CHAPTER 35
Meet Like You Mean Business
You will never see eye-to-eye if you never meet face-to-face.
When you attend a meeting as a participant rather than as a facilitator, you produce value by contributing to the outcome—not simply by your presence. Although that may sound obvious, it’s not: I’ve sat through meetings in which a few attendees played with their devices, worked on other projects, or left the room repeatedly to take other calls.
Such behavior is a mistake. If you show up physically, be present mentally. If the meeting leader fails to facilitate, understand the meeting process and follow the flow well enough so that you can step into the gap and demonstrate your leadership skills as you guide a productive discussion. Of course, don’t make a big play to “take over” the facilitator role. But as a meeting participant, you can do much to steer the discussion by being familiar with meeting processes: brainstorming alternatives, analyzing potential solutions, building consensus, deciding, summarizing, transitioning to new topics, and so forth.
The meeting communication roles and strategies that follow increase your chances to end with results, not excuses because you weren’t the leader in charge.
REIN IN A RAMBLING DISCUSSION
As Charles Kettering, the famed inventor and head of research for General Motors, once stated, “A problem well stated is a problem half-solved.” As a strong meeting contributor, reel in an unwieldy discussion to respond to the question before the group. If no clear question or well-defined problem has been posed, consider that your challenge: State it succinctly for the group’s focus.
ANALYZE WHERE THE DISCUSSION NEEDS TO GO
You have many choices to structure your discussion: From status quo to goal. From problem to solution. From need to criteria to options to decision. From pro/con analysis of options to decision. From opportunity to creation of new ideas to decisive action. If the meeting leader lags behind, you can suggest a structure for the group to follow. Most inexperienced facilitators will gladly allow you to help move the discussion along as opposed to drifting uncomfortably in a free-for-all situation.
DECIDE WHEN TO OFFER YOUR OPINION FIRST
If you intend to move ahead with your idea but want input or validation, don’t set yourself up to be shot down with statements like: “I plan to do X next quarter. Anybody have a problem with that?” Or: “I’m going to be changing the policy on X to allow Y. Everybody okay with that?” Such phrasing makes some people uncomfortable. They’ll need chutzpah to raise an objection or give negative feedback in front of a group—especially when the statements sound as if the decision has already been made.
Rephrase to get candid feedback: “I plan to do X next quarter. What challenges and obstacles do you think I need to prepare for?” Or: “I’m thinking about changing the policy on X to allow Y. I know everyone won’t agree. What pushback do you anticipate I’ll get?” This last rewording sounds particularly open, as if you’re waiting for input before making a final decision.
Understand also that this phrasing communicates your strong opinion and that you are conceding little or no decision authority to the group. If that’s your intent, let the group know that at the beginning rather than mislead them about their input on the issue.
DECIDE WHEN TO OFFER YOUR OPINION LAST
If your group includes members who seem timid about expressing themselves on controversial issues, you may want to offer your comments last. Toss out an open-ended question on your topic. Ask follow-up questions. Allow plenty of silence after people answer your questions or give input. People tend to fill silence with more information. (I’ve found this technique invaluable in interviewing job applicants. An original 20-second answer can turn into a valuable five-minute disclosure.)
If you’d like to share your own input about a topic, you can always do that after others have voiced theirs.
CREATE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT
In an ideal world, all meeting attendees would play nice. They would arrive on time, put away their devices, tune in to the discussion, contribute passionately, listen to their colleagues’ opinions, understand the logical flow of the commentary, resolve conflict amicably, leave fully committed to the group’s decisions, and be accountable for any assigned follow-up action.
But meetings may unfold similar to encounters on the playground: Passive and dominating attendees annoy each other and complicate the process. So why not simply let the passives fade into the woodwork and let the dominators take over the game board? Several reasons:
• Dominators answer every question before others have time to respond to the challenge, analyze issues, and think for themselves.
• Dominators often ramble and repeat themselves, creating boredom and impatience among the group members.
• Dominators monopolize and prevent other ideas and solutions from surfacing.
• The biased opinion of one or two dominant personalities may not represent the group as a whole, and, as a result, decisions and actions may not accurately reflect the group’s thinking—or yours.
• Passives frequently complain later that they’ve had no opportunity for input.
• Passives often fail to engage and lend their support to important initiatives.
• Passives deprive others of their expertise.
So what’s your role as a participant? You serve in much the same capacity as a panelist at a forum or industry conference. Your goal, along with that of the facilitator, is to create an environment in which everyone has a chance to contribute. That often means putting some controls on the dominator. You can:
Accept comments from the dominator without yielding the floor. Giving verbal pats on the back typically encourages the person to keep talking and explaining. (Examples of verbal pats on the back: “That’s an idea. Others?” “Good idea.” “I like that.” “That could work.”) Withholding such pats can extinguish the dominator’s input.
Acknowledge a contribution with body language only—eye contact, a smile, a nod, an open palm—and then turn to someone else for another contribution.
Call on others by name to jump into the discussion: “Jaime, what do you think about X?”
Play traffic cop with a verbal cue: “Let’s hear from several people on this issue.” “Somebody from Legal—what do you think about the proposed change?” Or: “I’d like to hear everyone weigh in on this issue. What do the rest of you think?”
Play traffic cop with your body language or voice. Simply break eye contact, and divert attention elsewhere in the room. If on a teleconference, break the dominator’s train of thought during a long ramble by asking a question: “Julie, excuse me for interrupting here. Let me ask you a question about what you just said.” Then ask a short-answer question. That distraction typically breaks the ramble and gives you opportunity to regain the floor after the person’s short answer.
Call the dominator by name: “Tyler, before we get on another track here, I’d like us to spend more time discussing how to...” Calling a person’s name puts him or her on the spot in a gentle way to relinquish the floor—and refocuses discussion quickly to avoid embarrassing anyone.
To sum up: Being a meeting participant dropout and playing word games on your smartphone or responding to email is not the answer to meaningless meetings. Instead, contribute value by paying attention to process and rescuing an inept facilitator. Counter group-think and create a level playing field for all to participate productively. Real leaders take the initiative when the stakes are high.