Have you ever been metaphorically slapped in the face by someone you’ve treated with care and kindness? Most of us have, and it’s easy to wish that you hadn’t bothered with them. I used to have two neighbours, both elderly women (sadly long gone now). They were good friends, and one day Elsie had arranged to have Phyllis over for lunch. About half an hour before she was due to arrive, Phyllis phoned her and said, ‘I’m not coming to lunch, and you needn’t bother asking me again’. Then she hung up. Now, this was 15 years before I moved into the neighbourhood, but when I met Elsie all those years later, she still had no idea what she’d done. Phyllis hadn’t spoken to her since.

Poor Elsie felt dreadful about this, and you could understand her thinking twice about friendships in the future. But she was naturally a very giving person, and she didn’t allow the experience to change her. She continued to show kindness and generosity to people around her, and we loved having her as a neighbour. She was popular and her house was always full of people. As she got older and more frail, she always had plenty of friends to support her.

This is a bit like some folk tale, apart from it being true. The plot is just as predictable: Phyllis was indeed fairly sour and difficult, and over the years she alienated almost all her neighbours, and was left with few friends. She’s the only neighbour I’ve ever fallen out with, and I’m not entirely sure how I incurred her displeasure.

Now we’ve all heard stories of this kind before but, like this one, they really do happen in real life. Again and again and again. If you’re kind, helpful and thoughtful, you’ll have loads of friends and lots of support when you need it. As with Elsie, the positive stuff doesn’t always come back from the people you gave it to, but it comes back from somewhere.

Think of it like karma. My son has a friend whose dad gives him a lift to school very early once a week, because we can’t get him there otherwise. I sometimes feel bad that I can’t return the favour, although the dad in question really doesn’t care – he’s a generous guy and simply happy to help. However, I let another friend’s child stay over with us occasionally on a school night to help out, and there isn’t a favour I need from them in return. I figure we’re all helping each other in some sort of chain, and as long as we’re all happy to help someone – not necessarily the person who’s helping us – we’re all earning positive karma and the system works.

You have no way of knowing who you’ll want help or support from in the future, so just keep building up that karma, and it will come back to you when you need it most.