Kindness Attracts Kindness

Assuming that we accept the fact that kindness makes us feel better, why is it that more of us don’t practice this in our daily interaction with customers and coworkers? I think that there are numerous answers to this question.

For one thing, many of us look at business as a “war” or “battle.” We do our business in a manner that emphasizes speed and efficiency, almost at the expense of everything else. Quick and profitable become the priorities over slower and kinder. And why not? Aren’t efficiency and bottom line what are being taught in school? I don’t remember being offered one course on kindness during college.

I recently had dinner meetings with two different colleagues. The first one is a nice guy, but not too focused on being kind. He likes “efficient.” When the waiter came over, my client didn’t make eye contact with him, didn’t listen to the specials, and pretty much ignored the efforts of the waiter. Our service was good, but that was it.

Two nights later, I went to the same restaurant with another client. This client was more open, kinder. He stopped talking as the waiter (the same one as earlier) described the specials. He called the waiter by name and thanked him each time he poured water or brought a drink. Our service was exceptional, and the evening was delightful. I am thoroughly convinced that the kindness of the second evening was simply reciprocated and that it led to a better overall experience.

I am continually confused as to why certain people are not kinder when they are either serving or being served. Why don’t more people treat their customers or service providers with a little more consideration than they do?

With this quest in mind, I began to ask just that question of certain friends, colleagues, and clients: Why aren’t people more polite in their dealings?

The first person I asked was an executive in customer advocacy with a major software company. “I don’t think people realize the impact they have on others when they are kind,” she said. “I don’t think they understand that it goes from table to table, or from customer to customer.”

I also asked an executive who has much experience in dealing with call centers, the core of customer service providers. Here is what he said: “Generally speaking, it is the result of stress on the service side. Customer service reps are so stressed that they can’t convey kindness to their core of customers. They are worked so hard and are under so much pressure to take calls, they become stressed, and it shows.”

“Too busy” was another common response among the business leaders I asked. “Too busy” to be kind to each other. I would submit that this is a sad commentary on the state of business today.