Chapter 15

DECIDING WHETHER TO GO

“DO I REALLY NEED TO go to this business-related function?” ought to be the most important question you ask when determining whether to go or not. Aside from a few functions that you are required to attend, you always have a choice in the matter. Let’s step back a little.

My company once discovered that a particular rival company had high-handedly infringed on our business scope. Not only did that company directly poach our partners and clients, they even bragged about it with a pageantry of dining functions and events. It was like they stepped on our national flag. Once I found out about this spectacle, I immediately discussed the rival’s behavior with my CEO and the top-level managers at our headquarters. They quickly decided they wanted to have an even larger event with even more pizzazz and flare. However, the person in charge of our business in that country was a veteran introvert with plenty of experience. After he received our decision, he responded to us the following day with a well-organized letter explaining why hosting an event at this point wouldn’t be ideal. His counterproposal was to consolidate the partners and clients through one-on-one personal meetings instead. After going through a flurry of back-and-forths to iron out the details, my CEO was convinced. We would use the resources we already had and our colleague’s abundant connections. To be sure, a precise and pragmatic consolidation of partnerships is far more effective.

From my example, you can see that if you carefully consider your options, you might find that you are able to get the same or even better results with a different option than the one originally posed. Let’s use this line of thought to evaluate whether or not to attend a social function.

Before attending a social event, ask yourself the following:

    Why do I absolutely have to attend?

    Who is the event organizer? How many people are attending? Who else is going?

    What does this event have to do with me (or my job)?

    Is there anyone I know among the other attendees?

    Aside from social networking, what else can I do at this function?

When you’ve thought through your responses to these questions and have decided to go to a social function, here are some tips to reduce your anxiety and maximize the outcomes from it.

MAINTAINING A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

For most introverts, just thinking about spending two hours in a houseful of strangers until your brain is numb and your legs turn to Jell-O is enough to prevent you from attending a function. And forget about achieving any of your objectives! In fact, if you really don’t want to attend an event in the first place, believe me on this one—it will be obvious that you don’t want to be there as soon as someone sets their eyes on you!

John Corcoran, a business consultant and the founder of Smart Business Revolution, suggests that it doesn’t hurt to go back and revisit your original intentions. You might ask yourself, “Why do I need to go? Is it because it’s a routine business exchange that my supervisor wanted me to attend? Is it to broaden my horizons or for work or personal development?” If you’ve already decided you’re going to attend, try incorporating a mentality suggested by Susan Jeffers, author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway; she says that no matter what happens, you can handle it! And if after you reassess your intentions, you don’t even have half an ounce of motivation, then don’t go! Staying at home and reading a book would be more rewarding.

Give up negative attitudes like these: “I really hate going to these things,” or “If it wasn’t for the purpose of building my network, there’s no way I would go.” Instead, uphold a positive attitude and try thinking productive thoughts like “I’m going!” “I can bump into some friends I haven’t seen in a while, or maybe I will meet several people I can get into a deep conversation with,” or “I’m going to go check out the projects others are working on or to see whether there’s something else I can help them with.”

SETTING YOUR GOALS IN ADVANCE

Beth Buelow, author of The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify Your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms, suggests thinking long and hard about what your goals are for participating in an event, what kinds of experience(s) you can gain from it, what kinds of skills you can practice while there, and so on. Whether you want to learn more about your field of practice or how to shake hands to make an impression, make sure you come up with some goals for what you want to accomplish. A goal doesn’t have to be all-encompassing, but it does need to be pretty concrete. For example, I might make a goal that I want to get to know three strangers at the event I’m going to today, or I want to exchange business cards with one of the participants. Don’t go overboard—a goal that’s too big will only make you hang back, and an abstract goal is impossible to track. Once you’ve set a reasonable goal that you can evaluate, and after you reach some modicum of success, you’ll form a positive feedback loop.

I once went to a massive event attended by over a thousand people from forty-seven countries; it was a multiday event that spanned several evenings with dinner banquets and cocktail socials. There were no seats for any of the activities, and everyone was holding onto their plates of food or their drinks, just standing about and talking with one another. When I was faced with entering an entire ballroom-sized venue filled with strangers, my entire head went numb. Still, I reminded myself that I didn’t have to do anything that made me uncomfortable and that I could leave whenever I wanted. My goal for the event was just to speak to one person. That was all I had to do. Because I was so flexible with my goals, my mental load was quite light, and I took full advantage of the event’s special information to figure out which people I might want to talk with, and I actually ended up having a very successful time throughout the event. I not only completed the task laid out before me by my CEO, I also gained clients from four different countries. I spent a long time talking to an American CEO and finalized a deal for a training course with more than 300 nonprofit organizations under their company’s flag/ownership. As I continued to converse with this CEO, he said, “Thanks for reaching out to me. I’m an introvert, so this kind of event is sometimes a bit scary.”