It’s easy to want someone else’s life, to covet what they’ve got, to wish you had their skills, talents, friends, money, lifestyle. That’s because you can only see what’s on the surface – what they let you see. And you probably only notice the stuff that you envy.

When I was a lad, there was this kid in our class who did brilliantly in every subject. He was so brainy he barely had to try. Boy did I wish I could be like him. It was several years before I realised that actually he worked a lot harder than I thought. He was bright, but not that exceptional. And the reason he worked hard was because his parents were strict disciplinarians and wouldn’t let him watch TV or go out unless he’d done the work they expected from him. With hindsight, I was glad no one had listened to my younger self and waved a magic wand and given me his life. I’d have hated it.

Actually, thinking about it, there were kids at school going through all kinds of stuff we knew nothing about at the time. Alcoholism, bereavement, divorce, abuse… and it’s still true as an adult that I probably don’t know the half of what goes on in other people’s lives.

So I’ve stopped envying people, because I have no idea whether I really want to be them or not. At least I know where I am being me. I’m used to it, and I have some control over it too, which counts for a lot. And even if other people seem genuinely happy and well-off now, who’s to say where they’re headed? It could all come crashing down in a few years, and I’ll be very relieved I stuck with being me.

Besides, have you ever stopped to think about the people who envy you? I bet there are a few. Maybe they envy the whole ‘you’ thing, or perhaps it’s something specific – your confidence, your skill with a football, your friends, your party invitations, your university degree. We have a daft tendency to take for granted the things we have, and just focus on what we lack. Maybe we should see ourselves through other people’s eyes more often. We’re all a mishmash of positives and negatives, and your own mix is no better or worse than anyone else’s.

And there’s another thing. As long as you focus on other people, you don’t get round to tackling the things you dislike about your own life. Instead of wishing you had what they have, why not spend a bit more time thinking about how to get what you want for yourself? A bit less self-pity and a bit more get-up-and-go and there’d be nothing to envy.