Chapter 10
COMMUNICATION TOOLS—CHOOSING THEM WISELY, USING THEM EFFECTIVELY
WHEN I WAS WORKING FOR a state government in the US, summer interns came to my office for their work. Most of them were highly qualified college students. Most of them had some pretty stellar family and educational backgrounds, and they were especially passionate about international trade, international relations, and foreign policy–related areas.
Among them was one intern who left a strong impression on me. She was a fairly quiet Chinese-American girl. She had studied at a well-known university along the West Coast. She was absolutely brilliant and had very clear thinking, and her project proposals were always orderly and clear. The only thing that struck me as odd was that she didn’t like to speak over the phone. It didn’t matter whether she was dialing out, receiving a call, or leaving a message. Without fail, anything that had to do with picking up a phone made her anxious. You’d see her entire body shrink back from the phone when it rang. Many times, you could even see her hyperventilating while the phone was ringing away. As I think back on that now, I realize I was also a lot like her. We’re all introverts.
THE BRAVERY OF TALKING ON THE PHONE
When I was in college, my classmates would work at telemarketing gigs during the summer. Some of my classmates took great pleasure in this kind of work; they thought nothing was better than sitting in an air-conditioned office, yakking away on the phone, clocking their hours and getting paid. When I saw them handling everything with ease, I was surprised, because to me, working as a telemarketer seemed akin to being punished for losing a game of truth or dare. In the end, just how many bets would I have had to lose to be “rewarded” with continuously talking to strangers about the weather or movies, just to make them interested in a product or to invite them to experience our company’s services?
The reason introverts don’t like picking up the phone is because phone calls come without warning, and anyone could be on the other end of the line. The other person could talk with you about anything in the world. And while they are doing so, you need to be thinking and listening so you can make a decision about how to respond at the drop of a hat. In addition, taking a call is only going to break your train of thought and interrupt what you’re doing right at the moment. But if you don’t take the call, then you feel guilty or bad for not doing so.
Introverts also don’t like to make calls. It falls outside their comfort zone. “Will I be disturbing this person if I call them at such-and-such a time?” they might think, or “The phone’s already rung three times. Maybe she’s trying to plan out a very important proposal. I’ve just bothered her right now. I’m so sorry.” And then there’s the stress of multiparty conference calls in which it’s possible that they might misunderstand something because they can’t hear someone clearly, or even worse, they might lose the connection. Phones are just an overall disaster zone for introverts.
Try the following methods to conquer your fear of talking on the phone:
Install a caller ID app onto your phone.
Of all the apps out there, I personally think the most amazing one is a caller ID app. Incoming phone call recognition is the only line of defense for introverts and others who have phone call anxiety. This app helps screen out telemarketers and other annoyances. You can know in advance who the incoming call is from, which helps you brace yourself and get the right mental mojo going to take a call, allowing you to save your energy for work.
First explain how much free time you have to talk.
If you don’t have a lot of time or you don’t want your time to be taken up by a distracting call, when you pick up the phone, you could first say to the other person, “I have about five minutes to talk. Is that enough time?”
Ask questions.
Prior to having a conference call or a long phone meeting, ask the event host to first provide a list of discussion items.
In conference calls where there’s a large group and only audio is available, remember to say your name first for easier recognition. Don’t be afraid of asking questions, because when you can’t see someone’s body language or expressions through the phone, needing a confirmation is normal, even preferred.
Resolutely stick to your prepared content.
Before making a call, first send an email to the other person to notify them of the things you’d like to discuss. In addition to just reminding yourself, by doing this, you can also immediately jump into a more effective and deeper conversation. If you’re making a cold call to a stranger, write down your goals for the conversation on a Post-it note and place it next to you when you make the call to serve as a reminder.
Maintain your rhythm of speech.
Especially when engaging in important discussions in which the person on the other end of the call holds a relatively high position, introverts are apt to strain themselves due to their nervousness. Sometimes, introverts encounter complete silence on the other end of the phone or the person on the other end is talking a mile a minute. In either of these situations, introverts can feel stuck in a bind—either they’ve been dealt a completely awful set of cards or they have to show their hand without being able to give it more thorough consideration. When faced with this kind of situation, remember to take a couple deep breaths, and bring the speed of the conversation to a controllable rhythm so that you can think and speak at the same time.
Designate a response time.
If you’re unable to make an immediate decision on the other person’s proposal while on the phone, you could first respond with “I need time to think this over. I’ll try my best to get back to you with an answer at five, but if I can’t, then tomorrow at noon, at the latest. Is that OK with you?”
Know when to use the phone.
When you fail to pick up the phone and take the call, use email or text to leave a message.
If it’s the other person who didn’t pick up, you can write an email or send a text through WhatsApp or another messenger. Some people will respond directly with a text.
Many introverts love to use email to get information out. Some circumstances definitely warrant it—for example, sending a notification about an important date, when you’re communicating a lot of information, and so on. But in some situations, even if you’re not comfortable using the phone, making a call is the better option. Some topics for discussion might be sensitive or important, or require precision and accuracy, such as the contract price, strategies for competing with rival companies, or talks related to negotiations. Some touch upon secrets and the people involved need to protect themselves against these secrets being kept or forwarded in writing; some items of discussion require the phone because they need to be discussed frequently (such as offers and responses to pricing); and some are extremely important (such as inviting certain people to take up a position of high standing in the organization). Apart from providing a channel for immediate communication between two parties, talking over the phone gives you plenty of time to explain your ideas and positions and listen to the other person’s thoughts and ideas. Instant messaging programs might be popular, but believe me when I say that many people still think picking up the phone sometimes builds more trust.
Lastly is the balancing issue of efficiency. I even think this particular point is an exception to what I’ve just written. In fact, many times I’ll choose to make a quick phone call, anxiously wait for the other person picking up the phone, or feel fortunate when taking a particular call, because the reason boils down to a four-syllable word: efficiency. Some things are much simpler to discuss in a three-minute phone call than having to spend thirty minutes writing an email or using WhatsApp and then waiting half a day for a response. When you’ve thought about the results, you’ll think it’s actually not such a big deal to make a phone call. It’s more important to quickly solve matters.
GETTING THE HANG OF VIDEO CONFERENCES
My job often requires that I communicate with my coworkers overseas. In order to guarantee that the communication goes smoothly, and to make our team cohesiveness much more tight-knit, all our transnational meetings are done through video calls. Indeed, we can see each other’s expressions and gestures while in a video conference, which makes it a pretty awesome way of communicating. However, I don’t like seeing my face on the computer screen; this makes me feel out of sorts, even to the point of knowing that as long as I know others can see me, I’ll feel entirely uneasy, my mind will be in a complete fog, and I won’t know what to do. It’s easy to get hit by a wave of nervousness each time you’re in a video conference.
For introverts, when compared to phone calls that can suddenly ring anywhere at any time, video conferencing often feels more predictable. You can clearly pin down the main points you want to talk about. You can prepare before the meeting and effectively lower the uncertainty and potential annoyances. The only difference is that you will be seen by others—often a gut-wrenching point in the minds of introverts.
Introverts can do the following things to grapple with video calls:
Set up your video equipment a good five to fifteen minutes in advance.
In addition to preparing your main discussion points beforehand, it’s very important to make sure that you’re settled down for the video conference; make sure you’ve adjusted the camera lens, that your clothing is perfect, and that you are slowly getting yourself into action mode.
To get in the proper state of mind, first, plan out your ice breakers for the video conference, especially the ones for the first topic.
The first thing you say will often be a greeting like “Good morning,” or “Good evening”; you might also ask the other person how their day is going. If you have more people in the video conference, you’ll often have a little bit of an awkward, nerve-wracking silence while you’re waiting for everyone to come online. You can prepare one or two chit-chat topics in advance to fill in that void between you and whoever else shows up before everybody is ready. After all, a bunch of people staring at each other through the camera without saying a single word is pretty weird, right? If you really can’t think of something to say, or the other person is a manager or supervisor (note: in Asian culture, people of a higher level may not want to chat with you), and you’re uncertain about how to talk with them, you could say, “It looks like we’ll be waiting for a couple of minutes. Let me make sure everyone knows about this meeting. I’ll talk with you in a sec.”
Use communication tools to help take attention away from your face.
Everyone likes when people actually have something worthwhile to say or have pertinent suggestions. In video meetings, you can use facial expressions, hand movements, paper materials, and online briefs to help communicate; everyone’s attention will concentrate on those tools or methods and not on your face.
Voluntarily take down meeting minutes.
If you don’t need to be the host or an important speaker, and nobody has been designated to jot down meeting minutes, you could volunteer to record them. Introverts like listening closely and paying attention to details. We’re very suitable candidates for meeting minutes. Moreover, after a wave of discussion, everyone will be thankful for the person who volunteered to take down the important points in the meeting.
Although phone and video conferencing are formal communication methods, communication isn’t just limited to these. It also includes talking in the break room, in the hallway, and in other informal places. In fact, informal communication can be just as or even more effective than phone or video. The next time you run into your coworker in the break room, you could casually ask about the progress on a project or ask, “Is so-and-so client doing OK? It seems like they haven’t sent us anything in a while.” Perhaps you might come across an unexpected treasure-trove of information!