Chapter 8

Quiet Influence Strength #5: Writing

“Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers.”

Isaac Asimov, Author

As an introvert, Helen Thorpe strongly preferred staying in the background in her role as political wife to Colorado governor John Hickenlooper. As an accomplished journalist, though, she rarely shies away from tackling politically sensitive and complicated social issues. Her first nonfiction book, Just Like Us: The True Story of Four Mexican Girls Coming of Age in America,³³ has received critical praise and is a riveting piece of journalism.

In preparation to writing the book, Thorpe spent five years following the journey of four teenage Mexican girls through high school and then college in Denver, Colorado. Two of the girls were from families who were in the United States legally and two had parents who had entered illegally. Thorpe takes readers along through the twists and turns of these girls’ lives. Through their personal dramas, she powerfully enters the debate about immigration.

“This is not a policy book,” she explained. “You understand the policy debate by reading about the human story. You really get what it means to be legal or illegal.” In speaking about the book, Thorpe described a girl named Marisela. “She is so eloquent and can speak so much to her parents’ situation and hers. It is not a situation with any easy answers, but she manages to articulate why it is painful to be who she is.... I have compassion for their traumatic experience. There is no way for them to get a green card.”

Helen Thorpe definitely knows that the questions around immigration have no easy answers. Through her writing, she has gained a deep appreciation for the complexity of an issue that has economic, social justice, and deeply human components. Thorpe knows that through her writing she can challenge the status quo by provoking new thinking and deepening public awareness. Her words have indeed moved her readers. One reviewer illustrated the influential power of Thorpe’s prose through this comment: “Thorpe raises pressing philosophical questions about the immigration debate throughout the book, engaging and challenging the reader to decide for him- or herself what to think. The writer doesn’t let her readers off the hook. I don’t believe the book was intended to be a work of advocacy journalism, but it turned out that way. You simply cannot care about actual human beings and be against progressive, humane immigration reform.”³⁴

Are you able to connect others to your ideas and challenge the status quo through your writing? Do you seek to inspire others by using the written word? Helen Thorpe’s writing served the very important and inspiring purpose of connecting readers to the characters in her narrative. This connection widens the readers’ perspective, encourages them to feel compassion, and involves them in the national discussion of this emotionally laden issue. Generating that kind of engagement is what influence is about.

Certainly, writers like Helen Thorpe challenge conventional wisdom, effect change, and help others to move forward to take action. Because introverts tend to prefer writing to talking, they often tap into writing as a powerful influencing strength. On the job, they opt for email over the telephone and are likely to prefer writing reports to making presentations. Writing offers them time to process and think. Sitting still in this seemingly solitary pursuit, alone but for their thoughts and their pen or keyboard, they relax in their comfort zone. From this confidence-building base, Quiet Influencers also write to forge very deep interpersonal connections. When done well, the process of writing develops a depth of thinking and authenticity that jump off the page and can deeply influence others.

Whether communicating tricky positions, outlining arguments, eliciting compassion, or sharing intense feelings, the written word stands as a potent mode of expression. Even though the form writing takes today is shorter, clearer, and more to the point than in the past, readers can become involved by underlining, highlighting, and thinking about the intended message in these pieces; they come to really understand what is being said. In the case of correspondence, they can be part of the dialogue by replying back with a thoughtful response.

Writing is one of the Quiet Influence strengths that transfer messages from inside your head to the outside world where they can really make a difference. Because Quiet Influencers generally invest in Taking Quiet Time and Preparation before beginning to write, they tend to put forth arguments and positions that really get through to others. When mixed with Engaged Listening, Focused Conversations, and a Thoughtful Use of Social Media, Writing can amp up your influence. And, as this chapter will show, delivering the gift of well-expressed written thoughts can even change lives.

If your QIQ is lower than you would like—and especially if you are challenged by the three strengths that take your ideas out into the world (Engaged Listening, Focused Conversations, and Thoughtful Use of Social Media), consider beginning your developmental journey with Writing. Writing feeds Thoughtful Use of Social Media; they both rely on the same fundamentals of making an impact through words. By starting here, you can shore up a very powerful avenue of influence.

Writing and Influence

Writing can contribute to your ability to influence in four ways: by clarifying your own stance, advocating your position, connecting with others, and motivating others to action.

1. Clarify Your Own Stance

You become clear and purposeful in your influencing efforts only after you gain awareness of your own true stance on an issue. As anyone who keeps a journal knows, writing helps you to gain clarity about what’s important to you and what you think and feel about situations. When you put pen to paper, or fingers to the keyboard, the words often flow as if they are writing themselves. You’re able to release and better understand strong emotions such as anger and resentment—feelings that may cloud the clarity of thinking you need to influence others. You can then merge your passionate feelings with logic and clarity to form a well constructed case.

Free writing is a term used to describe an unfiltered writing exercise done in a set time period. In his book Accidental Genius, which focuses on this method as a breakthrough strategy, Author Mark Levy suggests, “Free writing encourages you to think more honestly and resourcefully than before. You are then able to generate breakthrough ideas and solutions that you couldn’t have created any other way.... It pushes the brain to think longer, harder, deeper, and more unconventionally than it normally would.”³⁵

Writing also provides you with the opportunity to think through and refine your plan. Jessica Handler, an author and writing instructor, suggests you engage in a free write before constructing professional correspondence. Prior to beginning, ask yourself, “What do you want this email to accomplish? Do you want to be friends with this person, do you want to calm them down, do you want to get them involved in a project and why?”³⁶

2. Advocate a Position

Once they have used writing exercises to figure out where they stand on an issue, Quiet Influencers continue to use the written word to sell others on their position. They often are more comfortable advocating for their proposal in writing as opposed to in person. Plus, they tend to be very persuasive on the page. Their clear writing helps others move from a state of confusion to a fuller understanding of a situation. Introvert Ronnie Wilkins, a nonprofit manager, believes he is more effective when he writes clearly and coherently than when he tries to speak persuasively. Case in point: a survey of his membership about potential meeting sites revealed that people hadn’t understood the rationale he had previously outlined verbally. Ronnie decided to write an article in the organization’s newsletter. In that piece, he was able to clearly articulate a persuasive case that did the trick. Afterward, members told him they better understood the issues and felt satisfied with the rationale he had provided. After that, the meeting organizing team made a site decision quickly.

Ashley, top sales professional at an insurance sales company, uses writing to subtly advocate for her company’s reputation as an industry leader. She writes to share important market trends that may cause her clients problems in the future. Ashley believes that her company’s strong track record of sales is largely due to consistently providing these written reports. Through these pieces, she positions her company as the most knowledgeable partner for her clients. The information she provides helps them minimize their risks—and that’s a critical success factor for insurance firms. This approach influences them to sign on the dotted line. Ashley says, “It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and we build up credibility with our prospects.... When we write these reports effectively, the sale happens.”

3. Connect with Others

Quiet Influencers understand that influence never happens in a vacuum. Even though solitary quiet time can be a great preparation for influence, influence most often involves encouraging others to think or act in a different manner. For that reason, interpersonal connection lies at the heart of influence: if you don’t relate to others in some way, it’s unlikely you will influence them.

Writing provides an attractive and powerful alternative for connecting with people, whether one-on-one or in groups. Introverts are often more comfortable using writing than speaking in person to address conflict or convey messages to large groups. Author Sophia Dembling remembers that when she was having a problem with a friend, she would write her a letter instead of talking to her about her feelings. Through writing, she was able to fully express herself, and her candor allowed them to then discuss what they needed to address and move on.

Like the pen pals of old, people today write emails and engage in social media sites to enter and maintain deep relationships. When you clearly express your thoughts and feelings, your readers can thoughtfully consider what you say and gain a connection with you in ways that may not be possible through regular conversation.

Executive Coach Vinay Kumar believes that the genesis for his coaching role with clients emerged from his writing for professional forums. People read his postings and valued his expertise. They then asked him to be on committees, write papers, and speak at professional conferences. “If I had to go out or and make phone calls to make connections, I wouldn’t have done it. I find that very draining.” Yet through his writing, Vinay makes connections, gains referrals, and inspires entrepreneurs, coaches, and salespeople to take risks. He receives constant feedback through writing that he is making a big difference in their lives.

4. Motivate Others to Action

Writing can inspire others to act, and it can do so with very few words. Julie, the administrative professional introduced in chapter 4, created posters about her blind-spot safety program and placed them around her work area. “In my posters and presentations, the emotional overtones are tremendous,” she said. She positioned questions like, “Have you checked your blind spot lately?” above photos of young children standing behind vehicles. Julie reflects, “Parents were drawn to the displays and wanted to know more about what we were doing.” Many did as Julie had suggested and tried out the test at home with their kids and pets. They talked to neighbors, friends, family member, and coworkers about the power of the backing-up experiment. It’s easy to see how accidents could have been avoided because of Julie’s printed questions and proactive steps.

Josh, the operations manager, sends positive emails of encouragement to individuals. Other Quiet Influencers, like Doug Conant, are known for taking the time to send handwritten notes. Touched by the attention, individuals will often hold onto these symbols of recognition for years. Writing makes it official. Some recipients have told Josh that glancing at these little confidence boosters helped them get through some rough days at work. The permanence of the written word means that these mementos can motivate people to action again and again and in a variety of situations.

How to Write for Influence

Quiet Influencers transform their innate writing skills into a powerful influencing strength by knowing and adapting to the audience, attending to the craft of writing, and making a persuasive case.

1. Know and Adapt to the Audience

Practice WIIFM Remember WIIFM when you’re trying to put together a persuasive appeal. WIIFM stands for “What’s in it for me?” and the “me” refers to the person you are trying to influence. Why should he or she care about what you’re writing? What’s his or her self-interest? One trick that can help you come up with the most insightful answers to these questions is taking the time to “sit in someone else’s chair.” Take for example writing a proposal to your boss. Imagine yourself in her chair before you begin drafting your proposal. Ask yourself if she is driven by saving money. (What boss isn’t?) Is she propelled by new, cutting-edge ideas? Is she focused on the customer as a priority? Is she mainly worried about looking good to her bosses? Position your written case with these motivators in mind, and you will have a much higher chance of scoring success.

Pay attention to tone Follow speaker and author Dr. Tony Alessandra’s “platinum rule”: “Do unto others as they would like to be done unto.”³⁸ Flex to the other person’s style. Sending emails with personal niceties and questions like “How was your weekend?” can work for some people but are a turn-off to others who want to go right to the task at hand. Some people prefer high-level bullet points whereas others want more a more detailed, specific explanation. Notice the style that writers use and mirror aspects of that back to them when you can. They won’t consciously realize you are adapting to their style, but you will inevitably reduce the “static” when you use this tip to connect through writing.

Consider this example. Jason, a lawyer in a software company in the Midwest, reached out to his communications department. He needed to learn how to quickly get the attention of his chief financial officer and gain funding for a new position in his department. Jason was advised to streamline his memo and focus on the “numbers” instead of the words. He listened to this advice and adjusted his style. Mission accomplished! Jason gained the desired nod for his request. As a lawyer, his natural tendency would have been to explain each point methodically and completely in prose. The switch in his writing style and format contributed greatly to his influencing success.

Create thinking space for others Use written documents to give people (especially other introverts) a chance to mull your ideas over before you initiate a conversation. Send out meeting materials well in advance of the scheduled time. Write a carefully constructed report and share it before sitting down in one-on-one conversations. Put email in its most effective place by using “the sandwich technique”: write an email providing all the necessary background for a discussion. Then have the conversation in person or over the phone. Later, summarize the key points in an email that the other person can reflect upon before committing to action.

2. Attend to the Craft of Writing

Focus on depth over breadth Introverts’ writing often reveals carefully considered feelings and opinions. Take the time to construct your written piece so that the depth of your concerns and knowledge emerges clearly for the reader. Attention to depth can make the difference between a reader taking notice of your ideas or not. You may find it easier to develop that depth in writing than in person. A Newsweek reporter interviewed Marian Goodman, one of the world’s most successful art dealers, and commented on her introverted communication style. “[She chooses] her words even more carefully than usual—a 30-second pause is normal for her—and then she expands on her answers in emails.”³⁹ Goodman uses a classic introvert technique: speak few words, and then develop the thought process in writing.

Pay attention to the details. Use good grammar, spelling, and punctuation. You simply cannot ignore the fundamentals of language if you are trying to influence others through your writing. Jessica Handler explains, “Grammar and spelling are part of your presentation. It is the same way you would not go to work in mismatched or inappropriate clothing.”⁴⁰ She suggests having someone else check your document. “Ask a colleague to address these questions: How coherent are you? Are you repeating yourself? Are you using the right tone? Are you dressed appropriately for the occasion? ... Excellent communication,” Jessica says, “will make you stand out from the crowd.”

Jessica goes on to say that typos can mean the difference between being heard or discounted—between being a successful influencer and “just noise in the background.” Jessica suggests paying close attention even to emails. Write an important email, place it in a “drafts” folder, and take a look at it the next morning.⁴¹ Editor Randy Peterson calls his similar process “benign neglect.” He puts a writing project aside for twenty-four to forty-eight hours and then returns to it.

Ann, the paralegal, also advises carefully reviewing your work. She spends a good part of her day writing memos and briefs. “I find that I save a lot of drafts and then go back in thirty minutes, an hour, sometimes even the next day,” she explains. “If I am really trying to appeal to a group, I come in the next morning, read it over, and think ‘I need this to sound friendlier’ or ‘I need this to sound less like legal speak than ‘business speak.’” Ann does a lot of editing and rewriting because she wants her clients to know she is there to help them, not be their adversary. She inspires them to move forward by first communicating with them in terms they understand.

Use creative features to support your writing Add a variety of elements to straight paragraphs of writing. Include reflection questions. Use bullet points and other graphic elements that provide clarity or interest. To boost your writing influence with a broader audience that might not spend time on plain-Jane text, combine pictures with words. Remember that a picture can be worth a thousand words. Photos, animation, and videos are fantastic ways to bring home key points. Sunni Brown, who founded a company called Brightspot I.D., says, “Visual language is one of your best friends, and it makes an idea come to fruition.” Her company combines words with doodles to ignite multiple learning modalities. These engaging moving videos replace traditional handouts.⁴²

3. Make a Persuasive Case

Follow a logical sequence Use step-by-step logic to make your case. Effective Quiet Influencers are masters at this persuasive writing technique because it’s a carefully thought out exposition. For example, Ashley, the insurance sales professional mentioned earlier, reveals that her sales proposals include three key elements:

1. Understanding of the client’s operation

2. Aspects of her company’s offering that will help the client conduct its business

3. A price quote that demonstrates how their firm will help the client grow its business, reduce its expenses, or increase its margin

Provide backup Incorporate numbers, pertinent details, and data points to convince others of your argument. Pull from the research you undertook in the Preparation stage, and then decide which facts to include by going back to the WIIFM question: provide the backup that will be most appealing to your audience. Sometimes, just one data point—when it’s the right one—will persuade others. However, in most situations, especially those when the stakes are high or when you are asking for a significant change or investment, paint a picture using a variety of facts.

Be succinct Keep it short and make it effective. You often do a better job influencing others with succinct, to-the-point writing rather than lengthy tomes. Ryan Jenkins, a sales professional and speaker on Millennials, surmises that brief, concise communication goes a long way in reaching the age cohort he knows best. This generation, he explains, has grown up with the short form of Twitter-style communication (140 characters) and text messages. But young people are not the only ones who tune out when reading long communications. “If material is not on point,” he continues, “people will move onto something else and you will lose your opportunity.” You can also help people focus on the main points from the beginning by providing a short executive summary at the beginning of a report. A succinct introduction teases readers and convinces them to read on.

Overuse of Writing

If you are comfortable writing, you may become stuck in a rut and overuse this Quiet Influence strength at the expense of others. Overuse of Writing can result in imprisoned ideas, inefficient communication, unexpected consequences, and loss of personal connection.

1. Imprisoned Ideas

You can miss the point of influencing others when you write so much for yourself in order to discover what you think that you get lost in your own words. So many doctoral students across hundreds of disciplines get stuck in the thesis writing step that there’s even a name for this phenomenon: the “ABD” syndrome, for “All but dissertation.” Because they have typically spent years writing all kinds of research papers and taking notes, they freeze when it comes time to write the most important paper of their educational career. Why? All of the writing they have done goes in circles, and they are unable to narrow down their ideas, keep moving toward a goal, and produce a tangible document. With this lost focus and no clear goal, the more they write, the less useful it becomes. Unfortunately, the newly tested theories, scientific breakthroughs, unique perspectives on historical figures, and countless other potential contributions from these scholars never see the light of day. They remain locked inside a very educated brain or imprisoned within paper or electronic files, inaccessible to others.

To save your ideas from this fate, write enough to be prepared to share your message. Don’t write so much that you’re tired, bored, or confused by your own thoughts. When you find yourself circling around the same topics, switch gears to communicate with others instead of with yourself. Or better yet, take a break!

2. Inefficient Communications

Sometimes, a quick phone call or short in-person discussion works far better to motivate others than written communications. Emails—and even memos or text messages—are great tools for getting people and projects to move forward, but they can also make a muddle of things and lead to terrible inefficiency. For example, in trying to set up an event, Marcela, a board member at a children’s museum, called a performer to learn more about her audio needs. This performer’s outgoing message said that she didn’t accept phone calls and preferred emails. Marcela complied with her request, but the ensuing electronic back and forth left Marcela in a lurch. She wanted to have a dialogue about how the performer’s needs could be met within the museum’s budget constraints. She felt that they would have quickly reached a workable compromise had they been able to talk through the options. The performer felt frustrated that the museum was being difficult, and she began to lose her motivation to do the job. When Marcela and the performer finally connected by phone, they sorted it through, but due to this inefficient process, the friction lingered all the way through the event.

3. Unexpected Consequences

Sometimes jumping right to the written word when advocating your position can have serious negative career consequences. Be sure to check out your assumptions and talk to key people before hastily writing out and sharing your position in what becomes a permanent format. Lars learned this lesson the hard way. He worked in a mid-level position in a marketing organization going through a merger. Because he had some strong beliefs about upcoming departmental changes, he fired off an emotionally laden email and copied all of his direct reports. Unfortunately, he did this before talking with his boss and colleagues. The email caused major earthquakes throughout the company, and Lars was consequently demoted. In this case, advocating his position in writing made him appear impulsive, aggressive, and lacking in judgment. His career at the firm never did recover.

The issue is that putting your opinions in writing makes them “official” without the benefit of input from others. In addition, a detailed plan that advocates your proposal doesn’t always account for the unexpected that occurs down the line—especially when you fail to have verbal check-ins and feedback as the project evolves. Like Lars, Alan learned this lesson the hard way. A residential interior designer, he met with his client, Cynthia, about her home renovation needs. He followed up with a long proposal that included beautiful sketches and detailed cost projections for purchases. After Cynthia approved the proposal, Alan never followed up to confirm her understanding of the terms. Furniture costs changed and the bills skyrocketed. Large invoices arrived, and Cynthia was confused and resentful that the changes were never explained. She terminated Alan’s services midway through the project, and the project ended on a very sour note.

4. Loss of Personal Connection

You lose the personal touch and create frustration when you depend on writing as your sole means of communication. Though many people develop strong personal and working relationships online, these virtual connections can never fully replace voice-to-voice and face-to-face conversations that build lasting and multidimensional relationships.

I consulted with a global team based in Europe who hit the wall due to the huge quantity of emails that were flying around. Even though it felt as if there was a lot of communication, members were not in synch on major goals. One person suggested they consider videoconferencing their meetings. Introducing the team members to one another and putting a face with a name drastically improved understanding, led to goal clarification, and resulted in a reduction in the perceived need for long email chains.

In truth, email is rarely the most appropriate medium for solving problems or delivering bad news because it lacks personal connection. Josh, the operations manager, avoids giving bad news electronically. He says, “If I have to give feedback on something someone messed up on, I give it face to face or at least over the phone. Otherwise, the entire message is lost and the person can really be offended, when that was never my intention.”

Your Next Steps

Quiet Influencers tend to be skillful writers and use all kinds of writing—memos, reports, publications, letters, emails—to motivate others, advocate their positions and connect with audiences. Content to sit alone perfecting this craft, they often become known and appreciated for their writing skills. If writing is an influencing strength you normally rely on, continue to develop your style and strive to be even more inspiring through words. If you don’t often pursue the writing medium, give it a try. Like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Begin your training by reviewing these five main points from the chapter:

1. Writing can challenge your thinking and that of others because it offers depth and authenticity that jumps off the page.

2. Presenting your ideas in writing gives you time to really think through what you want to say and gives your audience time to mull over your thoughts.

3. Writing can help you connect with others—especially when you write for your reader. Use WIIFM as your guide

4. For maximum impact, hone your craft. Don’t let your audience be distracted by grammar, spelling, or punctuation mistakes and use both logic and emotion to make your case.

5. Balance writing with conversations. Be especially careful not to overuse email.

Next, take some time to reflect on the following questions.

1. Identify a piece of writing that has either challenged your thinking or inspired you in the last month. Which aspects of that piece can you incorporate into your own writing?

2. What opportunities exist at work or home to refine your writing skills? Who do you know who could help you improve your writing?

3. How can you use an approach like free writing to gain clarity about how you think or feel about the influencing challenge you identified in chapter 3?

Timeless in its power, writing has been a tool of influence for thousands of years. Today, a Quiet Influencer with a great idea can go worldwide by sharing writing through a Thoughtful Use of Social Media, the next Quiet Influence Strength, which I’ll cover in chapter 9.