CHAPTER 20
Letting go of expectations
Too often we focus our attention on actually achieving the goal, the end result, only to become frustrated by the slow progress we make. Think about the last time you went on a diet. You were focused, diligent and committed, you ate right, exercised right and you had the right discipline, but when you weighed yourself at the end of the week you felt like there was so much more to do. So you saddle up again for another perfect week — and the same result. You lose weight but never as much as you hoped for, so you become susceptible to doubt about the value of what you are doing. As I explained in chapter 18, a goal can bring the best out in you but it can also be destructive, when people become obsessed with a goal to the point of needing it to happen so badly that it actually eludes them. If you worry too much about achieving the goal, you subconsciously send a message that you actually don’t have confidence that it will come true. If you are confident, it will come true. Believe you are deserving of the goal and know you are capable of achieving it, then all you need do is take the appropriate action and let the universe manifest the right result for you. The key to achieving your targets comes down to focusing on your goal (having it at the top of your mind) but not worrying about achieving it or giving it too much attention. Once you have set your goal and it’s aligned to your driving values, let it go. Let go of your worry about whether or not it will come true. To do that, there are three focuses you need to have and they are all aligned to the Feel — Think — Do model, or your emotional, mental and physical connection. Release yourself emotionally from the goal itself. When you have an attitude that you actually don’t need that goal to come in order to have a great life, to be happy or fulfilled, then the worry of whether or not it will come true vanishes, leaving you to channel that energy into taking action. Focus on how you want to feel and turn your attention to the action you need to take. With the right mindset, when you let go of the pressure, expectations and worry, achieving your goals can become effortless. If there is one lesson I have learned that has benefited me the most over the past two years, it is this one: once I set a goal, I release it, which frees me to achieve the results I desire. As we spoke about in the previous chapter, there will be challenges, but when you know it is all part of the journey it makes sense. A fun thing happens when you start living with more certainty: doubt is diminished, clarity forms, confidence grows and consistency becomes one of your normal personal traits. How do you act when you have certainty in your life? How would you act and feel now if you had absolute certainty? How would you respond to a challenge? Most battles we face take place in our mind: Will they like me? What if it doesn’t work? What will they think? Some people worry about the worst-case scenario, and that’s okay if you have a balanced perspective and also consider the best-case scenario before deciding on the most likely outcome. The only natural thing to do now that you are mentally and emotionally connected is to take action. Remember, activity cures inactivity. Nothing can replace action, not positive thinking or great confidence. By taking action you validate the mindset you have created and further strengthen and justify the belief you have in yourself. Every action you take adds another strand to the rope that is pulling you closer to who you want to be and what you want to achieve. When you take action you will always achieve a result. It will either move you closer to your goal or offer you a lesson that will help move you closer to your goals in the future.
Emotional — releasing yourself
Mental — living with certainty
Physical — taking action