Debra spent the next few days observing the managers she worked with and thinking about what they could do to help their colleagues improve their emotional intelligence. She noticed that managers were in a great position to do this. Unlike coaches or mentors, they usually saw the behaviours, or lack of them, in real time. They could assess and react immediately, with specific feedback and supportive coaching. Of course, this feedback only worked if the manager was trusted but, if they weren't, it's unlikely that they would have high enough EI to make the necessary observations in the first place!

Though we hate to admit it, she realized, our bosses can change the emotional tone of our day with a couple of words, either encouraging or critical. Thus, it is extremely important for those in charge to watch how they reinforce their employees' behaviour and maintain consistency. Inconsistent bosses can turn a great employee who is excited to come to work every day into a disgruntled, nonplussed employee who allows himself, or herself, to become complacent and disinterested.

If a boss changes his tune on a daily basis, an employee will become confused. If an employee receives a “Great job!” one day and then a nitpicking criticism the next on a similar performance, the employee won't have a clear idea of how to succeed. Of course the boss may not have any idea that he did any damage. He may have spilled coffee on himself on the way to work, someone may have looked at him the wrong way, or maybe there is trouble at home. Then, he arrived at work, saw a small error in the employee's performance and – instead of leading with the positive – told the employee the small thing that was wrong. The boss returns to his work, clueless of the damage that was just inflicted; the employee returns to her desk, dejected and baffled.

Over time, repetitive inconsistent behaviour like this can lead to learned helplessness in the employee. Essentially learned helplessness means the employee once thought of herself as competent and good at what she does, but because of her boss's inconsistent reinforcement, her opinion of herself degenerates and she begins to think of herself as incompetent. This of course can all be avoided by self-awareness on the part of the boss.

But even those bosses who are self-aware and skilled enough to be of use to their colleagues have to believe it worthwhile taking the time out of their day to do so. They have to believe that helping people get better not only feels good but that it's part of their job (a big part) and will, ultimately, reduce their stress too.

“It is a lot of work,” Debra acknowledged. “And it takes both skill and motivation but I'm determined to do what it takes so that, in the future, I'm prepared to help others like Johann has helped me.”

Key Takeaways

1. It is extremely important for bosses to watch how they reinforce their employees' behaviour and maintain consistency.

2. Repetitive inconsistent behaviour on the part of the boss can lead to learned helplessness in the employee.

3. Learned helplessness in the employee can be avoided by self-awareness on the part of the boss.

4. Believe that helping people improve not only feels good, but that it's a big part of your job and will ultimately reduce stress too.

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