Chapter 9
 Must Haves, Wants, and Nice Ifs

In Chapter 3, I discussed the importance of establishing priorities and supporting goals and of being a more effective decision maker. In this chapter, I’ll explore what’s important to you on a day-to-day basis, at home, as you proceed to work, and as a variety of daily situations unfold.

Sorting Out What You Want

What are the “must haves” for you as you proceed throughout the work day? Respect? The latitude to air your views? The corner office?

These “must haves” are separated from the “wants”—those things you’d like to have, but which are not crucial for making your day go better, adding to your peace of mind, or keeping you in balance. Your “wants” list could be as long as you like. Some of them you’ll go for, some of them you won’t. Still, it’s important to identify them.

Finally, you’ll look at the “wouldn’t-it-be-nice-if . . .” aspects of your life. These are things that, if they fell into your lap, would certainly be pleasant to have, but which, if they never materialized, wouldn’t necessarily be missed. I’ll call these the “nice ifs.”

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 Make It So
By using this three-point classification system—the “must haves,” “wants,” and “nice ifs”—you will be in a far better position intuitively to assert yourself when the situation or issue calls for it, and to lay back when it doesn’t.

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Life’s Little Menu

On the following pages, I list most of what you could want in this world at work, much of what you might seek at home, and lots of stuff in between. As you review each item on these lists, please mark it as one of the following:

• M for “must have”
  
• W for “want”
  
• N for “nice if”

Remember, the Ms represent things you must have: Your day, your week, or your life would be rotten without them. The Ws represent things that you want to have: You could go on without them, but it is far better to have them. The Ns represent things that would be nice to have: If they fall into your lap you’ll take them, but they’re not anything for which you’d extend yourself.

Before you start, here are a few potentially helpful hints and observations:

• You may need to go through the lists several times, and you may find yourself changing around Ms, Ws, and Ns. That’s okay.
  
• If you’re not sure in what category to assess something, leave it blank for now. Perhaps the answer will become clear later.
  
• If something doesn’t apply to you at all, that is, you have no interest in it, try rewording it to make it fit into one of the categories. If you’ve tried rewording it and it still is of no interest to you whatsoever, feel free to cross it out.
  
• You might want to copy these lists on a copier. I give you permission.
  
• Use different-colored writing instruments if that inspires you.

All About Your Workplace

Now, whip through this list, or slowly and carefully consider each item, and decide where you rate each one in the “must have,” “want,” or “nice if” categories.

Online Capabilities

Suddenly the cyberworld is another vital dimension of the workplace. Accordingly, a whole host of “must haves,” “wants,” and “nice ifs” follow.

Office Perks

The variety and nature of items offered in benefit packages have witnessed dramatic shifts since the early 1980s, as organizations scramble to remain solvent and still keep employees happy. For which of the following would you assert yourself?

Resources and Support

As you well know, the level or amount of resources and support you receive in the execution of your responsibilities can make a huge difference in how much you accomplish and how much energy you expend personally. Which of the following would make your work life oh-so-much better?

Home Life

The list of identifiable items in your work life that you must have, want to have, or think would be nice to have is relatively finite. Of course, if I added interpersonal elements, such as more respect, more attention, or more credit, the list could go on forever.

With Your Spouse or Significant Other

The same dilemma crops up when assessing what you must have, want to have, and think would be nice to have in your home life. There simply isn’t room to list all the dynamics of interpersonal relations—respect, more tenderness, time alone, more attention, and so on—so I’ve confined the next list to a few more readily observable aspects of your home life. I strongly invite you to more fully develop the rosters so that, once and for all, you have a framework for standing up or speaking up for yourself.

You may, perhaps, decide to share this chart with your spouse, as opposed to keeping it to yourself. After all, if you’re interested in knowing what your spouse considers important, this will help.

As you can quickly surmise, you could then create the same type of grid for others in your household, then in-laws, friends, neighbors; working your way to even clerks, cashiers, receptionists, attendants; and so forth.

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 Make It So
In a sense, the items you identify as “must haves,” once you assign specific time horizons, become goals that support your chosen priorities.

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So, What Must You Have?

Your goal now is to consolidate by topic area all the things you indicated earlier as “must haves.” If you truthfully must have these things, you now have the complete roster of everything for which you will assert yourself in the coming weeks, months, and years.

It might also help to allocate these “must haves” in accordance with your priorities from Chapter 3.

If you find something in your “must” list that, on closer inspection, doesn’t support one of your priorities in any way, perhaps you can redirect it to your “want” list.

What Do You Want to Have?

Now, proceed through the master list again to create a consolidated list of the things that you want to have but that are not absolutely crucial to you. For these items, you’ll assert yourself on occasion and when appropriate, but you won’t go out of your way.

Many of these items may be important to you, but their absence does not impede your progress for peace of mind in work or in life. You can continue to support your priorities, regardless of the wants you’re able to attain.

Nice Ifs

Review the list one more time and consolidate those items you indicated as “nice ifs”—that is, nice if they fell into your lap. Once again, these are items you’ll accept if they come your way, but you won’t extend yourself to obtain them. Sometimes, however, something that once made your “nice if” list might later grow in importance.

How Much Energy Do You Choose to Allocate?

Now you’re at the turning point, perhaps, when you recognize the truth of that old saying, “If it is to be, it’s up to me.” If you intend to have the “musts haves” that you’ve identified, you’ll have to generate the necessary energy to make them a reality in your life.

Even the most skilled or assertive individual has to expend some energy, along with timing, language use, persistence, and follow-through.

After that, it’s likely that some “must haves” will still continue to elude you. After all, who gets everything, even among the “must haves” of life?

Merely drawing up the list is valuable in itself, however. If you have firmly resolved that each item on your “must haves” list will be yours one fine day, your progress will be astounding.

Keeping Your Chin Up Even if Nothing Is Going Right

When you’re making your way through rough terrain, be aware of this odd phenomenon. Suppose you’re trekking over a series of mountains. You’re on top of one mountain, and you look over to see the next peak. It doesn’t look that far away.

You start making your way down the first mountain to the valley below. Halfway down, you look up to see the next peak. Suddenly, it seems much farther away, despite the progress you’ve made since you first saw it.

The same phenomenon is at work when you first identify all of your “musts” and go about attaining them. When you first generate the list, you feel good because, unlike 99.9 percent of the population, you’ve identified what’s vital to you in your career and personal life. This is much further than most people ever get. In a sense, you’re on one mountain peak.

As you descend into the valley, where the task of appropriately requesting these items takes place, you may feel as if you’ve got an even longer way to go. Yet, you’re already en route and farther along the trail than when you started.

It’s economical from a personal energy standpoint to have identified what you must have in life. Now, at least you won’t expend energy on things that didn’t make the list.

Perhaps the biggest obstacle to being assertive is knowing what to be assertive about. So, take a deep breath, throw your shoulders back, and smile. You’re way ahead of the rest of the class.