INTRODUCTION

We Are Contagious. How We Show Up Matters. The Results Are In.

I wanted my last book to be called Show Up. My publisher and editor had other ideas, and we named it Contagious Culture instead. Of course, they were right. Contagious Culture turned out to be “the little book that could” that continued to build momentum and grow and attract people in ways I hadn’t considered possible. Schools, health care systems, law enforcement programs, organizational development programs, and more adopted it and blended the work and principles into their way of being and practices in ways that fit their industry.

It didn’t matter the size or company; the people who embraced that book wanted a culture that assimilated and celebrated the “soft stuff” and things like intentions, energy, and presence (IEP). The people in the organizations I met with and who were reading the book also wanted to create organizations that invited everyone to be “response-able” for the energy they brought to the table and the impact their IEP had on their culture. They knew what so many forget (or just don’t know, yet): that happy, present, fulfilled human beings working together are what make any organization—and its bottom line—thrive. They also knew that energy and connection have a big return on investment (ROI), that purpose, love, and kindness (to self and others) is often the answer to some of the most complex questions, and that true success starts with each person showing up individually and together because each of them wants to.

These organizations held people as equally important as any tangible business result or financial impact—if not more important. They knew that the soft stuff was in fact magical titanium, netting better financial results, better customer care, better business outcomes, and happier engaged people at the end of the day.

They knew the importance of authentic and sustainable employee engagement—and the stats to go with it (see “The Cost of Disengagement” and “Some Interesting Numbers on Trust” at the end of this Introduction). They also knew that there was more to it than just doing culture and engagement and doing management and leadership; they had to be it. After all, in those engagement surveys that we all see, who are the people who are keeping their employees and each other engaged? They are. We all are. On both sides they saw their responsibility to create an organization that nourished engagement for their employees and also for themselves.

Low and behold it worked. People reported feeling happier not just with their work but with their professional and personal relationships, and with their lives. High-risk employees began taking more ownership for their impact and career (or exited with dignity); leaders who’d previously “left dead bodies” everywhere they went became more pleasurable to work with. Executives considering leaving their organization found new ways to love and lead in it instead (and stayed); teams worked more collaboratively together; teachers felt less stress, more present, and more excited going into their classrooms.

Reports of more and more honest, clean, and direct conversations occurred. Deals were closed; promotions were had; money was made; disempowering stories were learned from and changed; divorces were more peaceful and intentional (some were avoided all together). People got out of their own way, replacing the Drama Triangle with accountability and purpose. Many shared of significant weight loss and improvements in health, and even their therapists asking them what they were doing to create these shifts. Some of the more heart-wrenching outcomes came from people going through incredibly difficult life events, like the woman who shared that working her IEP supported her through the death of her husband.

No realm of life or business has been off-limits in terms of impact and possibility for those who were willing to dare to engage.

How did they do it? What were they doing? They did the work I outlined in Contagious Culture. Not only did they achieve better cultural, business, and collaboration success, but also their personal lives were positively impacted. Which makes sense and can be expected, because as we say in this work—it’s all one life, and it starts with you. And that’s where this book comes in.

After my first book, I heard countless stories from readers, revealing themes of how it impacted their lives, such as:

•   A fuller, more credible presence (like the executive who became more trustworthy with her team, within a month, simply by shifting her awareness, intentions, and presence)

•   A richer quality of life and relationships (like the leader who left one of our sessions and redesigned her marriage with the spouse she’d been ready to divorce two days before)

•   More space (like my client who went from having no room for lunch or breaks or to hear himself think, to getting workouts in and taking a three-hour window of nonnegotiable white space each week)

•   More grace (like the attorney who felt the only way he could be successful was by being a hard-ass to all, and therefore alienating everyone, but who eventually learned how to expand his range and became a “Velvet Hammer” and more pleasurable to be around—especially for his wife and kids)

•   Better financial results (like the team who closed a seven-figure deal after doing the “Five Steps to Intentional Impact” from the IEP Method^® before the client meeting)

•   And leadership that was more powerful, helpful, and positively contagious (like the Director who went from being overwhelmed and not taken seriously by his firm to Partner in under a year while making only three simple changes in his presence—and they weren’t the changes he originally thought he needed to make)

All of these people were the answers to their own problems. But they wouldn’t have known that going in. They needed awareness. And they needed to work it.

So they did. But they needed more. And this is where the book you are holding in your hands comes in.

It’s All About You

More than three years after the release of Contagious Culture, I continue to receive feedback and questions about being contagious, my concept of Intentional Energetic Presence^®, and the IEP work (the methodology I created to support people in showing up better, which I will share later in this book). I’ve listened earnestly and have identified overall themes to what people took away from the content.

The first theme was “surprise, excitement, ownership, and action.” People were surprised by what a personal inside-out approach creating culture actually was and how much their own IEP and self-care impacted their environment and results. “I am the culture? How I show up matters? Taking care of myself is a leadership skill? I’m my best bet for creating the culture and life I want? And I am contagious?” Great! They were on their way.

The first half of Contagious Culture focused on the reader as leader; only in the second half did I dig into “culture.” This was intentional. After all, I am the culture (as are you, he, she, and they)—and I control me. Most were excited; some were relieved. If they were the culture, that meant they had the power to shift it. They didn’t have to be just at the effect of their culture or the people around them; they could be the effect. These people applied the principles and quickly saw results not only at work, but at home.

With this realization, a puzzle piece that had been missing as they’d spent all sorts of time, energy, and money on different cultural initiatives and training fell into place. No matter how many things they did to make their culture great, if they led and presented in a way that had people feeling not safe, not inspired, not connected, not real, exhausted, or like they had to show up (versus wanted to show up), or if people held the culture “out there” as something that was everyone else’s responsibility (not mine!)—they wouldn’t have a great culture.

Different questions emerged from this awareness: “How are we truly showing up? What culture are we creating by how we do so? Are each of us owning culture? How do we want to lead? Whom do we want to be together? Am I contributing to things going better or worse? Am I being intentional about what I want to create? What behaviors will we tolerate, or not (even if the bad behavior is coming from our biggest rainmaker)?”

The ideas of organizational hostages, hiring and firing for the energetic good of all, the leadership trifecta, the super seven for cultural health, and the IEP Method^® as it applied to individual leadership and the organization as a whole all took hold. And voilà! New awareness, small (and big) shifts, and a whole new ball game.

Of course, in all of the feedback, there were still those who just wanted the “punch list” on what to do about culture—not how to be it. They thought they had the “being” handled. (They didn’t, especially those who were most focused on securing “the list.”) They thought the punch list would be the magic pill. (It’s not.) In these cases my work became about helping people realize that the punch list is only as good as the intentions, energy, and presence of the person executing it.

Another theme that’s emerged over the years is “What about them?” “How do I make my spouse (or boss, friend, mother-in-law, partner, or colleague) read this book? How do I work with the person who is the ‘lowest vibration in the room,’ who thinks culture is about foosball tables and ‘doing’ values, who shows up terribly and is leaving dead bodies everywhere he or she goes? But I work for him (or she makes us a ton of money, or they’re related to the founders, or they’re my family, or I’m married to them) so we’re stuck?” This theme was bigger than I anticipated. These readers were applying it, and they were spending a ton of time and energy trying to navigate people who weren’t. Bummer.

And, finally, the “What’s next?” theme. “Things are getting more intense; we’re getting busier; demands are higher; I’m stressed; I feel overwhelmed; I’m lonely . . . What now?” Or “Got it; we’re rocking it; I’m working my IEP in big ways; I want more, gimme”! And “I’m sorry, but, again, what do I do about ‘that guy’?”

The questions and requests for topics that I cover in this new book were heartfelt and enthusiastic. Ironically, and maybe no surprise, one of the biggest requests was to write a book to “change George.” (“George” is the “lowest vibration in the room,” and I’ll stop you there—you can’t fix or change him. But don’t worry; I have a plan. Keep reading.)

Requests for a book on IEP and relationships, impact, speaking, sales, marketing, parenting, divorce, teaching, and more were made. All feedback pointed me to go deeper into the power of our individual (and ultimately collective) contagiousness, and the essentialness of getting it handled and pointed in the right direction.

Forget culture, forget business, forget results, forget “George,” forget everything—take care of you, and you have a better chance of dancing with everything else and contributing more.

More with less.

More impact, presence, meaning, and leadership. Less drama, noise, burnout, and blame.

While Contagious Culture attracted many different industries in business, what it really attracted was humans. Humans who wanted to have more impact, feel better working together, and feel and be better at home, too. Humans who wanted to lead, connect, be valued, be real, and be happy.

There was more work to do here that honored the you in the culture.

You are the culture in every system you are a part of. What you “put out there” and how you show up creates the culture. And you can’t be your best culture if you’re exhausted, burnt out, busy, blaming everyone else for culture, leaving dead bodies behind, constantly on the defense, or not owning the culture. This book is written to give you more personal and individual support to show up well, feel good doing it, and inspire others to lead better too. After all, culture is only a bunch of yous together.

If you’ve already read Contagious Culture: Show Up, Set the Tone, and Intentionally Create an Organization that Thrives and you’re wondering if you should read this one now, the answer is yes. While we talked about you in that book, there was so much more to discuss. And in the three years since its release, not only have readers shown me where they want and need more, but the work has grown significantly. So while this book will enrich ideas shared in the first one, and vice versa, the content in this book is new and works beautifully with Contagious Culture.

Throughout this book, you’ll meet people like Max (whom you’ll learn about in Chapter 1—his people kept quitting him, not the company); Lester and Matt (whom you’ll meet in Chapter 3—their leadership trust and credibility was being diminished by behaviors and presence issues totally within their control and easily remedied); Team X (in Chapter 4, who almost bombed a major deal but used the IEP Method to identify team issues and closed the deal beautifully at the last minute); Casey (in Part 3, who learned how to manage her “leadership bully” by more effectively holding her space and ultimately surpassing her in the organization); and many more humans and organizations that have shown up in bigger, better, and more peaceful ways (and sometimes not) because they did their work (or not).

All to say, here we are.

Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

If you are one of those people reading this book for “them”—meaning you think this is all good and dandy and you get it, but you want them to get it and you’re looking for some new tricks to make it happen. Or you’re hoping George will finally get it and you’ll get him out of your hair once and for all. Or you really want to integrate this more but don’t think others on your team will bite. Here are a few things to consider.

One . . . I’ve found that the minute I think I already know something or think something is not for me or is really for everyone else (especially if I’m feeling self-righteous about it), I’m in the danger zone. It’s a sign for me to pay extra attention. There’s likely a blind spot and an opportunity that will change my game. If I’m willing to look, I can usually find a place where I’m not having the impact I want or I’m feeling pain—and trace it to the very idea or principle (or human) I’m resisting.

Two . . . If you are reading this for your team or organization, I get it. And please read it for you as well. One of the biggest questions I get is “How do I get others to do this?” Answer: You don’t. You be it. They catch it. Voilà. You’re contagious—they’ll get it. Don’t worry about them; it will come. At some point you may think, Yeah, but not everyone is going to do this, believe this, be this, or even read this book! They might even think I’m woo-woo for talking about it! How do we do this if not everyone is on board? That’s true. You may be right. And no worries. A small amount of people can have a very large impact. You are mighty. Embrace. Embody. Adopt. Apply.

Three . . . If you are reading this with your team, good. The more, the merrier. When we work with organizations to integrate these ideas into their culture, they often find it doesn’t take a lot of people to create change. Even the “naysayers” and skeptics can shift just by being in a different kind of energy and community. It’s not uncommon for a skeptic to become an advocate. We’ve found that if we can get even 30 percent of the team or organization playing, it is plenty of mass to create a positive culture change. (And if 30 percent seems like a stretch, revisit point two above.)

If you get pushback, no worries. Let your knowingness be stronger than their doubt and keep doing you. (A skill we’ll be discussing in Part 2.) Smile, bubble up, remember that your Intentional Energetic Presence is a superpower, and you’re just getting started! Own it.

Let’s Talk About You for a Minute

Some of you coming to this work are already bought in. Hungry for more even.

Some of you are on the fence, not sure if this energy, presence, and contagious stuff is for you. But you’re curious. You’re here.

Some of you resist this work entirely, even poo-pooing it or diminishing it, because what it takes to truly bust through your current leadership impact and presence may be very uncomfortable for you to be with; energy, presence, vibration, feelings, vulnerability, soft stuff—in leadership? Where’s the exit? But . . . your people are hoping you might reconsider.

Some of you will be having none of this. Either it’s not your cup of tea, or you don’t care. It’s OK. When you decide you want people to follow you because they want to versus have to, or when you get tired of walking around encountering resistance everywhere you go, this book will still be here.

And, of course, some of you are brand new to all of this. Welcome.

You care. A lot. About leadership and being your best. Wherever you landed in my assumptions above (I’m talking to you too, George), you care and you want to do and be better.

You have a full life. Maybe you have a partner, spouse, kids, aging parents, friends, dog, job, team, exercise routine, goldfish, etc., and you’re trying to do it all. You want to lead, command respect, create great morale in your company, nurture others in their own development, have more energy, be fitter, be better, and be happier with the mounting pressure you feel in your life. And then you get to deal with “George,” the guy who sucks the life out of the room and leaves dead bodies behind him everywhere he goes (often leaving you with cleanup duty). How do you do it?

I don’t know exactly what you want or need, or what’s right for you (though I might have some ideas), but I do know that what you desire is possible, and your challenges solvable, if you’re willing to do the work and own your magic.

Wherever you are right now—top of your game, as CEO of a huge organization; middle of your game, being led and leading others at the same time; just getting started in your game and trying to figure out how to take the next step (or what the next step even is); or don’t even know what your game is yet but know you want it to be a good one—this book will help.

Set your intention now for what you want to get out of this conversation. I’ll do everything on my end to show up, do my part, and give you my best on these pages.

What We’re Doing Here

The world needs more of you and your magic. And it needs it now. Some of the traditional ways of leading, while classic and important, aren’t enough anymore. I’m going to give you new ones. (Everything I give you will only amplify your other leadership skills.)

Having a big impact requires that we show up. Showing up requires that we take a minute and show up for ourselves. This book offers that minute.

Take a breath, bask in your badassery for being willing to pick up a book that calls you “contagious,” and trust that our meeting now is divine as we lean into another way of thinking about, doing, and being in leadership.

Nothing I offer will apply to only one domain of your life.

And nothing I share will be dependent on other people doing something for you or changing who they are or how they show up.

My intention? To help you access more of yourself, expand your leadership presence and range, accelerate your effectiveness, create more influence on the things and people you care about, navigate George with rigor and grace, create more space and ease in your own life, and inspire those you love and lead to step up with you.

Me and My 411

Who am I? I’m a mom, sister, daughter, friend, dog rescuer, and a lot more. I’m also a leadership and cultural advisor to business leaders and executives, having worked in many different spaces, including design and innovation, health care, education, hospitality, finance, government, tech, and more. I’ve served as an executive coach, advisor, teacher, speaker, and writer since 2002. I have training and credentials in coaching, leadership, intuitive work, relational health, and more. I have a degree in kinesiology, which is the science of the mechanics of human movement. And more than all this, I am just me.

I am a mom to a 14-year-old and 19-year-old, both of whom I love more than air and who’ve grown up with this work. I co-parent with their dad. We have a collaborative, caring, and respectful relationship. (This, by the way, is a result of many of the principles and frameworks I’ll share in this book. Yes, good news, this book is not just for business; it’s for your personal life too!)

The IEP work has grown organically and significantly over the years. It doesn’t matter the industry, age, gender, geography, or level of leadership—the results are indicative of the courage and willingness of people engaging in this content to show up for themselves and serve.

Common feedback we get from people includes, “I didn’t know how good good could feel,” or “I didn’t realize that I wasn’t happy or was having a negative impact,” or “I didn’t know that I was the common denominator in all my ails”; “until I did and owned there was so much more I could do/be/have.” And “This work follows me home and everywhere I go. It makes me a better human (for me, my kids/spouse/people).” The more I teach this work, the more I experience these statements to be true for myself as well.

In this book I’ll share new learning and work I’ve done in the field since the release of Contagious Culture, including working in education, with law enforcement, with the Navy, in health care, in design, in finance, in tech, with foster care, and yes, of course, in corporate culture and more. I’ve navigated sheep (literally and figuratively), taught others to teach this methodology, worked with government agencies, taught in colleges, spoken on stages around the world, participated in a think tank, worked with women in research, and on, on, and on. All while momming my “babies,” honoring my own life and leadership, tending to my well-being, running my organization, and putting these principles to the test throughout. It’s been a productive and heartfelt couple of years, and I’m excited to share new awarenesses, stories, and science in this work that I hold will support you in creating more value.

As with anything I write or speak about, this is all from the heart, offered without attachment to how you use it, or even if you use it. Use this as it resonates and at your pace.

I’m excited to be in this conversation with you. Thank you for reading my stuff and for being in the dance of human with me. And thank you for who you be in the world.

Play the game; choose your cause; lead . . .

Always with love,

P.S.: A few things you should know as we move forward . . . I write like I talk. I make up words. I sometimes pretend that you are sitting right here with me. I dream about you. I sometimes question if I should write books about being (positively) “contagious” and “showing up” (well) when I fall down in these areas all the time. Many of the stories shared here are mine. Some of them belong to others. I’ve purposefully blended a combination of professional and personal stories because it’s all one life. All stories are real. Some have been modified to honor confidentiality; some are composites to give you the most relevant points and also honor the privacy of the people and organizations involved. For all of you who have shared and allowed me to tell your story—thank you. And for all of you who have contributed to mine; the good, the bad, the ugly, and the oh so doggone gorgeous—thank you.

How to Partner with This Book

This book is intended to be an active conversation. I want you thinking with me. In every chapter, you’ll find inquiry or fieldwork. Do it. It will make these ideas even more personal to you. I’ve divided this book into five parts to help you tackle your stuff in your own authentic way. Use it as it serves you most. A reminder to read this book through the lens of you—not through the lens of what others may, or may not, be doing well. Do your own work. It will pay off.

You can read from start to finish, or dabble and dip in and out as you feel called. (Though I do find letting it build from front to back is helpful with this content.)

•   Part One: You. Get in there. All you.

•   Part Two: Presence. Own it; build it; protect it; use it.

•   Part Three: Relating. Because relationships are everything and then some.

•   Part Four: Leadership. Because if not you, who? (Besides, with Parts 1 to 3 under way, it gets easier from here.)

•   Part Five: Impact. Because this is the whole darn point, right? Impact for you, impact for those you lead and love, and impact for our world.

Ready? Let’s get contagious.