CHAPTER 17
Diagnostic test
The following situation, imagined by Affluenza coproducer Vivia Boe, has not occurred. Not yet.
You’re watching TV, in the middle of a program, when the screen goes black for a moment. The scene cuts to a breaking news story. A large crowd is gathered outside an expensive home with some equally pricey cars parked out front. A well-dressed family of four stands on the stairs, looking grim. One of the children is holding a white flag. The reporter, in hushed tones speaks into his microphone: “We’re here live at the home of the Joneses—Jerry and Janet Jones—the family we’ve all been trying to keep up with for years. Well, you can stop trying right now, because they have surrendered. Let’s eavesdrop for a moment.” The shot changes, revealing a tired-looking Janet Jones, her husband’s hand resting on her shoulder. Her voice cracks as she speaks: “It’s just not worth it. We never see each other anymore. We’re working like dogs. We’re always worried about our kids, and we have so much debt we won’t be able to pay it off for years. We give up. So please, stop trying to keep up with us.” From the crowd our reporter yells, “So what will you do now?” “We’re just going to try to live better on less,” Janet replies. “So there you have it. The Joneses surrender,” says the reporter. “And now for a commercial break.”
The Joneses haven’t really surrendered. Not yet. But millions of Americans are looking for ways to simplify their lives. And in the rest of this book, you’ll learn about some of the ways they’ve tried and how they are coming together to help create a more sustainable society, free from the clutches of affluenza. We suggest that you start by taking our affluenza self-test, an admittedly unscientific, but we think useful, means of determining whether you’ve got affluenza and, if so, how serious your case is.
OK, now the moment of truth. In the privacy of your own home, without anyone looking over your shoulder, take the following diagnostic quiz. If you discover you have affluenza, reader, you’re not alone! There’s help available in this part of the book, so read on. If you don’t have it, read on to stay healthy.
YES NO |
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1. Do you get bored unless you have something to consume (goods, food, media)? |
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2. Do you try to impress your friends with what you own, or where you vacation? |
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3. Do you ever use shopping as “therapy”? |
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4. Do you sometimes go to the mall just to look around, with nothing specific to buy? |
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5. Do you buy home improvement products in a large chain store rather than the neighborhood hardware store? |
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6. Have you ever gone on a vacation primarily to shop? |
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7. In general, do you think about things more than you think about people? |
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8. When you pay utility bills, do you ignore the amount of resources consumed? |
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9. Given the choice between a slight pay raise and a shorter workweek, would you choose the money? |
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10. Do you personally fill more than one large trash bag in a single week? |
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11. Have you ever lied to a family member about the amount you spent for a product? |
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12. Do you frequently argue with family members about money? |
13. Do you volunteer your time less than five hours a week to help other people? |
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14. Do you routinely compare the appearance of your lawn and/or home with others in your neighborhood? |
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15. Does each person in your house or apartment occupy more than 500 square feet of personal space? |
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16. Do you routinely gamble or buy lottery tickets? |
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17. Do you check your investments at least once a day? |
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18. Are any of your credit cards “maxed out”? |
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19. Do worries about debt cause you physical symptoms like headaches or indigestion? |
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20. Do you spend more time shopping every week than you do with your family? |
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21. Do you frequently think about changing jobs? |
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22. Have you had cosmetic surgery to improve your appearance? |
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23. Do your conversations often gravitate toward things you want to buy? |
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24. Are you sometimes ashamed about how much money you spend on fast food? |
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25. Do you sometimes weave back and forth in traffic to get somewhere faster? |
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26. Have you ever experienced road rage? |
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27. Do you feel like you’re always in a hurry? |
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28. Do you often throw away recyclable materials rather than take the time to recycle them? |
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29. Do you spend less than an hour a day outside? |
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30. Are you unable to identify more than three wildflowers that are native to your area? |
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31. Do you replace sports equipment before it’s worn out in order to have the latest styles? |
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32. Does each member of your family have his or her own TV? |
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33. Is the price of a product more important to you than how well it was made? |
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34. Has one of your credit cards ever been rejected by a salesperson because you were over the limit? |
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35. Do you receive more than five mail-order catalogs a week? |
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36. Are you one of those consumers who almost never takes a reusable bag to the grocery store? |
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37. Do you ignore the miles per gallon of gasoline your car gets? |
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38. Did you choose the most recent car you bought partly because it enhanced your self-image? |
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39. Do you have more than five active credit cards? |
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40. When you get a raise at work, do you immediately think about how you can spend it? |
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41. Do you drink more soft drink, by volume, than tap water? |
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42. Did you work more this year than last year? |
43. Do you have doubts that you’ll be able to reach your financial goals? |
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44. Do you feel “used up” at the end of your workday? |
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45. Do you usually make just the minimum payment on credit card bills? |
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46. When you shop, do you often feel a rush of euphoria followed by anxiety? |
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47. Do you sometimes feel like your personal expenses are so demanding that you can’t afford public expenses like schools, parks, and transit? |
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48. Do you have more stuff than you can store in your house? |
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49. Do you watch TV more than two hours a day? |
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50. Do you eat meat nearly every day? |
Each “yes” answer carries a weight of 2 points. If you’re uncertain as to your answer, or it’s too close to call, give yourself one point. If you score:
0 – 25 |
You have no serious signs of affluenza, but keep reading to stay healthy. |
25 – 50 |
You are already infected—keep reading to boost your immune system. |
50 – 75 |
Your temperature is rising quickly. Take two aspirin and read the next chapters very carefully. |
75 – 100 |
You’ve got affluenza big-time! See the doctor, reread the whole book, and take appropriate actions immediately. You may be contagious. There’s no time to lose! |
The Surrender of the Joneses