Chapter 5

Quiet Influence Strength #2: Preparation

“Intuition is critical in everything you do but without relentless preparation everything you do is meaningless.”

Tim Cook, CEO, Apple

Jake is an introspective associate director of English for a large educational nonprofit organization. Recognized as a highly effective manager, Jake fits the bill as a Quiet Influencer. The Quiet Influence strength that has become his signature quality: Preparation.

Take how he handled this challenge as an example. In the testing phase of a new teacher-training program, Jake needed to convince a significant number of regional partner agencies to persuade their teachers to use new and improved materials. He faced two key obstacles: one, the fact that the agencies and teachers already felt overloaded, and two, the risk these partners perceived about getting on board before the program was finalized. Most agencies said they would rather wait until all the kinks were ironed out before investing the time and effort necessary to launch a new curriculum.

Jake thought carefully about these objections and crafted a plan to convert these regional agencies into critical development partners. First, he created a short teaser video with animated stick figures. It was poignant yet humorous so that viewers could relate to the issue and presented the problem that needed solving. Jake distributed the video to a wide range of new and potential partner agencies. Next, he discussed his vision for the program in one-on-ones with key opinion leaders within the regional agencies. After a sneak preview presentation, Jake asked them to each submit a proposal for consideration as a tester.

Each of these steps built excitement and began to provoke a new way of thinking about what it meant to get involved with a pilot program. Jake and his boss then worked through the challenges and together identified action steps so that the regional agencies could start moving forward.

“In the past, we’ve primarily asked our senior leadership to choose a regional partner,” Jake explains. “By opening the opportunity up to everyone, this process felt more democratic and allowed regional teams to generate their own enthusiasm.... It made them feel more invested and eager to access this resource before everyone else—even if it wasn’t yet perfect. They became more convinced that working with us would be a good idea. As a result, I didn’t have to do as much up-front convincing because by the time we sat down to meet, they were already fairly certain that this program was something they wanted to pursue, and it would put them a step ahead of other regions.”

Does Jake’s careful, well-thought-out preparation remind you of how you would approach an opportunity or overcome challenges? A trademark strength of introverts, Preparation is especially useful for influencing people. Although their more extroverted counterparts excel at “winging it,” Quiet Influencers rarely skip the Preparation step. They spend quiet time reflecting on their purpose and then create a game plan and influencing strategy that incorporates attention to detail and a steady, disciplined approach to change.

Ultimately, this methodical, strategic approach makes a huge difference in an introvert’s ability to influence others. Preparation often dovetails with Taking Quiet Time. Together, these two strengths form the core from which the other strengths grow. If your total QIQ needs a boost, consider concentrating on Preparation because this strength can feed your performance in the other areas. And if your subscore for Preparation was lower than you’d like, don’t be tempted to skip to a different strength first. Start here or with Taking Quiet Time because until you really pay attention to Preparation, you can’t really perform the remaining four strengths effectively.

Preparation and Influence

Critical to your success rate in influencing others, Preparation helps you to become an expert, prove the value of your proposal, involve others, and increase your confidence.

1. Become an Expert

Quiet Influencers know what they’re talking about. Why? Because they do their homework and take the time to learn about their subject. For example, when a job candidate prepares by taking the time to learn about the industry, company, and job, the hiring manager can’t help but be impressed. Mollie, an administrative professional, interviewed with an Asian Studies college department chair. She made sure to read about his research interests before their conversation. She asked one question regarding the evolution of modern Chinese families, and the interview dialogue was off and running. A job offer followed soon after.

With characteristic patience, Quiet Influencers realize that effecting change is not a one-time event but a multi-step, layered process that requires keeping up-to-date on their subject. Insurance salesperson Ashley knows that it takes time and careful preparation to understand and truly team up with a colleague, client, prospect, or potential partner. She shared, “The time when I make the sale isn’t when I have the proposal in my hand. The sale is made over the years.... If you know your stuff and bring something of importance to prospects; they are going to value your time with them. They will engage you at some point.” Her team’s twenty-year track record of successes is proof that this strategy works.

2. Prove the Value of Your Proposal

Introverts take the time to gather pertinent facts so they can present a very strong case for a new way of thinking or course of action. Derrick, a senior editor at a publishing company, plays an important role in selecting which books make it through the rigorous selection process. He conducts extensive research before making book recommendations. He researches magazine articles, policy papers, the Internet, and other sources to find corroboration for his argument. When taking a contrary position, this third-party evidence helps him to challenge the status quo and address his publication board’s resistance. Because they know he comes to publication meetings well prepared, his colleagues respect his judgment and listen carefully to his well-crafted positions.

Another Quiet Influencer, Jody Wirtz, is a managing director at a commercial bank who acknowledged that he is “not a natural born salesman.” Instead of relying on flashy presentations, he proves the value of his ideas through two threads of research. First and foremost, he analyzes his customer before trying to convince him or her to buy a product. “An idea, product, or solution may not be right for everyone. No matter how good you are, you will never convince a Nordstrom shopper to begin shopping at Wal-Mart and vice-versa.” The second way he proves the value of his product: understanding what makes his idea, product, or solution different from others. That means doing some competitive research and thinking through how he will convey his product’s relative strengths and weaknesses. When he takes time to prepare to prove the value of his products to a specific audience, he typically makes the sale.

3. Involve Others

Few Quiet Influencers achieve their goals alone. Most realize that they magnify their ability to make a difference when they strategically involve others. Not only can extra hands make lighter work, extra minds bring in other ideas and extend your reach. And remember that you engage people precisely by involving them, so the mere act of asking someone for help increases your influence. It takes preparation, planning, and management, however, to involve others in a timely and effective manner.

Sometimes, Quiet Influencers bring in just one other person—the right other person—in order to gain traction. In order to win the coveted rights to the sensationally successful Hunger Games trilogy, producer Nina Jacobson had to achieve the trust and sign-off of the young adult series’ writer Suzanne Collins. After spending a lot of time herself on the phone with Collins and her agent, Jacobson asked a mutual friend, writer and director Peter Hedges, to vouch for her. Jacobson recalls, “Peter, who did Dan in Real Life at Touchstone when I was at Disney, had gone with Suzanne to a creative writing program in North Carolina. So I asked Peter to call Suzanne on my behalf and talk about the experience, so she would know when I told her I wanted to have a collaboration with her, I was being honest and it wasn’t just lip service.” Jacobson’s approach worked: she convinced Collins to sell her the rights and she went on to produce a blockbuster that reached millions of moviegoers worldwide.¹¹

At other times, Quiet Influencers enroll many people in their projects. Selah Abrams, whom you will meet again in chapter 9, is a low-key thirty-something engineer in a large media organization. But that is only one of his many roles. He has partnered with companies in South Africa to create more than one hundred thousand entrepreneurs in the entertainment industry, initiated a successful chapter of the New Leaders Council, and spearheaded his company’s vibrant NextGen business resource group for Millennials.

In each of these projects, Selah has forged relationships with what he terms “co-instigators,” key players across his organization who are willing to co-sponsor his community service endeavors. Quick to credit others for his success, Selah never uses the word I when discussing his various projects. “Even if I do more work on something I will always say ‘we.’ It grates on me when people take all the credit.” In preparing for presentations related to these endeavors, he uses a collaborative approach. “I bounce ideas off of other people and always consider if having someone else go along or even be the main speaker would be advantageous.” By consistently flying under the radar, Selah effectively uses this engagement strategy to effect change.

4. Increase Your Confidence

Introverts often suffer from the “undersell syndrome”: they keep so quiet about their accomplishments that people don’t know about the value they have to offer. Their more talkative colleagues often overshadow them at work and move ahead. More than four out of five introverts have said that extroverts get ahead at work.¹² In fact, when introverts are passed over for projects and promotions time and time again, they may start to lose belief in themselves. With the increased inner strength and confidence that emanate from preparation, however, they can enter any situation for which influence is called—particularly those in which they are likely to rock the boat by challenging the status quo.

When they have a well-prepared game plan that builds from their past accomplishments, they feel their confidence build. For many, like the management consultant Adam we met in chapter 4, mental exercises undertaken during quiet time boost confidence. Others get ready for a new challenge by making a list of their recent accomplishments and referring to it as they psych themselves up; it reminds them that they do indeed have what it takes to succeed.

Jean Paul is a salesman in a technology company who finds that he does better in meetings when he takes time to prepare. He says that “knowing what the conversation or meeting is going to be about really helps me do better.... Once I have a good comprehension of the subject, I feel a lot more comfortable with the conversation itself.” Like a number of Quiet Influencers, he often plays out future conversations in his head in order to gain perspective and confidence. Asking himself how the other person might react helps him deepen his understanding and enter sales calls more confidently. This shift leads to his ability to be really present with his customers, inspiring them to think in new ways about their problems and the solutions he proposes.

Even top executives prepare for influencing by building their confidence. Doug Conant, former president and CEO of Campbell Soup Company, likes to visit venues before meetings and “brings a buddy along for confidence.” “My buddy,” he explains, “is someone who is knowledgeable about the situation we are dealing with and has the potential to enhance the discussion.” Conant refers to this confidence booster as a “touchtone”¹³ that allows him to relax and focus on the purpose and content of the meeting.

How to Prepare for Influencing

Because they plan so strategically and consciously, Quiet Influencers can pinpoint exactly how they get ready for meetings, conversations, events, presentations, and other influencing opportunities. Their actions fall into four logical steps that you can follow: gather information and insight, strategize, manage yourself, and practice.

1. Gather Information and Insight

Pull together what you know Gather information you already have and organize it. The famous introverted movie director and writer Woody Allen keeps pieces of paper with ideas in a box. He pulls out these random notes to get inspired for a project. This nonlinear way of preparing works for him, and there is no doubt he has influenced millions of people with his provocative movies.¹⁴ Where is your “idea box”? Is it in your Outlook Notes, in a simple file folder, inside a bedside notebook, or on your smart phone’s recorder? An idea box can take any form: find one that is right for you.

Conduct “due diligence” before meetings Businesses undertake due diligence (research or analysis done in preparation for a business transaction) all the time in order to know exactly what they’re getting into. Quiet Influencers, who also like to know what they may face in a given conversation or meeting, use their preparation time for due diligence too. Often, their approach involves reading files and information packets and speaking to people in the know. Jake, the associate director of the nonprofit we met in the chapter opening, is a big fan of due diligence. “I like to have as much information and context as possible before a conversation or meeting: What might the other person be hoping to get out of the conversation with me? What assumptions, knowledge, or questions is he or she already likely to have, and how can I elicit that information early on?” He uses this information to finalize his preparation: “I like to create clear agendas.... I like to have a pretty clear idea of what we’re going to talk about, why, and in what sequence.”

If your influencing opportunity involves a meeting or a presentation, conduct due diligence to clarify the meeting’s purpose beforehand. Jake shares: “If the conversation or meeting is a request for my feedback or requires that I have certain background knowledge, I ask for written documents that I can review in advance whenever possible so that I can take time to process my thoughts before we talk.”

Do a deep dive Expand your knowledge of a topic by finding and absorbing new information. Singapore-based senior producer, presenter, and radio personality—and introvert—Michelle Martin reads and researches every book she covers on her popular and influential show. “If it is an author I am interviewing, it goes without saying that I need to dive deep into her books. It would be disrespectful to her and her work if I didn’t.” Her intensive prep results in provocative questions that bring out more than superficial answers from her guests. In turn, Michelle’s large radio audience responds to the often-controversial discussions that emerge.

You can take a deep dive by conducting Internet searches on a topic, reading published articles, speaking with people who have knowledge of your topic, and visiting places related to your influencing mission.

2. Strategize

Interview yourself Conduct a question-and-answer strategy session in your head. What you are trying to accomplish? Do you want to change the world with a mission that’s important? Raise broad awareness for an issue? Generate funds for a cause you believe in? Also consider who you are trying to reach. Take a guess at their objectives and imagine how they might respond to what you bring to the table. Once you identify those basics, you will know how to channel your preparation efforts. You can also distill from your self-interview a list of “LAQs” (Likely Asked Questions) and prepare answers for them.

Draft a strategic plan Jot a few lines on a sticky note or create a formal plan. Your written plan should be as involved as the situation. Jody Wirtz, the managing director we met earlier in chapters 2 and this chapter, prepares for internal meetings by listing a three- or four-item agenda and drafting introductory and concluding remarks that frame his position. Karen, a research librarian, advises thinking through the objective you want to achieve and the points you want to make. She formulates her own conclusions and next steps prior to any meeting.

Prepare for your own meetings by crafting talking points and questions that are relevant to the session. You will do the best job at this task when you know the role you are playing, why you are there, and your goal. Quiet Influencers who seek to effect major change on a wide scale often produce very extensive written influencing project plans such as the kind described in the box on the next page.

Think of alternative scenarios Prepare to navigate the inevitable twists and turns that come your way. Despite careful preparation, you can’t always anticipate what will be thrown at you. Radio personality Michelle Martin deals with uncertainty every day. “Each show is exciting to me because I look at it as collaboration: a dance where the guest, listener, and I all shape what happens. There are many unknown elements—guests can stall at the mike, callers can turn rude, or one of my mind-maps can go missing. My goal is to try to roll with the flow.”

Dealing with what happens in the moment sometimes trumps preparation. Take for example introvert Meryl Streep’s acceptance speech at the 2011 Golden Globes ceremony. In the blush of winning and kissing her way up to the stage, she forgot her glasses and couldn’t read her prepared speech. So how did she handle it? She was refreshingly real (the producers bleeped out the “Oh ____”), cracked some jokes, and complimented the other nominees (some even more than once). Her rambling, laughing speech showed a real performance that probably won over even more fans than she already has.

3. Manage Yourself

Pause Take the slow-but-deep approach to influencing. Remember to use your natural strength of responding thoughtfully and patiently. Instead of trying to avoid the normal and necessary resistance you’ll encounter as you try to influence change, take a breath and take it in stride. Give yourself time to think before writing an answer to potentially charged emails. Try sending a draft copy to yourself and then edit or delete it. Calm down when you feel the heat rising in conversations. You’ll win when you maintain your composure and wait to respond until you have settled down.

You will definitely be more effective at creating and using pauses when you tap into quiet time and allow yourself “breathing room” during your day. Switching between thinking tasks takes time for introverts. Writer Sophia Dembling leaves herself plenty of time and space between appointments. She arrives early and says she would much rather sit in her car in a parking lot to regroup and relax before meeting with people than rush into a meeting. Education administrator Jake concurs: “Regardless of the call or meeting topic, the time of day, or the person I am meeting, I take a few minutes in advance to review any previous notes to refresh my memory.” Closing your eyes for a slow, relaxed visualization can also be helpful during these preparatory pauses.

Positive self-talk When faced with conflict or a difficult challenge, ask yourself the question, “What would I do if I weren’t afraid?” Create a good cop/bad cop scenario. For every negative thought or assumption you tell yourself (that’s your bad cop), refute it with a positive, good cop thought. So when you find yourself thinking something like “Management won’t take my idea seriously,” consciously switch the message to “I have an innovative, worthwhile idea that will help our organization.”

Ask for help Avoid exhaustion and burnout by knowing your limitations and enlisting the help of others. Successful Quiet Influencers have overcome their reluctance to ask for assistance. Amelia, an accountant, learned the importance of this from the interns she was managing. They were not shy about asking for help and their questions helped to move the project along. So, when faced with her own work overload she took a lesson from their playbook. Amelia met with her own boss, and in five minutes he helped her prioritize her many tasks. Steered back on course, Amelia learned that asserting yourself when you need help goes beyond even saving time. It also shapes others’ perceptions of you as a proactive influencer who challenges the status quo (for example, her workload) when things are getting off track.

4. Practice

Learn your lines Stand up and give your influencing remarks a test drive. Dr. Walter May, an assistant dean at a liberal arts college, admits that public speaking doesn’t come naturally to him, so he rehearses extensively. At least a week before every speech or presentation, Walter pulls out a music stand at home, gets his posture right, and practices what he is going to say. When he goes “live,” his points are well articulated, and his message impacts the many students and faculty members in his audiences. Experts often suggest this kind of practice. “Rehearsal is the art of experimentation,” says presentation skills coach David Greenberg.¹⁷ Try experimenting by recording your influencing remarks, even if they are only the opening of an expression. You will find yourself using words and expressions that are different and often more impactful than those on the written page. You can incorporate them into your next presentation.

Find your voice Experiment with different tonalities of your voice. Although you may be aware of the impact of your body language (eye contact, posture, etc.), you may not have given much attention to your voice. Voice expert and author of Full Voice, Barbara McAfee, says you should vary your vocal sounds. Different situations demand different tones of voice, she explains. For instance, to make a serious point to a serious person, you may want to move down to your deep “earth voice.” At times when you want to arouse excitement, it makes sense to tap into your passionate “fire voice.”¹⁸

Create two versions of every pitch Prepare specific pitches to correspond to the situations you’re most likely to face. Often, you will not end up with the amount of time you really want to present your ideas. Josh, the busy operations manager and father of three who uses his workout time to recharge and gain quiet time, suggests having a short and a long version of what you want to present. “I prepared an hour and a half pitch to a senior vice president who then said, ‘Okay, I need to cut this meeting short and you have three minutes to convince me!’” That experience taught Josh about always having a short form of his pitch in his hip pocket.

Overuse of Preparation

The amount of preparation you need depends on the scope and importance of the situation you want to influence—and how naturally you are able to exert Quiet Influence. Sometimes, you can indeed prepare too much. As you develop your own set of Quiet Influencing strengths, you’ll learn what level of preparation is right for you and when you need to step away from preparation to enter the moment at hand. These cautions about getting stuck in the preparation rut will help you find your own balance. Overuse of Preparation can lead to analysis paralysis, lost connections, lost focus, and sabatoged confidence.

1. Analysis Paralysis

When does preparation become too much preparation? When nothing gets done. At a certain point, you just have to get out there and do it. Too much time spent gathering or checking your facts keeps you stuck in inaction, blocked from getting out there testing your ideas and gauging reactions. Ideas don’t get adopted without a give and take. Part of the influencing process is floating ideas and hearing the push back. Don’t be tempted to keep researching out of fear that you’ll miss an important fact. You will never be able to find all of the relevant facts, you will never be able to predict the success of a change you propose, and you will never know for sure what will stand in the way of challenging the status quo. In short, perfection is a tough goal to reach, and you don’t need to have all the facts. Shoot for 80 percent.

Software engineers, for instance, have to learn how to gather enough, but not too much, input from customers. When they go overboard in collecting data, their final product risks being late to market, over budget, or obsolete. In addition, at times their customers don’t really know what they need, so spending an inordinate amount of time questioning them doesn’t necessarily result in the best product possible.

2. Lost Connections

When you focus your preparation so intently on proving your own case, you may go into a conversation, meeting, or presentation so focused on your own message that you miss the opportunity to tune into the needs and desires of your audience. Overpreparation sets you up to stick to the script in a way that may not allow you to really hear others’ concerns and points of view. Every second you spend thinking about getting back to your plan is a second of lost listening. You may miss out on important nuances of body language that can help you tailor your message in the right way. You will lose connection with the very people you hope to influence.

Radio personality Michelle Martin sums up the danger of overpreparation succinctly: “When I first started I would try to script every question. That was tedious, and though I may have sounded very commanding, I bored myself! After twelve years in radio, I have learned to give up needing to know how each show is going to turn out. The best shows happen when I am able to respond in the moment, and there is a sense that my guest, the listener, and I have each had a chance to participate and help it unfold the way any good conversation does. If I didn’t prepare ahead of time, I would be too anxious to let go and let ‘live’ radio just happen!”

The loss of connection due to overpreparation is particularly poignant in presentation settings. Today’s audiences don’t have much patience for the “sage on the stage.” Though people still want to hear from an expert, they also want to be engaged with a dynamic, interactive speaker. How do the content or ideas apply to their own situation? Material takes on more relevance and application when they can discuss it, ask questions, and spend time in vibrant and challenging discussions. Wise college professors and professional speakers have heeded this lesson.

3. Lost Focus

Sure, involving others can increase your reach and your resources. In fact, most people are willing to be involved precisely because they want to be part of the change or action. For that reason, be sure to keep your focus on the end goal rather than the process of getting there. Take for example a volunteer organization that held an event to assemble personal hygiene bags for the elderly. The planning committee prepared intricate assembly stations, games to introduce volunteers to one another, and other team-building activities. In the end, the actual number of bags assembled fell significantly short of the desired goal. Why? The committee had not ordered enough toiletry supplies to complete the task. Spending so much time trying to engage the team meant the focus of the preparatory phase was taken off the end goal. Such a mistake can mean the difference between successful or failed influence.

Alexis, a public health officer, learned a similar lesson. She wanted her team to cooperate more without her direct intervention, so she organized and planned a very structured meeting that forced them to work together in groups. Many resisted this approach. As luck would have it, collaboration did occur. It wasn’t, however, as a result of her planning. It happened informally outside of the formal meeting agenda, during walks and at lunch. At first, Alexis was disappointed that her plan hadn’t worked. It took her awhile to realize that the meeting had achieved its purpose. Alexis learned that her tendency to over-plan and her insistence on group participation almost blinded her to the fact that she had accomplished her primary goal of instilling collaboration.

4. Sabatoged Confidence

Sometimes, too much of a focus on developing confidence through preparation can backfire. Overpreparation can create anxiety and cause you to lose your footing. For instance, as you research a subject in order to build your case and commitment to influence others, you may realize you don’t know as much as you thought you did. Or perhaps you become less sure of your position as you learn more. Both scenarios can be confidence busters.

Too much preparation can also keep you “too much in your head,” concerned about what you will say, what you are saying, and what you just said. In considering situations like this, one interviewee shared, “I lose words and then lose my train of confidence, which makes me frustrated.” This faltering can have a snowball effect and make you come across as insecure in your position—not a good place to be for influencing others.

In The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet Strength, I laid out the 4 Ps process: Prepare, Presence, Push, and Practice. You’ll notice that Prepare is just one step of this fluid process. You can prepare only up to a point before the second-guessing and doubt move in to replace confidence and motivation. It is important to move on and to be present with other people in your change efforts.¹⁹

Your Next Steps

Chances are, Preparation comes naturally to you. Because Preparation feeds the strengths of Engaged Listening, Focused Conversations, Writing, and Thoughtful Use of Social Media, attending to this core strength is a terrific way to increase your QIQ. To get started, first consolidate what you’ve learned in this chapter. Here are five highlights:

1. Careful, well-thought-out preparation is a trademark strength of Quiet Influencers.

2. Quiet Influencers are often experts who have conducted extensive research on a subject.

3. The right amount of preparation sets you apart. Too much preparation, however, can kill your confidence.

4. Few Quiet Influencers achieve their goals alone. It takes planning to involve others.

5. Quiet Influencers often develop written plans that provide a road map for the influencing journey.

Take your commitment to Preparation further by mulling over these questions:

1. Think of a recent time when you successfully proposed an idea at work. Did your preparation for the conversation or written proposal pay off? What aspects of preparation were most successful?

2. Think of another time when you weren’t as prepared as you would have liked. How effective were you as an influencer? What do you wish you had done differently in terms of preparation?

3. What steps can you take to prepare for the influencing challenge you identified in chapter 3? Would you benefit from a written plan? Do you want to involve others in planning or implementing your influencing strategy? If you answered yes to either of these questions, how and when are you going to follow through on those aspects of preparation?

Often, Preparation involves gathering and processing information. One way Quiet Influencers do that is through Engaged Listening, which is Quiet Influence Strength #3. In the next chapter, you’ll learn how Engaged Listening can not only feed your Preparation but also build connections with other people—connections you’ll use to further your influencing goals.