Chapter 6
 Increasing Your Vocal Self-Confidence

James Cameron, director of the movie True Lies, an Arnold Schwarzenegger blockbuster, was asked why he chose Charlton Heston to serve as CIA Director, Schwarzenegger’s boss in the movie. Cameron replied that Charlton Heston was the “only person who can plausibly intimidate Arnold.”

In Hollywood and in Republican circles, Charlton Heston is considered the epitome of the self-assured, self-confident individual. He has an unmistakable presence that men and women, actors and directors, politicians, and pundits can’t ignore. More specifically, he has vocal self-confidence. When he speaks, it’s like Moses, one of the characters he’s famous for portraying, handing down the law.

In this chapter, I’m going to discuss how to increase your vocal self-confidence, offering strategies you can adopt and steps you can take to learn and practice conveying to others through your voice that you’re in command.

What Is Vocal Self-Confidence?

There are people in my life, and undoubtedly in yours, who, when they say something, prompt you to act. My father was one such person. I had several teachers and professors, a coach or two, and even a high school buddy who had vocal self-confidence. It’s something in the way they speak—their measured tones, often speaking in a deeper bass voice, but not necessarily so—that summons something within me to take notice.

If you’ve never regarded your voice as a tool for being more confident and assertive in this life, you’re in for some revelations. I’m not going to ask you to change your voice. (Unless you have already repeatedly received feedback to the contrary, chances are, you don’t need to make it lower or higher.)

By practicing what you learn in this chapter, you’ll make the best of the voice God gave you. As with all change, you can’t expect a miracle overnight. It’s about setting some reasonable expectations for yourself. Although not everything presented here may be your cup of tea, by following most of what’s recommended one step at a time, you’ll rack up small achievements that spur you on to even greater confidence.

Using Technology to Hide

Have you noticed a curious development in this age of rapid technological advancement? All the communication technology that surrounds you can be, and often is, used as a shield, a way of not having to deal directly with people, as I discussed in Chapter 2.

Literally millions of people are getting online every evening, “cruising” the Internet, CompuServe, and America Online chat rooms rather than bars.

These online conversationalists, pick-up artists, and bon vivants are keeping company with others they’ve never seen, never met, and are never likely to meet. Technology has offered them a world where they can be whoever they want to be within certain bounds. They conjure up images in the minds of their online conversation partners through the typewritten word. Therefore, not only are they not seen, but they are not physically heard.

Because of the relative novelty of this form of communication, there are no longitudinal studies indicating the effects of such communication on the individual with regard to their ability to grow and change in the work-a-day world.

You don’t develop real-world self-confidence in cyberspace, and you don’t develop vocal self-confidence using a keyboard. People who have vocal self-confidence quite naturally are out there speaking in front of others. Happily, you have opportunities to do this all day long, day in and day out.

Talk Totals

Do you realize that every half hour you speak to someone, you’re producing an amount of text equivalent to 20 transcribed pages? If you were to take such transcription, clean it up, and eliminate the redundancies, you’d end up with about 14 to 16 pages of material. This equals the amount of information presented, say, in each chapter of this book.

In other words, for every two minutes that you’re speaking to someone, you are creating the equivalent of one complete manuscript page. So, there can be no more discussion about a lack of opportunity to get in some practice.

Who Has Vocal Self-Confidence?

To understand who has vocal self-confidence, you need to pay attention to people who talk to you. Let’s start with those who apparently do not have it. These are people who:

• Don’t speak in clear, resonant tones.
  
• Stumble over their words.
  
• Use sentences punctuated by “um,” “er,” and “ah.”
  
• Inject “you know,” “it’s like,” and other verbal asides that only distract from a listener’s ability to gain meaning.

Effective speaking increasingly is becoming a highly demanded attribute of rising career professionals. Nearly every organization wants technologically competent professionals who can reasonably articulate their thoughts.

I’m not saying you have to become an orator of the same caliber as William Jennings Bryan, develop the elocution skills of Winston Churchill, or make deliveries with the drama and emotion of Jesse Jackson; far from it. Indeed, some of the most persuasive people you may know, those who have oodles of vocal self-confidence, may be relatively unskilled as public speakers.

On a one-to-one basis, in a small group setting, or, when the situation merits, in a larger group setting, some people are able to convey their thoughts and ideas, wishes or demands to others so that everyone in the room understands the first time. Those with vocal self-confidence don’t necessarily have the best grammar or diction, but it helps.

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 Just the Facts
Some people, by virtue of their size or physical appearance, well-developed muscles, or other distinguishing physical characteristics, seem naturally to catch the attention of others. Most of the rest of us have to work a little more on it.

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While there are all kinds of techniques you can use to strengthen your voice and improve your delivery (and I’ll touch on some of them in this chapter), in the end, the fastest and easiest way to become more vocally self-confident is simply to practice speaking to others in a more confident way. You wanted to hear that, didn’t you? I mean, it’s a lot easier than having to undergo hours of instruction!

Be Kind to Your Vocal Chords

There are simple techniques you can practice right now, especially if no one else is nearby, to give your vocal cords a good workout. In the last chapter, I discussed how self-confident people ultimately appear more attractive to others than people who lack confidence. Concurrently, studies show that rather average-looking people with clean, crisp articulation and melodious voices are rated as more attractive than objectively attractive people with poor speaking voices or voices that are scratchy, or these who lack articulation, or are otherwise weak.

Practice Makes Perfect

When you get up in the morning, do you practice using your voice just as you’d practice using any of your other muscles? Probably not. I suggest running through the vowels in a harmonic way. Say out loud, Aaaaay, Eeeee, Iiiii, Ooooo, Uuuuu. Then, do it almost as if you’re singing them.

Next, try some long words. Out loud, say:

• Discombobulate
  
• Prestidigitation
  
• Clavicle
  
• Philanthropical
  
• Aphrodisiac

When you’ve said those a couple times, try some geography:

• Monongahela River
  
• Mount Kilimanjaro
  
• Tahiti
  
• The Susquehanna River
  
• The Tigris and the Euphrates
  
• The Mekong Delta

By giving yourself a vocal workout you’ll be potentially more expressive all day.

A Warm Drink in the Morning

Have a warm drink early in the morning. Your vocal chords will thank you. Cold drinks contract the vocal chords, making it harder for you to use them.

Strengthen Your Throat

If you have a sore or weak voice or throat, try holding your jaw with your hands. Put one hand under each side of your jaw so that your fingers touch your ears and your palms are under your chin. This brings immediate warmth to the area and helps to loosen you up.

Also, yawn frequently, especially if you’re alone where you can let out a big, loud yawn. Lions yawn all the time, and you don’t see anyone ignoring their roar.

It also helps to rotate your shoulders around and around in one direction, then in the alternate direction. Stretches, particularly those where your arms are above your head, can also help.

Orchestra conductors live longer than the average person. Perhaps it’s because they keep their hands above their heart; that is, their circulatory systems are strengthened while they work.

An Occasional Sigh

Breathing plays an important role in your ability to convey authority in your voice. Don’t be afraid to talk breathily on occasion, but don’t make it your standard mode of delivery. Sigh when you need to and even hum. The following exercises all help to unlock energy:

• Make gentle out-breaths.
  
• Hold your breath for a moment, and then suddenly release it.
  
• Yell. (This one works best when you’re alone.)

What part do your lungs play in establishing vocal authority? Strong lungs help achieve more effective breathing. If you’re born with strong lungs, thank your lucky stars.

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 Just the Facts
The only thing you can do to potentially improve your lung capacity is swim. Researchers think that this is because of the increased pressure on your lungs when you are in the water. The way to make your lungs weaker is clear: Exercise in polluted air near carbon monoxide, or in cities where the smog level is high. Also smoke heavily until regular wheezing and coughing become natural for you.

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Diaphragmatic Breathing

You’ve probably heard this before, but it warrants repeating because it’s so true, and so few people pay any homage to it. The most effective and efficient breathing is done by using the abdominal muscles rather than the rib cage. Whenever you use your diaphragm (located on the inside of your stomach roughly where your navel is) to do the work instead of your rib muscles, you’re far more efficient.

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 Make It So
The fastest way to understand diaphragmatic breathing is to lie down on the floor, place your hands over your midsection, and breathe normally. Do you feel your stomach going up and down? That’s diaphragmatic breathing, and you can do it while you’re standing or sitting.

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If you’ve been speaking for a while and you notice that your breathing is shallow, try to bounce a little. Let your knees unlock and go up and down just an inch or so. A mild bounce actually helps you engage your diaphragm while you breathe. Hence, you breathe more efficiently, and are able to summon your resources and maintain vocal strength.

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 Word Power
Clavicular-shoulder breathing is evident when you raise and lower your collarbones and shoulders as you inhale and exhale. This is an inefficient way to breathe.

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Too many highly athletic types, myself among them, make the mistake of raising their shoulders as well as expanding their rib cages to draw a strong, deep breath. During the heat of battle, such as when you’ve been racing up and down a basketball court, it makes perfect sense to breathe this way. In fact, you probably have little choice. At a resting pulse rate, athletes would be better off breathing using the diaphragm only.

Sit-ups and crunches are helpful for abdominal conditioning, but you also need to give these muscles aerobic conditioning on a regular basis. What is the single best aerobic exercise? Walking.

The Music of Your Voice

Have you ever received a phone call from someone you haven’t heard from in years? Even though he or she didn’t announce who it was for a few moments, you knew instantly, and you only needed to hear a word or two. Perhaps they only said hello and your name.

Like your fingerprints, your voice is unique. Yes, some people sound quite a bit like others, just like some fingerprints are close to others, but they are all different.

Your voice has a “music” to it. This is defined by how loudly or softly you speak, how quickly or slowly you speak, whether your pitch rises or falls at the end of sentences, and other characteristics such as richness, texture, and timbre.

What about lower tones? What you may have heard is true. Those who use the lower end of their voice range tend to appear more assertive. Why?

• Low pitch equates to being in control of your emotions and the situation you face.
  
• High pitch conveys excitement and possibly fear, insecurity, or nervousness.

Experts say that vocal variety is the key to being an interesting conversationalist and someone to whom others will pay attention. If you want to convey high energy, you can actually tone down your pitch a notch or two. Contrary to Hollywood movies and most TV sitcoms, loud booming voices and ranting and raving behavior grate on your listeners’ nerves after a while.

It’s Never Too Late to Articulate

Your degree of articulation also helps define the music of your voice. How many times have you made a phone call and been greeted with something like “Joce Smitken Sultin,” when the other party was really saying, “Joe Smith Consulting,” or “Marilyn Pierce Fennerinsmith,” when the other party was saying “Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner, and Smith”?

When I encounter such receptionists, I help them out all I can! My standard response is, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch a word of that.” It’s just my gentle, understanding way of getting them to repeat the greeting so that callers have a fighting chance of knowing they’ve reached the right organization.

A Little Practice

There are hundreds of books on how to speak with greater precision. Go get them if you want, but you can improve dramatically on your own if you simply tape yourself with a camcorder or an audiocassette recorder.

Are you among the masses who mess up on “t” sounds? Many people don’t say them with crispness and clarity. Try saying butter with “t’s” in the middle of the word, not “d’s.” Probably the majority of English-speaking peoples shortchange the common ending “ing.” They say “goin’,” “doin’,” “comin’,” and everything but “going,” “doing,” and “coming.”

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 Make It So
I suggest using an audiocassette recorder to practice your speech, because then you won’t have to deal with visual cues as well. Simply listen to how you talk, whether on the phone, in a conversation with someone across the dinner table, or speaking in a small group.

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When evaluating yourself, listen as if someone else is speaking. Be critical. Indeed, is this person enunciating his words, clearly making “ing” endings and delivering crisp “t’s,” “th’s,” “sh’s,” and “ch’s”? Is the speech pattern punctuated by “ers,” “ahs,” “ums,” and other detractors, or is it clean and unfettered? Following are some quick but effective tips for improving your speech:

• Use vocal variety for a more interesting presentation.
  
• To convey more energy, tone down your pitch a notch.
  
• Use broad sweeping gestures and a booming voice in moderation. These begin to wear on the audience.
  
• Tape yourself while practicing your presentation. Then play it back and critique yourself.
  
• Eliminate “um,” “uh,” and “er.” They add nothing to your communications.
  
• When you need vocal strength, a mild bounce right where you’re standing will summon your resources.
  
• Keep your jaw relaxed as you speak.

With Real-Life Subjects

The proof is in the pudding, or, if you’re a Fried Green Tomatoes fan, the secret is in the sauce. You’ll know you’ve achieved a notable level of vocal self-confidence when you get in front of others and they:

1. Tell you that you’re a new and improved you.
   
2. Do what you say with a lot less resistance.

In Chapter 12, I’ll talk about the four key groups and venues you can use to practice speaking before others. For now, let’s cover a few fundamentals of how to be more effective every time you open your mouth.

It’s Not What Is Said, It’s How It’s Said

Any audience you’re speaking to, whether it’s a party of one or one thousand, assesses you on many different levels, not only on what you say, but how you say it. Hence, you want to open your part of the conversation or presentation with authority. Communicate with your eyes that you’re in control.

Let your audience know that you’re speaking to them, not to your notes, the back of the room, the microphone, or the ceiling. Try to be as relaxed and comfortable as you can in front of any group. The vocally self-confident have the magical ability to be themselves, whether speaking with one or many. They know that there’s no need to change.

Certainly, in front of a large group, any gestures you use need to be larger. The pauses between your sentences need to be a tad longer. Convey your message with your eyes, mouth, body, and heart. To be at your influential best, stand erect with your best posture. A stiff body, clenched fist, or unanimated expression makes it tough for your listeners to be on your side as they follow along with you.

Appeal to your audience’s emotions and intellect, but primarily to their emotions. If you’re not naturally animated, work on your facial expressions, gestures, and movement about the podium. If you are naturally animated, thank your lucky stars, but keep trying to improve on how you use your speaking gift.

Start with small groups, perhaps speaking to a neighbor, co-worker, staff member, or even a spouse. On each occasion, try to master one new element of advancing your vocal authority. The first time, perhaps, fully pronounce the “ing” at the end of words.

Another time, work on becoming comfortable with pausing between sentences, and, perhaps another time, use some dramatic hand gestures that are outside of your normal repertoire. No one is likely to know what you’re doing, but they may begin to notice the difference in your effectiveness.

When I first started in the speaking business, I developed the habit of speaking to three smaller, local groups for free before taking a speech on the road and delivering it to a company or association at their convention or conference for a fee. Your assignment is to use three situations in the next day or so to visibly display some new measure of vocal self-confidence.

Advanced Exercises

Here are some advanced exercises to improve your speech:

• To improve your diction, practice speaking with marbles in your mouth, or with a pencil sideways. Also practice intentionally over-enunciating.
  
• Use exercises to elongate your speaking channel. For example, stick your tongue all the way out, all the way up, left, right, on your back molars as if you’re trying to swallow peanut butter, and roll forward.
  
• Try tongue-twisters to get good at handling lots of words. You know, the old “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.”
  
• Practice speaking while dribbling a basketball or engaging in some other physical activity.
  
• Practice speaking loudly and softly.
  
• Practice giving certain words emphasis.

Finding a Speech Pattern You Can Live With

In his classic book, You Are the Message, author Roger Ailes, former media advisor to George Bush during Bush’s successful 1988 presidential campaign, says that “Once you can ‘play yourself’ successfully, you’ll never have to worry again.”

What he means is that once you find what represents for you a comfortable speech pattern, one that you can offer consistently and to which others respond, you don’t have to tinker with it. You’ll know that you’re coming across okay. This speech pattern will serve you day in and day out for the rest of your days. This sounds like a good deal to me.