Chapter Seventeen. There and Back Again

Some musicians find luck early, and John was hoping that would be him. He was 22, he loved writing songs, and his band had chemistry. It was time to audition for a record deal. So far his group had performed cover songs in nightclubs in Germany and were tired of the grind. It was time to dream and to go for the big leagues. So they put together 15 of their best songs (only three of them original) and played their hearts out for recording studio executives. The studio recorded the audition in hopes they would find the next big thing. What they heard was disappointing. The response was clear: “We don’t like their sound... They have no future in show business.” The group was disappointed, but they pressed on. Rejection wasn’t anything new, and playing all-night shows in second-rate clubs had built tenacity into the fabric of the group.

So it is with success. It’s easy to get carried away with the roar of the engine and the feeling of invincibility. That’s what happened to my brother the time he raced out into the wilderness unaware that a rock had broken something loose. Underneath the Jeep, sparks flew and hillside caught on fire. He had to outrun the fire and go get help. The faster he drove the more fire he spread. Fortunately, the park services were close by, and the fire was contained without causing too much harm. Still, my brother had to pay a significant fine. He was just glad it didn’t turn out worse.

Anyone who has experienced success can relate. The journey always includes fires, flat tires, broken axles, and stupid mistakes. These mistakes are what build strength so that the complexity of success can be handled with grace. If success comes too quickly it can be a curse. That’s what happened to one kid in our town in 1988. Matt’s dad was the president of Atari and then went on to start a toy company that invented things like Teddy Ruxpin and Laser Tag. (If you’re old-school like me, you may remember how big these products were.) It was well known that Matt’s family was super rich. Plus, it was the era of neon clothes, big hair, and living to the excess. So when Matt turned 16, his dad bought him a brand-new bright red Porsche—imagine that! It took only a few months before he crashed. Fortunately, Matt was OK, but the car was a complete wreck. It was too much car for someone who had just passed his driver’s license test. A Porsche is something that needs to be earned.

The fastest I have ever gone in a car was last fall when my friend Bryan took me for a spin in his new Porsche Cayman S. We raced around empty back roads at unbelievable speeds. Bryan wasn’t reckless. His driving was like poetry in motion, even when he took a corner at over 100mph. Driving fast was nothing new to Bryan. He had grown up around cars. His father-in-law designed the Laguna Seca racetrack in Monterey, California. He’d been on that track hundreds, maybe thousands, of times. Bryan taught racing classes, and the guy knew how to drive. After decades of driving inferior cars, he was finally able to afford a Porsche of his own. After driving for a while, we hopped out and he tossed me the keys. I gulped. As I stepped on the gas I didn’t know what was louder, the growl of the engine or the pounding of my heart. It was thrilling, but I knew I had to keep my ego in check and drive within the limits of my skill.

Much has been said and written about this band’s success. The Beatles were an extraordinary group. Yet their journey to success was not atypical at all. The path to success usually follows a familiar bumpy road. It starts off with interests, passions, and ideas. Next come the hard work and the fight to succeed. Then some mild successes, and next some failures as well. Finally, the big break appears. From the outside looking in, this is the moment of arrival. Yet for the individual, the journey is only halfway done.

Creating your life’s best work and living the life you imagined requires having a deep drive to reach the top, but also a strategy for making it back home. It isn’t very creative to succeed in reaching the summit only to descend to your doom. True creativity requires a more holistic view that includes both the up and the down.

For me, this means many different things. Like figuring out how I can thrive in my career and be the world’s best husband and dad. I’m sick to my stomach from hearing about how someone ditched their family or missed out on their kid’s childhood because of their job. Family comes first and then work. And it means that sometimes, like today, I have to get up at 4am to work on this book so that I can get a few hours in before I walk my three young kids to school. My family gives me an edge to work smarter and to focus on what matters most. It also means that in the evenings I put away my laptop and phone so that I can be present and engaged.

We all combine work and life in different ways. There isn’t a formula for the best way to balance your time. Yet what I do know is that creating your best work requires you to take charge. If the way someone lives their life bothers you, make sure you don’t follow their path. You can’t let the world decide how you should spend your time.

So climb your way up that mountain, but don’t stay at the top so long that you jeopardize it all. The most meaningful success is less of an arrival and more of a round trip.

COUNT YOUR LIFE BY SMILES, NOT TEARS. COUNT YOUR AGE BY FRIENDS, NOT YEARS.

— JOHN LENNON