In most cases it is not what is stopping you but who is stopping you, and that who is normally you! Circumstances and situations do play a part, but usually the root cause is you.

When we really get down to the roadblocks that stop people from pursuing their passion, taking advantage of their opportunities, tapping into their potential or achieving their possibilities, it is normally a conversation that starts with ‘too’. You can fill in the rest — too hard, too busy, too tired, too long, too short, too much, too little, too easy, too many, too focused, too big, too small …

What is it for you? Think about a goal you want to achieve that you have repeatedly put off. What ‘too’ excuse are you using?

The way to get rid of the too from your life is to identify a bigger reason why, then forget about completing the goal and start focusing on taking the first step! Remember, the day you take the first step the task is 50 per cent completed. This relates directly to our self-belief, self-esteem and self-confidence.

It comes down to the conversation you have with yourself when you set a goal or pursue a different path, and that conversation normally revolves around three questions that are connected to your self-belief, self-esteem and self-confidence …

Am I worthy and deserving? Am I worthy of this success, the recognition I will receive from friends or family if I achieve the goal I have set myself? Do I deserve this result?

Am I capable? Do I have the skills, knowledge and abilities to achieve the goal? What if I try and fail — could I recover with some dignity? What else would I need to learn?

Is it possible? I know it is possible for other people to achieve that type of goal, but with my track record could I do so? Is it possible in the timeframe or would I need a superhuman effort to achieve it?

I don’t know you personally of course, but the answer is Yes, Yes and Yes! Yes you can, but unfortunately my answer does not count.

You need to have a level of confidence that will see you to the point of starting. As I have said, it is not about finishing but about starting. You just need enough confidence to start taking action towards achieving the goal, because your confidence will grow when each of these actions and activities is completed.

I like to use the analogy of the iceberg: it’s what’s under the surface that causes most damage, whether that’s your subconscious, your beliefs or your level of confidence. How many people do you know who you believe have everything together, and yet when you really get to know them they have just as many doubts as you do? All of us have fears. It could be fear of failure, fear of success or fear of change. The only way to overcome your fear is through action. I love the quote …

‘if you face your lion on your pathway, it will disappear.’

When you take action, you face your fear. The more action you take, the more you build up your confidence. Each step, each time you do not give in to the temptation to stop, your confidence grows and your doubt diminishes.

So how much confidence do you need to get started? You may already be 100 per cent confident of reaching your goal, which means you have let go of your expectations and are ready to make it happen with action. If that is not you, the by-product of action and progress is a greater level of confidence.

What can slow us down in achieving the confidence level we need are four roadblocks that can compromise our self-belief, self-confidence, self-esteem and self-awareness.

The roadblocks

SKILL

To be the best you that you can be, you may need to improve or learn a set of different skills. They could be hard skills or soft skills and relate to either your personal or your professional development. For example, one of my goals is to take 1000 great photos around the world. I am 75 per cent confident I can do that, as I have already taken quite a few. (If you want to check some of them out, visit www.passionatepeople.com.) I know that for me to be able to achieve this goal, I am going to need to improve my skills, so I read magazines and books, and attend photography courses and retreats to learn the required skills.

KNOWLEDGE

To speed up the process of becoming 100 per cent confident, what additional knowledge do you need to achieve your goal? That knowledge may come from reading or being mentored by someone who is an expert in that field. Again, to give you an example focused on my professional field, one of my goals is to become a world-class presenter, and to do that I need a greater knowledge in how to tell compelling and engaging stories. So I have a great mentor I work with to enhance my knowledge of how to become better at my craft and of what works and what doesn’t.

WILL

As I have mentioned more than once, tenacity wins every race. Your willpower, your willingness to start and to back yourself, is made up of your determination, drive and desire. It is your grit and resilience that determines your success. As the saying goes, ‘You are not beaten if you don’t stop.’

I love the quote on the dressing-room wall of the Manchester United Football Club …

‘Determination separates people.’

It is your ability to stick at something when nothing seems to be happening on the surface, and underneath all that is going on are imperceptible gains. It is the willpower to plough on, to push through the doubt and to believe in yourself when no-one else will. Tenacity wins every race!

BELIEF

This is all about the challenge we spoke about at the start of this chapter — overcoming a belief that you are not worthy, not deserving, not capable, or that it is not possible for you to achieve it. Beliefs are formed from an early age through the people, situations and circumstances that we come in contact with during our lifetime.

All beliefs are 100 per cent right in your own mind, but they may not be true in reality. You probably know people who sometimes make outrageous statements that are clearly not true, but in their mind they are indisputable facts. However, you and I have not walked in that person’s shoes, experienced what they have experienced and seen what they have seen. The challenge is when people who want to achieve a certain goal and have the skills and the knowledge to do so are held back by the roadblock of their belief system.

What is stopping you from being the best you that you can be? It could be a combination of all four roadblocks or only one roadblock that is the first domino you need to push over for you to be great. In the next chapter we will identify the specific areas that are holding you back from becoming an example of a person who is living with greater certainty every day.