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Be the Boss Everyone Wants to Work For

Who is the best boss you ever had? What made this person the best boss? I’ve been fortunate to work for many amazing leaders throughout my career, and I’ve learned from all of them about the kind of leader I wanted to be. I’ve also worked for not-so-great bosses who made my work life very difficult, and, well, I’ve learned from them, too.

Many leaders believe their role is to mold their team members into what the organization wants. Or worse, into mini versions of them. This will only get you so far.

It’s an incredible privilege to lead people, to be responsible for developing future leaders. My goal as a boss is to support employees in being the best version of themselves (as defined by them) and help them reach their potential. As a leader, I want to bring out the strengths already within my team members and help them live their why.

This doesn’t mean I’ve always been the best boss. Despite my best efforts, I have unintentionally shut down conversations or rushed people along. I’ve held back on feedback because I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, which ended up becoming a bigger deal later. All of that to say, being the best boss doesn’t mean being perfect. It means continuing to show up as the best leader you can be, because you want to serve others. Sure, it takes extra effort to understand what people need from you as a leader; help them feel valued; communicate what’s on your heart, even through uncertainty; and be truly inclusive. And when your team thrives, you’ll know it’s all worth it.

YOUR “ABOUT ME” DOCUMENT AND USER MANUAL

As I transitioned into a leadership role, I read about and reflected on the kind of leader and colleague I wanted to be. Around that same time, I came across an article that explained the concept of a User Manual, which is really just a description of the best way to work with someone.¹ The piece, written by Abby Falik, founder and CEO of Global Citizen Year, who learned about the concept from an article by Adam Bryant, the former “Corner Office” columnist for the New York Times,² really resonated with me, as I wanted to help my new team understand who I am and how I approach my work, so we could build trust faster and I could learn how to best support them.

After reflecting on Falik’s post, I spent time writing my own thoughts about my leadership style and values, and I sought input from others on what they wished they had known about me earlier on. From there, I developed what I call an “About Me” document, which I shared with my new team in a group meeting in my first week on the job. Since that meeting, it’s become a foundational part of my leadership approach.

Creating your own About Me document can build trust and clarity with a new team or with a team you’ve worked with for a long time, particularly as a reset in the remote/hybrid world. Don’t take for granted that you know each other at work. Ask people to tell their own story.

Here are six parts to the About Me document and prompts that will help you create your own.

My Leadership Approach

How would you describe your work or leadership approach? You may want to include your expectations of yourself and your team.

These are a few of my personal notes:

• I commit to creating a work environment where you can bring your whole self to work.

• I align with the model of compassionate directness.³

• I believe in celebrating progress.

My Leadership Philosophy

Tell your team what is important to you: your values reflect who you are. Think about the experiences and aspirations that define you. If you spent time crafting your why statement in Chapter 3, your team will benefit from knowing this, as it illustrates your motivation and purpose. Some examples of my philosophy include:

• Family comes first. You define what family means to you, whether that’s a partner, children, parents, siblings, friends, or pets.

• How to be successful at work: lead from where you are.

• Trust is given on day one; it does not have to be earned with me. It can, however, be broken and is hard to rebuild.

• I believe in being competitive with yourself and not with others.

• I believe that success is everyone’s responsibility.

And, finally, my why:

• To help others achieve more than they thought possible, so that they can fulfill their potential and find joy.

You Get the Best of Me When …

Are you a morning person, or do you need two cups of coffee before you start your workday? Do you prefer to make decisions in hallway conversations or formal meetings? Be clear on what works best for you, so your team can maximize their interactions and time with you.

People get the best of me when …

• They don’t ask for 2 minutes and then take 10 minutes. I value my time and theirs, so it helps when someone says, “I would like to get your thoughts before I present at that meeting later this week” rather than asking for two minutes without a topic.

• Show me your thinking. I like to understand where people are coming from in their planning and decision-making when I’m serving as a resource.

How Best to Communicate with Me

Everyone has a preferred way of communicating. Clearly indicate what works best for you, so your team doesn’t have to guess. (Hint: they will probably guess incorrectly.)

My preferences are:

• Face-to-face over everything, and texting is a close second to keep me informed or to get a faster response in a time-sensitive situation.

• In an email or document, put the ask or most important information up front.

How to Help Me

Are you the kind of boss who needs data or relies on intuition? Are you someone who wants the full story or just the synopsis? Let your team know what you need to be successful.

I prefer:

• If a project or task takes longer than expected, overcommunicate where you are in the process—even if there’s no action needed on my part—so I don’t have to wonder where things are. I call it the “non-update update.” I make a commitment to provide this to others, too.

• If you’re unsure what I mean, please ask for clarification rather than guessing or trying to figure it out on your own. I’m not always as clear as I want to be, and I want to set you up for success.

What People Misunderstand About Me

Your authority amplifies your actions. Everything you do or say as a leader is being watched by your team. Furthermore, there may be something that worked for you as an individual contributor that doesn’t translate the same way now that you are a manager. For example: You may like to ask a lot of questions during a conversation, which helps you learn about a topic. However, your team members could interpret that you don’t trust their decisions—that’s the sort of information you’d share here.

For me, this shows up when …

• I speak with passion and conviction. This can come across as if I don’t want to hear feedback. In reality, I’m open to other ideas and willing to change my mind.

Telling my team up front that my style can be misunderstood minimizes uncertainty about my intentions. It also clarifies that I want team members to offer their thinking and to be a partner in holding me accountable.

• I move and think quickly, and I don’t expect you to do things exactly the way I do. It can be challenging for team members to know how much autonomy they have in how to do the work. I try to overcommunicate my expectations.

And as a general rule, if you’re the boss who often leaves it at “Can you talk?” or “Let’s discuss,” just don’t. Those are some of the worst sentences a boss can ever say. Keep in mind that it’s almost always misunderstood, and even an About Me clarification won’t change that. Always add a second sentence explaining the nature of the discussion so your team members don’t start packing up their offices.

• • •

Don’t be afraid to show your personality when you write this document! You can include a favorite quote, your role models, or a visual. All of these prompts are only suggestions, so do whatever works best for you to help your team understand you best. This is your opportunity to help your team thrive under your leadership by understanding who you are and how to work with you.

Of course, the most successful working relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding, so ask your team members to fill out an About Me document as well. You can provide them with the same template you used and then create a time to meet and discuss. After all, great leaders share who they are and care about who their employees are, too.

VALUE YOUR EMPLOYEES

I shifted my weight from side to side as the all-staff meeting went longer than usual. I should definitely not have tried out my cute new heels on this particular day. What kept me going was that I had recently had a huge win at work, and sometimes team member successes were recognized at these group meetings. As the meeting ended, I realized my name wouldn’t be called that day. I had gotten my hopes up unnecessarily. Again. Though I’d love to say I didn’t rely on external recognition, it didn’t mean I didn’t value it—because it was how the organization showed it valued me.

When I finally got up the nerve to ask my manager about it, he looked surprised and told me I should learn to pat myself on the back. He went on to explain that he hadn’t received any recognition earlier in his career, and it made him into the leader he was. I’m sure I looked as surprised as he did—although not for the reasons you might expect. I was taken aback because that wasn’t the kind of leader I wanted to be for other people. A leader’s role is to create a supportive work environment where employees feel valued and appreciated for their work and who they are. When your employees feel valued by you, it will create positive outcomes for all involved.

I suspect you’ve worked somewhere you didn’t feel valued, too. This is your chance as a boss to change that for others. Here’s what that can look like on a day-to-day basis at work.

Practice Gratitude at Work

Gratitude at work is more than saying thank you (although that’s a great place to begin!). To effectively show gratitude to someone, be clear about what you appreciate about them, what they did, how they positively affected the organization or other people, and what can happen as a result of their efforts. When you use a structure like this, the person can understand what specifically they did well and the context of how it made a difference to others. Of course, whatever you say should reflect your genuine feelings about the person’s efforts.

Here’s what this can sound like in action: “Meg, your superpower is proactively anticipating what will be needed in a meeting, and the briefing you developed helped everyone be better prepared and resulted in a new gift.”

You should also find ways to infuse gratitude into your workplace culture. Start your team meeting by asking everyone to write down three things they are grateful for and invite people to volunteer to share something from their list. Invite the team to share how a colleague helped them or supported them at work. If you’re looking for something a bit more involved and special, our team organized an activity where we labeled a blank notebook with each team member’s name and then passed them around for colleagues to write notes of gratitude about that person. This can be easily adapted for a remote/hybrid work environment, too.

Specific gratitude from a boss means “I see you” in a way that other praise can’t. Employees want to be recognized for their contributions and most important, they want to be recognized for who they are as a person. Don’t underestimate the power of a small, yet genuine compliment to a team member.

In case you need a little extra motivation to get started, here’s my favorite stat ever on gratitude. In one study, Francesca Gino and Adam Grant, of Harvard Business School and the Wharton School, respectively, found that fundraising executives who received personal thanks from their manager for their efforts and contributions increased their outreach metrics by 50 percent.⁴ Fifty percent! Employee recognition directly affects team members’ motivation and how they feel about their jobs, so make this a priority as you lead your team.

Develop Personalized Learning Experiences

In order to create meaningful learning for your team members, first you have to understand what they value and where they want to grow. Some employees will be clear on what they’re looking for, and others may need you to help them consider prospective opportunities. You can discuss this in a one-on-one conversation or ask them to fill out a questionnaire on their own. These questions will help you get started:

• Why do you do this job?

• What do you aspire to?

• What is something you want to learn more about this year?

• What are you curious about, or what would you like to explore further?

Then find ways to personalize learning experiences for your team members and make a formal plan with them for their professional development throughout the year. You and your team member may determine that they will benefit from attending a conference or certificate program. Perhaps they can get involved with professional or industry organizations that offer skill building and networking opportunities.

Don’t overlook the opportunities within your organization either. Identify projects in your department or another that your team member can take on to get more experience in a specific area of interest. You may also sign them up for an internal mentoring program or connect them with a senior leader for a coffee conversation.

One of my love languages is introducing people in my network to each other. I don’t do it for everyone, but it brings me joy to connect two people for personal and/or professional development. If you’re open to sharing your network, this is a way to show your team members that you believe in them.

Prioritize Your Team

During conversations with managers on my team and as I work with clients, I often hear that it’s challenging to balance their management responsibilities with their own work projects. I know how hard it is to have days of back-to-back meetings while trying to manage deadlines and your inbox. However, if you want to be a great leader, you’ll need to prioritize your team members. I believe leading a team comes before anything else, even the bottom line. Your job is to help others achieve their goals, which is as much about making yourself available when they need help working through a challenging situation as carving out time on your calendar to drop them a note to wish them well on their upcoming presentation. It also means following through on what you committed to.

Team members observe your actions. They notice when you’re responsive to their emails, when you take time to reach out about something other than work deadlines, and when you show up for them in the most difficult times in the organization and the world. If you’re willing to sacrifice something for yourself in service to your team or organization, research shows this, in turn, increases their commitment to you and the organization.⁵ Remember this the next time you feel pulled in many directions and a team mem ber asks for your help. This “distraction” is your job as a leader of people. When you invest in your people, the results will come.

Celebrate with Your Team

Celebrating wins, no matter the size, shows appreciation to your team members, and it also builds connections and meaningful culture. Surprise your team members with personalized communications sharing your appreciation. I’ve loved recording “happy anniversary” and “congratulations” personalized videos for team members and leaving unexpected notes of encouragement on their desks.

Create celebration rituals for your team or company to reinforce the value of community. A client shared with me that they shake maracas every time they close a sale. What a celebratory sound! One of my favorite work memories was dreaming up and implementing a New Year’s Eve party (with party hats and confetti) in June to honor all of the work that went into a successful fundraising year. You could adapt this for your company’s founder’s day or another significant date.

Make wins part of your everyday work culture. I created the concept of Win of the Day (WOTD) to encourage my team to share wins with each other. Here’s how it works: When you experience a win, you send an email, text, or Slack message to your team with WOTD as the headline. The win is defined by you: it could be that you received a response to a cold call, moved a project forward, or received a note of recognition. Once one person shares what she accomplished, her colleagues cheer her on, and you can see instantly how this can build confidence and culture. Also be sure when choosing a WOTD that you acknowledge progress, not just outcomes. The whole point of WOTD is to celebrate and remind each other that we’re in this together. Because who couldn’t use a little more joy at work?

COMMUNICATE COURAGEOUSLY AND COMPASSIONATELY

As a leader, your communication sets the tone for how your team feels about their work and you. They’ll look to you as an example, so communicate consistently, transparently, and authentically every day—and especially in challenging times. It will be as much about what you say as what you don’t say. It’s also about how you create space for your team to speak up, too. Communicating courageously and compassionately means being willing to have the difficult conversation while leading with your heart. You won’t always get it right, and that’s okay. Stay focused on serving others and showing up for them and for you. Here’s what this looks like in action.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

You’ve likely been put into your manager role because you have experience in your industry. Beyond your experience, you likely exceeded expectations in your role and were the go-to for your colleagues when they needed advice. Now that you’re a leader, your role is to coach your team members to figure out the answers, rather than telling them what you would do. Practice asking open-ended questions (questions that start with how, what, when) to get them to share their perspective.

For example, instead of saying, “I’ve created a new process to help you streamline your work,” try saying, “How can we develop a new process together to streamline our work outcomes?”

This isn’t about asking questions simply to have a dialogue; it’s to genuinely learn from and with your team. After all, as the amaz ing leader you are, you’ve hired people who are also amazing. You’ll learn more about the team member’s thinking, and you can create better and stronger ideas together. You might even be surprised to learn something new about them as a person. Plus, when they feel you’re listening and acting on their ideas and caring about their perspective, this will help them feel valued at work.

My go-to phrase for open-ended dialogue: Tell me more about that.

Use Collaborative Language (“Yes, And”)

How many times have you heard someone (maybe even yourself) say, “I totally agree with you, but. …”

Spoiler alert: that person does not totally agree with you.

As kind human beings, we want to sound supportive even when we’re really not, so we say things like that, even though it doesn’t make sense. No wonder we start to wonder who really supports us!

You can have a supportive conversation with someone else and open up the dialogue to more possibilities. This is where “Yes, and” comes from.

Many years ago, I took a leadership development course that incorporated improv into our training. It was fascinating to learn how an acting technique could improve working relationships and my leadership approach, and yet it makes so much sense. Managers have to learn to navigate through unexpected challenges and make decisions to move the company forward, while engaging others in the process and vision.

The instructor introduced the concept of “Yes, and,” where you build on whatever was said prior in the conversation. It’s a chance to both move something toward the positive and build on what is being shared. This has now been fully infused in my professional and personal life and has positively changed all communications. It requires you to be fully present and have the mindset to collaborate.

Here’s what it sounds like:

Colleague: I think we should try this new strategy for our team.

You: Yes, and we can use this strategy to help reach the goal we talked about in our annual planning process.

Using the structure of “Yes, and,” you add your idea to the other person’s idea in a way that shows you listened and value what they’ve shared. When used correctly, it’s a powerful technique to introduce to your team so everyone can safely engage in offering their thoughts knowing that others will build on them and have their back.

The more I have incorporated this into my approach, the more I have seen “Yes, and!” emerge in other aspects of my thinking—and my writing. I have noticed far more yeses in my emails to show that I’m affirming the other person’s idea or perspective. I might even go so far as to say that all these yeses help me feel more positive overall in my day.

To be clear, though: the idea is not to say yes to everything, just because. An inauthentic “Yes, and” can land the same as a “Yes, but,” so this takes real practice and listening.

Also, you may disagree with what’s been shared, and there’s no value in pretending. You can use “Yes, and” effectively and have a different viewpoint. The key is to first show that you listened to and value the other person’s contributions.

Here’s what that sounds like:

Colleague: I think we should try this new strategy for our team.

You: Yes, I understand that strategy has worked in your previous work environment, and we can look at the data to inform what we do here. If we proceed, I think we should give ourselves six months to see how it goes and then reevaluate.

It would have been easier to say, “Yes, but that won’t work here,” and the other person might have shut down immediately because they didn’t feel heard. Plus, just because something hasn’t worked in the past doesn’t mean it won’t work now.

“Yes, and” helps you more fully consider new ideas and be open to possibilities.

Find What’s Missing

While you’re considering new ideas, find ways to bring them to the surface. One of my favorite strategies to get feedback from a group or individual is to ask, What’s missing?

Though you may feel a strong affinity with your idea or plan, it’s important to hear feedback from stakeholders and others it will affect. The challenge is how to get team members to share candid feedback, especially when it doesn’t align with their boss’s idea. When you ask, “What’s missing?” as a leader, you acknowledge that your idea isn’t complete, but it could be if everyone played a role in its development. This makes your team members feel included and more comfortable pointing out issues or seeking clarification. When your team offers input, they will also feel increased buy-in for the concept.

The “what’s missing” process is especially valuable when developing new strategies or preparing to launch a new program or process, so you can develop the best possible solutions alongside your team.

Admit When You Don’t Know

We’ve been trained to think leaders know exactly what they’re doing all the time. (They don’t!) Get comfortable saying, “I don’t know” to your team when you don’t know the answer. It’s far better than making something up. It’s okay to not have all the answers. Really, it is. Your job is to teach what you can and commit to figuring out the rest with your team. You’re human, and being the best boss means showing vulnerability. It will help your team relate to you and feel more invested in what you’re building together.

If you want to make a positive impression in a tricky situation, tell them you don’t know the answer, but that you’ll look into it, and then follow through. Better yet, say, “Let’s figure this out together.”

Structure Conversations to Promote Transparent Dialogue

It’s always beneficial to have collaborative, transparent dialogue with your direct reports, and as your team grows and you become a manager of managers, you’ll need to identify creative strategies to interact with team members you don’t see as frequently. Though you may be in the same room in large group meetings, you can and should create ways to stay connected and understand how things are going for them at work and beyond.

With all of the responsibilities you already have as a leader, it helps to designate time for these kinds of interactions with team members and structure the conversations to promote dialogue. A skip level meeting is when a higher-level manager meets with employees who report to people they manage or others on their team who don’t report directly to them. The goal is to create open lines of communication with the higher-level manager and get insights on what’s happening in the organization at all levels. It also helps build relationships with staff who don’t report directly to you.

A skip level meeting can be structured in different ways to suit your style and the size of your team. You might choose to organize small groups or meet individually with staff members. And you can decide on whether the cadence will be quarterly or biannually. When you’re getting started, you don’t have to have all of the details figured out. What matters most is your messaging about why these meetings—and the people in them—are important to you. Don’t forget to notify your direct reports about your plans, so they understand up front about your intentions—and you can dispel any worries they might have about what (or who) you’ll be talking about in the meeting.

If you’re like me and the term “skip level” doesn’t resonate with who you are, pick a new name. I had a contest for my team to propose alternate names, and there were many fun options. I chose “elevator sessions”—which both reminded me of the elevator conversations you would serendipitously have with senior leaders and the importance of meeting people literally where they are. The more aligned you feel with this concept, the more your team will see your authentic interest in engaging with them.

For the meeting itself, you are the host, so you’ll need to curate the discussion. Establish any expectations and boundaries up front. I liked to explain that I had some questions in mind for them and they could ask me anything on their mind, too. Have an opening question to get everyone more comfortable talking with each other (especially if they’re in a group with team members they don’t know as well). If you have a well-established team, you may find that they come prepared with questions for you. (I’ve been asked about what my self-care routine is as often as I’ve been asked about hybrid work arrangements!)

Here are some additional questions to help guide these conversations:

• What is something the team is doing really well right now?

• What are the barriers or bottlenecks you’re experiencing?

• What do you need to be successful?

• What’s one thing I should stop or start doing to help the team be more successful?

• What needs clarifying?

• What do I need to know as this team’s leader?

If the team members shared something they need help with or more information on, you’re accountable as the leader for following up with them in some way. Your follow-through as a leader will determine whether they feel they can come to you again with things they need. Even if you can’t change everything they asked about, make sure they feel heard and acknowledged.

In addition to how these meetings help build stronger connections with team members, one of the unexpected benefits was how they helped team members foster relationships with each other. Through asking and answering questions that require a level of vulnerability and candor, it increased trust and respect across the group. Research shows that building connections between team members leads to stronger job satisfaction and less burnout—all of which is especially important in hybrid work environments.⁶

INCLUSIVE LEADERSHIP

Inclusive leadership means managing a team as a collective while honoring each individual’s unique qualities and experiences. At its essence, it helps individuals feel they belong. This is more than a nice-to-have on a team. Research shows that it contributes to productivity, collaboration, and decision-making.⁷ Most important, though, it makes everyone on your team feel valued, just as they should be.

I know this from my own personal experience earlier in my career. I excitedly started a new role, which included participation in leadership meetings (the proverbial “table” where we all want to sit). In my very first meeting, our boss opened with a religious devotional. (For context, we worked for a secular organization.) I felt my face flush, and I glanced around to see if anyone noticed my discomfort. I had worked so hard to finally be in the room where big decisions were made, and as a proud Jewish woman, I immediately felt excluded. I felt unsure how to broach the topic—and it threw me off-balance for contributing at all. Because I was new and I wanted people to accept me, I didn’t say anything. To my boss’s credit, they approached me a few days after the second meeting and asked if I was okay with the religious discussion. I took a deep breath and was able to share my feelings. They ended up adjusting the meeting to not begin with the weekly devotional, and I started to feel more comfortable speaking up across the board.

Here’s the thing: this person is still one of my favorite bosses. We are human and we lead the best ways we can, and we keep learning so we can serve better.

Since then, I’ve understood I have a responsibility as a leader to create an inclusive culture where my team members feel like they belong and are welcome to share feedback. The work doesn’t end when someone finally gets to the table—it begins.

If you’re looking to create an inclusive culture within your organization, here are some things to keep in mind.

Model Vulnerability

You model for your team what appropriate norms are, including how to talk about difficult topics at work. I’ve made it a practice to share my thinking and reasoning with my team, acknowledge my own mistakes, and talk about what I’m working on. While this may start in the little moments in individual conversations, it’s also important that you’re prepared to lead in the bigger moments, too.

In 2018, the Chronicle of Philanthropy announced on the front page that one in four fundraisers had experienced sexual harassment at work, primarily from donors.⁸ I brought my team together to talk about this article so they could hear me say that their safety and well-being always comes before the work. We had a candid conversation about strategies to make our profession safer and how to respond if they ever personally felt uncomfortable in a situation. I also opened up about my own personal experience as one of those statistics.

At other significant moments in time, like after George Floyd’s murder, I brought the team together to process, share, and learn. In each experience, I acknowledged that I didn’t have all the words to address what was happening in the world, but the words I did have were, “We’re in this together.” Leaders need to open the doors for dialogue, even when they don’t have all the words, and understand that their team members might not have the words they need either, but they still need support.

People often ask me how to know if they’re disclosing too much. Some of this is learned from experience. For me, I make the choice to determine, “Will this help me build a relationship or connect more genuinely with this person?” Even after all this time of practicing, it doesn’t come easily. I still find myself consciously choosing how to show up in this way.

It’s okay to not have all the answers or get everything right the first time (or second time) as a leader. Your team wants to relate to you, so help them do that by being willing to talk about your own learning and mistakes.

Make It Safe for People to Speak Up

When you’ve done the important work to bring diverse perspectives and backgrounds to the table, but then people don’t feel safe to share their voice in a discussion, everyone misses out. Though psychological safety is an important factor, it’s not the only one. Your team members also have to feel they can make a Bold Move and offer their viewpoints, even if they differ from yours. You can foster this environment by trying out different ways to solicit their feedback and praising when they take a risk to present a new way of thinking or a project to improve your team’s work.

This also means you’ll have to challenge any behaviors that don’t contribute to an inclusive work environment. If you notice a team member who shuts down another person speaking, intentionally or unintentionally, redirect the conversation to amplify the person who was shut down. Say something like, “Patrice, I’m not sure you were quite finished saying your comment, and I’m sure the group would like to hear more of your thoughts.”

Even in the safest environments, it will be harder for some people to speak during group dialogue. Find ways to incorporate all voices in a conversation, such as having team members share their thoughts in writing before a meeting, have the group work together on a document in real time, or ask some team members about their thoughts privately to solicit their ideas on how to involve more people in the discussion.

Manage Your Team the Way They Want to Be Managed

Some management articles say things like “Be the boss you wish you had” or “Manage according to the Golden Rule.” Giving your team everything you dream of might seem to make sense as a way to pay things forward, but it will miss the mark.

I know this personally because it’s how I approached my early managerial roles. There was the time I quietly negotiated for an employee’s new title to reflect his increased responsibilities. I was delighted to share this news and recognition, and though he was appreciative, his motivation was increased salary, not title. I wasn’t able to get that for him, and we both ended up being disappointed.

Being inclusive means respecting what’s important to people—and the best way to understand this is to ask. As a leader, I created a document that all of the employees on my team filled out shortly after onboarding. Among other things, they indicate their preferred ways to be recognized (publicly or privately), what motivates them, and even what their favorite snacks are, so we can understand our individual employees’ work styles and customize how we support (and feed) them.

Seek to understand who your team members are as people, what their needs and values are, as well as their strengths. Your job as a leader is to manage your team members the way they want to be managed—and stretch them to fulfill their potential.

Recognize That Inclusion Is Only the Beginning

The first step of being inclusive is acknowledging a person’s heritage, religion, or perspective—and there’s more to do to help people feel like they truly belong. Here’s one example of what this looks like in day-to-day life at work: celebrating a history and culture month is great, but what will you do to create a work environment where people feel valued throughout every single day of the year?

I observe the major Jewish holidays, and each year I take vacation days to honor them. (Speaking of real inclusion, it would be amazing if organizations were more flexible so that people didn’t have to use their precious paid time off to be their truest self, but that’s another story!) I feel obliged to help people understand when the Jewish holidays are, so they don’t schedule important work meetings or send external emails on those days to people who may also be observing. As much as I know this is important, it creates work for me. Just when I finally thought I’d helped our office become more aware, I started to receive multiple emails with project deadlines on the day after the holiday. While that was certainly better than a deadline on the holiday itself, it didn’t feel like a recognition of or respect for the significance of the time away and how all deadlines would be affected.

The true difference between inclusion and belonging is seen in how an organization evolves its behaviors to create a meaningful connection to each individual. When people belong, they bring their whole selves—and their best ideas—to work.

Inclusive leadership is a process and an ongoing responsibility, and it is worth your time and effort. When your staff members feel valued and trusted, and more able to be their truest selves at work, the benefits abound. In addition to the research that shows they’ll be more deeply engaged in the work, they’ll also feel like they belong. As leaders, this should be why we do this work.