How Much Time Does Kindness Take?

Are we actually too busy to be kind to each other when doing business? Will it slow us down to take some time to be kind? I guess it might be appropriate to define just what I mean by “being kind.” Those words apparently mean different things to different people.

In the examples of the companies I discussed earlier, the word that best describes an attitude of kindness that I found was “empathy.” Each of the companies that I interviewed placed tremendous value on understanding the situations of their customers—from being in a rush to get a chicken biscuit at Chick-fil-A to bringing a child in for treatment at St. Jude—and on responding in an understanding way. Does it take more time? Possibly. Does it take more work? Definitely. Does it create a memorable experience? Absolutely.

These companies don’t confuse empathy with sympathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for the situation of the other person. Empathy is actually understanding the feelings of the other person. There’s a big difference.

You might ask, “How can someone claim to understand how a parent of a cancer-stricken child feels unless they have had a child with that same problem?” Good question. You can’t. But you can understand feelings of fear, concern for your child, confusion, denial. You can understand that one might act differently when faced with those feelings. And you can take those feelings into consideration when dealing with that parent. That is empathy. That is kindness.

So, if you have ever experienced feelings, not necessarily exact situations, you are prepared to empathize with the feelings of the person with whom you are dealing. It is that simple. Have you ever been frustrated? Then you know how it feels. Have you ever been angry? Then you know how it feels. Ditto with scared, impatient, fearful, confused, sad, and on and on. Your experience with feelings qualifies you to show empathy with others.

Showing empathy leads to kindness. Look at it this way: Have you ever said to yourself, “If this person knew what I was feeling right now, they would treat me differently”? Of course you have. “If this person knew that I had a sick child waiting for this medicine, they’d fill the prescription quicker.” “If this person knew that my car was running, they’d check me out faster.” “If this person knew that I had just gotten bad news from work, they’d understand my being a little rude.” And if this sounds to you like customers are saying, “Me, me, me,” it is because they are, they are, they are!

I sometimes wonder whether people think they buy the right to be rude when they purchase a product or service. In other words, does the customer have the privilege to be discourteous when being served? That’s kind of a mixed-up way of looking at things.

However, customers don’t get paid to be nice, but we do. It would be easier if they were nice, but we as service providers are getting paid for this, so suck it up and learn the rule. If you want to own your customers, treat them with kindness.