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Don’t Be Sabotaged by Your Own Frustration

Years ago I learned something about career resilience by watching how two women in the same large organization handled their work-related frustration. Mary* had an abusive boss who bullied her and made her days miserable. She was from a humble background and not as highly educated as some of her colleagues, and she felt shy about confiding in coworkers when the boss insulted and demeaned her. Senior management finally became aware of the boss’s ugly habits when he was investigated and fired for unrelated wrongdoing.

Mary knew that she had strong grounds for complaint, but she decided to let go of her hurt and anger and become strategic. In spite of her bad experience, she wanted to stay with the organization, and she convinced management to provide her with training and opportunities in a different professional field. Mary became an excellent student and her confidence grew. As the years went by, she was promoted and ultimately she built a new career that brought her great pride.

Elsewhere in the organization, Cheri* was passed over for several management slots. She was smart, polished, and technically proficient, but was told that she wasn’t a good fit for the leadership track she hoped to pursue. Cheri felt entitled to a promotion and was angry about not moving up in the way she’d expected. Instead of listening to the feedback and trying another approach, she fumed and grumbled to anyone who would listen. As Cheri allowed her resentment to grow, her coworkers tired of the chip on her shoulder.

Nobody was sad to see Cheri go when she was hired away by a start-up company. And she didn’t resist the urge to fully express her bitterness. In her last week on the job, Cheri told her bosses just what she thought of them. When the start-up quickly failed, nobody on her old team wanted to write her a favorable recommendation. Cheri ultimately had to take a lower-level job in a different field.

Move out of your own way and let go of workplace frustration

Do you arrive home from work too anxious to relax and enjoy your evening? Do you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night, fuming about what they’re doing at the office? Do you hear yourself complaining to colleagues about how things are done around here?

Professional life has always been full of annoying jolts and tedious challenges. Some career paths have become increasingly bumpy in recent years, with belt-tightening and increasing demands for production. It’s understandable if you’re feeling discouraged and indignant about how you’ve been treated.

But just because there are strong reasons for your negative emotions doesn’t mean you can afford to indulge in them. You are in charge of your career. If you hope to stay where you are, and you want things to improve, you need to come up with a plan.

And before you can implement your plan, you may need an attitude adjustment. Here are reasons to stop fuming and let go of your preoccupation with the bad stuff at work:

You must be present. If you want to move to a better career phase, you have to operate in high gear. But if you’re preoccupied with how you were treated last week or last year, you can’t be fully engaged in what’s happening today. If you give in to annoyance, you could be less alert to new opportunities, less creative, and more likely to make mistakes.

You must be energetic. When you’re trying to launch a new plan, it helps to be in great shape. But if you can’t let go of your angst, you won’t sleep as well, your stress level will slow you down, your health might suffer, and you won’t be able to do your best work.

It’s best to come across as an upbeat team player. Your best friends may be willing to listen to the story of your bad breaks, but even they will grow tired of you if you don’t move on. Most folks prefer working with positive people, and they tend to avoid the high maintenance whiners. When you find a way to release your negativity, you’ll be more productive, work better with others, and attract more opportunities.

Do you feel more like Cheri than Mary? Is it possible that your continuing frustration is undercutting your good work and limiting your career mobility? If it’s time to lose your negative attitude, these strategies can help:

Notice. Becoming aware of your frustration can be the first step in letting it go. Take a careful look at how you’ve been feeling and be honest with yourself about the consequences. Consider keeping a journal of your feelings. Once you have specifically described your misfortune and the pain it caused you, it’s much easier to move past it all.

Be grateful. Neuroscience research suggests that we don’t experience gratitude and anxiety at the same time. As a result, your ire will naturally dissipate when you focus on things that cause you to feel thankful. So make a list of things for which you’re most grateful and read that list a few times a day, including first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

Take breaks. By pausing and shifting your focus, you can dispel pent-up antagonism and feel refreshed. Whether it means chatting with a friend, taking a short walk, or spending a few minutes meditating, take frequent breaks throughout the workday. And remember that regular exercise provides a change of pace and can help you feel more cheerful.

Forgive. When you can’t stop being upset about how management has treated you, you’re likely to remain bogged down in the past. But when you elect to stop blaming people, you can move beyond yesterday, enjoy today, and look forward to tomorrow. Many spiritual traditions offer guidance about the benefits of and the path to forgiveness.