CHAPTER 1

HOW DIFFICULT ARE YOU?

“And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?”

—Matthew 7:3

In the introduction, we stated that most people exhibit difficult behavior at least sometimes. And this, of course, includes you.

If you're a difficult person yourself, it's likely that the difficult behavior of other people becomes even worse around you. You may find that some of our recommended strategies won't work as advertised or sometimes even backfire and make things worse. If you're part of the problem, you'll have to improve your own behavior before you can reasonably expect much change in other people.

HOW DIFFICULT ARE YOU?

Take as much time as you need to fill out this worksheet completely. You'll probably need extra sheets of paper to complete it. It's a good idea to complete it at home or in a private and secure setting.

1. Do you see yourself as being difficult to work with? If so, in what way?

2. Do other people tell you that you are difficult? If so, in what way? Have your supervisors or managers mentioned your difficult behavior?

3. Has the difficult behavior been noted on your performance appraisal? Have you received warnings, reprimands, or any other official notices?

4. Do you agree with the assessment of your difficult behavior? If not, why do you think others have assessed you in that way?

5. If you agree that you exhibit difficult behavior (or if you understand what people are seeing even if you don't believe it's inappropriate), why do you think you are being difficult?

6. What steps could you take in order to reduce the difficult behavior or at least reduce the negative reactions you've identified?

7. Are there any ways in which your personal characteristics, temperament, style, or approach attracts difficult behavior from other people? If so, are there any ways to ameliorate the behavior while staying true to your values and beliefs?

8. Do you have friends and colleagues you can trust to be honest and objective in assessing your behavior? If so, what do they say when asked these same questions?

9. Have these same problems occurred in other work situations? (If not, there's a greater chance the current workplace or individuals are the core problem. If so, there's a greater chance that you are making a substantial contribution to your own problems.)

10. After evaluating your answers (and those of friends and colleagues whose opinions you value and trust), what action strategies will you use to improve the situation? What immediate steps do you have to take? How will you assess the effectiveness of those steps?