Chapter 4

THE BIG DIFFERENCES BETWEEN INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS IN THE WORKPLACE

THE WORKPLACE IS, OF COURSE, a war zone. It’s not hard to figure out that everyone likes a coworker or a subordinate with a sunny and open disposition, someone who’s witty and a savvy talker. People with these qualities have a much easier time blending in with others. It often appears as if they’re also better suited for more important work that showcases the company. On the flip side, people with quiet and calm personalities are often put in the back of the house to work on internal company duties.

Introverts who have professional capabilities are able to get involved with professionally skilled work, otherwise, they are very likely to be assigned administrative work, regardless of whether they like it or are adept at it.

When people with different personalities coexist in the workplace, what happens? Extroverts like to be lively—they like doing things quickly; they can make prompt decisions; they are willing to take risks; they pursue stimulation or pleasure; they like to lead; they aren’t afraid of conflict; and they don’t enjoy doing things alone. Introverts, on the other hand, often ponder things deeply; they can only handle a small number of stimuli; they’re circumspect and prudent; they like listening to others; they tend to avoid conflict; and they don’t mind working alone.

At a glance, extroverts seem to have more advantages. However, in Nicolas Carlson’s Marissa Mayer and the Fight to Save Yahoo, former Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer has a different take. When Mayer was a child, she had a piano teacher who said that she was far different from other learners: “Many children her age are only interested in themselves. Marissa has already started to observe others.” When she was in high school, Mayer felt pretty comfortable standing behind a podium and giving a speech to others, and she often became a leader when put into a group. In college, her classmates described her as always busy and never having an interest in being social.

Marissa Mayer is a classic example of an introvert. She’s an observer, a leader, and someone fully invested in her work, all at the same time. When I read about Mayer, I suddenly had an epiphany, because for me, these roles she takes on are something I have experienced beginning in elementary school and continuing for several years after I entered the workplace. Even to this day, these roles are a major part of me.

Whether in the workplace or in school, the phrases I most often heard were “Oh . . . you’re really nice/smart/mature/great at getting results, but you’re just too quiet!” (None of the statements are real compliments, though . . . the most telling part of these phrases is the backhandedness of that last statement.) However, my path has been far different than the paths of most people who are shy and quiet. My career has always been related to marketing. The products I market include people, concepts, and projects. Sometimes, my objective has even been to sell an entire country! As a result of my chosen career, my introverted self had to stand out. I have had to build relationships with others, even to the extent that I have to stand in the spotlight. I have had to make myself obvious and likeable . . . each time, in every little thing, for every goal. A lot of the time, these tasks are diametrically opposed to who I really am deep inside.

Here’s an example that helps explain what I deal with regularly. Wherever I go for an event, the first thing I do is check the location of the restrooms. Why is that? It’s because that’s where I go to calm myself down when I have to attend conferences or social events. I’m certain to be nervous for a full three days and nights before such events, and if there’s a recording, filming, or interview component associated with these, my anxiety skyrockets. Even during regular office meetings, when I’m asked questions by the senior staff, it doesn’t matter how well I know the answer, my mind will go blank in an instant. It usually takes two days after the meeting for me to actually think up a proper, expansive, and perfect response to whatever questions were asked.

People often believe that we introverts think too much, that we’re often overwhelmed and get anxious easily, that we respond too slowly, that we’re shy, that we’re unsociable, that we’re incapable of working in teams, and so on. But the truth is that the only way in which introverts and extroverts are different is in how they recharge. Introverts need to be alone to regain their energy. We’re not like extroverts, who can use external stimuli to recharge themselves. I have seen introverts who can shoot out words like a machine gun, who have the right word for every occasion, who have limitless vitality. After they’ve finished a full day’s work, though, all they want to do is stay home, lie in bed in their pajamas, binge-watch something on Netflix, or read a book.

CHARACTERISTICS OF INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS

Maybe you’ve already figured out what the trait differences are between introverts and extroverts.

The Different Characteristics of Introverts and Extroverts

In fact, introvert traits can be seen everywhere in the workplace and in life. Here are some examples:

    You enjoy getting to work half an hour before the work day starts or leaving the office a half an hour late because that last half hour is more tranquil and it’s easier to get things done.

    You write humorous and lively things on your blog and social media, but when you’re in a group of people or in a gathering, you like playing a quiet role by just smiling and listening to others speak. Sometimes when people aren’t even noticing, you quickly make your escape right from under their noses.

    You’re like two starkly different people. You are good at logistical planning, your strategizing is clear, and when you’re writing, the structure is complete, everything has been cited correctly, and everyone’s been given credit, but when you’re put on the spot, like when you’re suddenly called on during a meeting, you don’t have the faintest idea of what to do.

    You’re full of energy and bravery when you get up on stage to give a brief to a full audience in front of you, but when you are publicly praised in front of everyone at the event, you can’t utter a single word. It’s like you’re deliberately denying (or downplaying or dismissing) your own abilities and shooting yourself down.

    Even though you have to read nearly one-hundred-page-long contracts in a short amount of time, you’re still able to find the most subtle error.

    After getting off work, you’d rather curl up at home, quietly drink a hot mug of tea, and read a book to recharge instead of going out with your coworkers for a big dinner, some partying, or having drinks at a bar.

    When bringing your child to the nearby park playground, you’d much rather stay off to the side and read a book instead of idly chit-chatting with other parents about parenting experiences.

    You’ve lived in the same community for over ten years but you’ve only ever gotten to know one or two of your neighbors at most. When you say you know them, you actually mean that you’ve greeted each other when you run into each other in the driveway.

UNDERSTANDING INTROVERTED TRAITS

Some people believe that introversion is innate; others firmly believe that introversion can be changed. From a scientific perspective, there’s no one clear-cut answer, but the most widespread understanding is that introversion has both innate and acquired influences—in other words, nature and nurture. Debra Johnson and her colleagues at the University of Iowa published a study in the American Journal of Psychiatry about using positron emission tomography (PET) scans to observe the conduction and reactions of the brains of introverts and extroverts when presented with stimuli. Johnson found that when introverts were given stimuli, such as being asked to respond to questions, they were likely to have higher blood flow toward the frontal lobes and frontal thalamus compared to extroverts, indicating that their brain activity was more active. Introverts also had increased blood flow toward the interior parts of the brain responsible for dealing with memory, problem-solving, and planning. These are relatively longer and more complex blood flow pathways. In other words, introverts and extroverts have innately different brains!

Adding on to the differences in neurotransmitters (sensitivity and demand for dopamine and acetylcholine), the brain’s neural pathways (which are more dominant in the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems), functional analysis of the self-regulating nerve center, and so on, in her work, The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, neuroanalytical scientist Marti Olsen Laney brought up that each person is using both introversion and extroversion at the same time. The only difference is which personality is more dominant and which is used more frequently.

Acquired influences include the environment we grow up in, social expectations, educational methods, family and workplace demands, and so on. These can “train” a person into becoming someone who leans more toward introversion or extroversion. In her book, Leise gewinnt: So verschaffen sich Introvertierte Gehör (which translates to Quiet Wins: This Is How Introverts Make Their Voices Heard), Doris Märtin put it this way: “The interchange of physiological and psychological factors involved are extremely complex.” If you’re a thirty-five-year-old introvert, nobody can tell you flat out that you are the way you are because you were born a certain way, or that you’re introverted because thirty-five years of life experiences have molded you into the way you are, . . . or both. What we can be sure of is that some people’s genes actually do possess introverted traits; however, the introverted component isn’t solely derived from genetics.

THE EXPLICIT TRAITS OF INTROVERTS

Here are some of the more obvious traits of introverts:

    An introvert needs longer amounts of time to think things over, takes longer pauses when speaking (probably because they are continuously rehashing new information, past experiences, and emotive memory), and speaks in a soft voice.

    Introverts avoid eye contact when speaking (because they’re concentrating on searching for the most precise words and expressive methods); when listening, they have increased eye contact (because they want to absorb the information).

    They like to prepare for everything.

    They focus on and value details.

    They have an excellent memory but need a longer time to recall memories.

    They’re more capable of expressing themselves clearly through writing rather than speaking.

    They like to reflect on things and sometimes excessively reflect back on things.

    They’re not really sensitive to appearances and find it hard to remember faces.

    Their number of friends is small, but their connections are deeper, and friendships are longer-lasting.

    Their persona in public and in private is not quite the same.

These traits cause introverts to have their own advantages and challenges in the workplace. You’ll read more about this in the subsequent parts of this book. What I want to remind you of is that even though there’s a detailed classification, the widely used MBTI professional personality test (Myers-Briggs) only splits up human personalities into sixteen archetypes. There’s absolutely no way that the vast array of human personalities is just limited to sixteen archetypes! The introverts or their characteristics talked about in this book are all just an overview. We’re unable to apply the exact MBTI descriptions to every introvert category that begins with the letter I.

Using self-descriptions such as “I’m like this because I’m introverted” and “I can’t do that because I’m introverted” to represent the whole of introversion isn’t just dangerous—it can also greatly limit our potential for development. After all, the most important goal of this book lies in helping introverts to understand themselves, and to further find their own unrestrained, brilliant way to success in the workplace.