CHAPTER 16
Be Intentional About Your Communication Standards
The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.
Ask any marketing expert the definition of branding, and they’ll tell you that branding is not what you do for yourself. It’s what your customers or coworkers think when they think of you. You create your personal communication “brand” day by day over time as you interact with your staff, colleagues, and executives within and outside your organization. What comes to mind when others think of how you interact with them? Circle descriptors that you think might pop into someone’s mind when they consider you and your communication style.
YOUR BRANDED COMMUNICATION STYLE
Your communication “brand” is determined by all of your personal interactions stacked end to end.
When you examine your personal list of modifiers, is that the impression or brand you intend to create? Most people think they communicate well. Yet given the current political unrest, racial tensions, international conflicts, workplace disengagement, and divorce rate, how can so many people insist they are skilled at communication? Needless to say, we can all work toward improving clarity, connection, influence, inspiration, and impact.
Although few would claim to be a master communicator in all these arenas, we can learn to be intentional in our communication at home, work, and elsewhere by establishing for ourselves communication standards. Think of these “best practices” that you might follow for any job:
Strong communicators understand the strategic importance of always telling the truth. Telling the truth—without twisting the timeline, adding or omitting information, editorializing, distorting facts, or otherwise misrepresenting a situation—becomes the foundation for all interactions between two people. Truth-telling is the circuitry for trust. When that connection is broken, there’s no basis for further attempts to communicate.
Strong communicators listen for strategic opportunities and avoid minefields. They know what’s inside their own head. The goal is to understand what’s inside the head of another person. When you’re always in “talk” mode, you’ll always be at a disadvantage, knowing only what you yourself think or intend. Listening (not simply hearing) benefits strong communicators several ways: You demonstrate interest in the other party, you learn, and you can respond appropriately.
Strong communicators read body language for the complete message. Words are never the whole story. Meaning is conveyed in tone of voice, volume, facial expression, eye contact or the lack thereof, smiling, nodding, gestures, handshake, and posture. All of these things and more tell you how someone feels about the topic of discussion or their presentation.
Strong communicators choose precise words for strategic messages. Reckless writing and speaking detract from the primary concerns. Careful communicators eliminate “hot words” (unfair, unreasonable, disapproval, complaint, disgruntled) so as not to elicit an emotional reaction to improper language.
Not: “Stemco always seems disgruntled and unreasonable about such clauses in our contracts, extending our negotiations for weeks; in my opinion, we should drop them from the bidders list and go with a company that has fairer pricing.”
But: “Negotiations with Stemco on the last three contracts have extended for weeks; I’d like to remove them from our bidders list and work with a company more in line with our initial pricing.”
Strong communicators pay attention to emotional context. They understand how the listener’s mindset positively or negatively affects how someone translates a message. So they make sure to select the appropriate emotional backdrop against which to deliver sensitive news.
For example, let’s say your company has gone through a merger in the last 60 days, but you have no plans for massive layoffs. Also, let’s say that you need to talk with your team about a new competitor just entering the market and gaining market share. As you mention “cost-cutting measures” to remain competitive in light of this new start-up, if you are not specific about the meaning of that phrase, your team will quite likely think you’re referring to layoffs as a result of the merger. That emotional backdrop overlays your words.
Strategic communicators understand the importance of timing. They’re not going to ask for a raise immediately after learning that the stock price has fallen 35 percent. Nor will they give a briefing about losing their biggest client half an hour before making a big sales call with a new prospect.
Strong communicators understand how confidentiality aids persuasion. They know that people feel pressure to say things they don’t mean when egos become involved. For example, Marco speaks up in a meeting to support Solution A to a problem. Three other colleagues in the room agree with him. Kevin debates the issue, saying he wholeheartedly disagrees with Solution A. Marco solidly restates his position for Solution A, although he cannot express his reasons as articulately as Kevin. Kevin again refutes Marco’s position, clearly noting his own position and reasons for Solution B. The three onlookers, who originally agreed with Marco, now look baffled. And if Kevin persists in disagreeing, he seems defiant and disgruntled.
Both Marco and Kevin will find it difficult to persist in their opinions for two reasons. The disagreement has become public, and onlookers must take a “side” for winners and losers.
Winning will now involve ego, because a person is attached to each solution—Marco’s solution and Kevin’s solution.
Grandstanding typically has a detrimental effect on persuasion. Had Marco and Kevin chosen to discuss the matter privately, they might have come to agreement more easily. But as the situation stands, the discussion has become a battle of egos—winner take all. Deciding to discuss a controversial issue confidentially takes leadership.
Any one of these seven communication practices can increase your influence. Be intentional as you focus on them. Adopting all seven will play a strategic role in your success as a leader.