Chapter 18
GETTING UP ON STAGE
ON A BALMY EIGHTY-TWO-DEGREE SPRING day in Southeast Asia, I was at Manila’s Financial Center, nervously sitting in an awe-inspiringly international conference hall. The event was an international forum with industrial representatives, professionals, scholars, nonprofit organization leaders and the like from close to thirty countries; we were all there to discuss how to prevent and solve increasingly frequent natural disasters.
Behind the sprawling stage was a deep navy-blue flannel curtain. It looked as elegant as the blue of a summer night sky. A classic-looking, solid-wood podium stood off to the left side of the stage; it looked like a leaf floating on boundless ocean waves. “When it’s my turn, I will definitely try to hide behind the podium,” I was already planning deep down in my heart. The conference was on a tight three-day schedule; I was slated to go up on stage on the afternoon of the second day. As they appeared on stage, I looked up at speakers from various countries; they all seemed professional, and calm and collected, and the tone of their voices successfully conveyed the experiences of how their nations dealt with natural disasters. I knew that it would be my turn before long. My mind kept going back to this one singular thought: “This is such a big mistake.” I kept asking myself, “Why am I here, why now?” I thought of this whole speaking event as my own natural disaster. It was just too ironic.
Two months before this speaking event, I had responded to the organizer about helping host the forum. They had told me, “The forum host is only responsible for the opening remarks, introductions, transitions between speakers, the question and answer session, and the closing remarks. When you add it all up, your speaking time won’t be more than ten minutes.” However, over the following two months after that phone call, I kept banging my head on the proverbial table, blaming myself for taking on this job. “Don’t you know that the whole forum is going to be conducted in English? Natural disasters aren’t your area of expertise at all, and everyone in the audience will be an expert. You’re the only Taiwanese person in this entire forum. If you don’t do a good job, you’ll make Taiwan look bad.” Each day, I wanted to write a letter to the organizer with an excuse to back out: I might have said that it was likely that I’d be sick on that day, or that because of a travel schedule conflict, I wouldn’t be able to attend the conference . . . Unfortunately, I just didn’t have it in me to write a cop-out letter like that.
Although it wasn’t even anywhere close to the event’s starting time, I had already begun to frantically look up speech info for the few remaining minutes. I was trembling as I prepared my speech and a humorous conclusion. After I’d finished reviewing my speech, I started to make crazy efforts to memorize the entire speech. And this was all after I had been reviewing it as I packed my bags, while I waited to board my flight, when I was eating my in-flight meal, and when I was sitting in bumper-to-bumper Manila traffic. Although, realistically, the speech was only ten minutes in total, I felt about as nervous as a president about to make their inaugural address. When it was finally my turn to go up on stage, I was so nervous I thought I was going to have a stroke. My American colleague that I often work with came over and took my hand, saying “Good luck!” Compared with the warmth of his giant hands and his relaxed smile, my hands and heart were as cold and clammy as those of a vampire, and I had the blank expression of a zombie on my face. I apologized to him in a stiff tone: “I’m sorry, my hands are like ice. I’m just so nervous.” He was all smiles: “Your hands are freezing! But as soon as you go up there, I know you’ll be amazing!” My Indian colleague came over and she stroked my cheek, saying, “Oh dear. Don’t worry, just show ’em what you’re made of!”
Their encouragement seemed to work . . . for maybe three seconds. That scary feeling is nothing out of the ordinary for introverts, but let’s look at a couple methods we might be able to use to lessen its impact.
IT’S NORMAL TO FEEL NERVOUS
Whether or not you get nervous on stage has nothing to do with being an introvert or an extrovert. Public speaking expert Nick Morgan wrote in a Forbes magazine article that only 10 percent of people love public speaking. According to neurologist Theo Tsaousides, when humans are faced with a threat, they engage their autonomic nervous system, secreting adrenaline in preparation to fight or flee. In our minds, public speaking is viewed as just such a threat—it is the equivalent of being psychologically exposed to unfamiliar environments, circumstances, or unknown groups of people. Introverts are more likely to see public speaking as a potential threat to their reputation and image. Add onto that situations in which we are afraid of criticism or feel we lack experience, oratory skills, or techniques and the result is that we feel this threat quite viscerally.
As for how we conquer fear or timidity, Susan Cain described this as the process by which what she refers to as the new brain appeases the old brain. The more ancient part of our brains (called the limbic system, but specifically the amygdala) evaluates whether there are threats in our immediate environs (for example: Are there wolves nearby? Is the cliff next to me so steep that I’ll shatter my entire body if I fall over the edge? If I stand in this conspicuous spot out in the open, will I become some predator’s next meal?). Over the course of human evolution, a new part of the brain evolved around the limbic system, called the neocortex, specifically the frontal cortex, one of whose functions is to placate fear.
The struggle every speaker has before they go up on stage is the amygdala saying: “Don’t go up there! It’s dangerous. You’ll be exposed, and it’s simply too chaotic. You’ll die!” The frontal cortex then responds, “It’s OK. Calm down. Settle down, settle down. You’re only going up there to give a speech. There’s no danger. Nothing bad’s going to happen.” In other words, stage fright is the result of the evolution of humans’ biological systems. Many people struggle with it; it’s not just you.
In her book, The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Own Quiet Strength, Jennifer Kahnweiler shared what professional speaker and author of The Confidence Zone Scott Mastley said to her: every single speaker will get nervous, but a good speaker will remind themselves that they’ve prepared before they go up on stage. They’ll recollect their past experiences with success, as well as the good experiences and information they’re about to share with the audience. Yes, as you might have guessed, this is the job of your frontal cortex.
There are two ways you can help conquer your fear up on the stage: desensitizing and image training.
Desensitizing is the process of forcing yourself to be exposed to the things that scare you, causing the amygdala to gradually lower its sensitivity. For example, someone who has acrophobia might make themselves often climb up a very tall ladder. Of course, you have to carefully control and adjust the level of fear in a desensitization process. Calling the process “overwhelming the beast” might make it easier to understand. For instance, you might assume that it could be helpful to skydive, BASE jump, or paraglide to conquer your fear of heights. However, doing something extreme like this could actually backfire and create a negative associative memory, fear, and worry. In the long term, it is better to take little steps toward assuaging your fear.
Image training, on the other hand, is for positive reinforcement within the brain; you imagine a perfect situation or scenario with a perfect result. Providing yourself with a serene and spectacular scene will help supplement your energy and decrease your anxiety. Athletes in near-constant high-pressure environments often use this method. For example, whenever I’m invited to give a talk, I always request photos of the venue or video clips of previous events in the venue. These help me imagine how it will feel when I’m giving a talk there. Getting used to this scenario in my head reduces the level of anxiety I experience during the actual event.
Perhaps it’s pretty awful to focus too much on your fear, but as long as you take the first step to conquering it, the other steps will gradually appear before you. During the training process, remember to adjust the stimuli to an appropriate level. If you push your self-training to the extreme, the results are apt to be the opposite of what you were aiming for—you might end up scaring yourself into never going back on a stage again, which could ultimately limit the opportunities to build or expand your personal brand.
THE POWER OF ROUTINES
When you are facing unknown venues, unfamiliar crowds, and unknown situations, falling back on routine business procedures or set personal rituals will help. When you get yourself into the groove, you can avoid anxiety.
He’s beaten several different unbelievable records and he’s been referred to as “Ichi-God” in Asia. His name is Suzuki Ichiro, he’s a famous baseball player, and he’s a perfect example for what I’m talking about. Every day over the past twenty years, Suzuki Ichiro has kept the following schedule: he sleeps for a full eight hours, eats curry-rice for brunch, and heads over to the baseball field at 2:00 p.m. for a massage, warm up, and running training. At precisely 4:30 p.m., he joins his team for group practice. When practice is over, he takes his cleats and gloves off, brushes and scrubs them clean, and then goes home and follows the same steps to prepare for the following day’s practice or game. Because of these habits, not only did he make an example of himself, he was not injured in any of the intense games he played in for ten years. This record lasted until 2017, when he finally sustained an injury during spring training because he and a teammate collided, which caused a flurry of sensational news.
People use many different routines and habits to prepare themselves to go up on stage; some people listen to a particular song on loop, others only use a specific briefing pen, and still others bring their own portable speakers to the events. Not only do these habits help people relax, they reduce the risk of something unexpected happening. Entrepreneurial consultant Doris Märtin and professional HR development consultant Jennifer Kahnweiler suggest two such tactics for introverts: get to the event venue early and make sure to give yourself some time alone.
Arriving at the venue early can allow you ample time to adapt to the new environment, to test out equipment, and to avoid the panic created by being late for whatever reason. Often, the organizer will be thrilled that the speaker has come early so they also don’t have to worry about last-minute problems. The spare down-time you’ve gained by being early will help you mentally prepare, conserve your energy, and carry out image training.
SHORT TIPS FOR GETTING YOURSELF STAGE-READY
There’s an art to finding the balance between pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and maintaining your confidence level. You want to explore your possibilities, but at the same time, it’s probably not the smartest idea to scare yourself too much to the extent that you never want to do this again. When it comes to getting yourself on stage, here are some tips you can follow.
Spread out your speeches.
I never book two speeches on the same day; that’s just asking for a disaster. That said, you don’t want to have too long of a break in between speeches or you’ll get rusty.
Distinguish speech patterns and practice one method at a time.
Speeches, broadcasts, film recordings, TV interviews . . . they all involve public speaking, but the skills needed for each platform are very different. I usually pick one category to practice, such as live speeches, where the audience cares more about a lively atmosphere, and when I’ve gotten that type down pat, I’ll challenge myself again with another category; for instance, broadcast interviews in which pronunciation and tone matter more.
If I’m not feeling my performance is 100-percent fluid and decide to go ahead with another category anyway, I may just end up raising my risk of screwing up during performances because my proficiency and acumen aren’t polished. If this is the case, I have to increase the time I spend preparing.
Look for and harness positive reinforcement.
Introverts are prone to reflecting on every single moment. Each time I finish a speech, I often replay the mental tape of it in my head; sometimes I even feel regret and despair while obsessing about which part of the speech I could have done a better job on, which parts weren’t so witty, which parts I had clearly practiced but couldn’t seem to nail down while on stage . . . In fact, in my case, I even write down what I think I did wrong as a sort of reference to review later on. At the same time, I try to remember not to get stuck in reflections too long. I’ll sometimes look around at the audience, seeking signs of positive feedback. I’m looking for encouragement, a recommendation, or a positive evaluation from the event organizer, all of which are motivators to keep me moving forward.
When I think back on being the host at the first seminar that I brought up as an example earlier in this chapter, I remember feeling so stiff and that both my hands and feet were freezing. I could hear nothing but the sound of my own heart beating. I inhaled deeply as I stepped up on that stage, and took hold of the microphone. For the next hour, my brain went blank. I was in a complete fog. I don’t remember anything that happened. When I became aware of myself again at the end of the seminar, the audience was giving me an enthusiastic round of applause.
After I got off the stage, the representative from Japan came over and started talking with me, saying, “You looked so calm and confident, and your dress is so beautiful. You must be so proud!”
The rep from Malaysia told me, “Out of the entire event, your speech was the most engaging of all.”
A speaker from Italy said, “I especially enjoyed your hosting—it was so enthusiastic, so full of vigor . . . It was like a breath of fresh air.”
After watching a live-stream of the event, my American colleague told me, “Your hosting was impeccable! You were so enthusiastic, and the ending just hit it right out of the park!”
The wife of a speaker from Nepal walked over and tightly grasped my hand, saying, “Thank you.”
But none of this was as great as when the director of the organizing company came up to me after the event and said, “You’re from Taiwan, aren’t you? You were excellent!”
Public speaking skills are becoming more and more important in the workplace. It doesn’t matter if you’re asked to speak in a department meeting or in an outside speaking event. You’re apt to come across a speaking situation in which you have to face a bunch of eyes staring back at you. One time, when I was organizing my materials for a speech, I had the sudden realization that I had already done more than a hundred public speaking events. From events where it was just a couple of faces here and there, to ones where almost a thousand pairs of eyes were staring back at me—from Asia to the Americas and beyond—I thought it must be quite hard on my amygdala and frontal cortex to have dealt with all of these past events, constantly clashing with each other. If they were to be reborn to live another life, they probably wouldn’t want to be reincarnated into someone with an introverted personality.
I’ve got a lot of experience with public speaking, and my frontal cortex has gotten a lot of training to deal with stage fright and effectively calming down my amygdala; still, though, each time before a speech, a part of me wants to hide in the restroom and not go up on stage. But to be completely honest, it’s easier to give a speech than make small talk with strangers. After all, public speaking is a highly controllable situation. As long as nobody suddenly comes up onto the stage, and if you seriously practice and train for your speech, you won’t do too terribly. If you’re like me and you’re dealing with the same speaking troubles, then perhaps you can also refer to the prepping methods that I’ve stockpiled over the years.
When compared to shooting the breeze or chatting with someone, a speech is actually a lot easier to manage and control. You already know the venue location and the speech content; you already know your well-prepared speech material; and you know the typical things that could happen while you’re on stage. You know you’re not going to have a conversation up there. Nobody’s going to act like Kanye West and forestall you or interrupt you. You can even set limits on the tone of the Q&A and the number of questions the audience can ask. And remember, as soon as you walk out on stage, you’ll have the audience’s full attention for at least thirty seconds, so take your time before you begin speaking!
You might be thinking, “Who wants people to pay attention to them anyway? That’s the most terrifying part!” Let’s break it down: when you have a conversation, you need to both listen to what the other speaker is saying and think about something you’ve experienced in the past that you could contribute to the conversation. On top of that, you need to consider when exactly to add your thoughts to the conversation so you won’t be considered rude for interjecting. You also need to come off looking intelligent. It is only then, after so many complicated steps, that you get yourself just a teeny tiny bit of attention in your small group.
On the other hand, when you’re up on stage speaking, you only need to be concerned with yourself—the entire audience will probably already be aware of what it is that you’re going to talk about. In this case, your cost-performance value is already extremely high. Under this premise, the key is perfect preparation—something that introverts can do very well. I really believe what my public speaking coach told me: 90 percent of the effort happens off stage. As long as you prepare well, before you come up on stage, you’ve already made yourself 90 percent perfect (see, my frontal cortex has already been well-trained, right?).
Different types of public speaking require different kinds of preparation. A twenty-minute business briefing and a one-hour-long paid speech have entirely different performance styles and modes of preparation. You might find yourself asking questions like the following: How do I design the structure of the presentation? How do I use visual aids? How do I present with my body language and tone? How do I tell a story? How do I successfully get the audience absorbed in my information and actions? Plenty of books and online resources can help introverts better prepare.
FACING A DIFFERENT CROWD EACH TIME FOR THE FIRST TIME
I was once a hardcore fan of a particular rock band. Not only did I watch every live event they played online, but I also listened to their songs far more times than the number of events they would ever play. I even memorized song lyrics and knew the lead vocalist’s unconscious habits. When I went to the concerts, I discovered that the vocalist would sometimes sing more intensely, and at others, he would be a little mellow or laid back. This is what I call his spirit. That’s right, even if it’s from a video clip, the audience can feel your spirit. To introverts, the difference between having and not having spirit might crop up when you’re still preparing a speech topic, long before you ever get on the stage.
An introvert’s stimulation comes from within—for instance, you think about whether or not something has value or meaning. For example, when the speech topic is something you find critically important in your philosophy and you’d really like to share what you know, you’re more likely to be motivated to prepare your speech and your talk is apt to be a bit more lively because you’re more likely to be invested in the outcome. Your values and motivations matter.
In the cases when you’re a professional speaker, expectations are even higher. What workplace motivational instructor Lewis Hsieh shared with me says it best: “Even if you’re already very familiar with the routine, you need to at least make it look as if you’re incredibly invested.” This also applies to government personnel, politicians, singers, and artists in that they all face crowds of people and repeatedly attempt to get their message across to their audiences. Singers travel around the world, singing the same songs, constantly on repeat; politicians speak about their political ideals. Both need to perform as if each time they appear is a totally unique performance for their audience—just like what Joe DiMaggio said: “You never know when someone may be seeing you play for the first time.”
I once went on a month-long speaking tour in the US. For the entire month, I faced different audiences with the same speech topic. When I came to the end of the tour, I was almost completely worn out and ground down. I started to think about why the organizer didn’t simply show a filmed version or play an audio recording of my speech. After my teammates realized how drained I was, they would constantly remind me, “The audience probably can’t tell how you’re feeling, but we can tell you’re tired. Keep it up!” From that point on, in addition to deeply admiring every singer who ever went on tour, I became more determined not to let people figure out just how exhausted I was, even if it meant faking it. Back-to-back public speaking really eats up all of introverts’ energy. Let me share how I save my energy.
FINDING YOUR OWN STYLE AND EMBRACING IT
When you stand on the stage, you might be tempted to imagine yourself performing similarly to your idol, whether that is Steve Jobs or Barack Obama; you might even imitate your idol’s speech style, hoping to create the same stage effects and charm. This is great, except there’s just one teeny tiny little problem: you’re not them!
I really like the following example; it’s related to just being yourself.
Collin Balester was deemed one of the top-ten rookie baseball players when he first made it to the major leagues, but after three years, he became a major enigma for his team. Off the field, he was a very happy and carefree young man, and he didn’t have any physical issues that hindered his game. But at the beginning of his major league career, his performance on the field and what everyone imagined it would be were like night and day. A psychologist later discovered that Balester differed from the majority of perfection seeking high-caliber players. He was easy-going and happy, and always wore a relaxed smile, but the problem was that on the inside, he was too concerned with his own and others, differences. He strongly desired to become a highly self-disciplined perfectionist, but in pursuit of that perfection, he lost his original personality, and this loss managed to influence his on-field performance. After going to counselling, Balester finally accepted his own style and realized that successful players come in all shapes and sizes; this was something confirmed by many other senior players who found themselves in similar situations. He finally chose to believe in himself and used his charms as a dark horse among the big leaguers.
Public speaking is much the same. Each person’s style is different. Some people are impassioned; some are more gentle and sincere; some are really gifted with words and expressions; some are experts at using dark humor. As an introvert, if you force yourself to behave in a certain way, you’re apt to feel similarly to Collin Balester—you won’t manage to pull off another person’s act, you’ll feel miserable trying to, and you won’t have grown into your own style.
Finding your own comfortable style is the best way to save and economize on your energy. For example, when speaking at normal volume, maybe you’re speaking at about 50 percent of your voice’s capability; when you get up on stage, you only have to increase your volume slightly to 60 percent. If the audience needs your voice to be any louder than that, instead of trying to yell, just ask one of the event personnel to increase your microphone volume. Similarly, if you like to calmly analyze things, don’t force yourself to be funny or make jokes; your audience will be able to tell that you’re not being genuine.
As for how you find your own style, start from your past experiences and small-scale practice. Which of your past speeches was really effective or which ones did you think went smoothly? Why do you like that particular speech more? What’s the reason everyone else likes it? Keep working on your speech after you’ve figured out some of these answers, and then invite others to provide their ideas and suggestions. Next, tweak everything slowly, and then gradually you’ll have developed your own style!