CHAPTER 1

You Are Contagious. Own It.

Your contagiousness is a superpower. With great power comes great response-ability.

Claim it. Work it. And use it for good.

Have you ever noticed you can be in a great mood, feel on top of the world, on your game, ready to rock your day, and thinking people are amazing—until you run into that person, and suddenly you’re exhausted, the world seems dimmer, and people aren’t so great after all? Or you can be in a foul mood, feeling tired, irritated, and like everything is hard—and then you run into that other person, and suddenly life feels good and bright and people are wonderful again? Have you noticed you have the ability to influence other people’s outlooks, decisions, and moods—not necessarily through the words you say, but through your presence and the intentions behind your words? Or that you can change the mood of a room by the energy you bring into it (for good or bad)? Or that you can be in a meeting that feels great and productive but you have one negative person in there—and before you know it, the whole meeting sucks?

Have you noticed you can “vibe” with someone right off the bat, liking and trusting that person instantly—or feel repelled by him or her just as fast? And have you ever noticed the feeling you get when you stand in front of a group, sense the energy in the room, and feel strong and powerful (or anxious and small)?

Have you ever noticed that a smiling person can make you smile? Or that a scowling person can bum you out? Or that one kind word can shift your mood, fill you up, and have you paying that kindness forward all day to everyone you meet?

In my experience most of us can relate to these scenes in our lives. Why? Because we are human. And we’re contagious. Our intentions, energy, presence, and state of being are all contagious.

We put energy out there; we take energy on. This happens at work, at home, at the coffee shop, on the train, and everywhere else we go. Whatever we put out there and whatever we take on affects our ability to influence, lead, and create the impact we want.

So the real question becomes: What kind of contagious do you want to be? What do you want to put out there? What do you want to take on? And in service of what? Let’s go.

Max and the Magic Culture List

I’d just given a keynote to a group in an industry essential to our future about “Creating a (Positively) Contagious Culture.” I got off stage, signed books, said my hellos, and was in a conversation with an audience member when that guy, we’ll call him “Max,” showed up.

Cutting to the front, interrupting our conversation, smirking, with a quick clip to his voice, he offered me this: “Anese, you did a good job. All the people here needed to hear your message. I already knew it, but they needed it, so good job.” He shook my hand and planted. I could feel the “but” coming (you know the energy of “but,” right?). So could the person I’d been talking with. Her energy shifted, and she stepped back. She seemed to get “smaller,” tentative. She watched us with what felt like a blend of curiosity and frustration.

“I have some feedback for you, Anese. Anese, I hope you can take it.” Abrasive with a smile. I took a breath and secured my space. “Anese” (was he attempting to bond by using my name?), I would have liked it more if you would have talked about culture and how to create it. You know. You mentioned it, but you went ‘culture light’ on us. I was waiting for you to tell us what to actually dooo. It’d be much more powerful if you just told us how to dooo culture. We need a punch list, not a talk about how we show up. We need action, Anese. Not the soft stuff. Where’s the list?”

Gruff. Passionate. Standing for his point.

I got his point.

He’d missed mine.

I’d experienced him in the room that morning and also in a meeting the day before. His arms crossed, brows furrowed, ongoing sidebars while others spoke, a curt condescending tone in the room when he talked, cutting people off, interrupting my discussion now. The culture he was creating was palpable. And contagious.

Max was that guy.

And he wanted the list.

People want the list: the Culture Change Checklist, the Relationship Fixer, the Trust Builder, the Leadership Enhancer, or the Lose Ten Pounds list—all magically bulleted shortcut lists of things to do to create the results they want. I get it.

Unfortunately, as amazing as any “list” may be, if we show up badly—if our intentions, energy, and presence are not on point—that list is nothing special and can even do more harm than good. There are not enough action steps, checklists, to-dos, or cultural perks in the world to override how we make people feel and the energy we create with ourselves and other human beings.

The “soft stuff” that Max was so desperate to discount is what actually sets the tone.

It’s the gold.

(Fret not. I’ll give you “the list” later in this book. However, you won’t need it by the time we’re done here.)

I took a breath, held my space, and located some gratitude for him in my system.

“Max, I love this question!” (I did.) “I understand your request. I can give you the ‘punch sheet’; that’s easy. Happy to. However, a punch sheet will only take you about 10 percent of the way there.”

“Huh? Come again?”

“In this work, and I bet your people would agree, we’ve found that the other 90 percent is what counts most. The ‘soft stuff.’ It’s how you make people feel. It’s how you set the tone for optimal productivity, thinking, and contribution. It’s the quality of your presence, the container you hold with them, the safety you create. How you show up in a room: your intentions, your energy, your regard, that is the culture. You are the culture.”

“Great! Got it! Here’s my card, Anese; send me that punch list!” He gave me his card, shook my hand, patted my shoulder, gave me a big smile (I think he winked), and he was off.

The woman I had been talking to, one of Max’s employees, looked at me and said, “Of all the people in that room, I wish he would have heard you. Max is the reason people in our organization keep quitting. Maybe you should write a book that teaches us how to handle the ‘Maxes’ better.”

Setting the Tone

You walk into a room and either you can set the tone and bring the energy up, or you can trash it. Quickly. You can create the space for honesty and vulnerability, or you can get people to armor up fast. You can be in a conversation and make it awesome, or a drag. You can talk about another human being and make that person sound and feel like the most amazing person in the world, or the worst. You can stand in front of people and feel powerful and real, or scared and fake. You can give your kids courage and belief, or freak them out. You can make your staff feel seen and cared for and championed, or like a vehicle to get stuff done for you. You can make your loved ones and partner feel grand, or small. You can look at your calendar and be overwhelmed and busy, or grateful and on purpose. You can make any situation feel like the end of the world, or like the beginning (even though it may be intensely painful or horrible in the moment). You can be an invitation to engage, or a repellent.

How? With your energetic presence and what you bring into that room, conversation, or situation. Research shows that we decide within a tenth of a second if we like people, trust them, and sense they’re competent. Some people say it’s 7 seconds (I even found someone who says it’s 27), but the research that I found most consistent and resonant says it’s 1/10 of a second.¹

For example, in one study done on “first impressions” at Princeton University, Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov² ran a series of experiments investigating the minimal amount of time it takes for people to make trait inferences from looking at an unfamiliar face. They explored participants judging for attractiveness, likability, trustworthiness, competence, and aggressiveness.

What did they find? “For all five of the traits studied, judgments made after the briefest exposure (1/10 of a second) were highly correlated with judgments made without time constraints; and increased exposure time (1/2 of a full second) did not significantly increase the correlation. Response times also revealed that participants made their judgments as quickly (if not more quickly) after seeing a face for 1/10 of a second as they did if given a longer glimpse.”³

Even more, when exposure time was increased from one-tenth to one-half of a second, participants’ judgments only “became more negative, response times for judgments decreased, and confidence in judgments increased.” Increasing it further to 1 second (1,000 milliseconds) generally only boosted confidence in the initial judgments; however, it also allowed for more differentiated trait impressions.

At the end of the day, all correlations for the five traits were high, but trustworthiness was the highest (with attractiveness right behind it).

So what does this mean?

We have one-tenth of a second! We generally make our first impression (and perceive others) within one-tenth of a second, we assess most accurately and quickly for trustworthiness and attractiveness, and the longer we have with our exposure further increases our confidence in judgment while facilitating even more impressions.

One-tenth of a second, seven seconds, whatever! How we show up matters, and it creates impact faster than we realize!

And wait; there’s more . . .

In addition to what’s happening with our brains and quick decision making, the heart and our electromagnetic fields are at play too. Emotional energetics research (by the HeartMath Institute) states:

The heart produces by far the body’s most powerful rhythmic electromagnetic field, which can be detected several feet away by sensitive instruments. Research shows our heart’s field changes distinctly as we experience different emotions. It is registered in people’s brains around us and apparently is capable of affecting cells, water and DNA studied in vitro. Growing evidence also suggests energetic interactions involving the heart may underlie intuition and important aspects of human consciousness.⁴

Bottom line? There are things happening in our brains, hearts, physiology, and the collective energetic field that help us set the tone, manage our contagiousness, and intend our impact. (I’ll talk more about the “science of showing up” in Chapter 8.)

You can design for impact and show up intentionally by cultivating what I call your Intentional Energetic Presence^® (IEP). Our intentions, energy, and presence all work together to influence what’s happening in any situation. We are at every moment creating our experience, setting the tone, and cocreating the energetic field with any human we engage with.

Just as someone with positive IEP can walk into a room, light it up, and make it feel amazing, someone else can walk in, low vibe with negative and yucky energy, and bring the whole house down. We get to decide which vibe we’ll take on. We can be contagious and spread the good (or the nasty), and we can also choose not to be the victim of someone else’s contagiousness (the good or the nasty).

This is a decision. It takes awareness. Self-care. And a decision to choose what experience we want to create and what tone we want to set.

We set the tone—every day.

We set the tone for the office on Monday morning, in the meeting we have that we’re scared to lead, and in our feedback session with our boss or employee, as we begin that new client project, and as we prepare our sales report or annual taxes. We set the tone at home, at our parent-teacher conference, for the conversation with our kid, for the conflict we’re navigating with our spouse, and as we do the dishes. And we set the tone throughout the rest of our lives, for the conversation we have at Sunday brunch with girlfriends, as we get on the packed early-morning flight, as we respond to news and current events, as we decide how to engage in social media, as we intend our day before we even get out of bed. We set the tone. Everywhere. We create the experience. We become a force for good, or bad.

And if we didn’t set it? And someone else “got there first,” we can absolutely change it. The person with the strongest purpose and intention, cleanest presence, and highest vibration wins.

I’m going to teach you how to be that person.

So, What Is “Contagious”?

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did . . . but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

—MAYA ANGELOU

The Oxford English Dictionary defines “contagious” as “(1) (of a disease) spread from one person or organism to another, typically by direct contact, and (2) (of an emotion, feeling, or attitude) likely to spread to and affect others.”

Simply put, contagious means something, a disease or an emotion, feeling, or attitude that can be spread from one person to another by direct or indirect contact that is likely to spread and affect others. For good or bad.

Great news, this is all your choice. And whatever you decide will be contagious.

After doing this work for over twenty years, this is my formula for contagious:

FIGURE 1.1   Contagion Factor Formula™

The more clear, positive, and helpful the emotion and intent, and the greater the presence and self-care—the higher the vibration and the more good it will do.

The more ambiguous or negative the intent and emotion, and the lesser the presence and self-care—the lower the vibration and the less good (or more bad) it will do.

With no emotion, no intent, no presence, no self-care . . . meh.

And of course, the action happens on top of all of it.

This plays out all the time. That guy sitting next to you in your meeting (that sucked) yesterday was contagious (crossed arms + eye rolls/boredom × intention to get out of here/exhausted negative vibe = energy suck). The lady next to me in the hotel lobby where I’m currently holed up writing this chapter is contagious (fortunately in a really great way: smile/happy to see another human/positive energetic vibe = lucky me). The woman who mad-dogged me at the gym today, contagious. Me smiling back at her saying “Good morning!” and not catching her vibe, but rather changing the field with mine, contagious. There’s no getting around it.

We’re either catching stuff from others or putting it out there for them to catch, and usually a lot of both.

Our emotional states, attitudes, presence, characteristics, and ultimately our actions are all contagious. Courage is contagious, busyness is contagious. Kindness and accountability are contagious, as are complaining and blaming. Vulnerability and risk taking, judgment and contempt, apathy and abdication, positivity and gratitude, negativity and entitlement, generosity, greed, grit—you name it—they’re all contagious.

Our contagiousness impacts our ability to connect with, lead, and influence others.

It can be used for good or for evil.

It can be spread intentionally or unintentionally.

It’s never ending; it doesn’t stop.

It applies to all of us.

How are you contagious? What do you put “out there”? What impact do you create by the way you show up? Are you an invitation? Are you life-giving or soul-sucking? Do you feel good to be around? Do you create breath and expansion for people? Do you create resistance and contraction? Do people feel safe with you, or do they feel careful? Are you full of possibility? Or are you Debbie Downer?

The leadership is in how we decide to use our superpowers here.

The Real Remedy Is Not to Fix “Them”

What happened with Max in my opening story is not a new problem. Max is not a bad guy. In fact, I love this story, as it demonstrates a common speed, lack of awareness, and earnest quest to have the magic pill that handles impact and culture.

We’ve all been Max (you might even be someone’s Max right now and not even know it): self-focused, distracted, moving fast, “busy,” complaining, sucking the air out of the room, having unintended impact, being negatively contagious . . . There’s rarely poor intent. Being Max is human. And often Max just needs a minute . . .

In our go-go-go world, taking the time to consider our impact or that “I may be the issue—or at least contributing to it” is often considered a luxury—if it’s considered at all. The idea of “how I show up energetically,” or “that I create the culture with my presence,” is outside what people have traditionally focused on, let alone been rewarded for, in building their business and culture. Add to this that the soft stuff, and even our self-care, has a huge impact on our presence, trustworthiness, and credibility and we’re into new territory for leadership development and culture work.

Max was being the culture in that room. Max was contagious. He was contagious in our conversation too. This scene was a microcosm of the bigger context of Max and that particular team. After spending just a few hours with the members of the team, I understood why they’d brought me in.

The remedy was not to spend their energy on changing “Max.” It was to nourish and strengthen their own leadership awareness, presence, and abilities so that they could lead more powerfully, stay on track, give clean feedback and direction, and influence the Maxes of the world more effectively.

While they’d initially wanted me to “get through” to Max, I really needed to get through to the rest of the team in a new way.

Contemplating feedback for that group on the way to the airport that afternoon, I got a call from another high-level executive I’d worked with the month before. She was “done” with the soft stuff and energy and hearing about showing up with her people. She got it. She wanted me to just tell her what to do to fix her team and her culture so she could be “done with all this culture stuff” and get down to business once and for all. She was frustrated. Shouldn’t it be fixed by now?

Nope. Not at all.

She was still showing up “badly” and in a way that was creating resistance for people (for personal reasons the team was not privy to), and the team members, despite integrating the IEP work in many other ways for themselves and with each other, were still trying to figure out how to work around her. The defensive and punitive ways she’d handled feedback in the past had them terrified to give it to her now, and she wasn’t honoring her agreements with them to change it. Her trust and credibility were at an all-time low, and sensing this just made her more determined to “make it go away.” Add to this that her fellow directors and employees had a really hard time “holding their space with her,” and, no, this situation wasn’t going anywhere good anytime soon. As long as this dynamic was in play, they’d never “fix” the culture.

There was more work to do here. While I could continue to work with her personally on this, I was clear that the members of the team needed additional tools as well to support them in being able to manage themselves and navigate her better. This was similar to what I’d seen earlier that day with Max.

Again, the solution was not to “fix” her; it was to engage the others, who were open to doing the work, with more tools. If they could get even a small group of them holding a healthy vibration on the team, they’d be able to determine productive next steps and more effective ways to stand in the feedback and hold their space. They’d also be more enrolling as a positively contagious invitation than as a team trying to “work around” her.

It didn’t guarantee that she’d change, but short of her deciding to show up better, it would be their best bet. See, here’s the beauty . . . you don’t have to have everyone on board to make a positive leadership or cultural change (and definitely not to make your own life better or easier)—you just need you. One person can do a lot. It’s lovely if everyone is on board, and way easier for sure, and in my experience I’ve found that one person can make a huge difference and having even 30 percent of your team on board is enough to start the positively contagious revolution.

Being positively contagious, holding your space, and doing your work does not guarantee Max comes on board, but it does guarantee that you are better equipped to lead and rise above (if you so choose). It’s also the best chance you’ve got at being an invitation for Max to shift, and creating a healthy dynamic, culture, and life. Because you can’t “fix” Max. But you can rock you.

Here’s the thing . . . your present-day results and circumstances are a product of the decisions you’ve made, work you’ve done, ways you’ve shown up for yourself and others, the quality of your leadership, and your ability to manage your contagiousness to this point.

Your impact on this planet, your ability to influence others and to create what you want (money, trust, love, that promotion, solid results, authentic relationships, loyal employees, an awesome culture, a kickass business model, great abs, more joy), depends on the decisions you’ll make, what you’ll do, who you’ll be, how you’ll take care of yourself, and how you’ll lead moving forward.

Contagious Culture gave readers a head start in setting the tone for a healthier and more positively contagious culture.

Contagious You will help you unlock more superpowers for being an even bigger force for your life.

Wait. This Is on Me? I Create the Culture?

After working with countless people, teams, organizations, and industries, I’ve learned that leadership and culture are something that we be, not that we do. The being, which I hold as our intentions, energy, and presence, is like food coloring in water—you can’t separate the being from the doing. It infuses and colors everything. It’s contagious. The doing is important, absolutely—but the being is what people respond to and are inspired or repelled by. At the end of the day, if we lead intentionally with the being and doing working together well, we’re more likely to have a positive impact.

It is easier to put culture out there—to hold culture as something to be done or something that everyone else is responsible for. Holding culture as internal—something that you are and that you are accountable for—can be confronting. It requires you to be present and aware. It requires connection with others. It requires vulnerability. And it requires self-reflection and accountability posing the questions: “How am I showing up to create the experience I’m having? How am I contributing to my situation? What help might I need?” And “Might I be like Max?” It also offers that whether you love or don’t love your culture, life, relationships, or results—it’s on you. You are cocreating it.

This is a tremendous gift and superpower, and like any good superpower it comes with opportunity, and also great responsibility.

How we show up, how we own our leadership, how we treat people, how we honor and take care of ourselves, how we get support where we need it, how we think, how we take responsibility for our energy and presence, and how comfortable we can be with our discomfort—this is all part of good leadership.

Leadership is not solely related or limited to formal roles or rank in your organization. You do not have to be formally deemed “leader” to lead. When I speak of leadership, I am speaking to any human who is leading their life. Period.

Good leadership creates good culture (at work, at home, and everywhere in between).

To be a good leader we want to be usefully contagious (not just positively, but usefully). There are skills, tricks, frameworks, methods, and all sorts of good to support us in leading well and in being so. And considering our usefulness and the impact we create through our contagiousness is a solid place to start.

The foundation of this all starts with our intentions, energy, and presence and our IEP. Our impact begins with how we show up.

No matter what I do, what I teach, what I write, what framework or model I create, or how I work with anyone—including myself and my own team—I don’t know a better way to create healthy leadership and congruent living than to start with each of us individually taking responsibility for who we are being, our IEP, what we do, the tone we set, and the culture we create with all of it.

We Impact, and Are Impacted by, Contagiousness Every Day

It’s not often that we talk about energetic presence, or intention, or vibrational energy, or contagiousness in leadership and impact. Yet we are dealing with it all the time, in every moment. In my experience it’s the “thing” that is often “off” about people or situations that people have a hard time identifying or giving feedback on. It’s intangible but it packs a punch.

If you’ve ever been in a meeting and you’ve felt the room get tense or the energy drop—you know vibrational energy, energetic presence, and contagiousness.

If you’ve ever been in a good mood, talked to someone who was not, and then felt yourself get tired, contracted, or somehow affected by their presence—you know vibrational energy and contagiousness.

If you’ve ever walked into a room and felt magic, a buzz, a vibe, or a frequency that said “Yes!” without even knowing why yet—you know energy, presence, and contagiousness.

If you’ve ever walked into a room and felt heavy and tired and like you wanted to get out fast—you know energy, presence, and contagiousness.

You know energy. You experience it. You project it yourself. It is ever present. And it is contagious.

It doesn’t matter what you call it, only that you’re aware of it and know how to work with it.

How Vibrational Energy, Energetic Presence, and Contagiousness Play Out

Jack walks into the room for a meeting with six other business leaders. The energy is good. They’re all excited to be there. There’s one guy, Bob, who’s not excited to be there at all. They feel him. The other five, and Jack, are good to go. Jack takes note, asks Bob how he is (“Fine”), and keeps going. Within five minutes, three of the original happy six are lower energy. Within 12 minutes, the meeting is flat. By the time they leave an hour later, that meeting sucked—big time. (Proving Bob’s point that meetings are useless. Hmmmm.)

Bob was contagious. He powerfully impacted six other beings with his presence. They matched his energy. Ironically, they’re not aware of what actually happened—except that “the energy was low” and “meetings blow.”

Carrie wants to have more impact. She makes a point in every meeting to show up, speak up, give her opinion, and make sure people know that she’s there and that she’s contributing. It’s not going so hot. When we do her feedback, via an interactive 360-style process, we find that her presence is experienced as aggressive and distracting; it creates “chaos.” She’s confused. That’s not her intention.

We get clear on her intentions. Part of the reason she speaks up is because she wants to be seen as valuable, not because she wants to be value-added or to serve. Ah, easy! The next meeting Carrie goes into, she practices pure presence—being in the room fully focused on being of service and only speaking when she can share something that will truly help. She speaks up one time. The energy in the room flows. People are calm, speaking with presence and as needed. Carrie gets four texts afterward praising her for how helpful she was in the room and how powerful her presence was.

Carrie started out being contagious in a way that was self-serving and negative and created resistance. With some awareness and a small tweak in intention, her contagiousness shifted to being positive and of service.

Julie gets together with her girlfriends for dinner. She’s excited to see them. She’s feeling good. They sit down. Order drinks. Do a quick round of catch-ups. The vibe is good. And then . . . Jody kicks in. She is talking about Sara. Sara’s not there. The vibe shifts. Jody starts complaining. The other three join in—one by one. The energy gets yucky. This lovely meal has turned into gossip, complaining, and a tense contracted conversation. Everyone leaves feeling dirty.

Jody was contagious—her girlfriends caught it and spread it.

Steve and Sara are at the airport. Their flight gets delayed. Then delayed again. Ruh roh! They watch as people react. One group reacts with blame, anger, agitation—one guy kicks a pole and says, “You guys suck!” The other group reacts with, “C’est la vie! Travel! Let’s get a glass of wine and figure out next steps. And oh, by the way—thank you, airline people, for trying to help.”

Sara and Steve have a choice to make—how shall they respond? What experience will they create for themselves? What reaction will they catch? What will they spread? They choose “C’est la vie!” and go for wine. They have a lovely delay.

Company Z is going through some changes. Big ones. Scary ones. They’ll mean shifts in personnel, locations, and policies. They’re not sure how big yet. These changes will also mean some ambiguity for a while (maybe forever). Ambiguity breeds contagion; good or bad, healthy or toxic. Which types grow fastest are up to the people leading (aka you). Some people choose to go down the path of pain—negativity, blame, gossip, and spreading the worst-case scenario story. It spreads fast. It doesn’t take long. Before you know it, the situation is worse, and since humans are evidence-gathering machines, the fear goes viral.

There’s another smaller group of people, though, that decide to do everything they can to “help things go right”—or at least better. They “hold their space” (not participating in the negativity), get curious, and ask people for clarity when they hear assumptions being made. They also point out the possible gifts and focus on staying present and creating results. While this group starts out smaller, they grow together as a team and create a much better experience for themselves.

In the end, when the ambiguity clears up a bit and things have settled, the people in the first group—the negative—are exhausted and depleted and are carrying their heavy stories everywhere they go. The people in the second group—the positively contagious who chose to create a healthier experience—are energized and grateful and are looking forward to digging in and getting to work.

Both groups were contagious—one positively, one negatively. They all chose what they wanted to take on and put out. The experiences of the two groups were significantly different—even though they had the same circumstances to deal with.

Familiar? Each of these scenarios has a “choice point” in which the people around the lower contagions could choose something different. In some cases they did, and in others they were negatively “infected.”

This happens every day—at the grocery store, coffee shop, your kids’ school; among teachers, doctors, nurses, staff; and with your clients, vendors, team members, and your boss. It’s also in your family dynamics; among your friends; on social media; in politics, business, current events, natural disasters, and financial ventures. Just look around you—feel around you—and you’ll feel it; everything is contagious.

You catch and spread what you are committed to.

What are you committed to?

If you want to lead well, influence others, and create results, it matters that you are aware of your commitments. It also matters how you use your contagiousness, how you shift it, and how you protect yourself when people throw their stuff your way (which is why we’re having this conversation).

Your Contagiousness Is a Superpower

We’re talking about superpowers here. Did you know you have them?

Your first superpower?

Being contagious. Yep.

You are contagious. I am contagious. So is everyone else.

We can’t help it—we just are. (There is science behind this—lots of it! Our brain, heart, coherence, and collective energetic fields all create contagiousness—more on this later.)

Being contagious is also a coachable skill. Just like sports stars have their coaches to help them focus on performance and recovery, contagiousness in leadership can be coached.

We invite or repel people with our contagiousness.

We create what we want, or what we don’t want, with our contagiousness.

We have control of ourselves and our own contagiousness.

We have no control of theirs. We do have the power to decide what we’ll “take on” and “catch.”

The ability to do this is another superpower. These superpowers are some of the most fundamental leadership assets we’ll ever have. We must use them well.

Here’s your first lesson, Superhero: At the root of your contagiousness are your intentions, energy, and presence, and your Intentional Energetic Presence (your IEP). You control all of these things. They’re yours; nobody can do them for you; no one can take them away. Make any of them better, and you level-up your ability to create influence.

Here are three questions to ask yourself to upgrade your results and contagiousness factor.

Start now. (This is part of the IEP Method^® we’ll dig into in Part 2.)

•   What experience do I want to create? (This can be with a project, conversation, workout, anything.) Why? What’s important about this to me? (What and whom does it serve?)

•   How am I showing up? Are my intentions, energy, and presence supporting my desired experience? (The intention is what you want to have happen, the energy is the energy and stamina you’re bringing to it, and your presence is how present you are and what you’re projecting in this moment.)

•   What’s the littlest (or biggest) thing I can do to shift things in the right direction? (This may be a small tweak in IEP, or a decision you need to make, or a breath you need to take. It could also be a time-out, a truth that needs to be spoken, a mindset shift, or accessing gratitude—anything.)

Powerful little questions—do not underestimate them.

Meet “George” and “Mary”

When I wrote Contagious Culture, I set out to show the world that we are the culture. (By the way, if you have not read that book, I invite you to grab a copy. It will help you in the areas of leadership and culture in ways that this book will not, just as this book will support you in ways that one will not. I wrote them to be BFFs and work together forever.) Culture is not only created out there—it is mostly created in here (within each of us). How we show up in our intentions, energy, and presence (our IEP) creates that culture.

As people read that book, they were excited, surprised, often relieved, and sometimes challenged, to step into “I am the culture” and to show up in a way that created the culture they wanted to be a part of. They realized that this impacted culture everywhere—not just in their organization, but in their family, on the soccer team, in their community, in the classroom. Anywhere there were humans to be impacted or working together, culture was created. And they were the culture.

Two things happened (very generally speaking). The first group (most people) who read the book were excited, embraced it, and ran with it, building and strengthening their IEP and optimizing their leadership presence and impact. We’ll call this group “Mary” (or “Marvin”). The second group (by my estimation about 20 to 30 percent of readers) thought the book and this idea of “I am the culture” didn’t apply to them, called it “soft stuff” and “fluff,” and went about their merry way. We’ll call this group “George” (or “Georgette”).

The Marys really wished the Georges would reconsider their “This doesn’t apply to me, and it’s silly” stance because in most cases it was the Georges who were making the Marys’ lives harder. Marys were having to work around Georges. (Sometimes Marys were even married to Georges so it was extra personal.) This is not surprising. It lines up with what I’ve seen in my work with leadership and cultural change: People who can most benefit from this content are often the most resistant. And often the ones who adopt it readily and want more of it, don’t need it as much, use it for optimization, and ultimately end up needing it even more to handle the Georges of the world.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter who said or did what—what matters is that whether we’re showing up as George or Mary, we are all contagious. We can use that contagiousness for good or evil, to create magic or pain, and to help things go better or worse.

While Contagious Culture focused on you and the culture, this book is focused more deeply on you, you, you, which of course will serve your culture even more.

George or Mary?

George

What I’ve noticed in this work is that George (or Georgette) often doesn’t know he (or she) is George and so they don’t reach out for help or even pick up books to support them on being more positively contagious. I’ve also learned that we all have a little George in us from time to time, and that the Georges of the world, also have a little Mary in them from time to time. Either way, in the land of awareness it’s helpful to know.

So how do you know?

Let’s talk to George first . . .

George, I love you. We have some work to do in this book. But first, let’s chat.

George, you are the person who comes up to me after keynotes to say (or leaves thinking), “This doesn’t apply to me; I’ve got this. My team needs this.” And “So how do I create a healthy culture? I need the list” after you’ve sat in a room with me, not present, rolling your eyes, having side conversations, and texting your heart away because this isn’t for you. Meanwhile your team and at least three people in the audience (and maybe even your spouse) have told me how grateful they are you’re going to get exposure to these ideas and please make sure you “get them” because you are the person they’re struggling with. (Only you think this doesn’t apply to you, George.)

If this is at all familiar to you—or triggering—as you read this, then yay. I’ve hit a button, which means there may be gold here. The questions to ask yourself now are: “Is this me? Might I be George? What do I want/need?”

The first sign will be this one: This scenario made you slightly uncomfortable. And if you were actually in a room with me over the past few years, you may now be wondering “who ratted me out?” Even more, if you’re sensing you may be George, this may feel a little tender. (That’s good; let’s do this.)

Other ways to know if you’re George:

1.   You’re not having the impact you want to have right now in your life or career—or both. This might mean you’re not growing at the pace you want to grow; you haven’t gotten the promotion yet; or you’re not being accepted into a program or business circle you want to be a part of. It could also mean you still don’t have the relationship you want; your kids don’t want to hang out with you; or you haven’t hit “that” goal yet—still.

2.   People don’t talk to you proactively or openly. They may be careful around you. They don’t seek out opportunities to engage. They talk about you behind your back (maybe you hear about it or just sense it). They don’t want to hang out with you. You may chalk this up to “I’m too cool” or “I’m a leader” or “I’m intimidating”—but that’s not it. They’re avoiding you or being careful with you for a reason.

3.   You don’t feel the way you want to feel. You’re tired, burnt out, not inspired, or resenting your work schedule or the humans in your life. You don’t have joy or energy or excitement. You feel alone. (This doesn’t mean you are George, but this is often reported by George when he and I sit down together and get real.)

4.   People follow you/work with you/hang with you/stay married to you because they have to, not because they want to. This relates closely to #2, but is deeper. They’re on your team because you’re their boss. They go to dinner or lunch with you because they have to. They do their job because you pay them. But, oh, guess what? They’re not giving you 100 percent or their best creativity. And they’re definitely not going to go out on a limb with you. You might feel like they’re on your team, but they don’t have your back and they’re not fully engaged. They don’t answer your calls after work hours because they don’t have to, and they don’t want to.

5.   Your culture is not great, or not ideal, and you blame everyone around you for it. You don’t own it. You think it’s all externally driven—not about you. (You got them the free lunches and put in the Ping-Pong table after all; what the heck?) You may feel superior about this and wonder why people can’t just do their jobs—after all, you don’t pay them to be happy.

6.   People avoid or resist you. They push back on your agendas, react unenthusiastically to your ideas, turn down your invitations, and give you that obligatory“yes” only because they have to.

Is this you? Don’t freak out—because every single one of these scenarios and points can totally be figured out and can be changed quickly, if you’re willing to make that decision and do a bit of work around it.

The beautiful thing about being George is that you are in the power seat.

Mary

Hi love, you’re doing it. You’re showing up well. You’re having great impact. You know you’re contagious and do everything you can to be positively so. You might still relate to or answer “yes” to some of the questions above for George—but you’re on your way. You have awareness and desire. Go, Mary!

Here maybe are some things you’re dealing and dancing with.

Well, first, if you read the George scenario and it was familiar or made you sad or super-excited that I’m talking to George because you really want to have a better relationship with George—maybe you’ve been spending a lot of time, energy, and bandwidth managing him or her or them or your emotions around all of it; well, hello.

Here are some other indicators:

1.   You’re exhausted, Mary. Wiped out. Running around being positively contagious and finding the gifts in things and managing the negative vibes that go with life and just surviving day-to-day—forget thriving—it’s exhausting.

2.   You actually are very clear that you are Mary because you know George, and he is tough. You work with George—maybe you work for him or he works for you. Or maybe he’s a client, or he’s just an audience member, or he’s that grumpy checker at the grocery store who every time you see him and get stuck in his checkout lane you walk away feeling crappy. Despite all your efforts to “go high when he goes low”—it ain’t working. You need a stronger “bubble” and more resiliency just to navigate your days.

3.   You have so much to do—a “richly scheduled” life (not “busy” because you read Contagious Culture and we’re good here). It is rich and full, and how the heck are you going to keep this up? You have kids, work, workouts, yoga, food prep, the PTA, your leadership team, the neighborhood watch, dating maybe, a marriage to nourish (maybe), or an ex-spouse to co-parent with (maybe). You have a house or apartment to run, a schedule and finances to manage, and bad habits to break (maybe, but damn, Anese, they’re all I’ve got!!). You also have a team to manage and inspire, friends to keep engaged, and in all of this, people you love and lead to make feel seen, valued, and important. Where is the time, energy, and bandwidth to do this all well? (There’s no perfect formula here, and I’ll share some of my tricks for navigating these as we go.)

4.   You want to have more impact. Do more good in the world. Make more money. Have more time. You just want to be better. I’m with you. Let’s do this thing. So much for us to talk about. This book, and me? We’re going to be your new best friend. Buy a highlighter and journal, please, and treat this book as a living document. On it!

5.   You’re daunted by all the negativity and challenge in the world right now (and who are we kidding, always?). Political crises; global warming (or the fight about it); fires and other natural disasters; education; diversity; gender inclusiveness; political correctness; social media and “neighborhood watch” apps where people just put the “ick” into the threads hiding out in their virtual camouflage and anonymity; the future your kids are growing up in; your retirement fund (or lack of) and college fund for kiddos (or lack thereof); homelessness; hunger; abuse; and on and on and on . . . It’s daunting. You feel the weight of the world in responsibility. You can only do so much. And if it feels a little like “why bother?” and being “contagious,” who cares? But I promise you, it all matters; it all counts; that little thing you do is big. There is support for you here.

6.   Your boundaries suck or leave a lot to be desired. You have a hard time saying no; you really want to please; you want everyone happy. Oh, and you’re a rock star with serious multitasking and problem-solving skills so everyone comes to you because you will not let anyone down. (Unless you’re in the emergency room or on exhaustion leave—and even then they allow computers in hospitals, right?)

Any of these indicate that you could be Mary (or George) or even a bit of both. There are more indicators (listed in the assessment in Chapter 2), and we get it, right?

Your job, right now, is to simply claim where you are. No muss, no fuss, no drama. It’s just information.

Here’s the thing. Once you claim your contagiousness and own it—you are the sole owner of your superpower—no one can take it away from you. Especially if you nourish it, amplify it, protect it, optimize it, grow it, use it with intention, use it for good in the world, and spread it big time.

Because that’s what being contagious is all about.

Claiming Your Contagiousness

Ready to claim it, baby? It’s big.

We are all George or Mary at different times.

I personally have absolutely been Mary (more and more as I choose and practice). And guess what? I’ve also been George. (As recently as yesterday. I told you, work in progress.)

Having awareness, claiming our contagiousness, and owning our impact are the first steps in using our superpowers for good. We’ve got to love up the good and the bad, the light and the dark. Nothing I write or teach—ever—is about only being happy and light, rah rah and perfect. No. No “spiritual bypassing” when you hang out with me. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly—we honor all parts.

Seventy percent of this work is in awareness. If you have awareness, you have power. No awareness? You have suffering and struggle. Ignorance is bliss only because you don’t realize how much pain you’re in (or what a Georgette you are) until you have awareness. Once you have awareness, you get to decide to change things. It may be painful, but suffer and struggle no more. Because while pain is inevitable and part of life and change—suffering and struggle is supremely optional.

So . . . awareness first.