Chapter 9

Quiet Influence Strength #6: Thoughtful Use of Social Media

“In social media what matters are... real relationships. Networking is always important when it’s real and it’s always a useless distraction when it’s fake.”

Seth Godin, Author and Entrepreneur

Selah Abrams is a low-key thirty-something engineer at a top global media company. There, Selah has been involved in the operation of several of the organization’s most successful social networking initiatives. Additionally, he drove the creation of a well-respected in-house business resource group for younger employees.

Selah is also very proud of planting the seeds for the Atlanta chapter of the New Leaders Council (NLC) “which works to train and support the progressive political entrepreneurs of tomorrow—trendsetters, elected officials, and civically engaged leaders in business and industry who will shape the landscape.”⁴⁴

His involvement dates back to 2009, when he learned about NLC from a colleague while in Baltimore. Intrigued, he looked up the organization and saw it had a function going on at that very moment in nearby DC. Selah was able to catch the tail end of the meeting. He was won over by the sincerity, effectiveness, focused mission, and friendly environment set by its leaders. Selah reminisces, “From there, it was a no brainer to start up a chapter in Atlanta, where I saw a dire need for the training of the vanguard of young civic and political leadership, regardless of their issue.” His efforts, along with the energy of others, paid off. The Atlanta chapter has graduated four classes of civic leaders and was awarded the Digerati Award for social media in 2011.

Selah believes that the chapter’s effective use of social media has fueled its success. “When we first starting reaching out to people to gauge interest in a new organization, we got nothing,” he said. “By setting up info sessions, meet-ups, and pushing the word out through Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, and LinkedIn, we were able to quickly find the most active and impactful young leaders in our community and establish and build relationships with them.” His team also reached out to other organizations and met with “influencers” who they compelled to get on board. Those community leaders tapped into their social networks too, and the chapter grew to national prominence. One alum, Stacey Chavis, praises the chapter for providing “unique training that has empowered me to take my talents to the next level.” Not only has she moved into the role of political /public affairs committee chair of the Junior League of Atlanta, she also runs her own company training political leaders and has been named one of Atlanta’s 100 Top Black Women of Power. Through leading the chapter’s social media efforts, Selah has truly made a difference in Stacey’s life and, by extension, the lives that she touches.

In his own quietly thoughtful manner, Selah excels as an innovator and change agent by figuring out who to target and then choosing the right tools to accomplish his goals. As part of the complete growth strategy Selah oversaw, social media gave the Atlanta chapter of NLC a platform with the broadest reach possible. Through this platform, Selah has had a deep and lasting influence on many people.

What do I mean by social media? I am talking about web-based and mobile-based technologies that are used to turn communication into interactive dialogue among organizations, communities, and individuals. Social media gives today’s Quiet Influencers a particularly effective and efficient option. These technologies promise to become increasingly potent forces in the future as electronic tools become more refined and widely used. They allow introverts like Selah to organize their thoughts at their own speed and be selective about where and when they place them. They also give those who hesitate to speak in public the opportunity to communicate and collaborate with hundreds or even thousands of people all over the world. For that reason, it may be just the perfect lever for Quiet Influencers now and into the future.

Have you also wondered how you can use social media to get your message across and get others to move forward? When you take the time to engage in purposeful discussion through social media, you can significantly expand your network, provoke new ways of thinking, and challenge the status quo. You can excel at Thoughtful Use of Social Media because you’ve invested in Taking Quiet Time, taken needed Preparation time, and drawn on your Writing strength. Once you are engaged in social media, you can use it as a way to “listen” online and enter virtual Focused Conversations. In many ways, a Thoughtful Use of Social Media is the Quiet Influence strength of the future. It gives a new form to the traditional strengths of Engaged Listening, Focused Conversations, and Writing.

Are you intrigued but also somewhat anxious about how you can take the plunge into the virtual world? Or are you simply wondering about converting your existing social media activities into an influencing strength? Read on. This chapter will give you tips to use social media in extending the reach of your influence beyond your current circle.

Thoughtful Use of Social Media and Influence

A thoughtful approach to social media helps to raise your QIQ in four key ways. Use it to move people to action, develop and grow relationships, achieve visibility, and teach and learn.

1. Move People to Action

Social movements now rely on social media to mobilize people. Sometimes, this mobilization can lead to historic change. An introverted Google computer engineer named Wael Ghonim has been called a “reluctant revolutionary.” He is thought to have sparked 2011’s “Arab spring” when he started an anonymous Face-book page that became a focal point for Egyptians and others who took to the streets to change their very societies. In one post he wrote, “The revolution is not going to die or go away. Egyptians will never put up with another pharaoh. Thought is stronger than bullets; ideas never die.”⁴⁵ Certainly, he was a Quiet Influencer: Time magazine named him one of the 100 most influential people of 2011.⁴⁶

Dr. Lisa Rossbacher is another introverted leader on a mission, albeit a less well-known one. As a trained geologist and president of Southern Polytechnic State University in Marietta, Georgia, she is passionate about encouraging more women to enter science, technology, engineering, and math fields (known as STEM). One way she has focused her energies on this issue was to start a blog on the home page of the campus website. Through this vehicle, she advocates her positions. In one post she discussed “the stereotypes that the public has about women in science and technology, stereotypes women have about themselves, and stereotypes that everyone has about the nature of work in technical fields.”⁴⁷ Lisa uses her blog as a tool of influence to reach many who might not otherwise hear her message. This vehicle has the exponential potential to reach countless girls, women, alumni, employers, and other members of the community.

2. Develop and Grow Relationships

Making a difference in the world starts, quite simply, with building relationships. A thoughtful approach to using social media as part of developing and growing your people connections can greatly improve your influence. Christie Ann Barakat, an assistant professor of social media, says that social media can “supplement and enrich real-life relationships by enabling people to keep in touch, make plans, share.... We establish relationships based on shared interests rather than proximity.”⁴⁸ Effective Quiet Influencers often combine social media and face-to-face relationship-building techniques. They use social media to set the stage for offline meetings or phone calls. Justyn Howard, CEO of Sprout Social, Inc., commented, “Social media has led to many face-to-face meetings I wouldn’t have set up otherwise with new colleagues, new friends, and new business partners.”⁴⁹

Influence isn’t, however, about the quantity of relationships. Introverts, including Quiet Influencers, prefer a few deep relationships to many surface-level ones. Their use of social media mirrors this more focused approach. For instance, they don’t seem to be concerned about the number of contacts or “friends” in their social networks. As Seth Godin proposed in the opening quote of this chapter, what’s important is the quality of those relationships. Are they ones of meaning where there is a give and take, or are they fake?

Quiet Influencers use social media to strategically build the right relationships in the right way. According to sales and social media expert Barbara Giamanco, co-author of The New Handshake: Where Sales Meets Social Media, connecting online makes a difference. The greatest influencers come to social media as “givers” not “takers.” The givers, she explains, “think about what they have to offer to people without expecting something in return. They share business referrals, promote colleagues, and recommend resources and ideas.” The “takers” use social media “as a megaphone to broadcast sales spam,”⁵⁰ says Barbara. That’s not effective influence: people see through that approach and quickly lose interest in those “taker” messages. Because Quiet Influencers tend to “give” through other strengths as well (particularly through Engaged Listening, Focused Conversations, and Writing), this advice about success in social media resonates with their general approach to building relationships.

There is a small catch concerning the give-and-take balance. Deanna Zandt, author of Share This: How You Will Change the World with Social Networking, writes that you need to share something of yourself in order to be authentic and build connected relationships: “The point of sharing who you are is not to aspire to reality-TV levels of exposure. It’s to immerse yourself—or the part of yourself that you feel comfortable sharing—in a conversation that’s important and relevant to your life.”⁵¹ Ryan Jenkins, the sales professional and speaker on Millenials from chapter 8, recommends that managers reveal more of themselves through social media than they may have in traditional settings in the past. Both the introverts and extroverts in his generation, Ryan explains, have a lower privacy threshold than that of previous generations. He strongly believes his peers are more engaged if their leaders show a slice of themselves on sites such as Facebook and Twitter.

3. Achieve Visibility

For introverts, having an online presence is often a comfortable way of revealing themselves to a much larger community. Others can learn about their unique point of view and gain glimpses into their personality. This self-controlled “exposure” creates a strong, unique presence and makes them more credible influencers in their communities. It raises their profile and gives others an avenue to engage with them and their ideas. The result: these Quiet Influencers are able to provoke new ways of thinking and encourage others to move forward.

Sometimes, even humor can be an excellent way to heighten the visibility of a person or organization. Derrick, a senior editor at a publishing company, posts witty sayings and unusual videos that show a different side of his more taciturn nature. He also writes an organizational e-newsletter that is notorious for its humor and low-key promotion of authors. Readers reveal that they look forward to receiving his monthly transmission because they love being surprised and know they will always collect cool ideas and tips.

Social media can also increase your exposure as a thought leader. According to strategy consultant Dorie Clark, a thought leader is someone who “builds a reputation as a singular expert—someone who doesn’t just participate in the conversation, but drives it.” She says that it’s all about “leverage.” “No matter how brilliant and talented you are, you won’t be sufficiently appreciated within your organization or by your customers until the broader public recognizes you.”⁵² In other words, having great ideas doesn’t make you influential. You become influential only when you make those ideas visible and accessible to others. It is in that sharing, which is made more efficient and interactive with social media, that thought leaders become influencers who effect change on a broader scale.

4. Teach and Learn

Freely sharing information on social media sites like YouTube is also a powerful way to influence others. Whether explaining how to install memory on a specific computer or teaching a language on iTunes, introverts who might shy away from teaching in front of a classroom now have a comfortable venue to share their skills. These Internet-based outlets provide Quiet Influencers with endless possibilities to make a difference in others’ lives. Salman Khan is one Quiet Influencer who has tapped into the teaching power of online video. In 2008, he founded the online Khan Academy (see box). His highly successful website, which is funded by Bill Gates, among others, consists of 3,100 tutoring-type instructional videos. “We’re a not-for-profit with the goal of changing education for the better by providing a free world-class education to anyone anywhere,” Khan says.⁵³

Of course, the other benefit to you as a teacher is your own continuous learning. In addition to producing original content, Quiet Influencers, including those who are thought leaders, also use the pertinent postings, articles, and research discussions found on social media as a way to stay ahead of the curve. They comment on issues, follow people who interest them, and distribute relevant content to their communities. This solid and ever-increasing knowledge base gives them a stronger platform from which to inspire others and provoke new ways of thinking. Quiet Influencers who participate in social media as continuous learners become known as the “go-to” people because of their deep and up-to-date knowledge and ethos.

How to Use Social Media for Influence

Introverted influencers who use social media effectively freely admit they don’t have all the answers about how to be most effective in what is still essentially “the wild west” of sites and apps that launch or change each day. To best cut through the noise, they use three key approaches to integrate social media into their influencing approach: they think about it, engage, and focus on content.

1. Think about It

Know your purpose Start by defining your goal. If you don’t know where you are going, says the old adage, any road will take you there. “Know what your objective is before you plunge into the social media world,” says social media expert Barbara Giamanco. “Technology is like putting gas in the car. It helps drive the strategy, it is not THE strategy.⁵⁶

Ask yourself what you are trying to accomplish through your social media activities. Are you, like Salman Khan, trying to change the world one click at a time? Do you want to initiate conversations to get feedback about your ideas? Are you trying to spread your message to a large audience? Do you want to attract clients, sell products, or position yourself for a new job? Also consider who you are trying to reach: a few of the right people or a lot of the general public? Once you answer these questions, you will have a better idea of how to channel your online efforts. Take for example social media novice Susan, a sales consultant who wanted to attract more small business owners as clients. At the same time that she joined a local Chamber of Commerce group, she connected with entrepreneur groups online. She also created a blog where she weaved in her key messages, and posted guest post entries on other blogger sites. Through her well-crafted social media plan and execution, Susan became known as an expert and made several key connections that resulted in lucrative contracts for her company.

Decide to start somewhere Resist the pressure to get overwhelmed; take one step forward. Don’t try to “do it all.” Instead, pick just the two or three social media outlets that will help you meet your goals, and then do a good job on those sites. Limiting your involvement will help make your commitment more manageable.

You’ll have to poke around to determine which sites are right for you. Each has a benefit and a potential downside. Social media expert Gina Carr describes Twitter as a cocktail party with little deep conversation but where you can get to know many people in addition to listening and learning. Facebook, on the other hand, is like a backyard barbecue: more informal and useful for connecting in groups.⁵⁷

Note that with few exceptions introverts don’t post as much or as frequently as extroverts on Facebook. It feels too intrusive to them and does not allow for enough in-depth conversation. One introvert said, “Facebook isn’t intended for introverts like me. I have only a few strong social bonds. In superficial dialogues, like those about a hip new restaurant or a celebrity’s faux pas, I prefer not to speak.”

LinkedIn tends to be most useful as a serious business tool for sales, job seeking, and front-end research. Selah Abrams wrote, “I LOVE LinkedIn!! It’s the social media platform with the least spam and detritus, best focus, awesome search capabilities, and the networks are second to none.”

Be aware of emerging trends. In the fast-moving world of social media, your posting options change frequently. What emerging platforms and apps might help you to connect with people and get your message across? Is video still hot? Are mobile applications where it’s at? Do a Google search on some of the experts mentioned in this chapter, and you will find upto-date guidance on social media.

2. Engage

Dedicate ten minutes per day By limiting the number of social media outlets you use, you will achieve a great deal even if you engage for only ten minutes each day. It’s a matter of doing a little of the right activity on a very regular basis.

One of the most time-efficient and powerful social media strategies is to share articles, links, and thoughtful comments on blogs and media sites. By participating in a stream of intriguing back-and-forth dialogues, you become the “giver” mentioned earlier instead of just a “taker.” Such online interactions typically occur on more controversial pieces. When you get involved, you may be able to significantly change the conversation on the topic in question. Concentrating on blogs also keeps you abreast of the changing trends in your field so that you can be a more knowledgeable influencer.

Set the stage for deeper relationships Use social media to set the stage for offline conversations, and then capitalize on the one-on-one opportunities you generate. On LinkedIn, Selah Abrams, explains, “People don’t mind being ‘cold called’ from around the world. They may even give their contact number so we can have an actual old-school phone conversation and get to know each other.”

You can also build relationships that ultimately contribute to your professional influence through non–work related social media activities. Music sharing sites for instance allow you to share music playlists and bond with people through a common love of music genres. Virtual games help connect you with acquaintances that you may or may not choose to engage with in other ways.

Find a social media tutor Quiet Influencers who are uncomfortable taking on social media often buddy up with a knowledgeable friend or colleague or even a teenager who can walk them through some of the basic ins and outs and encourage them along the way. Vicki Austin, a career coach says, “I have what I call ‘The Joy Factor’—that is, my friend Joy, who tutors me on social media. She’s about ten years younger than I am, an avid Apple user, and a prolific social media communicator. Joy taught me the joys of social media and patiently walked me through the process of applying social media to my business and my life. Some of us need that handholding to overcome our fear or resistance to something we don’t yet understand.”

3. Focus on Content

Write Get your thoughts out of your head and onto the screen. Posting your own pieces on social media sites and starting a blog can be real plusses for an introvert who naturally prefers writing to talking. Through the writing process, you can flesh out ideas before you choose to share them with a larger community. “Create useful and timely content and invite others to share it,” says Mike Wittenstein, an introverted customer experience consultant. He invested in learning and maximizing social media to grow his business. Mike reaped the results by signing several major clients who discovered him online. He shared that for him writing is the essence of social media involvement. “Do whatever it takes to get words on paper; any excuse, is, well, just an excuse.”

Listen and learn Focus not just on content you create, but on content created by others. Drop in on discussions and visit groups related to your areas of interest. Use the social media universe as a way to conduct research that contributes to your influencing strategies. Increasingly, introverts are using Twitter, for example, as a vehicle to learn. They people watch, virtually. For them, such sites are not about posting as much as they are for reviewing the streams of information from others. The knowledge they pick up about trends and key players often proves invaluable in crafting their influencing strategy. Journalists like Dan Balz, a chief correspondent for the Washington Post who covers politics, wrote that four years ago he didn’t use social media but now relies on it for most of his leads.

Zev, an introverted nonprofit director, prepares for important conversations and challenging tasks by doing a search on the topic. Before leading his maintenance staff to assemble a pop-up garage kit that had been donated without instructions, he watched several YouTube videos to find out what approaches had worked for others.

When you regularly use content found on social media, you become more aware of what works and what doesn’t, and this knowledge will help you improve the content you put out there. You will get used to the appropriate length, tone, pacing, and format, and become a better editor of your own material.

Control your online reputation. Be proactive in keeping your information current and relevant. It is now standard for people to do a search for you online before a first-time meeting or phone call. Finding a link to your high-school track meet scores from ten years ago is probably not the first thing you want them to find. Have them land first on information you have created. By entering your name into a search tool, you can see what information is now appearing online about you. As mentioned earlier, commenting on other social media sites links your ideas to those of other thought leaders. It also allows you to have more control over your visibility and presence, involving you in a broader conversation and network.

Overuse of Social Media

Quiet Influencers who use social media almost always combine it with other influencing strengths. Because introverts may get sucked into social media, they may run the risk of neglecting other approaches. The secret of a successful social media strategy is moderation. When you overuse it at the expense of other strengths, you may limit your opportunity to influence others. Specifically, overuse takes the form of information overload, ignored audiences, device addiction, and “one-way by the wayside.”

1. Information Overload

According to Andrew Weil, MD, information overload is “inimical to focused attention.” Social media can feel like a never-ending river of information. Because there is no end in sight, it is hard to limit your time and create a workable schedule. If you don’t, you will get stressed out before you’ve found the nuggets you need to formulate your influencing plan.

You can also overload others. Once you get familiar with social media, it becomes easy to post a quick idea or suggestion. Sometimes, that ends up being too many suggestions or opinions. The sea of information is confusing to your followers. Instead of picking a course of action your readers simply shut down and do nothing, and you have missed your opportunity to influence.

Your community is especially likely to resist action when the online postings are so short and succinct that they offer little explanation. When you create a flood of electronic sound bites, you miss the chance to take others on roads of more discovery. Also bear in mind that sharing too much, particularly in the form of unimportant personal updates, can create a negative reputation. People will either dismiss all that you write or go as far as severing the online relationship.

2. Ignored Audiences

A large percentage of the world—many, many introverts among them—either uses social media minimally or not at all. Some people actually take pride in not following the crowd and never engaging on social media. They hang on to their old phones and have a bare-bones virtual footprint that barely registers when their names are searched for online. If you rely on social media as your only or main medium of communication, you will lose key opportunities to learn about these individuals, and even more importantly, to reach them. Because they are not plugged in to social media, you likewise will not be plugged into their concerns, needs, and networks.

3. Device Addiction

Social media does allow you to develop relationships with people who you may not otherwise connect. An “addiction” to social media, however, can strain relationships with those physically near you. If you commonly refresh your tweets while someone is talking to you, you are not able to really listen to that person and you will be perceived as either tuned out or rude. Additionally, when you are on your computer or smartphone, you miss the revealing nuances of someone’s voice or body language. You likely will jeopardize in-person relationships as you try to build online ones.

Author and writing instructor Jessica Handler finds it especially annoying to have to compete with the numerous devices in the hands of her writing students. Those who do influence her positively (and receive better grades) are the ones who unplug for the duration of the class. They “show up.” “In-person communication,” Jessica says, “is still what is going to make you stand out from the crowd.”

4. One-Way by the Wayside

Gone are the days of one-way lectures. Online conversations also should be robust enough to spark others to action. People want to have a voice through comments, questions, and critiques on popular sites. If you use social media to pontificate but don’t take the time to let your audience question you, ask for clarification, or even disagree strongly with your ideas, you are likely going to lose their listening ear. Steve Spangler, the YouTube Science Guy, welcomes comments.⁵⁸ Through contrary opinions and by being open to critiques he learns which topics he should be addressing. Remember that the name of the game is engagement and interactivity. Relying on social media as a platform to present one-way communication simply does not work.

Your Next Steps

Social media is a perfect fit for Quiet Influencers. It opens up unprecedented avenues for influencing a broader community than was ever possible before the widespread adoption of the Internet. Learn how to use social media effectively and in moderation. If you do so, it can become the influencing strength that makes the biggest difference in your ability to make a wide reaching difference.

To increase your ability to use social media for influence, begin by reviewing the key points from this chapter:

1. The greatest social media influencers are “givers” not “takers.”

2. Use social media to create visibility for your cause or ideas.

3. Remember that content is king. Concentrate on posting high-quality, thought-provoking material.

4. Focus on just a few sites that resonate with you rather than spreading yourself too thin.

5. Encourage and solicit contrary opinions when sharing ideas on social media.

Once you have a handle on those basics, apply them to your own situation through these questions:

1. What new knowledge or connections have you gained from social media sites? How was this knowledge presented, and what can you learn from the techniques used?

2. How do you prioritize where to spend your time on social media? What resources are you drawing upon for content to post?

3. How can you use social media as a tool to gather research for your current influencing challenge? How can you use the technology to disseminate your ideas?

Congratulations! With an understanding of Thoughtful Use of Social Media, you now have reviewed the full portfolio of Quiet Influencing strengths. The next chapter will walk you through what to do next in order to make a difference.