Chapter 1
THE TANGLED LIVES OF INTROVERTED NINE-TO-FIVERS
THE EVENING LIGHT of the California summer filters in through the huge windows of the beautiful tea house next to the Museum of Modern Art in San Francisco.
On this evening, the tea house is reserved. The workers and waiters are busily preparing to receive guests. In the middle of the tea house, blooming flowers weave together a beautiful tapestry of colors. There is a meticulously manicured garden outside the windows; several pigeons are resting next to the fountain. High-flying banking executives and other workers who have just gotten off work are headed away from the Financial District, very audibly talking about which bar to go to for happy hour for a bit before heading home. Jane, however, is sitting in the tea house with knitted brows.
Jane is a manager for an international organization, but because she’s got a shy disposition and gets anxious easily, she doesn’t like being in places filled with a loud din; she’s afraid of becoming the center of attention. Although Jane is accomplished in the eyes of others, when she was selected as one of thirty for a yearly Harvard social innovation leadership training program, during the training period, she only connected with a handful of people. Every time she and her group partners went out past 10 p.m. to discuss their work, she felt like a burnt-out candle; all she wanted to do was go back to her dorm room and sleep. But the night before the final day of the training camp, which culminated in a public speaking event, she found herself not sleeping; instead, she was tossing and turning in her mind, if not physically.
Today’s event is a bit similar to that event. The difference is that this occasion is grander and much more imposing. This evening, Jane is representing her own country at the forum; she is presenting to important guests, large-capital investors, and CEOs in a bid to win more funding for her nonprofit. Jane has only slept for three full hours in the last four days, and the adrenaline produced by her nervousness is causing her nerves to tense up. It feels like she is preparing to run away at any second, like a gazelle who has just noticed a nearby lion, ready to pounce.
The investors and other guests slowly trickle into the room. She sees representatives from other countries talking, laughing, and chatting away with the guests. Jane really wants to dart away to the ladies’ room or hide behind the stage and wait for the event to start before she makes her appearance. Even though she convinces herself to stay, her feeling of being in a thoroughly chaotic situation doesn’t improve in the slightest.
All the other guests and speakers form little groups and talk among themselves. They are all dressed in beautiful clothes, and their manners are self-composed. They talk about topics with a commanding expertise and depth of knowledge, and they all have a great sense of humor. Jane remembers their names and background info well enough, but her heart’s little theater continues to play its tragedy, rain or shine—“Why am I even here?” she wonders. “How did I end up in the same room with these people? I’m so introverted! It’s so easy for me to get tense as soon as I start to speak! These people all have name recognition and a brand for themselves! They’re going to immediately see that I’m just a fake!” Jane looks at the reps from other countries and can’t help but think, “If I were an investor, I’d want to talk with her too; she’s speaking so eloquently; her clothing, makeup, and hair are all perfect. I really want to be like her! Oh my God! What the heck am I doing here???” Before she arrived in San Francisco, Jane had decided that as long as she could brace herself for today, she could brush aside the rest of these events like a stack of papers from a table—they would be like a tiny blip on a radar screen by comparison. Deep down, Jane laughs bitterly at herself, thinking, “I go through this kind of talk at least sixty times a year, I should no longer get this wound up.”
Jane knows she hasn’t always been considered a seasoned, veteran speaker. Yet even though she is an introvert, she still has quite a few aces up her sleeve. She prepares the info for her speeches in advance and practices countless times. She innately likes listening to others speak, and in social situations, she finds this useful—everyone likes someone who’s completely sincere and who listens carefully. Jane also speaks softly, so even though she has a commanding knowledge of the things she talks about, those listening don’t think of her speech as being stifling or overpowering. Many people have expressed that they enjoy listening to her speak.
When her thoughts meander to this point, Jane switches from flight mode to fight mode. “It’s just another battle to wage,” she tells herself, and then she starts becoming a little more cool-headed. She looks around at the large party and sees that everyone else has seated themselves around tables with many wine glasses and that they are toasting each other’s accomplishments. Each table seems filled with lively banter, small talk, and laughter; she has to remind herself, “Keep your strength up . . . You don’t need to go on the offensive. It’s not the right time just yet.” She moves over to the empty space next to her CEO, using them as a shield to block the fierce social barrage, until the event begins.
When the speeches begin, Jane musters up all her strength and energy. When it is her turn to present, she displays all the data she meticulously prepared for her audience, explains the current situation, and answers specific questions in an orderly and concise way. She gets her points across and expresses the concrete needs of her organization. In the audience, she sees the guests’ eyes increasingly glow with interest as they face forward to listen to her. From time to time, smiles crease the guests’ faces. “In a moment,” she thinks, “the speech is going to end smoothly.” But then, she glances over again at an investor sitting in the corner. From start to finish, his arms have been folded in a defensive manner, and now he slowly raises his hand and directs a question at Jane: “I want to invest directly in this project. Why should I have to go through you as the middleman?” Facing a sudden, unexpected challenge, Jane’s mind goes completely blank. She thinks about how she could express the benefits and costs, or how she could show products, one after another, with great determination and fanfare, but in the end, Jane just gives the man a smile. She decides to use her own method, a gently told story. “Please imagine for a second that you’re the owner of a restaurant. A customer walks in and orders sweet-and-sour chicken, but he only wants to pay for the chicken. He tells you he’s not going to pay any money for the oil, the salt, the pepper, vinegar, bell peppers, the chef’s labor, or for the utilities, like water and electricity, that it’ll take to prepare the meal. So, boss, if it were you, how would you sell your product?”
The entire venue erupts in a wave of laughter and applause. After coming down from the stage, Jane is quickly surrounded by people. She patiently answers everyone’s questions, one by one. When the CEO of the nonprofit makes his closing remarks, he follows along with Jane’s story, once more emphasizing the value of the organization.
Even three months after this speech, Jane continues to get notifications. Many investors who were there that day are interested in the area Jane is responsible for. Some of them even introduce other important clients to Jane. Later on, Jane figures it out: her story was pivotal to the event’s success. It embodied a critical point that allowed many financially conservative and overly cautious investors to throw their money into the organization.
Jane has already learned how to use a warm and soft style to represent herself. Nobody thinks she’s too low-key; instead they say things like “This kind of low-key style is just the right amount. We don’t need someone who’s too aggressive.” Jane doesn’t need to toot her own horn and she doesn’t need to use industry-speak (in fact, that’s not something Jane offers in her speeches anyway). Jane’s poise, her tranquil composure, and her silence gained the investors’ trust and led them to give the green light for going ahead and investing money into her company, and her company gained a lot of business from this event. Jane even raised her own visibility within and outside the company.
Oh . . . and just one more thing: I’m Jane. Even though, to this day, I’m still not brave enough to ask for my change back when I get a quick breakfast at one of the countless breakfast shops that dot Taipei, when it comes to my professional field, my introversion isn’t a hindrance. Sometimes my colleagues even say, “As long as we know Jill’s on the case, we’re beyond calm.” When I look back on my career, from the frustrations I had when I just started, all the way up to the present day, I recognize that originally I was trying so hard to be someone I’m not. The greatest and best change I’ve made for myself is realizing this and choosing to live in my natural introverted state. Believe me. Being the introvert you were born as will change your career, just like it changed mine.