Chapter 6

TIPS FOR ADAPTING TO A NEW ENVIRONMENT WITH ZERO STRESS

SEVERAL YEARS AGO, when I was looking back at my work history, I suddenly realized one of my superpowers—I can survive in even the most challenging and difficult of work environments. Even if, prior to my arrival, the position I took had a high turnover rate, it became stable when I took over. I was able to settle into the position calmly and tranquilly. Although it appears that I am highly loyal and have a high tolerance for stress on the job, the real reason I have stayed in various jobs is partly because I didn’t want to have to get to know new coworkers all over again!

LITTLE DRAMAS THAT INTROVERTS FACE WHEN IN A NEW ENVIRONMENT

You might be thinking, “Well, what’s so scary about a job change? That’s such a dumb reason to stay in a job,” . . . but just imagine for a second the necessary challenges introverts face when they come into a new environment.

The pressure’s high when introverts face new cultures and try to make new friends.

One time, after deciding to accept a job offer, I lurked near the new office and observed the clothing styles of my future colleagues. I did this so I could avoid not fitting in by making a fashion faux pas; I wanted to make sure I wore an outfit that didn’t scream that I was underdressed or overdressed.

Also, in general, introverts are less sensitive to looks and faces. When I first got hired, someone from HR took me around the office and introduced me to new coworkers. Even though I worked with all my strength, I was unable to remember who most of them were when I started the job a couple of weeks later. It wasn’t until I had been on the job for several weeks that I could match names and faces with job duties.

In an open work space, the pressure is higher.

In modern offices in which open and transparent spaces without cubicle walls are mainstream, introverts who enjoy working alone and in private are working with an inexplicable kind of pressure: everyone appears to be busy, except at the same time, they all seem to be watching you.

There are too many details for the introvert to consider in a new job.

How do I use the copy machine? Where are the coffee makers? Where do I go for tape when I run out? and so on. To introverts who focus on details, millions of questions need to be answered, but there’s absolutely no way to ask them calmly with an easy and inviting smile. After an entire morning of hard work, introverts need solitude to recharge themselves during a lunch break. However, they’re worried that if they eat alone on the first day, they’ll be seen as reclusive. If a coworker invites them out to eat, it’s almost imperative that they bite the bullet and accept that invitation.

It’s easy to get nervous when you’re suddenly called on to speak in a meeting.

Speaking up in a meeting is the most effective way to prove yourself, but for introverts who usually hope to be well-prepared beforehand, being in the spotlight is uncomfortable. When you’re a new employee, your coworkers might think that it is a good idea for the newbie to join in; they’re apt to put you in the spotlight quickly by taking you to a couple of meetings as sort of a crash course in how the business works. As a result, you are asked to take part in a whole slew of meetings. With such a large number of stimuli, even if you’d like to say something smart in the meetings, your mind goes blank and you become a nervous wreck.

GETTING TO KNOW PEOPLE AT YOUR NEW JOB

No matter whether an introvert is moving, switching jobs, or even immigrating, each time they come to a new place, they face these hurdles. Unless they get lucky and have an understanding and friendly colleague or neighbor who gives them a hand, in most circumstances, the introvert will have to conquer these issues themselves.

Not wanting to deal with or not enjoying dealing with these problems doesn’t mean that you can’t beat them. When introverts come face to face with problems arising from being in a new environment, they need three things to break through and become comfortable: they need to find allies, demonstrate their work capabilities, and make their contributions obvious. When you’ve succeeded in these three things, you’ve solved almost all of your problems.

STARTING WITH JUST ONE FRIEND

In his capacity as a director of growth, Faisal Al-Khalidi wrote in his article, “The Ultimate Guide for Introverts in New Environments,” that the first step to adapting to new environments is to change your perspective. But you’ve been working on this all along, right? Each time you arrive in a new class or go to a new club or a new office, you work hard to tell yourself that you don’t need to be afraid of taking the initiative to talk with others or of being ignored and treated with cold indifference.

If you have just begun a new job, one of the easiest ways to cope with the throngs of people and your initial discomfort is to make just one friend! This is all it takes to start easing into being comfortable in your new workplace. You can find the person who appears to be the kindest and most welcoming and have them be your foundation; then you can slowly start to get to know your other coworkers. While you’re doing so, make sure to learn about the group’s power structure and the roles everyone plays in that structure.

Once you have a friend, starting a new job often isn’t that scary.

EASING YOURSELF IN

You may be wondering what you should do if you happen to go overseas for work where many things will be unfamiliar. Elsa Ho, the founder of Conversion Lab, has worked in various places, such as Singapore, Japan, and Shanghai, China. This is what she had to say: use social media groups more often to find people with similar professional backgrounds or interests. There are many networking events out there, but Elsa, who is an introvert, tends to try to arrange activities with only one person at a time, such as socializing over coffee, instead of joining activities involving large groups of people. For introverts, one-on-one interactions, or as close as we can get to this ideal, are a much more effective way of getting to know people.

There are other ways you can ease yourself into a new location. Faisal Al-Khalidi also points out that engaging in activities, volunteering, participating in alumni associations, and making friends with your neighbors and/or roommates are all helpful steps when you’re taking the leap into a new life in a new city.

CURES TO EASE FACE BLINDNESS

There’s a line from Marti Olsen Laney’s The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World that goes a little like this: “Introverts aren’t actually good at memorizing appearances or looks.” This has definitely been the case in my experience. Each time I watched a movie, my extroverted roommate would ask me, “Do you know who the actor/actress is?” I’d wrack my brain trying to remember the actor’s name to the point that my roommate would just erupt in laughter. It’s no big deal if you can’t remember who’s playing up on the silver screen, but it’s extremely embarrassing when you’re starting off in a new company and you’re unable to remember your coworker’s name or face, even more so when you just met them the day before but you’ve already forgotten, and it seems as if you’ve never met.

In fact, for this issue, it doesn’t matter if you are introverted or extroverted. Most people are not extremely good at remembering names. Neurological studies have shown that this is because in the brain, methods for handling proper names and other information are dissimilar. When your brain is trying to link up a face and a name, it’s like trying to integrate two different systems into one brand-new system; for example, your brain is trying to connect the two concepts of “the person speaking during the meeting” and the name “Mike.”

American business writer Keith Rollag suggests that you use the methods of repeating names, writing names down, and using photos of people to aid your memory, giving yourself more associative connections to cut down on the time needed to jog your memory. My own method for making connections between names and faces at a new job involves first drawing a diagram of the seating in the office. I then write down people’s names, something about their appearance, such as whether they wear glasses or their hairstyle, any special characteristics about them, and so on. I can then use these notes to help my memory. I look back at the diagram and notes from time to time, and as a result, I’m more able to process my interactions involving these people.

KNOWING YOUR NEEDS MAKES GETTING HELP EASIER

In a study conducted by Elizabeth Morrison, former vice-dean of the NYU Stern School of Management, she wrote that the greater the volume of questions posed by new employees, the more likely they are to go beyond their cubicles to find help—and this venturing out is linked to their improved chances of success in the company. But introverts say it’s very difficult for them to ask questions in a new environment. This is because introverts often thoroughly evaluate many different facets of a problem. For example, rather than just picking one person and asking them the question, the introvert follows a thought pattern like this: Who is the most suitable person to ask this question? Will I be bothering them too much? Don’t they have some extremely important tasks that they have to get back to? and on and on. Here’s a way to get around this from the get go: after you introduce yourself to your new coworkers, take advantage of the opportunity to ask them if, later on, they can teach you some of the ropes when you have a question related to their tasks and skill sets. Oftentimes, they’ll agree, or they can direct you to someone who can help; this way you have the information you need to prevent your wheels from spinning too hard when you have a question you need answered.

The clearer you are when you ask the question, the more likely you are to get a helping hand. Instead of saying, “Excuse me, do you know how to use the system for the quarterly sales report?” it is better to say, “I have a question about the quarterly sales report, and I might need about five to ten minutes of someone’s time to understand it more clearly. Who could I ask for help to make sense of it?”

WHEN YOU DON’T SPEAK ELOQUENTLY, BUT YOU CAN GET YOUR IDEAS ACROSS

I’ll just give it to you straight: introverts aren’t typically the most arresting of people. The good news is that extroverted managers will actually realize that we’re fully capable. One of introverts’ strong points is that they listen intently to others. This kind of listening is also one of Faisal Al-Khalidi’s methods for turning a disadvantage into an advantage to help you build up self-confidence. By listening attentively, if we add on to our introvert’s sensitivity, we can often respond in a targeted and sage fashion, impressing the speaker, and from there, we can begin to build up conversations and make them meaningful and impressive to others.

Let me use two of my younger female friends as examples; one is quite extroverted and lively, and the other is introverted and quiet. When they attend a social event together, the one who always receives invitations to meet up with others later is the introverted girl. Are you surprised by this? The extroverted girl believes it’s because her introverted friend always asks good questions. Even though she can only handle talking with one or two people at a time, when she speaks, it always makes the other person feel as if “she really gets me.” This just goes to show that you don’t need to be like an extrovert, who is always talking themselves up in front of a crowd; instead, you can pay attention to the few people you talk to and show genuine interest and care.

Everyone who’s rolled around for some time in the workplace knows that just because someone is good with words doesn’t mean they can get results. When it comes to speaking eloquently and confidently, introverts are often given the short end of the stick. If this is the case with you, for the time being, just trust your supervisor or manager. The extroverted supervisors I’ve asked have all said that, in fact, they are thankful when their team has some introverts on board, because they’re more thorough, they think more deeply, and they can see upcoming hurdles further down the line. They also mentioned that as long as you give introverts enough time, they’ll give you results beyond what you ever imagined possible.

These managers know it all. They’re looking at the overall situation, which they can see quite clearly. But if you want to take the initiative, you obviously cannot wait around all day for your supervisor to notice your good intentions, you’ve got to act.

Matt Chapman, the vice president of Mindjet, an innovation services company, believes that cloud technology tools are an up-and-coming opportunity for introverts. For example, we can use LinkedIn and other social platforms to develop our professional networks so that we don’t have to attend social activities in person, and we can use cloud technology to share information and express our ideas without having to squeeze ourselves into a conference room and shout them out over other people. Chapman also says that when introverts take advantage of these technologies, they can use more effective and comfortable ways to put their ideas out there. The ideas that come out of a conference room crammed with twenty-plus people aren’t necessarily the greatest or the most innovative.

An example of cloud technology that could help introverts is the messenger app, WhatsApp, which is used throughout much of the world. Even senior executives habitually use it, and as a result, WhatsApp has almost become a primary communication method. In the past, you always had to pick up the phone and take a number of deep breaths before you dialed the number. Now all you have to do is just type whatever you need to say. You can change the wording as many times as you want before you send off a message. You can even add some fun or cute stickers or emojis to your conversation. In other words, you can thoroughly avoid having to take those deep breaths.

If you want to understand the interests and values of a person you’re working with, add them as a Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn contact; this might help you learn a thing or two about them. You don’t need to get into a deep discussion with them in person; the speed with which you’re communicating by using tech is a hundred times faster than it used to be; you can now quickly and directly use written words to get to know the other person. Of course, tech will only ever be a tool. Your own communication abilities and capabilities are still a prerequisite.

INSTEAD OF WAITING TO BE CALLED UPON, BE PREPARED AND TAKE THE INITIATIVE

Your own strength means nothing unless it’s seen. At this time, the help you get from tech advantages still has its limits. In addition to job performance, which can be clearly quantified by things such as sales figures, my experience is that the most effective way to be noticed is by managing up—basically, managing your manager. Another way is by taking the opportunity to impress your managers on your own terms.

I did this by regularly or sometimes randomly scheduling a meeting with my manager; at these meetings I’d give them a one-on-one progress report and my thoughts about and plans for future projects. To an introvert, this kind of prescheduled, isolated personal conversation is a lot easier to manage: you can prepare for it, it doesn’t have to be public, and you are apt to be able to have a deeper discussion. The extroverted managers I have worked with also liked it when I used this method because it allowed them to sit down and get a clear understanding of what I’d done as their subordinate.

Another way to control your narrative is to give a presentation. Doing so often influences how your managers and coworkers see you. It’s true that introverts sometimes falter when they get up on stage, but with adequate training and preparation you can conquer anything. You don’t need advanced knowledge or special techniques to make a presentation; you just need to get off your duff, spend more time preparing, and ask several of your friends to give you feedback and ideas for improvement. With just these pointers, you’ll no doubt make progress!

DON’T WORRY! EVERYONE STRUGGLES

I was talking recently with an extroverted friend of mine when he told me something unexpected: “Being too extroverted can also be a hindrance to social interactions or in the workplace. It’s not just you introverts who have to work on yourselves.” When I heard these words come out of my friend’s mouth, I was shocked. How could this even be possible? Do extroverts also need to practice? What exactly is it that they need to work on? My friend asked me a question in response: “Have you never encountered someone who is desperately trying to get acquainted with you but it feels like it’s too much of an effort from your perspective?”

In that instant, it was like a switch was flipped in my mind: “Right, it’s not just introverts who have to work on themselves. Extroverts need to as well.” In this world, each person is being socialized. Everyone is training themselves on how to act under social norms, how to hone their own way of being accepted by others, and even how to be liked.

So, what I’m really trying to say is this: Don’t worry! New environments, new friends, a new job—It’s not a big deal. Let’s practice together!