"I have nothing but respect for you–and not much of that." | ||
| --Groucho Marx | ||
I once heard a CEO remark that he intended to be "Tough on the issue, not on the person." It didn't feel like it from where I was standing!
Perhaps a sharp word or thoughtless act has violated your personal boundaries at some point; the core values and principles that you hold most sacred were not respected and it left you feeling uncomfortable. A degree of this is inevitable in work and indeed life, and as a newly appointed manager, this isn't going to go away.
What will change, however, is that you will start to interact more with the upper levels of leadership in your organization–they tend to be the people with the strongest personalities. There may have been times when you walked away from a dialog feeling trampled upon, but if you previously felt unable to let the other person know that it wasn't okay, then rest assured that will change by the end of this section.
In this chapter you will:
- Meet Simon, who was both a source of inspiration and a challenge
- Learn to eloquently disagree with a senior member of staff on a technical issue
- Share your feelings when a conversation has left you feeling upset or disrespected
- Complete a multiple choice test that will fill you with feedback-giving confidence
I once worked in an interim management position for a Senior Manager called Simon. The word I most associate with him is "sharp". He was very intelligent, quick thinking, and quick witted too—we shared many laughs together. He also was quite forthright with his opinions and could be quite blunt at times. These are all positive traits for management, except for one day when a comment he made just felt wrong. We were in a department tactics meeting with the rest of his first line; about six managers in total. I stated a view that must have been too controversial and he snapped quite quickly at me in front of the group. I felt embarrassed and didn't say much for the rest of the discussion. He didn't bring it up again, but it ate away at me inside.
This highlights a particular challenge in the workplace around maintaining your own self-esteem and status; sometimes people more senior than you will make comments that you won't want to respond to in the way that you would do if the conversation took place out of work. The language we use to describe the hierarchy in the workplace doesn't always help—we refer to Senior Leaders as being "higher up" or a "higher grade". This implies that you are lower than them. Psychologically, does this affect your self-esteem? Well the answer is "Only if you allow it to!" Always remember that someone else's grade within a company is a reflection of their past achievement and future potential; it has no bearing on your personal worth or right to be respected as an individual. And while some seniors will attempt to take advantage of this, it's your job to remain calm, confident, and assert your views appropriately.
Let's take a break now from my experiences with Simon and focus on building your skills in this area. The next few pages will contain strategies for you to use if and when you find yourself in a similar situation. I hope you appreciate the pain I went through when I learned these lessons, and if you promise to practice them diligently, then I promise to finish the story that I started and you can see how these techniques work in a heated setting!