STRATEGY

Asking your current supervisor for a job recommendation can be extremely dangerous. Make sure that a job offer is assured from the company that seeks this recommendation, because the moment you tell your supervisor you're a candidate for another job, they mentally start replacing you. And at the same time, they may be able to sabotage your future position. The objective of this script is to minimize their anger at you and ensure they'll put in a good word—or at least won't put in a bad word—with your future employer.

TACTICS

• Attitude: Don't look on this as asking for a favor or help. That makes it seem a big deal and gives them more of an opportunity to withhold their recommendation. You're simply asking for a professional courtesy—that's very difficult to withhold. Also, if they seem remote, you want nothing but the truth. Be aware that employers must be very careful about what they say about you since you could sue them if you don't get the job because of something they say or don't say.
• Preparation: Before having this conversation, you need to be able to put your finger on an inarguable reason for taking the job—something the new job offers that your current job can never provide. You also need to be prepared to say how long you'll be able to stick around.
• Timing: Due to the danger involved in this script you need to wait until you're sure the only remaining hurdle to your getting the new job is a positive reference from your current employer. Of course, that means surprising your current supervisor…but you've really no choice.

  
  

• Behavior: The more you frame this as an unsolicited offer that you simply cannot refuse—and which no one who truly has your best interests at heart would advise you to refuse—the more likely you are to avoid a problem.

ADAPTATIONS

This script can be modified to:

• Use a supervisor as a personal reference for a club, co‐op, or part‐time job.
• Use a supervisor's contacts for networking.
• Ask a supervisor to help you gain a promotion within the company.

KEY POINTS

• Present it as wonderful news you want to share.
• If they get annoyed, stress the suddenness and uniqueness of your opportunity, as well as your willingness to do all you can to help concerning your replacement.
• If they say you're making a mistake, show them how the new job offers something this position cannot.
• If they explode, counter their attacks and then show how the new job offers something your present position cannot.
• If they remain angry, reiterate the suddenness and uniqueness of your opportunity, frame their attitude as damaging to your future, and stress your willingness to do without their help.