CHAPTER 5
Design Your Intentional Energetic Presence. Be It.
Does the way you show up help you create the impact you want and the experience you desire?
No? Change it. Yes? Up-level it. This can all be designed. Let’s go . . .
You are walking into one of the most important meetings of your life.
You care very much about the content and people you are speaking to.
The people matter. What you’re going to speak about matters.
It’s important that you lead these people effectively, that they know you care, that they listen, that you influence well, and that you have the impact you want.
You must set the tone for all of this to happen.
You feel present, solid, awake, clear. You are prepared. You know what outcomes you want to create (and why), how you want them to feel (and how you want to feel). You know how you want to show up and what you need to believe to do so (authentically). And your action plan is in place.
Your intentions are set. Your energy is clean. And your presence is solid and authentic. You are rocking it already, and you’re not even in that door.
And now you’re there, passionately neutral and ready to serve.
Anything that comes at you, any question, demand, resistance, or responsiveness—you’re open to it. Regardless of the energy of that guy in the room with his arms crossed, brows furrowed, and face glaring at you when he’s not working his phone, you’re able to stay present and focused. You hold your energetic state. The more you hold it, the clearer you become, the more the room comes with you. You notice that the energy of resistance and ambiguity you felt from some at the beginning starts to melt away. As different challenges and issues come up, you’re able to shift your energetic state to meet them where they are and come up with solutions. “Curiosity” is needed here? Done! The state of “contribution” or “appreciation” here? Zoom! A bit of “rigor and no BS” here? Pow! “Vulnerability” and “truth” now? (Gulp.) Well, alrighty then! You have superpowers, and everybody in the room can sense it.
The meeting ends. It was productive, high vibration, clean energy. People were pumped; they felt seen, connected, served, inspired, and excited for the next step. And you? You were you. One hundred percent powerful, full-grade you.
You feel well-spent and energized. You feel on purpose, on point, and of service. You are present.
This meeting might be your annual board meeting or a meeting with a prospective or current client. It could be with your boss, your team, an entire audience, your spouse or partner, or your child who needs your presence as a parent like never before. It could be in person or via a conference call 3,000 miles away. It doesn’t matter the venue. What matters is that you show up.
And you did. You rocked it.
Why did that go so well?
You and Your Very Powerful Intentional Energetic Presence
Why did it go so well? Because you showed up, you were contagious for good, and you set the tone.
The way you led in that meeting created the container for others to engage without drama, with purpose, and as their better selves.
It worked because you did the work—your inner work.
You worked your IEP—got clear on your intentions, managed your energy, and showed up real with solid and clear presence.
And you had positive impact. You were #contagious.
Imagine going from meeting to meeting, and conversation to conversation, creating that every day—no matter how intense the day or how challenging the people. What could you do with your life?
Now of course that meeting could have been a mess, with you coming in late, overwhelmed, guarded, not present, faking it’til you make it, and just trying to keep up. The people and the agenda may have been exactly the same, but the outcomes would have been totally different.
Why?
You.
You would’ve been contagious in that scenario too. Just not the helpful kind.
The gifts that come with being positively contagious? Limitless. The return on investment for a bit of internal work on your side? Exponential.
Here’s the thing: It’s easy to be positively contagious and have a great day when something good happens, but what about when it doesn’t? What do you do when your morning or that meeting is disastrous? That’s when knowing that your presence is your impact is especially important.
And that it can be intended and designed for on purpose.
Our “Vibe,” Our IEP, Our Impact
Every interaction we have has a “vibrational energetic” impact. The difference in being successful (or not) in any engagement can be as simple as the impact our vibe creates. We can invite responsiveness—or resistance. We can create inspiration—or obligation. We can evoke doom and gloom—or light up a room. We can inspire authenticity—or fakery. We can open a conversation up—or shut it right down.
All with our energetic presence.
When people come to this work, they often don’t know that creating contributory generative energy and being positively contagious are leadership skills and that the key to unlocking their next level of leadership, presence, and impact is by addressing the things we’re discussing here. They don’t realize their quickest path to creating the results they want is increasing their self-awareness and tending to their own intentions, energy, and presence. And they also don’t realize that there is an “inner game” and an “outer game” of leadership playing at all times. The inner game being the intentions, energy, beliefs, mindset, well-being, presence, and who we are. The outer game being what we actually do in our communication, skills, and interactions with others. The inner game drives the outer game. And no one can play your game but you.
Of course, your skills and tools are important—you can elevate those too. But if your presence is not on point, or you’re burnt out or the lowest vibration in the room, or “leaving dead bodies” everywhere you go, and have a weak inner game, your skills and tools will only take you so far, and often even make matters worse.
In other words, it doesn’t matter how brilliant people are, how many degrees they have, how much work they do on the “doing,” or how great their “outer game” is; if they have bad IEP, they are negatively contagious. They’re sunk before they start.
Once people understand this and have claimed their contagiousness (as we did in Part 1), they’re on their way. And we begin working in three areas: (1) the skills, strategy, and tangible things that need to happen to move them forward; (2) the nourishment and strengthening of their own IEP so that they’re more fully resourced, protected, and set up to succeed; and (3) their ability to intentionally project, “infect,” and influence others in a way that will be most positively contagious and helpful to their mission.
As a leader, the most important work we can do is strengthen our IEP. The more we tend to this proactively, the stronger it becomes and the easier it is to command our energetic presence at will. This ultimately allows us to respond and lead in the most appropriate, helpful, and effective ways possible.
This is leadership.
We are responsible (and “response-able”) for the energy we bring to everything we do and what we do with it.
We are responsible for creating our results, doing meaningful work, and being positively contagious.
We can’t do this if we’re burnt out, exhausted, depleted, resentful, or simply not fully resourced or present.
So we do the work.
We strengthen, nourish, cultivate, honor, grow, and build a strong Intentional Energetic Presence.
States of Being and Your IEP
We walk around our world in states of being in every moment: neutral, calm, angry, anxious, judgmental, or loving. Blissful, fearful, courageous, excited, grateful, or blaming. Apathetic, defeated, present, curious, open, closed, generous, happy, or sad. Amused, accusatory, powerful, vulnerable, kind, cruel, CYA . . . you get it. These energetic states create impact on the field and the person(s) we’re with. And they’re contagious.
If I’m in a state of blame—when I’m embodying and projecting the energy of blame—and I give you feedback, do you think you’ll feel it? Yep. Will you respond well to it and feel inspired to shift? Nope. But if I’m in a genuine state of care, curiosity, or contribution, then what? That leads to a totally different outcome. It won’t work if I fake my state; you’ll sense it. You won’t even need to know exactly what “it” is, only that my vibe is off. You may feel manipulated, condescended to, or resistant, and then your own vibe will shift, perhaps becoming defensive. I, sensing your vibe, will respond to that, feel justified for my blame (or whatever), and off we go into a downward spiral. But . . . what if I could shift my state authentically? What if I didn’t have to fake it but could truly up-level my state by being present, setting an intention, and showing up with you fully? Now we’re talking.
In the scenario at the beginning of this chapter, I referenced your ability to shift energetic states as needed in order to “meet someone where they’re at” and show up in service of the room. This ability is a leadership superpower. The stronger your IEP, the more accessible this superpower is.
“States of being” are our energetic states, the “vibe” we embody and project. When used intentionally (and truthfully), they can help us feel better, get clearer, connect with others more effectively, and shift the tone of any meeting or conversation.
The trick, of course, is authenticity. If you’re not genuine, the people around you will feel it. Our energetic presence communicates louder than anything we say. Being aware of it, intentional with it, and able to shift on command is an essential leadership skill. There are a couple of tools in the IEP Method that cultivate this skill. One, the Energetic Xylophone, I’ll share with you in Chapter 9. The other, the Presence Reboot (coming next), is a core component of the IEP Method and baseline for the xylophone. To use either of these tools optimally, you must build a strong IEP foundation. So let’s do that.
The IEP Method
So how do you work your IEP? And how do you make it work for you? And what actually is it? In Contagious Culture, I introduced the IEP Method—the methodology, the model, and the core components that make it all hum. For this book, I’m reviewing the IEP Method at the highest level and offering some new thinking and resources that have surfaced since Contagious Culture. (So please dig into that book as well, as it will support you and your organization in different ways.)
As your Intentional Energetic Presence, your IEP is how you show up in the world (for yourself and for others). It is also your intentions—what you want to have happen; your energy—the energy and stamina you have to do so and the energy you bring to the table; and your presence—how you show up, how present you are, and what you bring to the now.
The stronger and clearer our IEP, the greater our resiliency and resourcefulness, and the stronger, clearer, and more positive our impact can be.
The Three Parts of the IEP Method
1. Reboot your presence.
2. Build a strong, energetic foundation and field.
3. Create intentional impact.
The first part—“the IEP Presence Reboot”—is your ability to reboot your presence in the moment and shift state, no matter what. While I talk about this at length using exercises and examples in Contagious Culture, the basics are: You check your presence and the energy you’re bringing into a room or conversation. If it’s not what you want it to be or what will best serve what you’re there to do, you reboot. You breathe. Intend. Shift. Show up. And go.
We are rebooting thousands of times each day. Anytime we walk into a room, shift gears on a project, get pissed off, or start thinking judgmental thoughts, we’re rebooting. Anytime we feel nervous on stage, become overwhelmed, yell at our kid (or get ready to), get ticked off about traffic or life or anything out of our control, have a moment of total joy we want to savor, or have a moment of “ick” we want to move past, we’re rebooting. Everything is an opportunity for a reboot. Notice, intend, reboot. Notice, intend, reboot.
The second part of the IEP Method—“the IEP Foundation”—is the ability to build a strong, energetic foundation and field. Building your energetic field is the biggest component of the methodology.
Our first intention is to build your energetic field so you can come fully to your life, feel solid, clear, and energized, and have the capacity and range for even more.
Our second intention is to build your field so well that when others step into it, especially the people who may be more challenging to work with, you can better serve, navigate, and lead them with clarity, grace, and effect—without burning yourself out, getting sucked into their stuff, or giving yourself away.
The stronger the field, the easier it is to hold these two intentions. It also becomes easier to reboot, shift state, and create intentional impact.
Building a strong energetic field is an inside-out job. We use the Essential You and the four quadrants of Energy and Presence to get it done (both of which I’ll go into deeply later in this chapter). Please note that building the field and having good IEP is a daily practice and life’s work. In other words, it’s never done.
The final part of the IEP Method (part 3) is about creating intentional impact. I shared this with you in greater depth in Chapter 4 with the “Five Steps to Intentional Impact” framework. (If you did your fieldwork, you’ve already used this.)
The better you are at rebooting (part 1) and the stronger your energetic foundation and field (part 2), the easier it is to create intentional impact (part 3). The three parts of the method all work together.
So reboot as we go, keep doing your five steps, and now let’s build your energetic field and foundation.
The IEP Model: Leading from the Inside Out
The IEP Model has four layers (see Figure 5.1).
FIGURE 5.1 IEP Model
1. The Essential You (You, grounded, present, real, here)
2. Energy and Presence (Your energy, stamina, and presence)
3. Skills and Competencies (Your actions and what you do)
4. Impact (The results and outcomes you create)
Broken down further, you can see there are very specific components of each level (see Figure 5.2).
FIGURE 5.2 IEP Model Breakdown
In this book we’re focusing more deeply on levels one and two. Why not three and four? Because when you have one and two right, and in service of four, three (actions) is a piece of cake and four (impact) gets handled. All that said, not to worry! I will give you tools and frameworks (and lists!) in Parts 3–5 of this book that will address levels three and four.
Let’s dig into layers one and two of the IEP Model.
Layer One: The Essential You and Your Becoming
The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have. Therefore, it is best present, nourished, and loved up.
Our Essential You is where this happens.
The Essential You is sacred ground. It’s you—your space, your “why,” what you stand for, who you are, and who you’re becoming.
Your Essential You includes your values, vision, purpose, truth; your “bubble” (that surrounds you, holding your space; see Figure 5.3); and your relationship with your authentic self. (You are welcome to call this the Essential Me to ground this idea if it helps.)
FIGURE 5.3 The IEP Bubble
The “bubble” is our own personal space, our “command center.” We can be intentional with our presence and the state we project out, as well as how we navigate and respond to what is projected at us.
All of this is at the core of your presence and contagiousness.
Throughout my years working with people and organizations on their Essential You, I’ve distilled the Essential You down to love and purpose—love of ourselves, of each other, of the present moment, of what is and who we are, of what might be and who we’re becoming, and of the impact we’re working to create—and why.
I’ve noticed that almost every disconnect, argument, pain, feeling of overwhelm or contraction, unkind act (within ourselves and with others), and even loss of presence can be drilled down to a disconnection from humanness, love, and purpose.
Love creates life, breath, expansion, generosity, curiosity, safety, presence, and space for truth.
Disconnection creates fear, contraction, hatred, burnout, boredom, apathy, and defensiveness.
The antidote to disconnection is presence and love—with and for ourselves first.
Then we can pay it forward like crazy.
If I’m not honoring my Essential You, being in right relationship with myself, honoring my values, taking care of myself, loving me, and showing up for me—how in the world can I do that well for others?
The secret to being positively contagious is to be so present and grounded in your Essential You and connected to yourself and love that you can’t help but be positively contagious. This means even—especially!—when things are hard.
When we stay connected to ourselves, do our work, give ourselves grace, and act in service of (on purpose), we have a better chance of navigating challenges successfully, being more conscious, and extending that grace to others as well, which is another form of leadership.
This is life’s work. We are becoming in every moment.
At any moment we can decide to shift, to become something different, to have a better relationship with ourselves, to count on ourselves more . . . to love.
Here are three inquiries you can lean into to support your Essential You:
1. What is the quality of the relationship I have with myself? Does it make me stronger and happier? Do I listen to myself? Am I my own best friend? Do I “belong” to myself? What is the littlest (or biggest) thing I can do to make this essential relationship with me better?
2. What do I love about myself? And how do I love myself? What are the qualities, quirks, and strengths I most love about me? Do I love myself enough to honor my core values and to make space for me? Do I keep my promises to myself? Do I hold my boundaries? Do I take care of myself? Do I give myself permission for authentic emotions? Do I let myself ask for help? How can I love and honor myself even more?
3. Who am I becoming? And am I becoming who/what I want to be—or is it by default or a “should” (externally imposed by others)? Is it with love—or with pressure and force? Is it in service of my life and impact—or is it just in survival? Am I making my life happen—or is my life happening to me?
When we have awareness, clarity, and intention around these questions, we can direct our Essential You and our becoming. When we don’t, the world directs it.
Want Something Quicker and in the Moment?
There are magic questions I like to ask on the go to ensure I’m staying connected to myself and my Essential You (kind of like an Essential You Reboot).
Here are five of them:
1. Is this thing (I’m about to do or say) honoring and loving (of myself and others)?
2. Am I on purpose? (Or am I off track, in drama, out of my business?)
3. Am I in my space? (Or have I lost it and gotten sucked into someone else’s?)
4. Am I belonging to myself and my highest power? (Or am I trying to fit in and belong to someone else?)
5. Am I “bubbled up” and being intentional with my presence and state? (Or have I forgotten me and become overwhelmed by it all?)
These questions quickly bring me back when I start veering into a negative mindspace. They provide a simple way to reboot and recommit to the person I want to be, how I want to show up, and what I need to do in the moment.
OK, let’s tie this all back into your energetic presence. There is an energy of being in solid relationship with ourselves and actively becoming. An energy of I am here. We can feel it in others when we’re around it. We can feel it in ourselves. It is awake.
When we claim our relationship with ourselves and our becoming, we claim our energetic field.
The more we stand for and trust ourselves, the better we can serve, lead, and contribute to others.
This is your Essential You.
It is your job to love it, protect, nourish, and fortify it.
How? By owning it and strengthening your energy and presence.
Layer Two: The Four Quadrants of Energy and Presence
Our energy and presence support, strengthen, and protect the Essential You.
The Essential You supports our energy and presence. It all works together.
Our energy and presence are how we take care of ourselves and how we show up in the world. This layer of the model is broken into four quadrants and areas of focus that all work together to support each other and the Essential You (see Figure 5.4). When you shift something in one, others tend to shift as well. The littlest things count.
FIGURE 5.4 IEP Model: The Four Quadrants of Energy and Presence
I guarantee there is low-hanging fruit you can pick right this minute to support your IEP. Shall we?
Internal IEP
The IEP Model is broken into Internal and External IEP. In Internal IEP (which we have a lot of control and influence over), we look at Quadrants 1 and 2. In External IEP, Quadrants 3 and 4, we have influence—however, not so much control. The stronger our internal, the easier to navigate the external, so we want to set ourselves up well here. Let’s do that . . .
Quadrant 1: Physical and Environmental Energy
The first quadrant is your Physical and Environmental Energy. The physical is all about your physical well-being and how you tend to your body. This can mean your self-care practices, the food you eat, your hydration, gut health, sleep, exercise, and preventative health care. This can also include your overall health, hormones, biochemistry, inflammation factors, allergies, and medical treatment and support. Anything that impacts your physical well-being and energy gets TLC in Quadrant 1.
And then there’s your environmental energy, which supports your physical and mental well-being. This refers to your actual environment (home, car, pantry, closets, bed, office space, desktop, lighting, clothing, etc.), what you surround yourself with (people and things), how you set yourself up for success in every realm of your life (organization, proactive scheduling, boundaries, bringing healthy food for long meetings, limiting TV and social media hooks, etc.), whatever makes you feel good in your space (flowers, pretty things, your dog, a car organizer), your time/calendar management, anything that impacts your environmental energy.
What you can do for yourself in this quadrant is limitless. The questions we ask ourselves in Quadrant 1 are: “Does the way I take care of myself help me feel and show up at my best?” (Physical) “Does what I surround myself with support me in creating more expansive and life-giving energy in my world (therefore helping me feel and show up at my best)?” (Environmental)
Quadrant 2: Mental and Emotional Energy
The second quadrant is your Mental and Emotional Energy (which is very much supported by what you do in Quadrant 1). This quadrant focuses on the thoughts you think, the emotions you have, your mental health, how you take care of yourself mentally and emotionally, and the assumptions you make. It also is about your self-talk, beliefs, judgments, the stories you tell, level of accountability, intentions, language, framing and reframing, self-kindness—all that goes on in that amazing head and heart of yours! The questions we ask ourselves in Quadrant 2 are: “Do the thoughts I think support me in showing up at my best, feeling well, and staying expansive? And do I allow myself to have the authentic emotions I feel, to nourish them, honor them, fully own them, and get support for them as needed so that I can show up at my best, feel well and clear, and stay expansive?”
As you can see, we have the most control in these two quadrants and in how we want to be in relationship with everything in them. And great news, Quadrants 1 and 2 support each other beautifully! In Chapter 6, I will go more deeply into these quadrants and reveal what you can do with them. Right now, I’ll bet you can think of one or two things in each quadrant you sense would have immediate impact on your energy if you gave them a bit of tender loving care. Yes? I promise you they are impacting your ability to lead. Write them down on the side of this page, in your journal, or in your fieldwork notes in this chapter and make a commitment to do something about them ASAP (like when you put this book down).
External IEP
So now moving into External IEP, we’re going to look at Quadrants 3 and 4. This is the stuff you don’t have a lot of control over in terms of how people respond to you. However, if you work your Internal IEP (in Quadrants 1 and 2) and stay intentional with Quadrants 3 and 4, you have a better chance of influencing external factors.
Quadrant 3: Vibrational Energy
Quadrant 3 is all about your Vibrational Energy. This is what you “put out there.” It’s your vibe. It’s how people feel when they’re with you, when you walk into a room, when they see your name on caller ID. It’s how you feel when you’re with you. Does your energy expand or contract, resonate or retaliate, compel or repel, elevate or depress? Is your energy light or heavy, bright or dim, responsive or resistant, positive or negative? Do you project “glass half full” or “glass half empty,” “trustworthy” or “run for the hills!,” “yummy” or “yuck,” “oomph” or “ick,” “YES” or “NO”? These are all vibrations we put out and we pick up on. They’re impact makers or breakers. They’re subtle. They’re key. They’re contagious.
They’re also workable. We can shift our vibe, fast. The trick is to do it authentically and sustainably, which is part of why we’re having this conversation right now. The questions we ask in Quadrant 3 are: “What is the energy I’m bringing into the room/this conversation/whatever? And is my vibrational energy contributing to helping things go better or worse?” And on the receiving end . . . “What am I taking on? Is this energy mine? Do I want it? And do I need to bubble up!?”
What you do in the Essential You and in Quadrants 1, 2, and 4 can help fortify your vibrational energy in ways that will have people resonating with you instead of running from you. This work will also help you build such a strong field that “bubbling up” (holding your space) doesn’t become something you have to do on demand with effort, because you just are.
Quadrant 4: Relational Energy
By the time we get to Quadrant 4, with our energy humming and our vibes working for us, Relational Energy is—ironically—the easiest of all the quads. I’ve found that the cleaner the first three quadrants are, and the more solid your Essential You is, the easier it is to make real life-giving, sustainable, and even joyful change here—even in the most dire of situations.
Relational energy is about the energetic dynamics happening in your relationships. Let’s put it this way—the calls, texts, emails, and invitations you get in your life that make your heart sink, make your energy contract, and have you “swipe left” (or whatever your version of “decline” is), those are relationships where the energetic dynamics are . . . not so hot. They may need a bit of TLC, boundaries, and/or redesign, or you may need to give them the old “heave-ho.” The relationships you feel yourself delight and expand in (and you “swipe right”)? Those are likely in energetic resonance and great shape and can be nourished in the form of intention, appreciation, and care.
We look first at the awareness of the energy of the relationship. Awareness is 70 percent of the battle. With awareness you have choice. Once you’ve made the choice in either direction (address or ignore, love or war), I have all sorts of frameworks and tools for you that we’ll talk about in Part 3. The questions to ask yourself in Quadrant 4 are: “Do the relationships in my life expand or contract me? Are they life-giving or soul-sucking? Do they make me better or worse? How am I contributing to all of these dynamics? How am I showing up?” Freedom is here, if you want it.
All Together Now
When I put the three components of the IEP Method together (reboot, build the field, create intentional impact), stay present, intend my state, honor my Essential You, tend to my four quadrants and taking care of myself, and use it all in service of good—I design my IEP.
When I design my IEP, I unlock my superpowers for good (not evil). And I become a leadership badass (the good kind).
IEP, it’s up to me. Let’s design it.
Fieldwork: Make It Real
This entire book is about designing your IEP. Let’s start with some basics—the low-hanging fruit that you can apply right now from this chapter.
States of Being
Pick your top three most powerful states of being and embody them. Reboot back to them daily as needed.
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
___________________________________________
Bubble Up
Simply knowing you have a bubble, and your own space, is magic. (Remember, awareness is 70 percent.)
Accessing your bubble:
You can access your bubble at any time (you always have it; you may just forget).
1. Breathe. Notice you in the center of your bubble.
2. Create your own space. Fill it up with YOU. (Release anything that doesn’t serve.)
3. Own it.
Nourishing your bubble:
The more you nourish and practice it, the stronger it becomes and the easier it is to “bubble up”! How do you nourish a bubble? Know it, love it, fortify it, hold it, and keep rebooting as needed. The next two exercises will help make your bubble even stronger.
The Four Quads
Write one thing down you’ll do for each of the IEP quadrants and tend to it beginning today.
Quadrant 1: _________________
Quadrant 2: _________________
Quadrant 3: _________________
Quadrant 4: _________________
Essential You Love
Let’s explore (and strengthen) your relationship with yourself. Rate the following on a 0–10 scale (10 = highest) to see where you are with your internal relationship. The stronger this is, the stronger your Essential You. If any of these score lower than you’d wish, no worries. Hop to. What’s the littlest thing you can do to shift? This is all by your design. (Note: The relationship with self is a never-ending process—the process is the goal.)
• My love for myself
• My love of my purpose and the impact I’m here to create
• My love of the human beings in my life
• My love for and honoring of my core values
• My love of my relationship with myself; I am my own best friend, and I belong to me
• My love of my truth and knowing that I can count on myself
• My love for who I am becoming
Extra Credit: Do the fieldwork in Chapter 6 of Contagious Culture to dig deeper into your Essential You (i.e., values, vision, purpose).