and respond, if appropriate, in kind. Notice how the rest of the exchange moves along. The same can be done with business associates.
If we honor the miracle of everyday life by being interested rather than needing to be interesting, even the most mundane conversation can turn into a transformative experience for all. People love to be heard. It’s all in the simple things.
Journaling Questions
• How are you creating opportunities for authentic engagement, in which all the voices are heard, in your life and work?
• What have you noticed about the quality and outcomes of your engagements when the essence of the interchange has depth and meaning as opposed to when it does not?
• Think of a time when you have engaged in Stringing the Beads outside of a convened environment. What happened?