Idea 82: Listening – a key element in communication

Listening has been called the forgotten skill in communication. It is more than just hearing, it is giving thoughtful attention to another person while they are speaking and being open to what they say.

The ‘disease of not listening’, as Shakespeare called it, has the following symptoms:

• Selective listening – turning a deaf ear to certain types of information that you don't want to hear. If you are a selective listener, people edit what they tell you and that can be damaging, both in business and in private life.
• Continual and badly timed interrupting.
• Day-dreaming – letting your mind wander.
• Easily being distracted by external factors, such as noise or temperature.
• Refusing to listen to anything that appears to be difficult to understand.
• Over-reacting to a speaker's delivery and/or the quality of their visual aids rather than concentrating on what is being said.

The tell-tale signs of a good listener are:

• Paying close attention to others when they are talking.
• Taking an interest in someone you meet for the first time, trying to find an area of mutual interest.
• Believing that everyone has something of value to teach or impart to you.
• Setting aside a person's personality or voice in order to concentrate on what they know.
• Being curious in people, ideas and things.
• Encouraging the speaker (with nods or eye contact).
• Taking notes.
• Knowing one's own prejudices and working at controlling them to ensure that listening continues.
• Being patient with poor communicators.
• Not being told that you don't listen.
• Having an open mind in respect of other people's points of view.