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When you want to get an enthusiastic “yes” very quickly
When someone wants you to agree to something, you’re more likely to when:
- You know that saying “yes” will benefit you; and
- “No” doesn’t seem to be an option.
Unfortunately, people often omit one or both of these, which is why they hear “no” so frequently. To show what I mean, imagine you were one of the following three people.
Situation 1: The direct report
You’re extremely busy, working on an important document with a tight deadline. One of your direct reports interrupts you, asking “Have you got five minutes?”
There are only two responses you can give: “No, not now”, or “Yes, but please be quick”.
Not what they wanted.
Situation 2: The salesperson
You’re buying new IT. The salesperson says “Here’s our proposed IT system covering everything we discussed. It will cost you £100,000. Would you like to buy it?”
You might say “Yes please”, but you’re more likely to give one of two responses: “Maybe, but not exactly as you’re proposing” or “Maybe, but could you do anything about the price?”
Again, not what they wanted.
Situation 3: The child
You’re a soccer-obsessed, 12-year-old boy. Your father says “Do you want to go to bed tonight at 8pm?”
This time there’s only one answer: “No”.
BO: A Better Way to Get a “Yes”
Can you see why these three situations didn’t work? In each:
- It wasn’t in your interest to say “yes”. There were no reasons why you should agree (in fact, there were many why you shouldn’t); and
- Each request was a yes/no question, meaning you could reply “no”. So you did.
So, what should people do instead? Well, one effective technique is to use BO, which stands for:
Now let’s apply BO to three situations, but this time imagining it’s you who’s asking.
Situation 1: The direct report
Want five minutes with your boss? Try:
“I’m keen to finish that report you asked for, but could do with five minutes with you to discuss a couple of points in the Executive Summary. Have you got the time now, or would you prefer later today?”
This turns the boss’s thinking from “Do I give him five minutes?” to “When do I give him five minutes?“
Situation 2: The salesperson
Looking to sell an IT solution? Go with:
“We’ve agreed this IT will help your business be more efficient. There are a few ways we could progress this. You’ll get best results if we do everything we’ve discussed today. This will cost £100,000. But I know money is tight. So, a cheaper option would be to remove standalone phases 3 and 6, which would reduce the price to £65,000. Which do you think will be most appropriate?”
This changes “Do I buy?” to “Which do I buy?”
Situation 3: The child
And now imagine you have a soccer-loving son. This is easy for me – I do. You’ll get much more joy with:
“Jack, let’s play soccer tomorrow before everyone else is up. Obviously this means we’ll need a good night’s rest before the Big Game. So, when do you want to go to bed – 7.30pm or 8pm?”
This works every time. Believe me, I know: I use BO to get Jack to go to bed every day!
In fact, BO works extraordinarily well in pretty much every situation. It’s great for conversations, quick requests and as your final line when you’re seeking agreement. But, it’s “only” a persuasive couple of sentences. And before you say your BO, you first have to prove you can bring the other person the value they want. The next chapter shows how to do this.
