CHAPTER 19
Learn to Apologize or Pay the Penalty
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.
If the public can learn anything from politicians, professional athletes, and celebrities, it’s this: When you make a mistake, apologize promptly and sincerely. With an apology, those who love you will forgive you. Without an apology, those who don’t love you will not relent until they track you to the ends of the earth and drain every ounce of energy.
When individuals or organizations refuse to apologize for a mistake, bad judgment, or other offense, they will inevitably pay a penalty in bad PR. Any situation can go viral in a matter of minutes. And even if they do eventually apologize, the delay simply creates doubt: Is this a heartfelt apology, or did they buckle under pressure?
During my training program on customer service communication years ago, a manager in the audience at a large oil company commented, “They don’t allow us to apologize specifically around here.” Because he had earlier identified himself as supervisor of the division that wrote all the responses from their customer service department, I probed further.
According to his boss, this manager most definitely had not been given that direction; it was not company policy to refrain from offering apologies and accepting responsibility for errors. The direction from the senior legal team had been to take care that he did not assume legal liability in a situation involving injury or loss without consulting with the legal team. However, this manager’s comment reveals a common misunderstanding about apologies: An apology does not mean you are accepting responsibility for causing a problem. An apology can simply mean you regret a situation, an event, or an outcome.
To be effective, an apology should be swift, sincere, specific, and solution-focused.
Swift. If people are calling for an apology, it’s probably overdue. The blunder has attracted attention beyond the original point of pain (personal, group, organization, customer), and that in and of itself means it has gone viral. The faster you apologize, the faster the grapevine will have something to carry besides the original offense.
Sincere. Humility beats arrogance every time. If you don’t understand the problem or pain, investigate. Find the facts. Hear the other person or party describe what has happened from their viewpoint. While you may state that the slight or offense was unintended, acknowledge the other party’s perspective.
Specific. Never reach into your apology template and pull out a statement like “I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.” Or “Thank you for your patience as we investigate this matter.” The first statement minimizes the issue. “Inconvenience?” “May have caused you?” Both phrases suggest that the speaker/writer is downplaying the incident. The second statement (Thanks for your patience) takes a breezy air, assuming that the other party is patient. Neither phrasing demonstrates specific acknowledgment of a problem or an understanding of the trouble caused.
Both statements sound as though someone has suggested to a subordinate, “Why not give these people the bug-in-the-pickle-juice apology email? Or, better yet, let’s try the sorry-you-leaned-against-the-freshly-painted-wall template. That apology should do fine—just change the address and signature block.”
Be specific about what happened and why it happened. If you’re still investigating, say so and state when you’ll report further information.
Solution-focused. The message of primary interest to the other person or party will be what you intend to do to correct the problem. Often, the only correction is an admission of fault, insensitivity, oversight, or error. Swallow your pride, own up to the mistake, and offer your sincere regrets. Other occasions may call for concrete amends. Offer to reschedule the meeting, renegotiate a deadline, reword the offensive email, give an extra discount to your distributor on the disputed order, provide temporary workers from your department to cover the worker shortage, set up a meeting to discuss the issue, or make an introduction to someone else in a position to help.
Just do something to make it right.
Sometimes keeping a strategic partnership or internal client relationship intact revolves around your ability to say you’re sorry—specifically, sincerely, swiftly—with a solution.