Chapter 16

PREPARING BEFORE A SOCIAL EVENT

TWO ADVANTAGES MANY INTROVERTS HAVE are that we always plan ahead and we’re good at strategizing. Before attending social events, utilize these advantages to armor yourself to get the maximized outcome. Here are some practical tips you may find helpful:

Take care of yourself.

You really need to have loads of energy when you attend events. I suggest stocking up on lots of rest before and being prepared to rest more after events. You may also need a warm-up before the event; in my experience, getting to the venue location ahead of time helps. Each time I attend an unfamiliar event, I arrive at the venue at least a half hour before it kicks off. This way I can acquaint myself with the place, get in-tune with the flow of events, and allow myself to get in the zone. I also use this time to find a place to escape when things get a bit too dicey (such as a restroom). You can use this extra time to practice smiling in front of a mirror and to try to build yourself up. It’s like going into a haunted house—as long as you know where the ghosts, zombies, and murderous clowns are going to pop out and try to scare you, you can beat anything that comes your way. If you do that, your problems become a lot simpler.

Know yourself to know others.

Before you go to any social events, conventions, conferences, or the like, pretend as if you’re an investigative reporter and do research in advance. What I’m saying here is that you need to research the other attendees’ professional background information on the web. At the same time, work on coming up with a good way to introduce yourself; for example, “My name is XX and I work with XX at XX company. I’m mainly responsible for projects related to XX. Recently, I’ve been busy with (or my goal is) XX. I very much look forward to getting to XX goal.” Simon Sinek, in his book, Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action, says that when we have trouble connecting with influential people it’s most likely because we talk too much about what we’re doing and how we’re doing it. He goes on to say that what really makes people pay attention is when you tell them why you’re doing what you’re doing.

First think very hard: “If I continue this conversation . . .”

All good things must come to an end, but if you’re talking to someone you’re really drawn to or someone who carries a lot of weight in your (target) industry, you’re probably not going to want to let an opportunity to continue to speak with them slip away, right? . . . Right? So, what do you need to do? First, do your homework so you know as much about the other person as possible, and then, at the appropriate time, say something along the lines of “There’s supposed to be a really interesting cafe nearby. Would you like to come with me to check it out?” Continuing your conversation is apt to be a much more effective strategy than just asking them about business opportunities or calling them directly later.

If you can’t force yourself to part ways with a potential VIP, then I’d advise that you remember the saying “quality isn’t quantity.” Face reality! We all know that introverts don’t have any way to dance around the event room like a butterfly fluttering around in a meadow. Grasping the opportunities before us is much more beneficial than blindly grasping at straws without any goals in mind.

Look for an exit.

I once went to a party at someone’s mansion, deep in the mountains. When everyone was slowly dispersing and making their way back home, not a single taxi driver either got lost in the area and stumbled upon the event or was willing to ferry passengers, which led to about half of the people who came, most of whom were a wee bit tipsy, feeling more than a little bit awkward about how they were going to get back home.

I also knew a guy in my field who drove to a dinner and couldn’t leave because his car was basically locked into a parking garage. He didn’t realize he had overstayed the car retrieval times. As a result, he had also inadvertently created some scheduling issues for a female colleague who had come with him to the dinner.

Plan your exit. If you leave in an awkward way, your departure will definitely eat away at your entire night’s efforts. Author Laurie Helgoe has some suggestions for how to prepare for awkward situations: “Think about some phrases to prepare for when you’re ready to leave, and even arrange in advance for a phone call at a certain time to ‘rescue’ you from the event.” If you ride in someone else’s car to the event, make sure you have some money on you so that when you want to leave, you have enough for a taxi.

Think about what to wear.

Someone once said that if you want to succeed, you need to do 110 percent compared to another person’s 100 percent. When you attend events, it is much the same. The CEO of image-consulting firm Real Men Real Style put it this way: “You want to do about 110% when it comes to looking your best when you’re at an event.” You don’t want to look too shabby compared to everyone else at the event, otherwise, it’ll be hard to make an impression. Wear something that’s eye-catching, but not something that’s horrendously outlandish. Doing that will just scare people away from you!

Also, you can never have too many business cards, and make sure your LinkedIn file is updated and your phone is fully charged before the event so you can add contacts.