CHAPTER 3

Inspiring Workplaces

“You can handle people more successfully by enlisting their feelings than by convincing their reason.”

—AUTHOR PAUL P. PARKER

Imagine a workplace where everyone wanted to come to work and where the time flew by because everyone was enthusiastic and worked together to do challenging and exciting things. For most employees this sounds like a fairy tale, something that is not possible to achieve in the real world. Yet, there are workplaces that strive to reach the type of workplace where humanity and concern for employees and customers is the actual walk instead of just talk. Open and progressive companies encourage their staff to openly express emotions and provide a safe environment for them to do so. The old way of thinking that workplaces should be cold and logical places where emotions have no place has resulted in highly dysfunctional, tense, and unhealthy workplaces. People are naturally emotional and need the opportunity to release these emotions in a safe and timely manner. Allowing employees to express their frustrations, anger, and disappointments can lead to better relationship building and more energy and effort being focused on finding solutions. However, it is crucial that employees feel safe. Any repercussions, or hints or rumors of repercussions, will quickly shut down the lines of open and honest sharing of emotions. If they are unable to express negative emotions, employees keep these emotions inside where they fester, grow, and turn into a destructive force.

A workplace with a lot of buried strong emotions is a dangerous place just waiting to erupt. When employees are not allowed to express their emotions, they often build up and are acted upon. Instead of concentrating on their work, employees are looking for opportunities to get back at their organization, their boss, or their fellow employees.

Not only is this type of workplace bad for morale and the psychological well-being of those who work there, it is an unproductive organization. The extreme examples of repressed emotions being acted out are the cases where an employee goes on a killing rampage at the work site. Although it can be argued that these individuals have psychological issues, it points to the need to allow people the opportunity to vent and release their emotions in a safe environment.

Conflict in the Workplace

Although many workplaces view conflict as being negative, it is a sign that the employee is alive, engaged, and passionate. The alternative to engaging such an employee is to have the person totally disengaged from the workplace, being there in person but not in spirit. Workplace conflict, if handled properly, can lead to better relationships between conflicting parties. Often conflict can come from miscommunication and misunderstanding. It is important that the focus of resolving conflict be on resolving the issue and forming better relationships rather than assigning blame. If resolved effectively, conflict can result in better understanding and appreciation of other perspectives and result in stronger relationships in the workplace. Being able to resolve conflict can result in an increase of goodwill and understanding and strengthen the bonds in a relationship.

Robin Sharma speaks about our attempts to avoid conflict at all costs. The problem with conflict, he says, is that it never repairs itself; it never just goes away on its own. Rather than viewing conflict as a negative thing to stay away from, Sharma sees it as a way to get closer to others. Because we are interacting with others on a more intense and deep level there is an opportunity to connect in ways that normal, everyday interactions just do not allow for. Out of conflict can grow increased self-awareness and personal growth. While it takes courage to face conflict head-on when our impulse is to avoid it, the rewards of working through it are immense.¹

Regardless of the types of people who are put together in a workplace, there will always be conflict. At Southwest, conflict is dealt with quickly and the two parties are brought together by a mediator. Each person listens to the other's point of view. More often than not, the conflict was a result of a misunderstanding, what was heard by one person was different from what the speaker intended to say. It is understood that the purpose of the mediation is to find solutions and to develop better working relationships, not to assign blame or find fault. It is important that everyone leaves the meeting with their self-worth intact.

Instead of being divisive and tearing an organization apart, conflict, if handled properly, can bring people closer together. It is not uncommon for two people who are conflicted to form a closer relationship after the conflict. Having gone through intense emotions together, they feel a stronger connection with and appreciation for one another. Conflict means that people are actively engaged and involved. It's when staff members disengage and stop caring that organizations need to be very concerned.

While attending college, I earned a little extra money driving a limousine part-time. The company I worked for had a contract for a restaurant chain that had several restaurants in the city. Wednesday night was ladies night, with drink specials and other special treats to try and entice female customers. Every ladies night included a draw for a free limousine ride with champagne and dinner for two at another restaurant location on the opposite side of the city. My company had the contract to provide the service. One evening as I got back from doing the restaurant transfer, my boss told me about a situation that occurred between him and the owner of the restaurant. The owner had called him, angrily complaining about the service that we were providing him. In all conversations with the restaurant owner prior to this there had been no indication that he was unhappy with the limousine company. On a number of occasions the owner had actually had positive things to say about my work and had received compliments from the customers that I had shuttled between the restaurants. My boss noticed that the owner wasn't able to articulate exactly what the problem was. My employer listened and did not get defensive or drawn in by the anger directed at him from the other end of the phone. Suspecting that he was angry about something other than our service, he calmly asked him who he was mad at. Then the real issue came out. The owner was upset with the fact that often people who won free draws did not show up and did not call to tell him that they were not coming. Since he had to pay for the limousine service regardless of whether or not the contest winners showed up, he was upset at what he considered to be the thoughtlessness and lack of gratitude of the no-shows. Since they were his customers, he was afraid to confront them, fearing that he would lose their business and the business of their friends whom they would almost certainly complain to. The younger female customers tended to come in groups, and the owner was concerned that if he upset one of them the whole group would stop coming to his establishment. Unable to take his frustrations out on his customers, he called my employer to vent. My boss could relate to his frustration, being in a situation himself where people often did not show up after promising to do so. After being able to release his frustration, he told my boss that he thought we were doing a great job and he was happy with the service. My boss's ability to tune in to what was going on emotionally with the manager resulted in his company continuing on with the contract and having a better working relationship with the restaurant owner.

The Importance of Emotional Connections

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

—MOTHER TERESA

Managers at all levels can do a great deal to demonstrate that expressing emotions is acceptable by doing so themselves. In doing so, those under them will see their managers as being more open, real, and genuine, and they will trust their managers more. Although they may not get their way, it is important that every employee get their say. A free flow of ideas is essential so that organizations are able to get maximum value from their staff. No idea should be dismissed as being too small, silly, or irrelevant. In this way, organizations can create an open and creative atmosphere.

Although the use of e-mail has become the primary form of communication in many work sites, face-to-face communication is the most effective way to build healthy relationships, both internally and with customers. In order to build trust and respect, we have to make an emotional connection with the person we are interacting with.

Note

1. Robin Sharma, Greatness Guide Book 2 (New York: HarperCollins, 2007), p. 48.